Meet half way or receiving parent picks up

[crayiii]

What is the name of your state? WA


I am working with my wife's attorney today on temp/perm parenting plan issues and right now the sticker is transportation.

My wife moved 550 miles away and I am requesting receiving parent picks up and she wants to meet half way.

This might sound trite but if I agree to meet half way, I am pretty much locked into driving. If it's receiving parent picks up, we can each decide the mode of transportation.

Wife's attorney told me that he is VERY confident that any judge would order meeting half way instead of receiving parent picks up.

What are your thoughts?

 

[nextwife]

AS a parent, I sure would not want to make my kid sit in a car for 1100 miles every visitation period. Actually, as she moved, many judges would consider making her responsible for transportation. I agree with your logic that "splitting transportation costs" SHOULD allow for the use of air transportation- in which case meeting halfway rather than splitting cost, is NOT logical.

 

[crayiii]

I would rather avoid the car time but since the round trip (per person) airfare is $550, this just isn't economically feasible for each time.

 

[justlilolme]

Well, for me personally ... I find that the receiving parent picking up is actually much more logical than meeting half way. In my recent custody dispute my attorney was extremely confident that a Judge would agree with our position on this if it became an issue.

My reasoning for this was that it does create the opportunity for different transportation options as well as the fact that it leaves less wiggle room for a vendictive parent to come up with excuses that sticks the other parent with the transportation all of the time or not seeing their child.

World's most famous one would be - I don't have the money to make the trip. I've seen it a million and one times.

 

[DsmithAsmith]

I agree with everyone else. Recieving parent picking up is the only way to go. Meeting half way leaves room for all kinds of problems. You can then control that you get there on time, and if the other parent is not as responsible as you, or is just habitually late you are in the comfort of your own home, instead of at a gas station or rest stop. Much better!

 

[Inquiry123]

Suggestion

crayiii:

Since you are representing yourself, may I suggest that you have your visitation plan reviewed by a few divorced parents that are dealing with long distance visitation...before you sign-off on anything. You might get some insights that you hadn't considered.

Remember, since you are representing yourself, you should always consider YOUR best interest (as well as the child's best interest.) Your wife's atty is primarily concerned with HER client -- your wife. Be skeptical...I'm sure it will sound cynical...Don't trust your wife, don't trust her atty, get EVERYTHING in writing.

After my ex moved 1000+ miles away, the judge ordered 1/2 transportation, receiving parent providing. This was as I had requested -- it places the onus on the parent most interested in having possession of the child. As justlilolme indicated, there are a ton of excuses..."I can't get off work", "My car broke down", etc. Plus, you're not going to like waiting at the half-way point for hours to be greeted by, "I got a flat tire", "I ran out of gas", "I got stopped by the police", "I forgot about the time zone difference", "I got car sick on the way!", etc. If your wife can't arrange to retrieve the child, he can live with you until she can.

I provide a one-way ticket (or drive.) My ex provides one-way transportation back. Cannot even trust her to reimburse for a lower cost round-trip ticket.

As I was advised before, there are invariably problems that arise from meeting half-way. Although it is impossible to determine which way a judge might go, the wise ones opt for receiving parent providing transportation. IMO, you should NOT agree to anything less than 1/2 RPP...if they won't agree, let them know you'll ask the judge to have your wife responsible for 100% transportation as she created the distance. Good luck!

 

[nextwife]

Recieving parent picking up is ALSO better for the child. That way, if the otther parent is running late, the child isn't stuck sitting around at some half way point.

 

[haiku]

I also think recieving parent picks up, that way no matter what happens, the parent who currently has the child, and the child are in a place they are coomfortable at and can continue to be, were the recieving parent be late, or a no-show. A halfway point pickup at that distance could be a major inconvenience if something went wrong, even at no fault of the other.

 

[LdiJ]

While I agree with what everyone else has had to say.....I will play the devil's advocate for a moment and make some arguments in favor of meeting half way.

I don't know what kind of visitation is included in your plan...however, if you are trying to include relatively frequent visitation, for fairly short periods of time, then meeting half way may be the only way for it to work logistically.

A judge isn't likely to order something that is clearly unworkable.

You are talking about a 9-10 hour drive, 18-20 hours round trip. That may be perfectly feasible if visitation is every other Thanksgiving, one week at Christmas, every other or every Spring Break, and a share of the summer.
Each of you could probably get time off work if you had to, to make the round trip feasible.

However, if you are also attempting to include long weekends...or more frequent visitation....then I think that the only way it can work logistically (since you state that flying isn't always going to be an option financially)...is if you meet half way.

So keep all of that in mind when negotiating the agreement. I understand that you want the flexibility of being able to fly the kids to you whenever you can afford to do so...however you may be locking yourself into something that really isn't going to end up being workable.

 

[crayiii]

Safety is a big issue too. The halfway point is in the middle of the Columbia Gorge. This area is frequently closed due to ice, I have been stuck in my car for almost a day in this area.

I can afford half of a round trip ticket each time but I am pretty sure my wife will always say that she can't.

Even if we meet halfway, our child will still be in the car the same length of time.

Mom doesn't work, she never has and more than likely, never will...

 

[LdiJ]

Safety is a big issue too. The halfway point is in the middle of the Columbia Gorge. This area is frequently closed due to ice, I have been stuck in my car for almost a day in this area.

I can afford half of a round trip ticket each time but I am pretty sure my wife will always say that she can't.

Even if we meet halfway, our child will still be in the car the same length of time.

Mom doesn't work, she never has and more than likely, never will...

Although I am concerned about the length of the time that the kids spend in the car....I was thinking more of the logistics of things.

Example: A weekend, Friday evening until Sunday.

If you want to pick them up on Friday evening, then you would have to take the day off work, and you would end up traveling very late with the kids to get back to your house....18-20 hours in basically one day. Mom would have to pick them up relatively early on Sunday in order to get them home at a reasonable hour to get up for school or daycare the next day. That would basically give you Saturday afternoon (because you are going to have to sleep sometime in that 24 hour period), and a few hours at best on Sunday morning.

In meeting halfway....you at least get to spend more time with the kids on Sunday, even if its time spent in the car.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? WA


I am working with my wife's attorney today on temp/perm parenting plan issues and right now the sticker is transportation.

My wife moved 550 miles away and I am requesting receiving parent picks up and she wants to meet half way.

This might sound trite but if I agree to meet half way, I am pretty much locked into driving. If it's receiving parent picks up, we can each decide the mode of transportation.

Wife's attorney told me that he is VERY confident that any judge would order meeting half way instead of receiving parent picks up.

What are your thoughts?

How often are you exercising visitation? Most visitation schedules address parents who live over 100 miles away. ie; If it is holidays, summer etc. then flying should be feasible- If it's every other weekend, that's an enormous amount of time for a child to spend in a car (which is how it sounds like it would work out if you met 1/2 way)

You don't say how often this would take place- and I have a hunch that would be pertinent to the judge.

 

[crayiii]

We don't have any orders in place, we are trying to establish those at the same time. My wife took our son last year and ran off with her boyfriend. I've been trying to get time with our son every since.

 

[crayiii]

This is basically what I'm asking for:

2005/2006 Father’s Parenting Time Schedule:

June Weekend – Jun 3 to Jun 5
Summer – June 18 to July 15
Summer – July 22 to Sep 4

October Weekend – Oct 14 to Oct 16
November (Thanksgiving) – Nov 24 to Nov 27
December (Winter Break) – Dec 16 to Dec 23
January Weekend – Jan 13 to Jan 16
February Weekend – Feb 17 to Feb 20
March Weekend – Mar 3 to Mar 5
April (Spring Break) – Mar 31 to Apr 9
May Weekend – May 26 to May 29

All times are from 5pm from the first day until 5pm on the last day.

Transportation will be: Receiving parent picks up.

 

[stealth2]

Comments from the trenches.

I have to be honest - that is a sh*tload of time in a car for a weekend. My ex & I are 350+ miles apart, and we split transport. Receiving parent p/u worked when it was 150 miles apart. 350+miles? Not so well if it's driving. Since our "times" are end of school Friday and 6pm Sunday, the kids get to Dad's by around 10pm Friday night but don't get home until well after midnight on Sunday. In addition, because I don't feel safe driving 12+ hours at a stretch (R/T), I either go up Saturday and bum around Sunday (plus have to pay for a hotel and arrange for someone to care for the hounds) or have my Dad drive up with me - neither is a great solution. Add to that that it pretty well kills my weekend "off" each month. It also sucks for the kids, to be honest (they've said so). They find the drive tiring and boring - even with activities. Don't be surprised if yours start giving you trouble about coming down (up?) once a month if it means that sort of drive as a regular thing.

Most times now we split airfare - if you book well ahead and do your research, you can usually find decent fares. Generally it runs me ~ $250 R/T for my share (*). Of course, every now and again, the ex gets a bug up his butt and punishes me for some transgression by deciding that he's going to drive & I can get the kids back any which way I please.

In addition, if you should decide that the kids will fly down to you, what do you expect your ex's reaction to be to having to take them to the airport for you? I have some insight into that possibility, as well.

(*) edit - and while I live in a metro area where there are flights going everywhere all the time, he lives in an area serviced by only a few airlines with minimal flight schedules - so it's not as though the kids are flying (say) DC - Boston where flights are readily available.