Mom won't let me see or talk to our daughter

[LdiJ]

Because you are the parent who moved, the chances of you having to pick up the tab for transportation is greater.

In your parenting plan, try to include "virtual" parenting time:
* phone calls to the "other" parent on a specific schedule. By that, don't ask for something that you aren't willing to live with when the child is with you, and it is mom asking for the same thing. Might be once/twice a week ... x amount of minutes per week ... might be both parents providing towards a cell phone so that the parents can communicate with the child, etc.

* webcams

* instant messaging

Webcams are really cool, because kids and parents can both see and speak to each other at the same time, over the net, which is free of long distance charges. I can't emphasize enough how much that can help in a long distance situation.

 

[daddycounts2]

So do I have to send this via certified mail to her? I figured I'd send two copies to her, one certified and one not.

For the court copies, do I need to answer her answer? It's probably too late if I do. Should I put in some kind of letter explaining why I think this proposed parenting plan would be best? Should I defend myself in print now regarding her accusations that I need anger management and parenting classes before I can again have unsupervised visits?

I noticed the plan I have printed out has the header designating it to a circuit court...but my papers say the supreme court. Will this matter? I'm so bad at this stuff. I'm having troubles finding where exactly I'm supposed to send the court copies.

I noticed they requested a financial affidavit on green paper...what? For this I am at a loss. I work for myself and don't even generate an income I can prove.

I'm a mess. I'm sorry.

 

[LdiJ]

So do I have to send this via certified mail to her? I figured I'd send two copies to her, one certified and one not.

For the court copies, do I need to answer her answer? It's probably too late if I do. Should I put in some kind of letter explaining why I think this proposed parenting plan would be best? Should I defend myself in print now regarding her accusations that I need anger management and parenting classes before I can again have unsupervised visits?

I noticed the plan I have printed out has the header designating it to a circuit court...but my papers say the supreme court. Will this matter? I'm so bad at this stuff. I'm having troubles finding where exactly I'm supposed to send the court copies.

I noticed they requested a financial affidavit on green paper...what? For this I am at a loss. I work for myself and don't even generate an income I can prove.

I'm a mess. I'm sorry.

Unless you are a foolish businessman and don't keep proper accounting records, you certainly CAN prove your income.

 

[daddycounts2]

I cannot deny that accounting isn't my specialty nor has it been my focus. I'm planning on hiring an accountant. i'll figure it out the best I can, not much else I can do there.

 

[Ohiogal]

Unless you are a foolish businessman and don't keep proper accounting records, you certainly CAN prove your income.

I will say that sometimes it is harder than others because many places will NOT accept quicken books or other ledgers. They want official tax papers showing income. In the first year of a business you don't necessarily have that.

 

[LdiJ]

I will say that sometimes it is harder than others because many places will NOT accept quicken books or other ledgers. They want official tax papers showing income. In the first year of a business you don't necessarily have that.

I do a lot of certified profit and loss reports for people for that very reason. I do a mini-audit of their books, then prepare and sign off on a profit and loss report. For most self employed people with reasonable accounting records, it takes very little time. I just did one yesterday for someone who is trying to get a mortgage.

 

[onebreath]

Ohiogal,

I also don't know why I could not get your name right for so long, alas....but now I got it. And I also don't know why I was so defensive in my last post to you. I apologize. I respect you and I am working it so I don't give out false advice, unintentionally of course. Thank you.

 

[onebreath]

Dear dad,

I know you need heaps more advice than I can give you. However one thing I have learned in my trips to court, is if you can have your proposals and/or objections submitted into writing before you are sitting down talking to a mediator (do you have a court appt mediator before court?) or the judge, DO IT.

Since you are asking about a responsive declaration, I have only disregarded these rarely, for example; in the case my ex files a motion against me in court, I file a response motion, then he goes on to file a motion in response to mine...thats where I get careful. If its trivial stuff, I have sometimes left it alone. If there are false allegations, I respond with a brief (one to two page) summery/response that I am opposed to the accusations, not in good faith, etc. (then of course I get another one back while sitting waiting for the mediator).

But I would always write something up, a whole science in itself...as to what my wishes are for child and WHY its in her best interests. Again, not knowing your AREA, county...etc...as in CA there are different ways...time and time again I have often (not always) felt like a judge made his judgement based on paperwork...and revisions on our testimony....and with court appt mediators, almost always I got they made up their minds before we even walked into the room. And thats at least 12 times. Different mediators.

The courts like a fair plan and if you provide fair solutions they are more apt to rule for them. Also, keep your writings down to 2-3 pages max, so that the judge or mediator will actually read them. Its OK to have attachments.

I would not have your gf come to court to testify unless its a super heavy decision. I am afraid that may confuse the issues for the court.

They are swamped and do the best they can.

I hope you are very prepared when you go in, having submitted your papers to the court as to visitation, that you are super ready with cliff notes as to holiday/school breaks, a regular forum for parental contact (I recommend email), sharing of school and extracurricular activities regularly, contact schedule with the child (follow given advice), transportation rules, and anything thats come up you think could become a problem.

I have heard one friend subscribe to success that she ALWAYS had a number two back up plan to present in court when she didn't get what she wanted the first time. (Personally, I don't know how she did that...it was in CA so it was probably in our court ordered mediation before court sessions...not enough time in court to do this route).

You can always request that either parent makes no derogatory comments about the other parent (and/or step parent) in the childs' presence.

 

[daddycounts2]

Thank you for the reply. I am kicking myself for waiting until last minute to really get all this done, but I've been swamped with problems in my job and let that take precedence. Some part of me doesn't quite grasp all the paperwork that's required in this situation, but I don't think I'm asking much to get to be a part of my daughters life and make it so the Mother stops having the control to say whether or not I am allowed to do so. I sent in a proposed parenting plan to the court and to her Mom yesterday, I think it's totally fair, and hope it's seriously considered.

I am offended that she all of the sudden thinks I should only have supervised visits with our daughter when I've been caring for her in a joint custody parenting fashion for years now. I'm offended that she says I should have to take an anger management and parenting class all fo a sudden. I didn't send in a letter regarding my feelings on this, should I? Do I just write a letter and send one to the court and one to her? I'm running out of time, I only have a couple weeks.

I feel like she took my moving and my trust as an opportunity to cut the line between my kid and I. I know I'm not perfect, I don't call my daughter on the phone much (she never seems that interested in the conversation when I call and I don't know what to talk about). I just want to be able to know I get to be a parent to. I have had problems getting along with her mother, and I have lost my temper a couple times. Non violently, but yes, I've shown my frustrations. For years I wanted her to see a therapist for her behavioural issues, and Mom beat around it and put it off. Now she rushed and got our daughter into therapy, she was indeed diagnosed with ADHD, Mom never bothered to share this with me, and is using her therapy as a reason not to come visit me. It's beyond frustrating. I know I never should have just trusted her, I should have fought for legal rights before moving 1000 miles away, but I thought I was doing the right thing keeping us out of court and dealing with it between us. Wrong.

 

[OldandTired]

I'm offended that she says I should have to take an anger management and parenting class all fo a sudden.

Be sure to let the Court know that you are not happy at all with her sharing with your daughter the fact that she was served a summons, and that she allowed your daughter to call you to ask why you were taking "them" to court.

I have never seen a court yet that didn't frown on disparaging remarks and the other parent involving the children in a mess such as this. Request that the court order her to take a parenting class that teaches that these things only hurt the child.

 

[daddycounts2]

Unless she's smart enough to print the emails with Full Headers, and then show the court that the I.P. address is the one attached to you, that you were the subscriber to the account, No.

You can argue that you can sit at your computer and type anything you want and print it out and state that it came from her, but of course you haven't done that.

Hmm, so if she presents my emails to the judge would I lie then? That sounds scary to me. I would love to be able to avoid having those used against me, but as long as she has my email address on it wouldn't the judge just ask me if I sent them? And then wouldn't I being lying under oath if I denied it? I wouldn't know if she printed them out correctly or not.

As for the parenting class input, I'm writing that down for sure.

 

[Ohiogal]

Unless she's smart enough to print the emails with Full Headers, and then show the court that the I.P. address is the one attached to you, that you were the subscriber to the account, No.

You can argue that you can sit at your computer and type anything you want and print it out and state that it came from her, but of course you haven't done that.

Actually it doesn't take an IP Address to introduce emails. I know because i have had no issue getting emails introduced into evidence when they were written by one of the parties.

 

[Ohiogal]

One of the beauties of the legal process is that you get to inspect every piece of evidence offered prior to it's being entered into evidence.

When your emails are offered as evidence, a copy must be given to you at that point. If the full headers are not there, all you do at that point is make an objection as to the authenticity of the documents, and state that you can sit at a computer and create emails of the like, and put her email address on it in place of yours. DO NOT state anything about Full Headers, as that would give her the knowledge she needs to go back and print them again, and re-present them and have them admitted.

No one should be asking you anything about evidence that has not already been admitted. No one should be asking you if you sent those emails. My personal response would be that we shared emails, but I don't recall them all. How you handle that part is up to you. I'm not telling you to lie before the Judge. To do so would destroy any credibility you might have.

Just object to them so they cannot be entered as evidence, so long as the Full Headers are not there.

WRONG. He can be asked if he sent the emails. And telling someone to "not recall" is NOT acceptable on this forum. That is akin to lying. Keep it up and you will be banned. Just because he objects does NOT mean they will NOT be entered into evidence. objections can be overruled by the court. When you give advice make sure it is PROPER LEGAL ADVICE.

 

[Ohiogal]

Hmm, so if she presents my emails to the judge would I lie then? That sounds scary to me. I would love to be able to avoid having those used against me, but as long as she has my email address on it wouldn't the judge just ask me if I sent them? And then wouldn't I being lying under oath if I denied it? I wouldn't know if she printed them out correctly or not.

As for the parenting class input, I'm writing that down for sure.

Yes you can be asked if you sent them. If you sent them you better admit it or you would committing perjury which is a felony. END OF STORY. Do NOT listen to Oldandtired who is wrong.

 

[Ohiogal]

Unless she's smart enough to print the emails with Full Headers, and then show the court that the I.P. address is the one attached to you, that you were the subscriber to the account, No.

You can argue that you can sit at your computer and type anything you want and print it out and state that it came from her, but of course you haven't done that.

HE CANNOT use misleading arguments like that if he has NOT done that. Do you realize that you are suggesting that he act unethically and illegally?