Missing School Days

[wileybunch]

How far do you live from your kiddo? If it is not too inconvenient, or out of the way, perhaps you could take her to school in the mornings. That way you are assured that she is making it to school on time. I know it's not your responsibility, but this could help alleviate future headaches such as going before a truancy court....

Great suggestion. Maybe Mom "should" be doing this, but does everything have to turn into a legal battle?

 

[sarismom]

I am a teacher (in PA) and feel your best bet is to communicate with the school with no accusations since they brought it to your attention-Is this a concern of theirs? what is their process? were absences excused or unexcused? Here after the tenth day - ex or unex - the child must have a drs excuse after the 10th day or the school takes parents to the district justice. You don't want to be taken to court after the damage is done, but you also don't want to look like your looking for trouble-you would not believe how many dads we have NEVER seen before come in for attendance reports and then we never see them again-not saying you are one of those dads, just don't want to look like one. Also document/email mom about what was going on? Show some concern-maybe mom just needs some help or something is going on or maybe you do need to go in front of a judge-but find out first.

 

[bononos again]

I am a teacher (in PA) and feel your best bet is to communicate with the school with no accusations since they brought it to your attention-Is this a concern of theirs? what is their process? were absences excused or unexcused? Here after the tenth day - ex or unex - the child must have a drs excuse after the 10th day or the school takes parents to the district justice. You don't want to be taken to court after the damage is done, but you also don't want to look like your looking for trouble-you would not believe how many dads we have NEVER seen before come in for attendance reports and then we never see them again-not saying you are one of those dads, just don't want to look like one. Also document/email mom about what was going on? Show some concern-maybe mom just needs some help or something is going on or maybe you do need to go in front of a judge-but find out first.

I am in PA too and that is the big question I would have. The 20 days are probably EXCUSED that are allowed. Doesn't their report card state absences, ex and unex?

 

[penelope10]

I am in PA too and that is the big question I would have. The 20 days are probably EXCUSED that are allowed. Doesn't their report card state absences, ex and unex?

My child's school district is starting to lean towards considering an absence excused for multiple days out only if the parent provides a note from the Doctor.

Same goes for partial days out due to a Dr or Dentists appointment. The child is to return back to the school with a note from that Dr or Dentist---in particular if it's a morning appointment. I guess it's because so many parents run late and send Jr. to school with a personal note stating they were late due to an appointment.

As I suggested, perhaps the best way to guarantee that kiddo gets to school on time is if Dad takes her himself for the rest of he school year ( if he decides to be generous). Despite the fact that it's a problem at Mom's house, both parents will have to go to court if there is a truancy issue. (Or at least they have to here). Plus it's better for the kiddo to not miss school, all of this is probably stressful for her.

 

[cahnch8]

I noticed the homework missing in the book and was told by both my child and ex that she just forgot to write it down. Once it was happening once a week I took tv away for a weekend and that's when my 8 year old caved and said that she was really missing school thoes days and her mom told her to lie to me about it. Mom backs all of this up and has no shame. Daughter showers the night before, can't get dressed on time in the morning because mom is still doing laundry for something to wear, has to get her 4 yr old sister ready, has to pack her own lunch and snack and walk and feed the dogs. But Mom still says that it is daughter's fault they can't get out of the house on time? I'm not buying it. She's 8 for crying out loud. Her mom wakes her up, goes back to bed while she does all of this, then my daughter has to wake her back up. Mom backs up this routine as true. She's crazy. Sometimes my daughters gets to watching cartoons and forgets to wake her back up.

The 12.5 days missed do not include sick days or snow days. They are all purely bad time management. I have to be at work at 7:30 and and often work past 6pm. I have offered to pick her up from mom's and take her to the sitters so she can ride the bus. Mom denies me of this. I asked mom for a copy of the report card, she always promised she would send it but never did. I asked the school 4 times to send one and they did on days that daughter went to mom's house. Mom took my copies. The school finally sent one on a Wed. Mom told me daughter got all A's and one B but in 2 of her classes she actually got C's. When talking to the teacher I gathered the C's were due to all of her homework not being completed. I only have my daughter on one school night so it is hard for me to keep up with the homework.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Send your request for a report card, in writing, to the school. Include a stamped, self-addressed envelope that they can easily mail it to you. Does the school provide access to the children's grades on-line?

Any neighbors, relatives, friends who could pinch-hit to get kiddo to school? I have emergency backup in case I run into issues.

 

[penelope10]

I noticed the homework missing in the book and was told by both my child and ex that she just forgot to write it down. Once it was happening once a week I took tv away for a weekend and that's when my 8 year old caved and said that she was really missing school thoes days and her mom told her to lie to me about it. Mom backs all of this up and has no shame. Daughter showers the night before, can't get dressed on time in the morning because mom is still doing laundry for something to wear, has to get her 4 yr old sister ready, has to pack her own lunch and snack and walk and feed the dogs. But Mom still says that it is daughter's fault they can't get out of the house on time? I'm not buying it. She's 8 for crying out loud. Her mom wakes her up, goes back to bed while she does all of this, then my daughter has to wake her back up. Mom backs up this routine as true. She's crazy. Sometimes my daughters gets to watching cartoons and forgets to wake her back up.

The 12.5 days missed do not include sick days or snow days. They are all purely bad time management. I have to be at work at 7:30 and and often work past 6pm. I have offered to pick her up from mom's and take her to the sitters so she can ride the bus. Mom denies me of this. I asked mom for a copy of the report card, she always promised she would send it but never did. I asked the school 4 times to send one and they did on days that daughter went to mom's house. Mom took my copies. The school finally sent one on a Wed. Mom told me daughter got all A's and one B but in 2 of her classes she actually got C's. When talking to the teacher I gathered the C's were due to all of her homework not being completed. I only have my daughter on one school night so it is hard for me to keep up with the homework.

How does your daughter get to school on the day that you have her? Could perhaps a neighbor or the sitter be of some help in getting the child to school?

I'd also check, as another posted, to see if the district posts grades on the internet. Ours does weekly. Often teachers will also have their own web page on the school district's site showing what homework is due for the week, as well as any special projects.

 

[cahnch8]

My long time girlfriend will take her to school for me on Thursday mornings. But to drive her to school every day is really out of her way. She would have to leave an hour earlier and pick daughter up at her mom's every morning. Not a good idea. As we'd have no way of knowing she would be ready on time every morning. There are no neighbors close as we live on farmland. They all work and my child goes to school in another disctrict 30 min from here.

 

[CJane]

So... you're not willing/able to get child to school.

You're not willing/able to stay on top of the school/stay involved.

You're not willing/able to converse with mom and figure out what's going on REALLY.

You're not willing/able to help find a solution.

What is it you want to accomplish? And don't say "I only have my child one night/week - BTDT and I STILL ride my kids about homework/grades/chores/being pleasant, responsible adults in the making.

 

[Ohiogal]

So... you're not willing/able to get child to school.

You're not willing/able to stay on top of the school/stay involved.

You're not willing/able to converse with mom and figure out what's going on REALLY.

You're not willing/able to help find a solution.

What is it you want to accomplish? And don't say "I only have my child one night/week - BTDT and I STILL ride my kids about homework/grades/chores/being pleasant, responsible adults in the making.

Answer: To stick it to mom anyway he can.

 

[CJane]

Answer: To stick it to mom anyway he can.

Well, that's kind of what I gathered with all of this.

"I can't really do it either, and I don't really feel like trying. But darn it, SHE should be doing it!!!!!"

It's a whole lot of stomping feet. And maybe, just maybe, the kid is only capable of C's in those classes. I don't accept them from MY kids, but that doesn't mean some kids don't get them for reasons other than missing school.

Also? If this goes to court and dad says "She misses an excessive amount of school and it's resulted in her being AVERAGE!!!!" he's gonna look like an idiot.

 

[cahnch8]

I see that I definitly need to find another forum. From all of your answers it sounds to me like you are all biased against fathers that are non custodial. I do not want to "stick it to Mom". I have made many suggestions to Mom on things I could do to help get my daughter to school on time and she denies all of them. I'm constantly asking my daughter about school and helping with homework on the days I have her. I can't even talk to her on the phone unless it is my day. Mom ignores my calls. So it's really hard for me to stay on top of all this. I don't want custody. I just simply asked what legal road I could take to ensure that my daughter does not reach or go past the 20 days allowed. I want to ensure if I am brought into court for truancy that I can show the judge that I did everything I possible could to help remedy the situation. I don't know what the next step legally is.
She missed Tuesday this week too so now we are up to 13.5 days and Mom is planning on going out of town with her in Apr. and taking her out for 3 more days. I offered to keep her for the 3 days but Mom said no.

CJane,
I'm not willing/able to help find a solution?
Can you read? Is that not why I am on here? Did I not offer to pick her up every morning and take her to the sitter's so she can ride the bus? Among other ideas that Mom shot down? Sounds to me like you are bringing your personal life onto this thread and it is making your answers biased. I dont care if her grades are "average". If she misses 20 unexcused days the school can hold her back a year. I am trying to avoid this. I'm trying to do something about it so no one can say to me why did you know about this earlier in the year and not do anything?

This is a crappy "legal advice" forum. Not yet have I gotten one straight answer about the law in NJ or what next step I can take. Just a bunch of accusations and jumping to conclusions.

 

[Ohiogal]

I see that I definitly need to find another forum. From all of your answers it sounds to me like you are all biased against fathers that are non custodial.

And the custodial mothers think I am biased against them. And the non-custodial mothers think I am biased against them and the custodial fathers think i am biased against them. Which just means that I am biased against everyone and FOR the child.

I do not want to "stick it to Mom". I have made many suggestions to Mom on things I could do to help get my daughter to school on time and she denies all of them.

And OTHER than make suggestions what have you DONE to get your daughter to school? Oh yeah. You left it up to mom. Sorry but CJANE has a valid point.

I'm constantly asking my daughter about school and helping with homework on the days I have her. I can't even talk to her on the phone unless it is my day. Mom ignores my calls. So it's really hard for me to stay on top of all this.

You could call the school.

I don't want custody.

You don't? So what the heck is the foot stomping all about then?

I just simply asked what legal road I could take to ensure that my daughter does not reach or go past the 20 days allowed. I want to ensure if I am brought into court for truancy that I can show the judge that I did everything I possible could to help remedy the situation. I don't know what the next step legally is.

But you haven't and you can't show the judge that you have done everything. Because YOU driving YOUR child to school would be the logical next step. Or YOU arranging the transportation.

She missed Tuesday this week too so now we are up to 13.5 days and Mom is planning on going out of town with her in Apr. and taking her out for 3 more days. I offered to keep her for the 3 days but Mom said no.

Okay.

CJane,
I'm not willing/able to help find a solution?
Can you read? Is that not why I am on here? Did I not offer to pick her up every morning and take her to the sitter's so she can ride the bus? Among other ideas that Mom shot down? Sounds to me like you are bringing your personal life onto this thread and it is making your answers biased. I dont care if her grades are "average". If she misses 20 unexcused days the school can hold her back a year. I am trying to avoid this. I'm trying to do something about it so no one can say to me why did you know about this earlier in the year and not do anything?

How have you made your suggestions because if you are ordering mom or trying to demand things of mom no wonder she locks you out of the situation.

This is a crappy "legal advice" forum. Not yet have I gotten one straight answer about the law in NJ or what next step I can take. Just a bunch of accusations and jumping to conclusions.

Sorry you feel that way. The fact of the matter is those that deal with this "crappy" legal advice forum tend to do pretty well in court or at least are NOT surprised by what happens in court.

 

[arrowfp]

She is 8 and yes I am worried about her being held back or being called into court. She has never missed a day of school when I have her. Which in only Wed. nights.

As a single father, I really have a short thing to say to you. Try harder dum dum. Your a great father only ONE DAY A WEEK! Try parenting full-time by yourself, and you may find yourself all of sudden running late everywhere you go. And that oh my, you might actually have your daughter miss school.

Please don't take this as defending your ex, but a dose of reality, I don't know her or would care to as my ex is useless.

Keep in mind that eight days in two months, the common flu last 3 to 5 days, so I would like to think it be uncommon. The main question I have for you if you ever read this: Are those 12.5 absences excused or unexcused?
Extreme amounts of absenteeism do have to be taken care of.

But rather than sit hear and listen to you whine like a little girl about...why don't you step up to the plate and offer a helping hand? She is YOUR daughter, both of yours and it is BOTH of your responsibilities to ensure she makes it to where she needs to be. Whatever you do DO NOT pat yourself on the back because YOU manage to get your daughter to school only ONE day a week, yeah thats good blah, step up and be a REAL DAD!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

As a single father, I really have a short thing to say to you. Try harder dum dum. Your a great father only ONE DAY A WEEK! Try parenting full-time by yourself, and you may find yourself all of sudden running late everywhere you go. And that oh my, you might actually have your daughter miss school.

Please don't take this as defending your ex, but a dose of reality, I don't know her or would care to as my ex is useless.

Keep in mind that eight days in two months, the common flu last 3 to 5 days, so I would like to think it be uncommon. The main question I have for you if you ever read this: Are those 12.5 absences excused or unexcused?
Extreme amounts of absenteeism do have to be taken care of.

But rather than sit hear and listen to you whine like a little girl about...why don't you step up to the plate and offer a helping hand? She is YOUR daughter, both of yours and it is BOTH of your responsibilities to ensure she makes it to where she needs to be. Whatever you do DO NOT pat yourself on the back because YOU manage to get your daughter to school only ONE day a week, yeah thats good blah, step up and be a REAL DAD!

stop necroposting. The originator is long gone.