mother constantly threatening me with court as a way of stripping me of time with my

[concernedpops]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

We all reside in Nys and the issue is that mom is constantly trying to interfere with the relationship between my daughter and I by threatening to take me to court if I don't comply with her mostly unreasonable demands which almost always pertain to restricting how much time I could spend with our daughter. I am willing and available to see my daughter any day of the week but realistically request 3 of the 7 days as I see that as a fair way to coparent. We've already been to court but after the support hearing mom suspended the custody and visitation hearing. At this point I'm just tired of the headaches and plan on going to court to reschedule custody and visitation hearings and I'm really asking that you share your advice/experiences similar to this and your advice as far as my best course of action. Thank you

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

We all reside in Nys and the issue is that mom is constantly trying to interfere with the relationship between my daughter and I by threatening to take me to court if I don't comply with her mostly unreasonable demands which almost always pertain to restricting how much time I could spend with our daughter. I am willing and available to see my daughter any day of the week but realistically request 3 of the 7 days as I see that as a fair way to coparent. We've already been to court but after the support hearing mom suspended the custody and visitation hearing. At this point I'm just tired of the headaches and plan on going to court to reschedule custody and visitation hearings and I'm really asking that you share your advice/experiences similar to this and your advice as far as my best course of action. Thank you

If you don't have court orders for custody and visitation, THAT is the only course of action. Why wouldn't you pursue that as a reasonable, rational, mature adult?

 

[concernedpops]

Well the courts are not exactly known as a pro father environment and my recollections in court rooms with lawyers as a child is not something I am in a rush to pass on to my daughter.

 

[torimac]

Your daughter should not be involved with the court process. This is between you and mom. Until you assert your rights as a father, you won't get any rights.
Go to court. Ask for a specific visitation plan: times and dates, who picks up when, holidays, exceptions, etc. With a schedule and court orders, if mom decides to deny visitation, you can go back to courst for enforcement. Otherwise, without court orders, she can deny you all and any visitation.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well the courts are not exactly known as a pro father environment and my recollections in court rooms with lawyers as a child is not something I am in a rush to pass on to my daughter.

A) Courts are NOT pro anyone but the child. But continue with that attitude and you will find yourself being proven correct;
B) Only an idiot takes their child to court or around lawyers -- the child should NOT be involved in a court room;
C) You really need to educate yourself;
D) Apparently the woman you impregnated isn't pro father either and you have no rights.
E) Carry on with this then.

 

[concernedpops]

A) Clearly you've been living under a rock, there is evidence galore that shows mothers are routinely favored in custody cases and that only recently has the trend begun to change;
B) Only a court appointed lawyer for your children can have your child come in and be spoken to as was the case in my circumstance, every case is different and assuming the latter is rather ignorant;
C) You really need to educate yourself;
D) What she thinks is irrelevant and most likely why the emotions of a woman are not just cause to deny a father visitation in the eyes of the mighty impartial court;

 

[Ohiogal]

A) Clearly you've been living under a rock, there is evidence galore that shows mothers are routinely favored in custody cases and that only recently has the trend begun to change;
B) Only a court appointed lawyer for your children can have your child come in and be spoken to as was the case in my circumstance, every case is different and assuming the latter is rather ignorant;
C) You really need to educate yourself;
D) What she thinks is irrelevant and most likely why the emotions of a woman are not just cause to deny a father visitation in the eyes of the mighty impartial court;

I am an attorney and GAL. I am in domestic and juvenile courts DAILY and I see what happens.

If you don't have a court order you have NO RIGHT to anything. She can say you can NEVER see your child. OH and if you haven't legally established paternity, you have no right to be on school records, go to the school or doctors or anything else.

 

[concernedpops]

I am an attorney and GAL. I am in domestic and juvenile courts DAILY and I see what happens.
If you don't have a court order you have NO RIGHT to anything. She can say you can NEVER see your child. OH and if you haven't legally established paternity, you have no right to be on school records, go to the school or doctors or anything else.

In one breath you say the courts consider what is in the best interest of a child and in the next you say a father has no rights. Clearly you're assuming I'm a dead beat and have never set foot in a court, I mean I probably don't even know if thats my kid right LOL?

Regardless the mother can do and say whatever she likes without court orders but when she has to explain how her actions are consistent with best interest she'll be hard pressed. Even in the worst case scenario when she has to be held accountable for her actions I'd end up with every other weekend and some mid week visits, no mother will ever completely erase a willing father from their child's life with the courts consent.

 

[Ohiogal]

In one breath you say the courts consider what is in the best interest of a child and in the next you say a father has no rights. Clearly you're assuming I'm a dead beat and have never set foot in a court, I mean I probably don't even know if thats my kid right LOL? I wonder what your case record is ... is that public record? Regardless the mother can do and say whatever she likes without court orders but when she has to explain how her actions are consistent with best interest she'll be hard pressed. Even in the worst case scenario when she has to be held accountable for her actions I'd end up with every other weekend and some mid week visits, no mother will ever completely erase a willing father from their child's life with the courts consent. If you're a lawyer you're probably not a very good one and if you are show me some proof, let me see some numbers Clown College grad

Let's go through things:

1) Have you ESTABLISHED paternity? Do you know what that means? You haven't answered whether you ever did.
2) You can't know if that is your child unless you have through paternity testing
3) We know who mom is -- she is the one from which the baby came out.That is evidence of her motherhood. What evidence is there of your fatherhood?
4) Her actions? What actions? Denying you time when you don't have any ENFORCEABLE RIGHTS to see your child, interact or be involved?

 

[Ladyback1]

In one breath you say the courts consider what is in the best interest of a child and in the next you say a father has no rights. Clearly you're assuming I'm a dead beat and have never set foot in a court, I mean I probably don't even know if thats my kid right LOL?

Regardless the mother can do and say whatever she likes without court orders but when she has to explain how her actions are consistent with best interest she'll be hard pressed. Even in the worst case scenario when she has to be held accountable for her actions I'd end up with every other weekend and some mid week visits, no mother will ever completely erase a willing father from their child's life with the courts consent.

If you have not stepped up and taken legal action to be declared the father of the child---you have NO legal rights to said child.

Furthermore, all we're getting is YOUR side of the story.
How unreasonable are your demands? How is it in the child's best interest to spend 3 of 7 days with you? (especially if you have not taken the legal steps to ensure your rights as a father??)

 

[concernedpops]

I absolutely have established paternity of my child and have been paying child support since October of 2012. My daughter and I have a very strong relationship that we have established with weekly overnight visits which never interfere with her mothers days off from work. We had previously set up custody and visitation hearings but mom backed out at the last minute, preferring to handle it out of court. I have never missed a doctors appointment/er visit, have a great relationship with my daughter's care takers to the point where they prefer to reach out to me in times of need and was recently at her new school for the interview process with the school principal so needless to say I am very involved in my daughters life. We have had a consistent parenting plan were weekly visits are the norm and now that my wife and I have a son, who my daughter has naturally grown fond of. Mom is trying to deny what we have already agreed to and insist no more weekly overnights and only weekend sleep overs knowing I never have weekends off. Mom's only reason for deny the weekly visits that have been the norm since birth is because I live in Queens and she decided I'm not able or willing to get my daughter to school on time so it would be better to not allow the overnights. I actually have already gone to court for custody and visitation after finding out my daughter was in another state and being told to mind my own business. I understand that dead beats do not have any rights but that is not the case here, I am anything but. I love my daughter and want to be a positive male influence in her life yet mom tries her best to minimize my role because I have moved on and started a new family. Additionally, I am not a mother nor will I ever pretend to be. I know my daughter needs her mother and there is no substitute. I have no intentions of trying to exclude mom or even impede the relationship between the two of them, I just do not like being shut out when I try to do all the right things for my child.

ALL OTHERS
I will thank you in advance for your time and thoughts, common courtesy and respect go a long way towards credibility and I appreciate your efforts.

 

[concernedpops]

If you have not stepped up and taken legal action to be declared the father of the child---you have NO legal rights to said child.

Furthermore, all we're getting is YOUR side of the story.
How unreasonable are your demands? How is it in the child's best interest to spend 3 of 7 days with you? (especially if you have not taken the legal steps to ensure your rights as a father??)

When we first broke up I demanded that when mom was a work I be allowed to care for my child, especially considering mom worked a 4am-noon shift. That was fine for almost a year until I started giving some input on how we should handle future child care. I insisted my child be enrolled in day care so she can socialize with kids and got push back and restrictions with visitation, no more morning visits to dads while mom was at work. When I moved out of my place and in with my wife visitation went from close to 50/50 to only two days a week. That turned into a recent discussion pertaining her relocating and not being concerned with whatever effect that would have on the relationship between my daughter and I, nor was I granted permission to discuss how we could even make adjustments should that relocation take place.

There are no unreasonable demands from my end just the request that everything remain as close to what my child has been accustomed to. I once requested to be able to pick up my child the night before my regular days off weekly, that request landed me in a child support hearing lol

 

[Isis1]

Pops, get a court ordered visitation schedule. that's your option. yes, of course mom is going to push back. just brace yourself for it. and let it slide off your back. stand your ground.

you do risk getting less time, or you might get what you request. look into varying schedules. be creative.

 

[torimac]

Pops, get a court ordered visitation schedule. that's your option. yes, of course mom is going to push back. just brace yourself for it. and let it slide off your back. stand your ground.

you do risk getting less time, or you might get what you request. look into varying schedules. be creative.

Also be exact. If there is something that you and mom could argue about, spell it out in the order. Vacations, 3 day weekends, summers, right of first refusal, illness and makeup time, etc. Research and spell everything out in the order.

 

[Silverplum]

Common courtesy sure does go a long way.