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Modification of Joint Custody

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lionking0812

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NY

Hello again,

This is just a follow up on my previous submission for advise. I'm currently in a joint custody situation with my daughters' mother and wants a modification of the joint custody agreement. Our daughter is eight years old going on nine. My daughter has been residing with me for the past six years, Monday thru Friday and would go to her mother Friday evening and return Sunday evening under the agreement.
Over that period of time, there have been many problems and concerns. One of those concern was communication, which wasn't there from the beginning. I took the mother to court in 2001 for that reason and lack of support and interest in our child, especially when it comes to school, summer camp, shows, birthdays, etc. I taught that would have been a wake up call for her, but the situation still remains the same.
The mother has not been working for the past two years and the situation has gotten worst. The lack of communication still remains a major problem between us, especially when it involves our child. For the past two months, she decided that she goiing to file for public assistance to support herself, her two year old son, her childs' father and our daughter. To do so, she claims on her application that our daughter we have together is living with her and that she supports her. This is false and falsifying documents. She was told that she needed to show proof that these kids live with here and that she supports them.
Two weeks within the month of November 2005, she took our daughter to another doctor other than the one my daughter has already without my knowledge. I confronted her on this, but was told that she is trying to provide for her family and she needs to do whatever is neccessary to do so. The following week, she took our daughter to the lab to give blood, knowingly that the child already has all her blood work, shots, and her medical records are up to date.
This became another serious concern with the other concern I already have with our child being around her mother. The other concerns includes Pot smoking buy the mothers' boyfriend and his friends in the presence my daughter and her two year old son, my child sharing the same beb with her mother, brother, and the boyfriend.

I decided to file a petition in court since we don't share the same concerns and interest in our child and her children. The judge appointed a case worker from ACS to investigate the situations in both homes. On the day of my interview with the case worker in my home, I explain the entire situation and all the concerns I have concerning my child. My concerns were all basically surrounds the best interest for our child and the welfare of her safety. My daughter had her one and one interview with the case worker as well, which my daughter was a little uncomfortable with, but was able to pull through.

We appeared in court yesterday, in which I had an attorney and she didn't. My attorney received a copy of the report that the case worker submitted to the judge. The report includes information from both myself and our daughter also, her mother who was interviewed first.
The mother claimed to the case worker that I am trying to keep her daughter out of her life and whatever I do with her, I do not involve her. She also claims that I was abusing our child and that I've send our child over to her house with marks on her body. The boyfriend claimed that I have no respect to women and that whatever I say, that must go.
first of all, the boyfriend doesn't know anything about me and doesn't know the history of me and his woman either. For him to come out of his face and make any remarks towards me, I find that very disrespectful. Any and everything I do and have done with our child, I've inform and try to get her mother involve. It's up to her, weather she wants to involve herself or not. "I can not force a mule to drink water, I will drink the water when it's ready." Once it's aware of where the water is before it's too late. I took the false accusation about me abusing my child very serious and there is now where in hell, I would ever abuse my child. Why would she ever make a statement like that and if she felt I was abusing her child, why didn't she do something about that? Why didn't she file a report? WHY?

We finally got into the court room and infort the judge. My attorney states my case and reason for modification, which was for sole custody. The judge then turned the the mother and ask her if she wish to be appointed an attorney and she give up that right to have an attorney. The mother states her case involving the pot smoking, which she denied all accusations against her. Then she brought up the abuse to the judge, informing the judge that in November 2005, her child came to her home with marks on her skin and that I was abusing her child. At that point, the judge got very upset asking the mother, "did you file a report in court in November and December? Did you file a report in December?" She replied no, so why are you reporting it now, the judge replied.
The judge was so upset, that she appointed a Law Guardian for our daughter and set up appointments for us to meet and for me to bring along the child. This meet must be done before our next court date in April.

Sorry for the lond details. Does anyone have any advise, concerns, or feedback for me befor my next court date. This will help me a great lot. I've try to do everything the right way for my child, I've made countless sacrifices and make life better for my child and myself. What more must a parent, a father, has to do in order for the other parent to get involve in their childs' life and try to share the same interest the other parent has for their child. HELP HELP..

Thanks for listening
 
Last edited:


lionking0812

Junior Member
Can someone give me some guidance on this one please.
lionking0812 said:
What is the name of your state? NY

Hello again,

This is just a follow up on my previous submission for advise. I'm currently in a joint custody situation with my daughters' mother and wants a modification of the joint custody agreement. Our daughter is eight years old going on nine. My daughter has been residing with me for the past six years, Monday thru Friday and would go to her mother Friday evening and return Sunday evening under the agreement.
Over that period of time, there have been many problems and concerns. One of those concern was communication, which wasn't there from the beginning. I took the mother to court in 2001 for that reason and lack of support and interest in our child, especially when it comes to school, summer camp, shows, birthdays, etc. I taught that would have been a wake up call for her, but the situation still remains the same.
The mother has not been working for the past two years and the situation has gotten worst. The lack of communication still remains a major problem between us, especially when it involves our child. For the past two months, she decided that she goiing to file for public assistance to support herself, her two year old son, her childs' father and our daughter. To do so, she claims on her application that our daughter we have together is living with her and that she supports her. This is false and falsifying documents. She was told that she needed to show proof that these kids live with here and that she supports them.
Two weeks within the month of November 2005, she took our daughter to another doctor other than the one my daughter has already without my knowledge. I confronted her on this, but was told that she is trying to provide for her family and she needs to do whatever is neccessary to do so. The following week, she took our daughter to the lab to give blood, knowingly that the child already has all her blood work, shots, and her medical records are up to date.
This became another serious concern with the other concern I already have with our child being around her mother. The other concerns includes Pot smoking buy the mothers' boyfriend and his friends in the presence my daughter and her two year old son, my child sharing the same beb with her mother, brother, and the boyfriend.

I decided to file a petition in court since we don't share the same concerns and interest in our child and her children. The judge appointed a case worker from ACS to investigate the situations in both homes. On the day of my interview with the case worker in my home, I explain the entire situation and all the concerns I have concerning my child. My concerns were all basically surrounds the best interest for our child and the welfare of her safety. My daughter had her one and one interview with the case worker as well, which my daughter was a little uncomfortable with, but was able to pull through.

We appeared in court yesterday, in which I had an attorney and she didn't. My attorney received a copy of the report that the case worker submitted to the judge. The report includes information from both myself and our daughter also, her mother who was interviewed first.
The mother claimed to the case worker that I am trying to keep her daughter out of her life and whatever I do with her, I do not involve her. She also claims that I was abusing our child and that I've send our child over to her house with marks on her body. The boyfriend claimed that I have no respect to women and that whatever I say, that must go.
first of all, the boyfriend doesn't know anything about me and doesn't know the history of me and his woman either. For him to come out of his face and make any remarks towards me, I find that very disrespectful. Any and everything I do and have done with our child, I've inform and try to get her mother involve. It's up to her, weather she wants to involve herself or not. "I can not force a mule to drink water, I will drink the water when it's ready." Once it's aware of where the water is before it's too late. I took the false accusation about me abusing my child very serious and there is now where in hell, I would ever abuse my child. Why would she ever make a statement like that and if she felt I was abusing her child, why didn't she do something about that? Why didn't she file a report? WHY?

We finally got into the court room and infort the judge. My attorney states my case and reason for modification, which was for sole custody. The judge then turned the the mother and ask her if she wish to be appointed an attorney and she give up that right to have an attorney. The mother states her case involving the pot smoking, which she denied all accusations against her. Then she brought up the abuse to the judge, informing the judge that in November 2005, her child came to her home with marks on her skin and that I was abusing her child. At that point, the judge got very upset asking the mother, "did you file a report in court in November and December? Did you file a report in December?" She replied no, so why are you reporting it now, the judge replied.
The judge was so upset, that she appointed a Law Guardian for our daughter and set up appointments for us to meet and for me to bring along the child. This meet must be done before our next court date in April.

Sorry for the lond details. Does anyone have any advise, concerns, or feedback for me befor my next court date. This will help me a great lot. I've try to do everything the right way for my child, I've made countless sacrifices and make life better for my child and myself. What more must a parent, a father, has to do in order for the other parent to get involve in their childs' life and try to share the same interest the other parent has for their child. HELP HELP..

Thanks for listening
 

snostar

Senior Member
Document, document, document. Deltabravo.net is great resource for preparing. Next time try condensing your post, you may get more replies.
 

lionking0812

Junior Member
Waving a Council

Hello all, your feedback will be greatly appreciated. I have joint custody of my 8 yr old daughter who resides with me, Monday thru Friday. I attended a court hearing for sole custody on 1/17/06, the mother give up her right to have an attorney to represent her, but I had mines. My question is, since the mother wave to have a council, can and should my attorney talk to the mother? she wants to find out what the mother wants in regards to our custody case. Thanks in advance.

lionking0812 said:
What is the name of your state? NY

Hello again,

This is just a follow up on my previous submission for advise. I'm currently in a joint custody situation with my daughters' mother and wants a modification of the joint custody agreement. Our daughter is eight years old going on nine. My daughter has been residing with me for the past six years, Monday thru Friday and would go to her mother Friday evening and return Sunday evening under the agreement.
Over that period of time, there have been many problems and concerns. One of those concern was communication, which wasn't there from the beginning. I took the mother to court in 2001 for that reason and lack of support and interest in our child, especially when it comes to school, summer camp, shows, birthdays, etc. I taught that would have been a wake up call for her, but the situation still remains the same.
The mother has not been working for the past two years and the situation has gotten worst. The lack of communication still remains a major problem between us, especially when it involves our child. For the past two months, she decided that she goiing to file for public assistance to support herself, her two year old son, her childs' father and our daughter. To do so, she claims on her application that our daughter we have together is living with her and that she supports her. This is false and falsifying documents. She was told that she needed to show proof that these kids live with here and that she supports them.
Two weeks within the month of November 2005, she took our daughter to another doctor other than the one my daughter has already without my knowledge. I confronted her on this, but was told that she is trying to provide for her family and she needs to do whatever is neccessary to do so. The following week, she took our daughter to the lab to give blood, knowingly that the child already has all her blood work, shots, and her medical records are up to date.
This became another serious concern with the other concern I already have with our child being around her mother. The other concerns includes Pot smoking buy the mothers' boyfriend and his friends in the presence my daughter and her two year old son, my child sharing the same beb with her mother, brother, and the boyfriend.

I decided to file a petition in court since we don't share the same concerns and interest in our child and her children. The judge appointed a case worker from ACS to investigate the situations in both homes. On the day of my interview with the case worker in my home, I explain the entire situation and all the concerns I have concerning my child. My concerns were all basically surrounds the best interest for our child and the welfare of her safety. My daughter had her one and one interview with the case worker as well, which my daughter was a little uncomfortable with, but was able to pull through.

We appeared in court yesterday, in which I had an attorney and she didn't. My attorney received a copy of the report that the case worker submitted to the judge. The report includes information from both myself and our daughter also, her mother who was interviewed first.
The mother claimed to the case worker that I am trying to keep her daughter out of her life and whatever I do with her, I do not involve her. She also claims that I was abusing our child and that I've send our child over to her house with marks on her body. The boyfriend claimed that I have no respect to women and that whatever I say, that must go.
first of all, the boyfriend doesn't know anything about me and doesn't know the history of me and his woman either. For him to come out of his face and make any remarks towards me, I find that very disrespectful. Any and everything I do and have done with our child, I've inform and try to get her mother involve. It's up to her, weather she wants to involve herself or not. "I can not force a mule to drink water, I will drink the water when it's ready." Once it's aware of where the water is before it's too late. I took the false accusation about me abusing my child very serious and there is now where in hell, I would ever abuse my child. Why would she ever make a statement like that and if she felt I was abusing her child, why didn't she do something about that? Why didn't she file a report? WHY?

We finally got into the court room and infort the judge. My attorney states my case and reason for modification, which was for sole custody. The judge then turned the the mother and ask her if she wish to be appointed an attorney and she give up that right to have an attorney. The mother states her case involving the pot smoking, which she denied all accusations against her. Then she brought up the abuse to the judge, informing the judge that in November 2005, her child came to her home with marks on her skin and that I was abusing her child. At that point, the judge got very upset asking the mother, "did you file a report in court in November and December? Did you file a report in December?" She replied no, so why are you reporting it now, the judge replied.
The judge was so upset, that she appointed a Law Guardian for our daughter and set up appointments for us to meet and for me to bring along the child. This meet must be done before our next court date in April.

Sorry for the lond details. Does anyone have any advise, concerns, or feedback for me befor my next court date. This will help me a great lot. I've try to do everything the right way for my child, I've made countless sacrifices and make life better for my child and myself. What more must a parent, a father, has to do in order for the other parent to get involve in their childs' life and try to share the same interest the other parent has for their child. HELP HELP..

Thanks for listening
 

acmb05

Senior Member
lionking0812 said:
Hello all, your feedback will be greatly appreciated. I have joint custody of my 8 yr old daughter who resides with me, Monday thru Friday. I attended a court hearing for sole custody on 1/17/06, the mother give up her right to have an attorney to represent her, but I had mines. My question is, since the mother wave to have a council, can and should my attorney talk to the mother? she wants to find out what the mother wants in regards to our custody case. Thanks in advance.
If your ex is representing herself then your lawyer would have to talk to her to find out what she wants.

Sounds to me like "mom" is trying to defraud the Government and now needs custody papers from the court before she gets busted.

If you have not already I would tell my lawyer about what "mom" did to get on state aid.

As has already been said once but can always bare repeating, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
 

acmb05

Senior Member
Also judges are not stupid. This judge knows where your ex is coming from. I would think the appointment of a law guardian was for the judge to get a feel about "mom" and her boyfriend from a nonbiased source.
 

lionking0812

Junior Member
Thank you so much for your feedback Acmb05. It's just sad and it surly hurts to see that only when it comes to your own interest and benefits, you would want to get yourself involve in your child life. What happened to the love, support, involvements, what about being part of their everyday life. Give her that assurance that you're there whenever something goes wrong. I'm doing everything possible a single parent (Father) can do. The countless sacrifice I've made, but yet my ex blame me for everything, even though I'm doing everything right. I'm taking care of our child and she's in the best of health and strenght. The thing is with my ex is that she doesn't appreciate anything I do, I try everything that I can to keep her informed with what's going on with our daughter. I've also tried and still do, try to get her, the mother, to be more active in our child's daily life. Wheather is activities, doctor visits, school, homework, birthdays, etc., but just doesn't show any interest at all. Thanks once again. This is just a father's cry for help to make the best possible life for his child, wheather the mother wants to be part of it or not. And, the funny thing is that she's home all day, and not once said to herself, I'll pick up our chil from school.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
lionking0812 said:
The thing is with my ex is that she doesn't appreciate anything I do
Welcome to my world. All I ever get from the ex is what I'm doing wrong. Oh well - I know better, and I don't need his back pats.
 

lionking0812

Junior Member
Question with PU/DO

acmb05 said:
Also judges are not stupid. This judge knows where your ex is coming from. I would think the appointment of a law guardian was for the judge to get a feel about "mom" and her boyfriend from a nonbiased source.
Hello all, my question is in regards to p/u and d/o of my 8 yrs ol daughter. I have joint leagal custody and my daughter resides with me, which make me the PC and goes to her mother Friday evening anf return Sunday evening. The problem is that the mom expect me to drop off our daughter at her house and pick her up on Sundays. Our daughter also attend Saturday school, and she expect me to pick her up from her house, take her to school and then pick her up from school and take her back to her(my ex) home. Is it fare to me to do this, when it should be her responsibility. Her whole intention is not to do anything at all. We have another court apparence in April, in which I file for modification. Also, three days before our courd date, my daughter and myself have to meet with a GAL (Child legal guardian). Please read my othe post and you'll have an understanding on where I'm coming from...Any of your advice will be helpful.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Unless one of you moved a fair distance, it's most likely that you'll split transportation. As for Saturday school - who enrolled the child? That's who should transport her.
 

lionking0812

Junior Member
Pu/do

stealth2 said:
Unless one of you moved a fair distance, it's most likely that you'll split transportation. As for Saturday school - who enrolled the child? That's who should transport her.
My ex moved about 3 miles away from me and that basically change a lot of things for example, pu/do to and from school, do/pu to and from the mothers house. In regards to the Saturday school, it was a requirement by the school for our daughter to be enrolled for extra help. The idea that my ex has is that because I have a car, I'm expected to pu/do or do/pu our daughter, especially on Saturdays even though she with her mom. Thanks
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Three miles is basically nothing and really is not worth even arguing about. Sorry.

As for Saturday school.... here's the way I see it. You have had the child during the school week for several years, so it's been on your watch that she's been having trouble with her schoolwork. Yeah, you should likely be the one putting in the extra effort to getting her to/from those classes. Even if you don't think it's fair - if it's what the kid needs, then as a parent you just do it.
 

lionking0812

Junior Member
stealth2 said:
Three miles is basically nothing and really is not worth even arguing about. Sorry.

As for Saturday school.... here's the way I see it. You have had the child during the school week for several years, so it's been on your watch that she's been having trouble with her schoolwork. Yeah, you should likely be the one putting in the extra effort to getting her to/from those classes. Even if you don't think it's fair - if it's what the kid needs, then as a parent you just do it.
I'm not arguing about it at all, but when she expects me to drop our child off to her house on Fridays, then pick her up on Saturdays and then take her back to her house, that I don't think is fair for me. That's her (my ex) time with our child and she should make every effort to be part of that, taking her to school and being more active with her. I've try countless time on working things out with my ex, but if it doesn't go her way, the situation remains the same. And, I don't wan our daughter to be affacted by that and especially, her education when she needs all the help she can get. And the school is offering all that oppertunity for her to progress in those areas she needs help in. All I've asked her for is to be be park of that and show some interest.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You're not getting it. Okay - Mom's not interested in getting her to school on Saturdays. You are. Mom is WILLING to let her go, however. SO drive the frikkin 6 miles round trip (that takes what - 10 minutes?) and get your kid there.

And Oh Frikkin WAH about how unfair 3 miles is for you to drive. Try 350 each way. Jaysus, get over it. And that's with him creating the extra distance.
 

lbrown

Junior Member
I have to agree..but in a nice way... if it is 6 miles just do it.. Kiss and hug your daughter everyday as much as you can. The more supportive you can be in a positive way only teaches your daughter to be a good person, like you too. My husbands ex (with joint custody) didn't do anything either. My husband did 65 miles every Tuesday and Thurday after working all day and p/u and d/o every other weekend and any extracurricular on his weekend he had to transport and so on and so on.His ex would even walk medical money out to my husband. He now has his children and they think the world of him for all he did while they were young and in their early teens. They rave to people about him always being there.

Was it HARD>>>ABSOLUTELY but he did it because it was important. When your daughter gets older she will know...be there for her and be positive. who cares about the ex..if she were worth it she would be involved
 
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