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Mom left family and went and got married before custody hearing.

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BertoTX

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Texas

My girlfriend of 8 yrs left me and the kids on march 22. She moved in with her parents. We have one child (boy 6) together and i have custody of my 15 yr old daughter from a previous marrige. We were working things out to reconcile but it kept dragging out. The whole time, the kids have lived in the same apartment since my son was born. In Aug she told me that she has been seeing someone since june and was moving into a house together.

I have now found out that she married him and they actually applied for the marrige license back on june 3. Now im worried that she will split up the kids and get custody of my son because she has a second income and a house. My kids have always lived together in this apartment. She had lied throughout and still only sees my son on her days off. My daughter wants nothing to do with her anymore. My biggest concern is splitting up my children.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Assuming your daughter is not Mom's, she will not be part of anything. As for your son.... Are you LEGALLY the father? That will guide your first steps. Custody will be determined by several factors, based around the best interests of the child. Again - your daughter will not be a factor.
 

BertoTX

Junior Member
Assuming your daughter is not Mom's, she will not be part of anything. As for your son.... Are you LEGALLY the father? That will guide your first steps. Custody will be determined by several factors, based around the best interests of the child. Again - your daughter will not be a factor.
I am his father. Legally I'm on the birth certificate. Other than that I have been on all his paperwork as the father. This has been his home since he was born.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
Then, if you have legally been established as the father, file for custody.

The fact that your son has been with you since Mom left over 6 months ago should be weighed more than Mom now being in a 2 income household with a house. Has Mom attempted to spend any sort of time with her son? Has the stepdad even met the kid?
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Stability is nice and good, but it's not the end of the world to move from the apartment. People move. When I was 3, my parents moved from ~the only home I'd ever known~, and again at age 7. So what?
 

BertoTX

Junior Member
Then, if you have legally been established as the father, file for custody.

The fact that your son has been with you since Mom left over 6 months ago should be weighed more than Mom now being in a 2 income household with a house. Has Mom attempted to spend any sort of time with her son? Has the stepdad even met the kid?
She sees him on her days off. So two days a week. Her new husband has never met my son. My son has never been to her new house. When he stays the nights with her, she stays at her parents house. We agreed that she wouldn't introduce him to that enviornment and her "boyfriend" until I gave the ok and met him first.
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
She sees him on her days off. So two days a week. Her new husband has never met my son. My son has never been to her new house. When he stays the nights with her, she stays at her parents house. We agreed that she wouldn't introduce him to that enviornment and her "boyfriend" until I gave the ok and met him first.
Is that why you're asking if she's committing bigamy?

Let it go, dude. She left you, she's married someone else, and your son has a stepfather. That's life, and your agreement wasn't legally binding in any way shape or form.

(And no, the court will not expect her to get your approval before introducing her husband to her son)
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
She sees him on her days off. So two days a week. Her new husband has never met my son. My son has never been to her new house. When he stays the nights with her, she stays at her parents house. We agreed that she wouldn't introduce him to that enviornment and her "boyfriend" until I gave the ok and met him first.
For crying out loud, it's her *husband*, not some flavor of the week.

This sounds a tad controlling on your part, not giving the okay, absent any dire relevant information that you've conveniently neglected to mention.
 

BertoTX

Junior Member
For crying out loud, it's her *husband*, not some flavor of the week.

This sounds a tad controlling on your part, not giving the okay, absent any dire relevant information that you've conveniently neglected to mention.
Its a bit more complicated than that. Shes really told us and her family nothing but lies since she left. I understand how it sounds. I'm not controling or trying to badmouth her. Up until the middle of last month we were working on reconciliation and getting back together. The next day she tells me about this boyfriend then two weeks later she's married yet telling me she's debating on leaving him. I understand now she's a pathological liar has hid this relationship and this marrige from everyone we know. I want the both my kids to have a relationship with her but I'm not sure how throwing them into a whirlwind of emotions is good for them. Sorry for upsetting any of yall. I've just been trying to keep my kids happy and stable.
 

Janine123

Junior Member
Good luck

You cannot control when she introduces him to the new husband. You simply have no say. Her staying at her parents is a courtesy and nothing more. It's important you file for custody first. The courts don't care if she lied to you, they care about what's best for you child. If nothing is set in the courts, she can potentially not return him to you during any visit. If she does this, with no visitation in place, you can't do anything about it. Texas does care about seperating siblings. While your oldest is not in the custody case make it known there is an established relationship, that would be detrimental if lost, for both of them. Relationship is gone, and all that matters is the child now. Don't date, don't disparage her, don't drink, involve yourself in school, sports, everything. Your life is about your child. Get a lawyer. If you are in houston I know a few. Seek lawyers that focus on father's rights. Never disobey court orders, never lie, never exaggerate.
 

Janine123

Junior Member
On a side note, look how your words are twisted. You are still in shock she lied, rightfully so, it turned quickly into how You are controlling didn't it? Ths will happen in court too. Your a man, she is a woman, she is the victim. Watch your words very wisely. Put the kids aside. Is it best for your son to be with You? Texas will grant custody to the primary care giver. Was that You? If it was her you have already lost.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
On a side note, look how your words are twisted. You are still in shock she lied, rightfully so, it turned quickly into how You are controlling didn't it? Ths will happen in court too. Your a man, she is a woman, she is the victim. Watch your words very wisely. Put the kids aside. Is it best for your son to be with You? Texas will grant custody to the primary care giver. Was that You? If it was her you have already lost.
Well..... He wants to control when their mutual son gets to meet his exgirlfriend's husband. See that bolded word? That makes him controlling. That's not twisting anything - it's calling a spade a spade. (p.s. even you used the "control" word - in the quote below.)

You cannot control when she introduces him to the new husband. You simply have no say. Her staying at her parents is a courtesy and nothing more. It's important you file for custody first. The courts don't care if she lied to you, they care about what's best for you child. If nothing is set in the courts, she can potentially not return him to you during any visit. If she does this, with no visitation in place, you can't do anything about it. Texas does care about seperating siblings. While your oldest is not in the custody case make it known there is an established relationship, that would be detrimental if lost, for both of them. Relationship is gone, and all that matters is the child now. Don't date, don't disparage her, don't drink, involve yourself in school, sports, everything. Your life is about your child. Get a lawyer. If you are in houston I know a few. Seek lawyers that focus on father's rights. Never disobey court orders, never lie, never exaggerate.
One thing you are correct about is that Mom doesn't have to return the child. In fact, at this point in time, Mom likely has sole custody. OP may not even be legally the child's father - he has not said if paternity was acknowledged or determined.

OP - you may want to check out the mens' forum down the road - they will help you adjust your DGAF meter.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
You cannot control when she introduces him to the new husband. You simply have no say. Her staying at her parents is a courtesy and nothing more. It's important you file for custody first. The courts don't care if she lied to you, they care about what's best for you child. If nothing is set in the courts, she can potentially not return him to you during any visit. If she does this, with no visitation in place, you can't do anything about it. Texas does care about seperating siblings. While your oldest is not in the custody case make it known there is an established relationship, that would be detrimental if lost, for both of them. Relationship is gone, and all that matters is the child now. Don't date, don't disparage her, don't drink, involve yourself in school, sports, everything. Your life is about your child. Get a lawyer. If you are in houston I know a few. Seek lawyers that focus on father's rights. Never disobey court orders, never lie, never exaggerate.
Father's rights? Not really a thing. And you shouldn't be referring anyone to specific lawyers. Good way to get yourself in trouble on this list. The oldest child of dad can see the younger sibling during father's parenting time.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
On a side note, look how your words are twisted. You are still in shock she lied, rightfully so, it turned quickly into how You are controlling didn't it? Ths will happen in court too. Your a man, she is a woman, she is the victim. Watch your words very wisely. Put the kids aside. Is it best for your son to be with You? Texas will grant custody to the primary care giver. Was that You? If it was her you have already lost.
Please quit. Texas does NOT always grant custody to the primary care giver. They base child custody on the best interest of the child. Use proper grammar -- "you're a man" not "your a man". Women are NOT automatically the victim. You really have no clue on any of this so you are not really helping.
 

Janine123

Junior Member
One thing you are correct about is that Mom doesn't have to return the child. In fact, at this point in time, Mom likely has sole custody. OP may not even be legally the child's father - he has not said if paternity was acknowledged or determined.

As long as his name is on the birth certificate he has the right to fight for custody bio or not. If his name is not, and he is the bio father he can easily determine he is, then sign an acknowledgment of paternity, that gives him the right to fight for custody. If he is not the bio dad, and she let him be live that for 6 years, again believe it or not, he can also fight for custody, as long as it is in the best interest of the child. It is a hard situation when a child is involved. It's best to keep things as friendly as possible, never alienating the other parent. Many parents, men and women, make the mistake of thinking they have control over when a child meets the other parents new partner. They never have this control. If a dad leaves mom for a new women she can feel both hurt, and threatened, same goes for dad's. It's a natural response. I'm simply saying he doesn't have this right, as any woman would not if dad had a new girlfriend. It's true an unmarried woman with no father named on the birth certificate, always without question, retains full custody until a court determs otherwise. That doesn't mean a father who has been in the childs life has no chance of winning custody. I am a firm believer that the primary caregiver should retain custody, and that is what my state luckily practices. A stay at home mom who doesn't have the income after a divorce for example, should retain custody, and I believe dad should pay to maintain the child's living status by supplementing her income until she can. Same in reverse. If the father has done the majority of the child care, the father should retain custody.
 

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