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  1. #1
    sjpowerss is offline Junior Member
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    mother died ?? father looking for child

    What is the name of your state? ny

    My son came to visit me because of spouse problems in NY. He has spent the last 2 months in NC. His wife who became ill took off in ny and she did not let him know where she was at. My son was looking for her thru her parents but never could get any one to answer the phone. She had custody of thier 15 month old son thru the courts because they could not get along if they spent a lot of time together. I felt it was a love / hate relationship. Yesterday He called her parents again and this time someone answered the phone. Her father. They informed him his wife died 2 weeks prior. They were crying so I am assuming its true. My son is torn up over this and states that her family did everything to keep them apart because they hated him. We do not know where the child is. What are our next steps. Does he have legal rights to drive up to ny and get his child if he can find the boy? what steps do we take. What is the name of your state?
  2. #2
    BL
    BL is offline Senior Member
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    Well first He would be recognized as the Father through the Courts Orders .

    Did He ask her Father where his child is ?

    He should try and confirm the mother's death .

    Try an Internet search by name and location , for obituaries .. I also brought some up by SS# but I can't find the site right now .

    Once confirmed , He should be able to find and pick up HIS child , unless somehow someone obtained a Temporary Order from the Court .

    He should check with the Local Family Court as well for records .
  3. #3
    ceara19 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blonde Lebinese View Post
    Try an Internet search by name and location , for obituaries .. I also brought some up by SS# but I can't find the site right now .
    Here are 2 sites to search the Social Security Death Index:
    [url]http://ssdi.genealogy.rootsweb.com/[/url]
    [url]http://www.death-records.net/ssdi.htm[/url]
    The actual SS # isn't required, but if the name is common, it would definitely be helpful.

    I'm not sure how long it takes after the persons death before they are put into the system, so if a search turns up nothing at first, keep checking back if you can't verify the death through other means.
  4. #4
    sjpowerss is offline Junior Member
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    mother died. father trying to locate son

    thank you for your advise. We so far cannot locate any info about mothers death. We do not know what county in Ny she died in and we dont know if a obit went into a paper. So far we have not found any thing . We called the NY family court and they recommend to file a petition in NC ( where the dad is curently visiting) to get the ball rolling. We still are not sure where the child is or with whom. SS death archives Latest posting is September the 30th. and they say the mother died October the 9th so we will keep checking. I will keep you informed. The father wants to call the mothers parents today to try to get some info. hopefully they will let the father know something seeing they are in thier 80s
  5. #5
    acmb05 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by sjpowerss View Post
    thank you for your advise. We so far cannot locate any info about mothers death. We do not know what county in Ny she died in and we dont know if a obit went into a paper. So far we have not found any thing . We called the NY family court and they recommend to file a petition in NC ( where the dad is curently visiting) to get the ball rolling. We still are not sure where the child is or with whom. SS death archives Latest posting is September the 30th. and they say the mother died October the 9th so we will keep checking. I will keep you informed. The father wants to call the mothers parents today to try to get some info. hopefully they will let the father know something seeing they are in thier 80s
    You can also just call SS and ask, or you could just Google the mothers name and see if anything pops up on that
  6. #6
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by sjpowerss View Post
    thank you for your advise. We so far cannot locate any info about mothers death. We do not know what county in Ny she died in and we dont know if a obit went into a paper. So far we have not found any thing . We called the NY family court and they recommend to file a petition in NC ( where the dad is curently visiting) to get the ball rolling. We still are not sure where the child is or with whom. SS death archives Latest posting is September the 30th. and they say the mother died October the 9th so we will keep checking. I will keep you informed. The father wants to call the mothers parents today to try to get some info. hopefully they will let the father know something seeing they are in thier 80s
    Dad should tell them he wants to come and get his child, and that he needs to know where his child is. He has a right to access his child, and to get them some counseling to help them deal with their loss, presuming this is a child of the marriage.

    REgardless of their feelings. this was still his wife, and it was HIS right and responsibility to be with his child and to handle matters.
  7. #7
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nextwife View Post
    Dad should tell them he wants to come and get his child, and that he needs to know where his child is. He has a right to access his child, and to get them some counseling to help them deal with their loss, presuming this is a child of the marriage.

    REgardless of their feelings. this was still his wife, and it was HIS right and responsibility to be with his child and to handle matters.
    OP, your son NEEDS to fly to NY immediately. Because they were still married there are legal ramifications involved with her death. Unless mom left a POA naming her parents as responsible for making decisions after her death, that responsibility is the husband's. OP's son is the one who should have been consulted and made the final decision on everything.

    Then there are the estate issues -- If there was no will then by intestate succession he inherits at least a percentage depending on whether this woman had any other children who were not his.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  8. #8
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    I am sorry for your family's loss.
    I had a case many years ago and the children were spirited away and hidden in plain sight by a sibling on a UMSC base all the while telling the husband they didn't know where the child was, but that was in the days when internet access was rare, strangely it involved NY also.

    Social Security Death index will do no good yet as it is updated on a delayed basis.

    Much will depend on what the child custody and visitation orders in NY are and what their history of domestic violance is, if any. I fear it may be somewhat complex if OP makes reference to a love/hate relationship. These types of relaitonships often yield custody arrangements leaving the non custodial parent making concessions just to see their children at all.

    Your son should inquire again re the location of the child, and the place of mom's death, then he can take his custody papers and make emergency petition to the court to award him custody of his child in NC and the courts will communicate with each other to decide the jurisdiction and award custody at least on a tempoary basis, failing this, he can petition the court to appoint a GAL to represent the minor child in all the probate and other matters. He should also apply to be the child's representitive payee at the social security office, don't be surprised if her relatives have beat him to that in good or bad faith.
  9. #9
    WA_DAD is offline Junior Member
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    Minor Child

    If your son has joint custody, and the parents of his wife know where the child is but are not telling him, tell him to calmly call the police, or visit them in their jursidiction and report a kidnapping, and then if all goes right an amber alert will be issued, furthermore if these people or whomever has the child they will have a hard time trying to petition a court of law for emergency temporary custody of a child that has been kidnapped.

    I am sorry for your son's loss.

    WA_DAD
    Last edited by WA_DAD; 10-26-2006 at 12:50 PM.
  10. #10
    sjpowerss is offline Junior Member
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    mother died, father has located the son update

    well we found the son. He is with the mothers parents. They let the boy talk to his dad today. The grandparents asked me today if i wanted the baby. I was wondered why they asked me this and not the father this question. I replied that I wanted what was best for the child. We asked if we can drive up to see the baby today or tommorow and the grandparents wanted to talk to another daughter first so we can have a meeting. I do not put 100 percent trust in things. So my next question is, Do we just go and pick up the baby if they let us in or do we file some sort of paperwork with the courts in NY or with the courts in NC? How do we find out if there are any papers filed stating who has the legal rights to the boy? We want to make sure we do everything legal.
  11. #11
    BL
    BL is offline Senior Member
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    How do we find out if there are any papers filed stating who has the legal rights to the boy?
    Ask them first , and/or go early enough to the local Family Court Courthouse to the records dept. with a copy of any Court Orders , Dads ID , and ask the Clerk to check the file .

    If nothings been filed and after meeting , they won't allow Dad to take the child , call the Local Police Dept. to assist the transfer .
  12. #12
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by sjpowerss View Post
    well we found the son. He is with the mothers parents. They let the boy talk to his dad today. The grandparents asked me today if i wanted the baby. I was wondered why they asked me this and not the father this question. I replied that I wanted what was best for the child. We asked if we can drive up to see the baby today or tommorow and the grandparents wanted to talk to another daughter first so we can have a meeting. I do not put 100 percent trust in things. So my next question is, Do we just go and pick up the baby if they let us in or do we file some sort of paperwork with the courts in NY or with the courts in NC? How do we find out if there are any papers filed stating who has the legal rights to the boy? We want to make sure we do everything legal.
    Is there a restraining order in place against your son? If not, and there are no court orders barring him from custody, and the parents were still married -- which according to your post they were -- then the grandparents CANNOT keep dad from his child. If they try it is parental interference among other things. Basically a crime. Tell them they either let your son take the child OR he will have them arrested and then call the police.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  13. #13
    sjpowerss is offline Junior Member
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    update on mom and dad

    we just talked to the sister. She was trying to feel out on things and they are hoping that the dad gives up rights to the baby so they place the baby up for adoption to family friends who expressed a intrest in the baby, Any ways we will be driving to new york to hopefully get the baby. If they try to hide the baby then we will involve the police. The father is prepared to raise this child so wish us luck.
  14. #14
    Shay-Pari'e is offline Senior Member
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    Is anyone realling buying this K-Dar stuff?
  15. #15
    sjpowerss is offline Junior Member
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    up date on child/ courts

    This seems as if it will be complicated. We went to ny and we called the grandparents to ask to see the child. They said no. We were so far able to find out that the mother did indeed divorce the father and had a order of protection with her and the childs name on it. My son did not know about the divorce. It bacame final while she was in hospice.
    Any ways we have filed a removal for order of protection and custody in the proper county in NY state. So now we wait for court. In the meantime the court did appoint a legal guardian of the baby thru the court system. Now we wait and see i guess

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