I reside in California. My ex boyfriend and I our going through child visitation, custody and support regarding our five month old daughter.
Since birth, Dad has only seen daughter approximately ten times. Dad has requested joint custody of daughter but as in our court order, I have temporary physical custody and together we have temporary joint legal custody.
Dad has supervised visitation on alternating weekends (drinking issues) which began November 10, 2001, at our parents home for up to four hours on approved days. On visits at his parents home (I drive over 90 miles to get to) I relax our daughter by holding her on my knee while Dad plays with her to assure her that it's alright. At my moms home, I choose not to be there. As soon as Dad holds daughter, she cries again. We repeat process until Dad ultimately takes her out of the room and daughter cries even louder. I try to ignore it hoping our daughter will calm down. Grandfather (dad's father) goes and check to make sure she's okay by this time, she's beet red. Grandfather holds daughter and she calms down...then Dad reenters and takes her and crying starts again. Made suggestions to Dad to not rush her and let her respond to him when she's ready. Play with her first and let her get use to your voice and your touch...Dad feeds her changes her diaper, baby falls to sleep crying. Dad said I must be doing something to baby to get her to cry... Dad then tell me to sign papers stating that our daughter isn't his and he's not financially responsible for her...then and only then will he stop putting our daughter through the emotional stress. (?) Didn't want to argue with Dad about such statement because I choose not lower myself to his stupidity. Documented it though.
Visitation at my moms' home is somewhat the same...My mom leaves out of the family room, to give him space and time alone with our daughter. My mom stays away as long as possible when our daughter cries, hoping Dad can calm her down. Grandmother does as instructed, after enough time has passed, grandmother gets baby, holds her until she stops crying, puts her on her knee, and Dad plays with her until she stops crying. Dad feeds her and changes her diaper. Baby falls asleep crying.
Last weekend, talked with Dad and explained to him that visitation at my mom's home would be cancelled due to family flying in from different states. Dad approved of the cancelled visistation which would have taken place at 1:00 p.m. up until 5:00 p.m. Dad nonetheless came to visitation at 1:40, rushed up on my car demanding to see our daughter, scarring my other two sons. Didn't want to cause any more stress on the other children so I left. Dad called the police to get an incident number...Then for this weekend, I spoke to his step mom at the beginning of the month to discuss visitation. She approved of having the visit this Saturday due to my other son having a birthday party on the 30th. Visit was cancelled for this Saturday and rescheduled for Sunday, due to his family having a get together although she and I had a discussion earlier. Had no other choice but to reschedule the party.
My questions... how in God's name can a father be so cruel to his child and be only concerned about the money that will be taken from him to help support her? And why do I have to be at his beck and call??? I have financially supported our daughter since birth. Dad also says he doesn't feel comfortable in giving money to another child not residing in his home. (?) Does such statements need to be brought up at mediation or when we are in front of the judge????
Someone please advise on what I should do to protect our daughter....