What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania
I'm confused, need input, and have a long, probably not helpful in details, story**************..
Since the beginning of our custody orders, I (the mother) have been the primary custodian with my ex having partial custody. It started out as every other weekend, he petitioned to have it changed - and it was, to the weekends that I work (two in a row, two off) and every Tuesday night. (my attorney always uses the theory that it's working fine the way it is, why change it?) He petitioned, again, to have it increased to 50-50, but the court removed his Tuesday nights and gave him two Mondays per month instead. He had told me that he wouldn't appeal (and have this thing go to trial) if we could arrange something outside of court. I offered to give him back the Tuesdays on top of the new arrangement. That wasn't good enough for him - "it's not 50-50 - and I want 50-50"**************.... so here we are going to trial. Of course it makes me think that he just wants 50-50, not to spend more time with her (I already offered him 45%), but it must be some magical child-support number**************.we've had to go to court several times for him being delinquent in his support payments in the past and, even though he's pretty much paying on time, he resents the amount.
Lots of questions float around in my mind - my attorney has helped ease my mind in some ways, using the "if it ain't broke, there's nothing to fix" theory that if she's doing fine the way it is, why change it**************... and he gave me the list of questions that he will be asking at the trial - all pretty basic, having to do with whether or not we're following the current order, how our daughter's doing, etc**************...
But I got a letter today stating that my ex has requested a continuance of the trial because of a scheduling conflict of one of the witnesses - OUR DAUGHTER! (she's 11) I guess I'm wondering why she is being called as a witness - besides to cushy-up his side of the case - there's no neglect, abuse, or "unfit-mother" issues to be addressed, and it seems to me that this would be more of an emotionally damaging thing for her to have to go through. I already know that she doesn't say things to him that she actually feels so she doesn't hurt his feelings - and goes along with things that he says - because he's always had a manipulative, controlling personality**************************** she's always told me that her opinion doesn't count over there anyway, so she's probably gotten to the point of not bothering to say anything.
I'm curious as to what issues are to be addressed by her, how much "coaching" she's getting from her father in the first place, etc**************...... and if a child saying (as all children would say) "I love my daddy" will supercede the issues of teaching her how to grow up showing respect, allowing her freedom to be with her friends, etc.
I know that my background is limited, and I'm confused trying to write this - but I would appreciate any input as to why she would be a witness, what effect it could have, or how this whole process could affect her emotionally. She has a history of behavior issues in school, etc, I've taken her to counseling (which he had no part of) to help her, and I try to explain to her how her actions will affect her in the future (while she's told me that he doesn't try to help her) - so why add this to her issues? Is there any way I can stop it?
I'm assuming that our approach will be changed - since my attorney is now aware that she is asked to be there - but I guess I'd like some reassurance - or even just information - before I call him on Tuesday to see what's going on****************************.
Thanks for your advice - if there's any to give, lol
Pam
I'm confused, need input, and have a long, probably not helpful in details, story**************..
Since the beginning of our custody orders, I (the mother) have been the primary custodian with my ex having partial custody. It started out as every other weekend, he petitioned to have it changed - and it was, to the weekends that I work (two in a row, two off) and every Tuesday night. (my attorney always uses the theory that it's working fine the way it is, why change it?) He petitioned, again, to have it increased to 50-50, but the court removed his Tuesday nights and gave him two Mondays per month instead. He had told me that he wouldn't appeal (and have this thing go to trial) if we could arrange something outside of court. I offered to give him back the Tuesdays on top of the new arrangement. That wasn't good enough for him - "it's not 50-50 - and I want 50-50"**************.... so here we are going to trial. Of course it makes me think that he just wants 50-50, not to spend more time with her (I already offered him 45%), but it must be some magical child-support number**************.we've had to go to court several times for him being delinquent in his support payments in the past and, even though he's pretty much paying on time, he resents the amount.
Lots of questions float around in my mind - my attorney has helped ease my mind in some ways, using the "if it ain't broke, there's nothing to fix" theory that if she's doing fine the way it is, why change it**************... and he gave me the list of questions that he will be asking at the trial - all pretty basic, having to do with whether or not we're following the current order, how our daughter's doing, etc**************...
But I got a letter today stating that my ex has requested a continuance of the trial because of a scheduling conflict of one of the witnesses - OUR DAUGHTER! (she's 11) I guess I'm wondering why she is being called as a witness - besides to cushy-up his side of the case - there's no neglect, abuse, or "unfit-mother" issues to be addressed, and it seems to me that this would be more of an emotionally damaging thing for her to have to go through. I already know that she doesn't say things to him that she actually feels so she doesn't hurt his feelings - and goes along with things that he says - because he's always had a manipulative, controlling personality**************************** she's always told me that her opinion doesn't count over there anyway, so she's probably gotten to the point of not bothering to say anything.
I'm curious as to what issues are to be addressed by her, how much "coaching" she's getting from her father in the first place, etc**************...... and if a child saying (as all children would say) "I love my daddy" will supercede the issues of teaching her how to grow up showing respect, allowing her freedom to be with her friends, etc.
I know that my background is limited, and I'm confused trying to write this - but I would appreciate any input as to why she would be a witness, what effect it could have, or how this whole process could affect her emotionally. She has a history of behavior issues in school, etc, I've taken her to counseling (which he had no part of) to help her, and I try to explain to her how her actions will affect her in the future (while she's told me that he doesn't try to help her) - so why add this to her issues? Is there any way I can stop it?
I'm assuming that our approach will be changed - since my attorney is now aware that she is asked to be there - but I guess I'd like some reassurance - or even just information - before I call him on Tuesday to see what's going on****************************.
Thanks for your advice - if there's any to give, lol
Pam
