Mother Denying Christmas Visit

[toqued]

What is the name of your state? Fathers - PA, Children & Mother - MD

My fiance has been divorced for 16 years and has 4 children with his ex-wife. There is only one of legal custody age and he's 16. Both the 16-year-old and 19-year-old live with their mother in MD. We live in PA. It's a 3-hour drive. The mother will only allow Mike to visit his children at her house on the holidays. We went there for Thanksgiving and, while it was uncomfortable, there were no significant problems. However, she has since forbade my fiance from visiting at Christmas unless he visits alone, without me. She claims all the children (ages 16 - 25) have a problem with his bringing me. When he has discussed the issue with each of the children, they've said I'm welcome. The mother has a history of trying to re-estabish the relationship with Mike, even though she's been re-married for 10 years. Over the past 16 years, she has made every contact with the children very difficult, including moving 3 hours away even though it wasn't for a job or anything tangible. When the children have expressed a desire to have contact with their father over the years, she calls them traitors and threatens to cut them off.

Mike has refused her terms for a Christmas visit. However, I think it's important for him to at least offer to see the children outside of their mother's home, understanding she would make it emotionally impossible for that to actually happen. Mike is so fed up with having to jump through the hoops all these years and wants to let it go. What can be done with this situation to make future contacts occur as smoothly as possible. Again, there's only one child of custody age left in the home (M/16).

Rebecca

 

[JETX]

Your post is missing one ESSENTIAL piece of information....
What EXACTLY does the court order say as to holiday visition??

In closing, the most important piece of information IN your post is:
"Mike is so fed up with having to jump through the hoops all these years and wants to let it go."
Since he is the parent of the children (and you have NO standing in the issue), why are you trying to intervene???

 

[toqued]

The custody arrangement is visitation on holidays, every other at the home of the father. Father's Day, at the home of the father. Every other weekend, at the home of the father. Two weeks in the summer, at the home of the father.

Because she makes it so hard on the children emotionally, he has not been forceful over the years in making sure the visitation schedule gets adhered to. Mike did have physical custody of the oldest the last two years of high school upon the child's request. The youngest has requested Mike take custody of him, as well. However, Mike is concerned about he impact that would have on the 19-year-old, still living at home. Although, we are still considering asking for custody of the 16 year old.

I am not intervening. Mike has decided to let it go, and, while I don't agree with it and I've offered my suggestion on setting up a visit somewhere else, I'm staying out of it. He does want to continue seeing his his children, though. And, wants those visits to go smoothly, with as little anger and confrontation as possible. I'm just asking how we might deal with this pattern displayed by the mother because it's going to happen again.

Rebecca

 

[JETX]

Of course, she will 'get away' with anything that he allows. If he wants to exercise his court ordered rights, he needs to be assertive and, if necessary, haul her ass into court on a motion for contempt. He should also make sure that the kids know the reason why this action may be necessary and his reasons for taking it.

 

[toqued]

I know that essentially it's too late for these kids and their father. But, because I see how broken Mike is when it comes to it, it breaks my heart and I want there to be answers to fix it. This is the end result of successful Parental Alienation Syndrome and I guess I would urge people to fight while the kids are still young because if you don't, you'll lose them. The kids need to know you're fighting for them, even if it causes temporary (or even on-going) disruption.

I still plan to put my mind to this and keep trying to think of ways to deal with it. Going to court is of course the obvious route and we may very well end up doing that.

Rebecca

 

[BL]

There is only one legally of age for the court to recognize .

If the 16 yr. old is expressing a disire to visit with Dad , JetX is correct .

Dad needs to send Mom a copy of the court Order , " in case she misunderstood " the orders. He needs to write a letter stating he will be utilizing his visitation RIGHTS and he plans on picking up his children for Christmas and all other times. State that if he is Denied , he will file for Contempt of Court Order(s).

He can then explain his actions to his Children. If the Children care to see Dad, they will understand.

 

[stealth2]

This is the end result of successful Parental Alienation Syndrome

This is only PART of the problem. It is also the end result of an NCP not willing to fight for his rights. Your fiance is just as much to blame for this, but it's easier for him to lay it on Mom's shoulders. He could have taken this to court for contempt and frustration of visitation long ago, yet he chose not to. That is HIS fault, and something he should be taking responsibility for. It's easy to say that he doesn't have a good relationship with the kids because Mom's a b*tch; a lot harder to say he owns part of the breakdown with his kids.

 

[toqued]

I believe I said that the other parent needs to fight, regardless. I'm sorry if it wasn't clearly stated that *that* is the responsibility of the non-custodial parent. I guess I figured that was obvious.

As far as Mike taking responsibility, of course he has. That happens to be a personal issue. I was asking about legal recourse at *this* point. If you'd like for the *entire* story to be submitted and the details...sure, I'll give them to you. Let me know.

Rebecca