Maryland
I’m trying to figure out what the next step is for myself and my children. As it stands right now I have full physical custody and we have shared legal custody w/ a visitation agreement of both children.
So that this doesn’t get confusing, we will call my 6 year olds biological dad Ed (of course not his real name)
The facts are:
Ed and I are the biological parents of our 6 year old.
I have a 9 year old. The biological father past away when she was 2 years old and she is aware of this.
Ed and I have never been married, nor has Ed legally adopted my 9 year old. My 9 year old loves Ed. Calls Ed dad. Ed has been a part of her life since she was 3 years old.
Ed has another child who is 10 years old whom he doesn’t have custody of only visitation of every other weekend. All communication with Ed and the mother goes through her husband.
Ed and I were in a relationship until 2 years ago. Ed, both kids and I lived together. Ed is a substance abuser. Needless to say it was rocky and ended with me getting a protection order against him for myself. Because of the domestic abuse laws in MD and since Ed had never threatened or hit the children they were not included. (This is a whole other issue b/c 80% of abuse is verbal and the laws suck unless you have been beaten w/ bruises afraid of your life)
When I went to establish custody of our 6 year old Ed countered me with asking for ½ legal custody of my 9 year old. Not ever wanting my children to be split up if something were to happen to me I gave it to him. I have sole physical custody of both the kids.
Visitation of both children is supposed to be every other weekend from 6pm Friday until 6pm Sunday and Wednesday evenings from 5:30pm until 8:00pm. There is a specific pick up and drop off location. This was agreed upon and we both signed the agreement in front of a judge.
In a separate case child support is set up for our 6 year old which I also agreed upon less since I get the fact that he had to live too. Ed doesn’t pay anything for my 9 year old. I have never asked him to.
Its been a year…
Ed has never once adhered to the visitation schedule. He has never gotten them on Wednesday evenings. His weekend visitations are either complicated or he will not pick the children up at all. He has gone 3 months not picking them up because he was on house arrest.
I have tried to be flexible, meeting him more than half way on several occasions even dropping them off at his residence and/or picking them up.
Because I do not choose to be with Ed he uses the kids as manipulation devices. Referencing to himself as a “babysitter so I can go out”, he tells the kids that I am the reason why our family isn’t together amongst other things. Threatening to move to a different state and never see the kids again. He has said that he does not want to see or talk to my 9 year old because she isn’t his. He has even threatened to give up all rights so he doesn’t have to pay child support. He has the same custody of both kids in the eyes of the law.
I have even gotten the kids their own phone so that they can call their dad without me having to be involved.
In the last month, because the visitation has been so inconsistent I have gone to have my child support revisited. Ed is pissed!
Since he received the letter the last communication I have gotten from him is to “never contact him again”. He has not seen or talked with the kids for the last 3 weeks.
My 9 year old asked to call her dad today. I let her. She left him a message in which he replied via text “to never contact him again”! Of course I read it before my 9 year old had a chance and turned the phone off. She just thinks he hasn’t gotten her message.
So this is my dilemma…I want all of my custody back! I cannot force him to be a parent/father/dad. I am a good mom. I have and will always be here for my kids and they know that.
I can prove everything. Due to the domestic issues with him I keep records of everything just in case I actually get the balls to take him to court for this.
I have been doing research in how I go about this and everything says “the best interest of the children”. Well what my children want is their dad to be in their lives. The want to be able to love both of us without being scared. I hate what has happened! My heart breaks for them! What is “in the best interest of the children” is for their dad to grow up and put his big boy panties on get over his ego. Accept that although we are not together we still have a job to do and that is to be a parent. The children did not ask to be here it is NOT their fault, you can’t just say “oh well I don’t feel like being a parent today”.
I’m frustrated! I have contacted mediation and they said he will not agree to it.
My nine year old starts counseling Thursday because she is having big behavioral issues. She has started to ask questions about her bio dad and how he died. He committed suicide. I am concerned with the issues surrounding this and the issues with Ed.
I’m just looking for what is my next step…all I do is knock my head against the wall and I need to move forward for my kids and my sanity. Do I need a lawyer or is it a lawyer for my children? Am I right to say you can’t choose which kids you want to visit or not. Am I going crazy? I want the best for my kids…
BTW this situation doesn't seem to effect my 6 year old as much as my 9 year old. My 6 year old doesn't even ask about her dad...
I’m looking for some advice so anything will be appreciated…
I’m trying to figure out what the next step is for myself and my children. As it stands right now I have full physical custody and we have shared legal custody w/ a visitation agreement of both children.
So that this doesn’t get confusing, we will call my 6 year olds biological dad Ed (of course not his real name)
The facts are:
Ed and I are the biological parents of our 6 year old.
I have a 9 year old. The biological father past away when she was 2 years old and she is aware of this.
Ed and I have never been married, nor has Ed legally adopted my 9 year old. My 9 year old loves Ed. Calls Ed dad. Ed has been a part of her life since she was 3 years old.
Ed has another child who is 10 years old whom he doesn’t have custody of only visitation of every other weekend. All communication with Ed and the mother goes through her husband.
Ed and I were in a relationship until 2 years ago. Ed, both kids and I lived together. Ed is a substance abuser. Needless to say it was rocky and ended with me getting a protection order against him for myself. Because of the domestic abuse laws in MD and since Ed had never threatened or hit the children they were not included. (This is a whole other issue b/c 80% of abuse is verbal and the laws suck unless you have been beaten w/ bruises afraid of your life)
When I went to establish custody of our 6 year old Ed countered me with asking for ½ legal custody of my 9 year old. Not ever wanting my children to be split up if something were to happen to me I gave it to him. I have sole physical custody of both the kids.
Visitation of both children is supposed to be every other weekend from 6pm Friday until 6pm Sunday and Wednesday evenings from 5:30pm until 8:00pm. There is a specific pick up and drop off location. This was agreed upon and we both signed the agreement in front of a judge.
In a separate case child support is set up for our 6 year old which I also agreed upon less since I get the fact that he had to live too. Ed doesn’t pay anything for my 9 year old. I have never asked him to.
Its been a year…
Ed has never once adhered to the visitation schedule. He has never gotten them on Wednesday evenings. His weekend visitations are either complicated or he will not pick the children up at all. He has gone 3 months not picking them up because he was on house arrest.
I have tried to be flexible, meeting him more than half way on several occasions even dropping them off at his residence and/or picking them up.
Because I do not choose to be with Ed he uses the kids as manipulation devices. Referencing to himself as a “babysitter so I can go out”, he tells the kids that I am the reason why our family isn’t together amongst other things. Threatening to move to a different state and never see the kids again. He has said that he does not want to see or talk to my 9 year old because she isn’t his. He has even threatened to give up all rights so he doesn’t have to pay child support. He has the same custody of both kids in the eyes of the law.
I have even gotten the kids their own phone so that they can call their dad without me having to be involved.
In the last month, because the visitation has been so inconsistent I have gone to have my child support revisited. Ed is pissed!
Since he received the letter the last communication I have gotten from him is to “never contact him again”. He has not seen or talked with the kids for the last 3 weeks.
My 9 year old asked to call her dad today. I let her. She left him a message in which he replied via text “to never contact him again”! Of course I read it before my 9 year old had a chance and turned the phone off. She just thinks he hasn’t gotten her message.
So this is my dilemma…I want all of my custody back! I cannot force him to be a parent/father/dad. I am a good mom. I have and will always be here for my kids and they know that.
I can prove everything. Due to the domestic issues with him I keep records of everything just in case I actually get the balls to take him to court for this.
I have been doing research in how I go about this and everything says “the best interest of the children”. Well what my children want is their dad to be in their lives. The want to be able to love both of us without being scared. I hate what has happened! My heart breaks for them! What is “in the best interest of the children” is for their dad to grow up and put his big boy panties on get over his ego. Accept that although we are not together we still have a job to do and that is to be a parent. The children did not ask to be here it is NOT their fault, you can’t just say “oh well I don’t feel like being a parent today”.
I’m frustrated! I have contacted mediation and they said he will not agree to it.
My nine year old starts counseling Thursday because she is having big behavioral issues. She has started to ask questions about her bio dad and how he died. He committed suicide. I am concerned with the issues surrounding this and the issues with Ed.
I’m just looking for what is my next step…all I do is knock my head against the wall and I need to move forward for my kids and my sanity. Do I need a lawyer or is it a lawyer for my children? Am I right to say you can’t choose which kids you want to visit or not. Am I going crazy? I want the best for my kids…
BTW this situation doesn't seem to effect my 6 year old as much as my 9 year old. My 6 year old doesn't even ask about her dad...
I’m looking for some advice so anything will be appreciated…
), sometimes it just isn't going to happen.
