mental abuse on children & out of state visitation issues

[lorie leigh]

What is the name of your state? California

My ex husband was awarded custody of our 6 year old daugter mainly because I wanted to relocate to another state. He is now refusing to let her call me on the telephone and only lets me talk to her every 3 to 4 days. When I do get to speak with her, he is always in the same room and prompts her to relay messages to me. He and I hardly speak to each other and relay messages to and from each other via voice mails because he refuses to be civil to me. During our marriage, he was always very angry and negative infront of the children, he would degrade his other ex wife horribly in front of their daughter and still does. He now carries this on with our daughter. This causes them grief and stress. They don't want to "get in trouble with thier daddy" so they go along with his complaining and demeanor. What can I do to determine if this is mental abuse on the children to possibly help me change the custody outcome? I am just the opposite, I encourage all visitation, communication and provide all transportation when visitation is at hand.

 

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? California

My ex husband was awarded custody of our 6 year old daugter mainly because I wanted to relocate to another state.
What was the reason for the move? That is possibly more important than the fact of moving from the state.

How long ago did this happen?

He is now refusing to let her call me on the telephone and only lets me talk to her every 3 to 4 days.
Most courts would find this reasonable. This is twice a week. So he's not forbidding calls.

When I do get to speak with her, he is always in the same room and prompts her to relay messages to me. He and I hardly speak to each other and relay messages to and from each other via voice mails because he refuses to be civil to me.

And that happens sometimes.

During our marriage, he was always very angry and negative infront of the children, he would degrade his other ex wife horribly in front of their daughter and still does. He now carries this on with our daughter.

How do you know this? Can you prove this BEYOND the word of your daughter that he's speaking badly about you?

This causes them grief and stress. They don't want to "get in trouble with thier daddy" so they go along with his complaining and demeanor.

Again, how do you know this?

What can I do to determine if this is mental abuse on the children to possibly help me change the custody outcome? I am just the opposite, I encourage all visitation, communication and provide all transportation when visitation is at hand.

You don't really get to determine this. This is generally determined by a professional. I'm confused because you only mention the 6 year old in the beginning but use words like 'their' and 'children.' How many children are we talking about? You would have to prove him basically unfit and show a SIGNIFICANT change of circumstance for a custody change.

 

[BL]

You knew how this man's behavior was before you had Child(ren) with him , lived with him , moved away knowing the custody orders , and NOW want an excuse to have a change in Custody .

If you were so worried about the " alleged Mental Abuse " , you wouldn't have moved far away in the first place , and Let Custody go to Dad .

It ain't going to fly ....

 

[Ljnsy]

What is the name of your state? California

My ex husband was awarded custody of our 6 year old daugter mainly because I wanted to relocate to another state. He is now refusing to let her call me on the telephone and only lets me talk to her every 3 to 4 days. When I do get to speak with her, he is always in the same room and prompts her to relay messages to me. He and I hardly speak to each other and relay messages to and from each other via voice mails because he refuses to be civil to me. During our marriage, he was always very angry and negative infront of the children, he would degrade his other ex wife horribly in front of their daughter and still does. He now carries this on with our daughter. This causes them grief and stress. They don't want to "get in trouble with thier daddy" so they go along with his complaining and demeanor. What can I do to determine if this is mental abuse on the children to possibly help me change the custody outcome? I am just the opposite, I encourage all visitation, communication and provide all transportation when visitation is at hand.

First of all, why in the hell did you move away from your child and give up custody to someone you alledge is so mentally abusive which you knew BEFORE you gave up custody to move away. I hope you had a good reason for the move because I have a HUGE problem with mothers AND fathers moving away from their children because they found Mr. or Ms. RIGHT on some on line dating site and they happen to live in another state.

I wanted to move 3 hours away to another state a few years ago DESPERATELY. My ex took me to court and the outcome was either leave my son behind or stay here. I chose stay here.

Secondly, I relay messages to my ex through my son when they're on the phone quite often. I don't like talking to my ex and will avoid it as much as possible. These messages relayed back and forth, however, are simply questions such as "Ask Daddy if he's picking you up from school tomorrow or if you have to get off the bus at Nana's" . For any MAJOR conversation I bite the bullet and call myself when our son isn't present.

My ex husband was the same way as far as spewing bad things about his ex before me in front of THEIR son. I know that he probably does the same about me. Our son knows what I am like and is the type to make up his own mind. Dad can go on and on but what MAY happen in the long run is he could eventually alienate himself from your daughter.

As far as the transportation, you SHOULD provide it. YOU moved.

I can't see that there is anything you can do.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You mention 2 states but fail to give the states or significant facts required to give you advice.
Perhaps your other thread would shed some light?
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=322163

What is the name of your state? oKLAHOMA/CALIFORNIA/
I GOT DIVORCED IN ok, I immediately moved to CA. The judge ordered me to retake the parenting class because i took one on line and even though i got a court approved certficate for the class, the judge decided I had to attend one in person. No problem. except very few counties in Ca offer this sort of court approved class. My question....can I be denied my summer visitation with my daughter if I take the class in OK when I go back to get her, I have already exceeded the 90 day window that the judge gave me because I don't have access to any classes here in CA?

The judge ordered that you take parenting classes before you were to have visittion and you have not followed the court's order, so don't expect the court to take your claims very seriously when you don't take the court seriously. Exactly why did you move to California? BTW California has parenting classes available contact your county family court for a list of classes in your area. You were given a choice and you chose to leave your child with the father and chose someone or something over your child.

 

[Ljnsy]

May I ask why you were ordered to take parenting classes?

Is there more to this story other than the ex has custody of your daughter JUST because you moved?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

May I ask why you were ordered to take parenting classes?

Is there more to this story other than the ex has custody of your daughter JUST because you moved?

Of course there is more to the story. They are not here for advice, they are here for sympathy or to find someone to aid and abet. That is why we often ask questions before we give advice. In this case we didn't even knw which state's laws applied.

 

[Ljnsy]

Of course there is more to the story. They are not here for advice, they are here for sympathy or to find someone to aid and abet. That is why we often ask questions before we give advice. In this case we didn't even knw which state's laws applied.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see if OP comes back and answers the questions. Which I doubt will happen.

 

[acmb05]

May I ask why you were ordered to take parenting classes?

Is there more to this story other than the ex has custody of your daughter JUST because you moved?

Some states require them when divorcing and children are involved, although I am not sure if Oklahoma is one of them or not.

 

[acmb05]

You mention 2 states but fail to give the states or significant facts required to give you advice.
Perhaps your other thread would shed some light?
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=322163

The judge ordered that you take parenting classes before you were to have visittion and you have not followed the court's order, so don't expect the court to take your claims very seriously when you don't take the court seriously. Exactly why did you move to California? BTW California has parenting classes available contact your county family court for a list of classes in your area. You were given a choice and you chose to leave your child with the father and chose someone or something over your child.

Ummmm because her fiance lives there, or she met a man on the internet, or ( insert excuse here). It really does not matter, what matters is she knew he was like this before she decided to move and give him custody of the child, yet she decided to move anyway and now she has broken up with boyfriend/fiance and is lonely and wants her child back.

Geeeeeez some people

 

[Ljnsy]

Yes, I realize there is a requirement...

Some states require them when divorcing and children are involved, although I am not sure if Oklahoma is one of them or not.

I know some state require the classes, mine did. But there was no order stating that the NCP couldn't have visitation privlidges until he finished those classes. That's why I'm thinking there's more to the story. Maybe I'm missing something. I'm only on my 4th cup of coffee.

 

[acmb05]

I know some state require the classes, mine did. But there was no order stating that the NCP couldn't have visitation privlidges until he finished those classes. That's why I'm thinking there's more to the story. Maybe I'm missing something. I'm only on my 4th cup of coffee.

I am only on my second still a little foggy here to.