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Modification of custody/Ex parte...I'm confused

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JujuTristanMama

Junior Member
Michigan

I am the mother in this case. I will try to be brief while including all of the relevant information.

Our son is 4. Although his father and I have our differences, I wanted to encourage a healthy relationship between father and son even after I left his father. This was the March before he turned 2. (He turned 2 in September) I left to go to a domestic violence shelter after his father was charged with domestic assault on me.

However, his father had no interest in being involved in his life, as partying and dating took precedence. I begged him to see our son, he rarely showed up. He never bought diapers or food, did not pay child support, and after considerable begging might tell his son good night on the phone once every two weeks. I tried to give him every other weekend visitation, although there was no court ordered visitation -- he signed the affidavit of parentage while he was in jail and I was given sole custody. He still could not bother to come through even on his weekends.

Then in October he met his now wife and she got pregnant within a month or two. He started taking more of an interest in our son, I believe to show that he could be a good father, but whatever the reason I was happy that my son had his dad back. At about April, he was taking our son every other week. He was still not paying child support -- up until this point, when it was taken out of his check, I would give him the money back, stating that his time with our son was more important to me than his money. When we went to alternating weeks, I sent a letter to the court saying that I did not want child support, but since I was on assistance I had to drop assistance (which included Medicaid for my son and myself) in order to drop child support.

The following summer, my son told me that his father's fiance had spanked him with a belt. I called CPS and pending their investigation, did not let my son go there. They could not prove abuse and my son's dad said that our son might be saying that because his cousins were disciplined in such a manner by his fiance's father, but he claimed that they did not allow him to utilize such methods on our son. I accepted this explanation and allowed visitations once again.

The summer after THAT, my son started acting terrified whenever his father's wife would show up to pick him up. He would cling to my legs, run away, hide under the bed. He would insist that he didn't want to go to his dad's, he didn't love her, but he didn't tell me why he was so terrified. I was so concerned and finally he told me she had touched his "wee-wee". Again, I called CPS. He would not talk about it during the forensic interview, although they attempted twice. However, during the investigation it was discovered that her father AND brother both have CSC charges and I told my son's father at that time that I did not wish for him to have any contact at all with her family. Later that summer his father begged and pleaded and convinced me that they did not associate with the child molesters anymore (her father had molested her as a child and her brother had molested her sister) and they had moved away, so he was requesting joint custody. Call me stupid, but I really wanted my son to have his dad in his life, and I believed that he was trying. I signed consent for joint custody.

Not even a month later I found out that my son's father and his wife had left my son with her father overnight while they went out. I was infuriated! I tried to go over there to pick him up with a police escort, but my son's father and his wife met me there and would not allow me to take my son. The police would not help me because it was a civil matter, and unfortunately I had not made it part of the paperwork that my son was not to be left in the care of child molesters although that WAS a condition of my agreement. The cop told me I could call FOC on Monday, but this was Saturday night and that was not soon enough. Sunday I called CPS. How can it be legal to use a child molester as a babysitter??!! Well, apparently it is. UNbelievable.

Everyone -- CPS, the police, FOC -- they were all telling me that I could not deny visitation, although my son did not want to go and it broke my heart to send him. So I did. I also hired an attorney. My son returned from his next visit claiming that his father's wife (whom he had been left alone with for 2 days) had spanked him, stuffed a blanket in his mouth when he started crying, and sat on him to hold him down. Immediately I emailed the CPS investigator assigned to our case and passed along this information. I also emailed my attorney.

My son had an interview at the CPS location and the worker there informed me that when they had showed up at my son's father's home, his wife was smoking marijuana in front of the one month old and 18 month old which the CPS worker made her dispose of. Also, she made her empty the cat litter box as the smell was horrible and there were overflowing cat feces. My son discussed the incident of abuse with the worker but the investigation is still open.

To my point -- my attorney filed a petition for emergency ex parte order regarding custody and parenting time and motion for change of custody (to sole custody with supervised visitation) and the judge signed both. I am confused now. What does this mean? What is next? He told me to keep these papers on hand and that I have custody. But there was no hearing. Furthermore, I am certain that my ex is NOT going to agree to this, and he has an attorney. (I need to give him his copy and I was trying to figure out how to serve it to him, and he told me to just have my attorney send a copy to his attorney).

So...if he does not agree, what can I expect him and his attorney to do?

(So much for keeping this brief!) Thanks!
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
To my point -- my attorney filed a petition for emergency ex parte order regarding custody and parenting time and motion for change of custody (to sole custody with supervised visitation) and the judge signed both. I am confused now. What does this mean? What is next? He told me to keep these papers on hand and that I have custody. But there was no hearing. Furthermore, I am certain that my ex is NOT going to agree to this, and he has an attorney. (I need to give him his copy and I was trying to figure out how to serve it to him, and he told me to just have my attorney send a copy to his attorney).
How would I know? You have the papers in front of you. Read them and do what they say. If you don't understand them, ask your attorney to explain them. Or if you really want help, tell us exactly what the new order says (word for word, but leave out the names).

So...if he does not agree, what can I expect him and his attorney to do?
My crystal ball is broken. No idea.

(So much for keeping this brief!) Thanks!
Try harder next time. About 90% of that was irrelevant and simply interferes with comprehension of the real issues.
 

st-kitts

Member
Michigan

To my point -- my attorney filed a petition for emergency ex parte order regarding custody and parenting time and motion for change of custody (to sole custody with supervised visitation) and the judge signed both.
So...if he does not agree, what can I expect him and his attorney to do?

(So much for keeping this brief!) Thanks!
You have sole custody as stated in the ex-parte order. You can expect he and his attorney will contest the emergency order, per your own statements, and expect that there will be a hearing at a future date to rehash custody and visitation. Until such hearing, the official custody agreement is the one you just received.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Michigan

I am the mother in this case. I will try to be brief while including all of the relevant information.

Our son is 4. Although his father and I have our differences, I wanted to encourage a healthy relationship between father and son even after I left his father. This was the March before he turned 2. (He turned 2 in September) I left to go to a domestic violence shelter after his father was charged with domestic assault on me.

However, his father had no interest in being involved in his life, as partying and dating took precedence. I begged him to see our son, he rarely showed up. He never bought diapers or food, did not pay child support, and after considerable begging might tell his son good night on the phone once every two weeks. I tried to give him every other weekend visitation, although there was no court ordered visitation -- he signed the affidavit of parentage while he was in jail and I was given sole custody. He still could not bother to come through even on his weekends.

Then in October he met his now wife and she got pregnant within a month or two. He started taking more of an interest in our son, I believe to show that he could be a good father, but whatever the reason I was happy that my son had his dad back. At about April, he was taking our son every other week. He was still not paying child support -- up until this point, when it was taken out of his check, I would give him the money back, stating that his time with our son was more important to me than his money. When we went to alternating weeks, I sent a letter to the court saying that I did not want child support, but since I was on assistance I had to drop assistance (which included Medicaid for my son and myself) in order to drop child support.

The following summer, my son told me that his father's fiance had spanked him with a belt. I called CPS and pending their investigation, did not let my son go there. They could not prove abuse and my son's dad said that our son might be saying that because his cousins were disciplined in such a manner by his fiance's father, but he claimed that they did not allow him to utilize such methods on our son. I accepted this explanation and allowed visitations once again.

The summer after THAT, my son started acting terrified whenever his father's wife would show up to pick him up. He would cling to my legs, run away, hide under the bed. He would insist that he didn't want to go to his dad's, he didn't love her, but he didn't tell me why he was so terrified. I was so concerned and finally he told me she had touched his "wee-wee". Again, I called CPS. He would not talk about it during the forensic interview, although they attempted twice. However, during the investigation it was discovered that her father AND brother both have CSC charges and I told my son's father at that time that I did not wish for him to have any contact at all with her family. Later that summer his father begged and pleaded and convinced me that they did not associate with the child molesters anymore (her father had molested her as a child and her brother had molested her sister) and they had moved away, so he was requesting joint custody. Call me stupid, but I really wanted my son to have his dad in his life, and I believed that he was trying. I signed consent for joint custody.

Not even a month later I found out that my son's father and his wife had left my son with her father overnight while they went out. I was infuriated! I tried to go over there to pick him up with a police escort, but my son's father and his wife met me there and would not allow me to take my son. The police would not help me because it was a civil matter, and unfortunately I had not made it part of the paperwork that my son was not to be left in the care of child molesters although that WAS a condition of my agreement. The cop told me I could call FOC on Monday, but this was Saturday night and that was not soon enough. Sunday I called CPS. How can it be legal to use a child molester as a babysitter??!! Well, apparently it is. UNbelievable.

Everyone -- CPS, the police, FOC -- they were all telling me that I could not deny visitation, although my son did not want to go and it broke my heart to send him. So I did. I also hired an attorney. My son returned from his next visit claiming that his father's wife (whom he had been left alone with for 2 days) had spanked him, stuffed a blanket in his mouth when he started crying, and sat on him to hold him down. Immediately I emailed the CPS investigator assigned to our case and passed along this information. I also emailed my attorney.

My son had an interview at the CPS location and the worker there informed me that when they had showed up at my son's father's home, his wife was smoking marijuana in front of the one month old and 18 month old which the CPS worker made her dispose of. Also, she made her empty the cat litter box as the smell was horrible and there were overflowing cat feces. My son discussed the incident of abuse with the worker but the investigation is still open.

To my point -- my attorney filed a petition for emergency ex parte order regarding custody and parenting time and motion for change of custody (to sole custody with supervised visitation) and the judge signed both. I am confused now. What does this mean? What is next? He told me to keep these papers on hand and that I have custody. But there was no hearing. Furthermore, I am certain that my ex is NOT going to agree to this, and he has an attorney. (I need to give him his copy and I was trying to figure out how to serve it to him, and he told me to just have my attorney send a copy to his attorney).

So...if he does not agree, what can I expect him and his attorney to do?

(So much for keeping this brief!) Thanks!
An emergency, exparte order is a temporary order. The order is in place until the judge can hold a full hearing on the matter, and probably until the CPS investigation is finished.

The judge will decide, at the full hearing, what the situation will be on an ongoing basis. You can expect dad and his attorney to defend dad against the allegations.

Normally your attorney would handle serving the paperwork to dad. Did your attorney specifically tell you to do it yourself?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
That hearing will likely be held sooner rather than later. Dad has a right to contest the emergency orders.
 
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JujuTristanMama

Junior Member
Sorry, I have a hard time knowing what information is helpful and what is not. Thank you for the helpful responses. Yes, my attorney did ask me to serve it myself, but my ex has stated that he will call the police if anyone from my family shows up on his property. So, I will ask my attorney if he can just give my ex's copy to his attorney.
 
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Just Blue

Senior Member
JujuTristanMama
Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2

Sorry, I have a hard time knowing what information is helpful and what is not...this is my first time going through something like this, and while I can understand that you may deal with people like me all the time and it may be terribly taxing for you to tolerate such levels of idiocy, you could always choose to NOT respond if you simply can't refrain from being rude. I included the whole back story because I'm attempting to determine if there is a chance that I will not end up with sole custody.

Obviously, I have read the papers multiple times. I am confused by what they mean, hence my posting here. The first, I understand -- Ex Parte Order Regarding Custody and Parenting Time.

Then there is a Motion for Change of Custody. It says, "Now comes (my name) and through her attorney (his name) who states the following in support for her motion for change of custody (various points outlined), therefore (my name) requests A. That the court enter an order awarding the Plaintiff sole legal custody of the minor child. B. That the court enter an order awarding the Plaintiff sole physical custody of the minor child C. That the court enter an order awarding the Defendant reasonable, supervised visitation with the minor child D. That the court enter and order requiring the Defendant to pay child support to the Plaintiff in accordance with the Michigan Child Support Guidelines E. That the court order whatever relief that it deems fair and equitable

That's the part I don't get. Does this mean that I HAVE been awarded custody? Without a hearing? I of course wasn't asking you to predict the future when I asked what my ex and his attorney will do, I more meant what CAN they do. Do they have to file another motion? Do they object to this?

I am being polite and respectful and would appreciate the same. If that request is too difficult for you to comply with, please do not reply at all. I have enough stress in my life right now. Thank you.
You have the benefit, unlike most posters, of an attorney. Ask Him/Her.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Sorry, I have a hard time knowing what information is helpful and what is not. Thank you for the helpful responses. Yes, my attorney did ask me to serve it myself, but my ex has stated that he will call the police if anyone from my family shows up on his property. So, I will ask my attorney if he can just give my ex's copy to his attorney.
Sucks getting copied pre-edit...huh?:rolleyes:
 

JujuTristanMama

Junior Member
You have the benefit, unlike most posters, of an attorney. Ask Him/Her.
Of course my attorney tells me he's not worried and that I'll get sole custody. I don't believe there's anything wrong with asking for an unbiased opinion, an outside perspective.

As far as asking him about the parts I didn't understand, yes I suppose I could have had him explain the paperwork to me better, but after he explained it and I was still unsure of what was going on (was there going to be a hearing? Did I have custody? etc) I thought I would just read over it and it might make sense, and when it didn't, I thought maybe someone here could explain it to me in a way that I could understand. Not trying to inconvenience anyone in any way. I like your user name, by the way. ;)
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Not at all - you were an easy one. LOL Okay, maybe not as entertaining as some, but an easy one to answer. Glad we could help.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Not at all. I just didn't want any of the polite posters to misunderstand my response and think that it was directed at them, when in fact it was intended for you. I'm glad you understood that it was meant for you. Thanks! ;D
Really. You are a "soothsayer"? I hadn't responded to your thread 'till AFTER you posted that crap.:rolleyes:
 

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