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Missouri motion to modify custody.

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Prosemodad

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri.

I have been trolling the forum here for several days and finally decided I would try and get some advice. The gist is this, My ex wife and I have been divorced since 2009 and have two children together, we have joint legal custody. I am now remarried and have one child born of my current marriage. My ex wife has filed a motion to modify. The main changes she is requesting is that she be granted sole legal custody and that I be required to provide 100% of the transportation(currently we are meeting halfway, we live approximately 3 hours from one another). Her grounds are that we have been wholly unable to communicate making joint custody impossible.

That was the simple version but there is a lot of back story here and I will try to keep it pretty minimal.

The back goes something like this. During the marriage my Ex suffered from severe mood swings eventually being diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder of some assortment, she was actually diagnosed after the divorce so I don't have many details here, along with severe postpartum depression, attempting suicide several times. These mood swings would also cause violent outbursts in which she would assault me, sometimes in front of, or even while I was holding, the children. Never directly assaulting the children though. I tried to get her help, I made her appointment after appointment and she never kept them...the old addage "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink"...fits here. Anyway I reached my breaking point and told her I couldn't do it anymore.

Well literally overnight I found out how much of a manipulator and controller she really was. She called her parents from whom she was estranged and who are also quite wealthy, and started telling them lies. She filed for an ex parte order of protection which was later dropped, at the time I was a police officer and that alone nearly cost me my job, and she attempted suicide two more times. During this time she also broke into my house, literally climbed in through an unlocked window and got my duty pistol out and held me at gunpoint. That encounter ended with her assaulting me again fortunately not with the pistol, and her going to jail. She was charged with domestic assault, trespassing and property damage. The case was plead down to remove the assault charge and she was put on probation.

Her parents bought her a decent lawyer but it doesn't take a great one to win a case based completely on lies. I understand that it was her manipulating the attorney and he just thought it was the truth and he was doing right by her, but with my limited funds and little understanding of civil law she got pretty much everything she asked for. My visitation was a minimalistic, Friday at 6pm to Sunday at 5pm every other weekend. Holidays were split pretty fairly and she requested $290 a month for child support because any more than that and she would lose her state provided insurance.

The divorce ordered her to meet me halfway, but for about the first year she didn't meet me one time. She simply refused. I didn't know at the time I should be documenting each instance for a contempt motion. Then 15 months after the divorce she was hospitalized again for a suicide attempt, this time with the two boys in the apartment with her. During her stay she was tested for drugs and several were found in her system. This was March of 2010. The boys came to live with me and stayed until about August of that year. All the while I continued to pay her child support even though the boys were with me...I figured the boys are with me, I know they are stable and safe, why try and change anything, I thought it was just about money for her and that would keep her happy. Well she requested them back at the end of the summer and as I said I didn't know how to proceed in court...hindsight being 20/20 I should have just bit the bullet and talked to an attorney. Well when she requested the boys back she informed me that she had moved to get away from the drugs and her new residence was about 2 hours further away from me living with a woman in a lesbian relationship which didn't bother me because this girl seemed to have her head on right, she is in the air force knows how to work for a living, no drugs etc. and way better than the trash my ex had been seeing. No notice at all just the call to ask for the boys back. She seemed to be doing better, after all, several months had passed. And to my knowledge she hasn't had any more problems since her move.

Fast forward to now. She has filed a motion to modify custody making her the sole legal custodian and wants me to start doing all the transportation. She has several accusations that are extremely wild and completely untrue. I think I know how to respond to the motion, but there is one more kink.

The boys were here last week on spring break and Sunday when I text her to make sure we were still meeting she simply responds "I can't get them today" I did some checking with her local police department and found out that her significant other was arrested for domestic assault on Saturday 3/24. My ex was being very vague with details but she did tell me she was in the hospital, she says for injuries due to the assault but knowing her history I'm not convinced that is the reason. She called today and wants me to bring the boys to meet her at noon tomorrow, her Partner is on a 30 no contact order, meaning that she posted bond and as a condition she will have no contact with the victim, but I don't really want the boys to be around that type of situation.

I have a group legal plan at work and called all three attorneys in my area that participate and none will take the case because the divorce was filed a few counties away. Also none will even act as a consultant for me if I were to do the paperwork myself. I know I will likely need an attorney so if anyone would like to suggest foot the bill yourself and hire a lawyer I know that already. I would like other options if there are any. Also would it be wise to file a counter motion or would I even have grounds for one at this point?

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long story.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


CJane

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri.

Her grounds are that we have been wholly unable to communicate making joint custody impossible.

This is a completely valid reason to have one parent be awarded sole custody in Missouri.

That was the simple version but there is a lot of back story here and I will try to keep it pretty minimal.
The back story is irrelevant. What matters is what has changed since the last court order and/or within the last 12 months or so. Preferably more recent even than that.

but I don't really want the boys to be around that type of situation.
There is no 'situation' if the GF is to have no contact. Is this the same SO, and is she still in the military?

Also would it be wise to file a counter motion or would I even have grounds for one at this point?
Doesn't sound to ME like you really have grounds for a modification on your end. Especially with such minimal visitation.
 

Prosemodad

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri.

Her grounds are that we have been wholly unable to communicate making joint custody impossible.

This is a completely valid reason to have one parent be awarded sole custody in Missouri.
I understand this is an excellent reason, however it isn't true. This is something she will have to prove at trial I assume?

The back story is irrelevant. What matters is what has changed since the last court order and/or within the last 12 months or so. Preferably more recent even than that
To me it seems that if someone attempts suicide approximately every 15 months and isn't seeking treatment the back story would be relevant in showing the court a patterned behavior. If this is irrelevant please advise. I wouldn't think the court would allow her to keep saying "I'm undergoing treatment" only when it benefits her.

There is no 'situation' if the GF is to have no contact. Is this the same SO, and is she still in the military?
So let me clarify. I don't want my children around someone who has been arrested for domestic assault. And recently to boot. A thirty day no contact order is great. But I don't want them around her after that either. Surely you know a no contact order isn't a magical forcefield that shields a victim from the abuser. Yes the girlfriend is currently in the military. Not for long though if she is convicted of the domestic assault.

Doesn't sound to ME like you really have grounds for a modification on your end. Especially with such minimal visitation.
I didn't think so but I wanted to see. I don't necessarily want to change anything, but I don't want her to change anything either. It is my opinion that the children would be more stable with me, I have never done drugs, never attempted suicide, never been physically abusive, never had any mental health issues, I work for a living rather than live on public assistance, I just never have had the money to fight her high rolling attorneys. Recent research gives me hope that I an do this work myself, or possibly use my legal insurance to garner more time with my boys. I understand that she currently has status quo on her side but given her track record it won't be long before she screws it up.

I know my opinion is completely irrelevant but it seems that maybe my best option would be to bide my time until the next time she gives me opportunity to swing the status quo in my favor. Thoughts?

As far as the motion to modify I would just respond denying anything I disagree with point by point? Would I add a narrative to these denials or just deny and save the narrative or reason for the trial?
Also thank you for the reply. Your thoughts and opinions are greatly appreciated.
 

Prosemodad

Junior Member
There is some new information so I wanted to share and ask opinions. I was suppose to meet my ex today at noon with the boys, well she text this morning and said she would have to cancel, she had been having seizures throughout the night, I forgot to mention she is epilectic. Anyway this afternoon she calls me hysterical and tells me I have to leave work and bring her the kids our younger boys head start teacher was on her way to pick up my ex and they were headed to the meeting location. I told her I was more than willing to meet her and I would do my best to accomadateher but I couldn't leave work on a whim...she started sobbing and said she just wanted her kids home then hung up on me.
She called back about 10 minutes later obviously re-composed, this time with an ultimatum. Either leave work now and bring her the kids, or she would file a motion of contempt against me, per the advice of her attorney. I said, well just file the motion then because I am working. She said ok and hung up.

Does she even have a leg to stand on for contempt, I was willing and able to meet her at the prescribed time on Sunday but she couldn't, then I was going to meet her at noon today and she cancelled. I am doing my best here.
 
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CJane

Senior Member
I understand this is an excellent reason, however it isn't true. This is something she will have to prove at trial I assume?
She'll have to show a pattern of lack of communication, yes. Incidentally, it doesn't matter WHICH parent is uncommunicative.

To me it seems that if someone attempts suicide approximately every 15 months and isn't seeking treatment the back story would be relevant in showing the court a patterned behavior. If this is irrelevant please advise. I wouldn't think the court would allow her to keep saying "I'm undergoing treatment" only when it benefits her.
Except, if she's attempting suicide every 15 months, the court is going to be awfully curious why it was 'ok' in the past, and isn't now. That's why I said it's irrelevant.

What's ESPECIALLY irrelevant is all of the stuff that happened during the marriage.

Every new court order wipes the slate of "yeah but,this one time" clean.

So let me clarify. I don't want my children around someone who has been arrested for domestic assault. And recently to boot. A thirty day no contact order is great. But I don't want them around her after that either.
An arrest is not a conviction, and the children were not present/harmed. The court isn't going to care.

Surely you know a no contact order isn't a magical forcefield that shields a victim from the abuser.
Of course. But your children are not the victim.

Yes the girlfriend is currently in the military. Not for long though if she is convicted of the domestic assault.
Eh. It's not an automatic out if she is convicted. Trust me.

I know my opinion is completely irrelevant but it seems that maybe my best option would be to bide my time until the next time she gives me opportunity to swing the status quo in my favor. Thoughts?
You'd need a VERY significant change in the kids' lives to justify a modification in your favor. The distance and limited time work against you in a huge way.

As far as the motion to modify I would just respond denying anything I disagree with point by point? Would I add a narrative to these denials or just deny and save the narrative or reason for the trial?
Also thank you for the reply. Your thoughts and opinions are greatly appreciated.
You can just do an 'answer' that includes a phrase stating "anything not agreed to below is denied", or go point by point. Narrative or not is up to you. I tend towards LESS information rather than more.

You're welcome.
 

Prosemodad

Junior Member
Thank you again Cjane. I disagree on some points, but your opinion is subjective and valued nonetheless. I have worked it out with my insurance company and secured representation for the time being. Albeit an hour away, I think it is probably for the best. Anything further I will let you know.
 

Prosemodad

Junior Member
Thanks Blue for pulling this thread to the top, I apologize for any inconvenience. If nothing else just to make everyone happy I will ask the question again, here in this thread;)

So everyone is aware there are many things that have happened in this case since my last post. But I didn't care much for the advise previously given and have been working it on my own, Pro Se. I know everyone will tell me I am making a mistake, and I don't care, when the case is over I will update and everyone can say "I told you so at that time".:cool:

How many interrogatories may be asked in a Motion to Modify dissolution / Parenting plan in Missouri, as stated in my other thread, I believe I read somewhere awhile back that the limit is 40 but now for the life of me I can't find it.

Thanks for the help everyone
 

gr8rn

Senior Member
Have you been to court at all? Have you done any court appearances pro se yet? It appears you are in way over your head quite honestly. I have done some prose stuff myself but I would never do something like this without an attorney. Mr. This is too important NOT to have an attorney but you know that already.
 

Prosemodad

Junior Member
Have you been to court at all? Have you done any court appearances pro se yet? It appears you are in way over your head quite honestly. I have done some prose stuff myself but I would never do something like this without an attorney. Mr. This is too important NOT to have an attorney but you know that already.
No I have not been to court on this matter. No I have never represented myself in court. Like you said Yes I understand its importance. In the divorce I had an attorney and his advice lost me the case and a crap load of money...frankly I am not willing to rely on anyone but myself, and in the end there will be no one else to blame.

Anyone who has stood in my shoes knows how daunting this task is, I was a police officer for several years and I do have experience testifying in court, before the very judge hearing my case...I have done nothing but study and prepare. I found this forum and I was hoping to find a sense of community, somewhere I could brush up on the little things, but the senior members here are...I don't know how to explain it...anything but helpful. At least Cjane was kind enough to offer some insight into what I might expect, even though it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I understand everyone here is a volunteer, and I respect and appreciate that, but at the same time I asked a simple question and everyone just wants to gripe about how I put it in the wrong place, I have much better things to devote my time to than debating with all of you folks about the logistics of running a forum.

Again if anyone can tell me how many Interrogatories can be asked in Missouri it would be greatly appreciated.

My first court date is tomorrow 09/14/2012
 
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Prosemodad

Junior Member
I do not understand why you re-opened a 5 year old thread to comment on why you didn't get answered the way you wanted to be answered.:confused:
I didn't. Other people have posted asking for the results of the case. Those posts do not show in the thread. I assume they are flagged, even though there is nothing inappropriate in them. I have responded, I left a long post detailing the results, but that post has also been removed. So I posted stating that anyone who needs assistance is welcome to message me directly, as you can see that post has also been removed. I'm not sure why people feel the need to Target these posts but it shows just how big a waste of time this forum actually is. I assume it has to do with me successfully representing myself in a child custody case. But that is just speculation of course.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I didn't. Other people have posted asking for the results of the case. Those posts do not show in the thread. I assume they are flagged, even though there is nothing inappropriate in them. I have responded, I left a long post detailing the results, but that post has also been removed. So I posted stating that anyone who needs assistance is welcome to message me directly, as you can see that post has also been removed. I'm not sure why people feel the need to Target these posts but it shows just how big a waste of time this forum actually is. I assume it has to do with me successfully representing myself in a child custody case. But that is just speculation of course.
We normally flag anything that is considered to be necroposting (posting to an old thread) as the original poster is normally long gone.
 

Prosemodad

Junior Member
We normally flag anything that is considered to be necroposting (posting to an old thread) as the original poster is normally long gone.
I completely understand that point, most forums are that way. Yet it doesn't benefit the community in any way for that to happen. The most beneficial thing in this case would be for people to have simply left my post detailing the results of the case, there would be like 14 posts in this thread and it would be done...it could even be locked...but instead here we are.
 
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