Mother not obeying court orders

[bystander14]

What is the name of your state? Minnesota

My fiance's ex has no concern for the children. They have joint legal custody, she has full physical custody. He tried for shared physical but she told him "only if you pay me $1000 a month for 10 years". He said no, and since they couldn't agree, the court automatically gave her physical custody. Not to mention she got the house they had together for 10 years and everything in the house. The judge's reasoning was so that the kids would be able to stay in their stable environment. As soon as the divorce was final she sold it and moved into her boyfriends. That was 10 months ago, they are now seperated and her and the kids moved into her sisters house in yet another school district. The problem we have right now is she wants him to take the kids all of the time, but she wants her child support and that is why she wants full custody. We take them 1 night a week (sometimes 2) and every other weekend. He only has to give her 24 hours notice when he cannot take them on his parenting time (and this schedule was also court ordered). We have followed the court order and the only time he does not take the kids on his parenting time is maybe 2 weekends a year. Well, she hates the schedule because she wants him to take them more and she showed up last weekend and dropped the kids off after he gave her 4 days notice that he could not take them last weekend. He was not home, I was. So I let them stay, I do not want them to think that we do not want them, but I am sick of letting her get away with all of this. She also is always late, usually at least an hour, when she comes to pick them up. She was court ordered to let Dave claim the oldest on his taxes, she didn't care and filed her taxes first, taking the deduction. When he filed his, he got a letter back from the state saying that the child was already used as a deduction and he cannot do that. We have already spent so much money on court. Is there anything we can do? We keep a calendar that lists everytime we have the kids and every little problem we have with her. How long do we do this before we take her to court? Is there anything I can do because she drops the kids off and he is not there? I am perfectly capable of taking care of them, but I am not their parent and that is not my responsibility when it is her parenting time.

 

[stealth2]

What is it that Dad actually wants?

If he informs her that he's not using his visitation time and she tries to drop off the kids, you don't have to take them. If you do, well, it's your choice.

 

[legalcuriosity]

What is the name of your state? Minnesota

My fiance's ex has no concern for the children. They have joint legal custody, she has full physical custody. He tried for shared physical but she told him "only if you pay me $1000 a month for 10 years". He said no, and since they couldn't agree, the court automatically gave her physical custody. Not to mention she got the house they had together for 10 years and everything in the house. The judge's reasoning was so that the kids would be able to stay in their stable environment. As soon as the divorce was final she sold it and moved into her boyfriends. That was 10 months ago, they are now seperated and her and the kids moved into her sisters house in yet another school district. The problem we have right now is she wants him to take the kids all of the time, but she wants her child support and that is why she wants full custody. We take them 1 night a week (sometimes 2) and every other weekend. He only has to give her 24 hours notice when he cannot take them on his parenting time (and this schedule was also court ordered). We have followed the court order and the only time he does not take the kids on his parenting time is maybe 2 weekends a year. Well, she hates the schedule because she wants him to take them more and she showed up last weekend and dropped the kids off after he gave her 4 days notice that he could not take them last weekend. He was not home, I was. So I let them stay, I do not want them to think that we do not want them, but I am sick of letting her get away with all of this. She also is always late, usually at least an hour, when she comes to pick them up. She was court ordered to let Dave claim the oldest on his taxes, she didn't care and filed her taxes first, taking the deduction. When he filed his, he got a letter back from the state saying that the child was already used as a deduction and he cannot do that. We have already spent so much money on court. Is there anything we can do? We keep a calendar that lists everytime we have the kids and every little problem we have with her. How long do we do this before we take her to court? Is there anything I can do because she drops the kids off and he is not there? I am perfectly capable of taking care of them, but I am not their parent and that is not my responsibility when it is her parenting time.

If she is violating any parts of the court order, contempt charges MUST be filed for each and every one. The calendar you guys have is excellent proof.

 

[bystander14]

He would like shared custody. She is not incapable of taking care of them and not abusing them and since they cannot agree on anything, the court won't grant shared custody (unless we can prove otherwise). That is basically why we are keeping such detailed lists so we have something to show.

When she dropped the kids off they just ran in (they are 10 & 5). She threw their clothes outside and took off. I didn't have a chance to put them back in the car. She tried to avoid me as much as she could without even getting out of the car more than throwing out their stuff. I don't know what else I could have done. Do I need to call the cops if that happens again?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You are not married to dad and you are not party to these orders so there is no legal "we" that you keep refering to.

Your BF can file for a modification if he choses, perhaps adding first right of refusal if he wants to see them more but still say no when he can't. Since they had a long term marriage, she is going to be entitled to some things you don't believe are fair or may feel like contempt to you, but to file for contempt when he is getting what he wants may backfire. This really sounds like it is a matter of money more so than violation of a court order.

 

[legalcuriosity]

He would like shared custody. She is not incapable of taking care of them and not abusing them and since they cannot agree on anything, the court won't grant shared custody (unless we can prove otherwise). That is basically why we are keeping such detailed lists so we have something to show.

He must prove SHE is the one who is making things difficult, in not willing to compromise, get along, etc. IIRC, that is criteria in every state when it comes to ordering shared custody/parenting.

 

[SingleMom67]

She was court ordered to let Dave claim the oldest on his taxes, she didn't care and filed her taxes first, taking the deduction. When he filed his, he got a letter back from the state saying that the child was already used as a deduction and he cannot do that.

At least this part is easy. All you have to do with this is send a copy of the court order showing the father was granted the exemption for the one son. The IRS and/or State will go back to the mother for the refund plus interest!!! But they need to see proof of the judge's order to do this.

 

[LdiJ]

At least this part is easy. All you have to do with this is send a copy of the court order showing the father was granted the exemption for the one son. The IRS and/or State will go back to the mother for the refund plus interest!!! But they need to see proof of the judge's order to do this.

Actually, if mom filed first then dad would have to file a paper return (wouldn't be able to file electronically) but as long as dad is current on his child support, and has the court orders to show that he has the exemption for the child, mom should eventually have to pay back the IRS and the state.

 

[bystander14]

You are right, I do not think it is fair that she got everything she did. I would understand it more if she actually kept the kids there instead of moving them 3 times in the last year. The kids are always at a babysitter when she has them, and not just because of work, every other weekend that she has them, they are at a sitter or somewhere, and never with her. He is documenting everything that he knows about. I just feel like I am getting thrown in the middle now, and it is not because of Dave, she is doing it. Maybe I am making it my problem by marrying him, but no matter what, she is their mother and I have no legal right to anything with these kids. She is making them my responsibility when she dropped them off and she knew that he was not home. I don't want the kids to feel like no one wants them, they do not understand all this stuff, nor should they have to worry about it. I am just trying to get any info that I can so I can understand what the procedures are and how much does Dave need to take her to court and have a chance of anything happening. Does she need to be held in contempt more than once? Does he just keep filing for every little thing she does against the court orders so that their is a history documented? Or does he just keep track for a couple more years and do it at one time? Unfortunately the mom has to be pretty bad for anything to happen against her here, at least as far as any other cases that I know about. The fathers do not have very many rights.

 

[bystander14]

You are right, I do not think it is fair that she got everything she did. I would understand it more if she actually kept the kids there instead of moving them 3 times in the last year. The kids are always at a babysitter when she has them, and not just because of work, every other weekend that she has them, they are at a sitter or somewhere, and never with her. He is documenting everything that he knows about. I just feel like I am getting thrown in the middle now, and it is not because of Dave, she is doing it. Maybe I am making it my problem by marrying him, but no matter what, she is their mother and I have no legal right to anything with these kids. She is making them my responsibility when she dropped them off and she knew that he was not home. I don't want the kids to feel like no one wants them, they do not understand all this stuff, nor should they have to worry about it. I am just trying to get any info that I can so I can understand what the procedures are and how much does Dave need to take her to court and have a chance of anything happening. Does she need to be held in contempt more than once? Does he just keep filing for every little thing she does against the court orders so that their is a history documented? Or does he just keep track for a couple more years and do it at one time? I suppose every situation is different and every judge is different. I am just very frustrated at this point and didn't know where to turn. I hate the thought of her getting away with this stuff for the next 13 years if he can do something about it.

 

[bystander14]

When he sent his taxes in, he send the court order and a letter telling them the situation. Federal taxes seemed to be fine, they gave him the correct amount. But for the Minnesota tax, they sent him a letter and said since she was already taken as a deduction he could not. They adjusted his taxes accordingly (without the deduction). Is there something he can do now, after that even, with the state?

 

[bystander14]

sorry about the duplicate post, not sure what happened there. Thanks for the info you are giving me. Anything more that I can know to understand helps me mentally!!

 

[SingleMom67]

When he sent his taxes in, he send the court order and a letter telling them the situation. Federal taxes seemed to be fine, they gave him the correct amount. But for the Minnesota tax, they sent him a letter and said since she was already taken as a deduction he could not. They adjusted his taxes accordingly (without the deduction). Is there something he can do now, after that even, with the state?

What does the court order state? Does it specifically allow for the state exemption? If so, he needs to contact the state department again and keep pushing the appeal review.

 

[bystander14]

That is a good question, I am not sure, and I don't think he realized that they could be 2 seperate issues (state and federal). Thank you, I will let him know that and he can check into it.

 

[Ljnsy]

When he sent his taxes in, he send the court order and a letter telling them the situation. Federal taxes seemed to be fine, they gave him the correct amount. But for the Minnesota tax, they sent him a letter and said since she was already taken as a deduction he could not. They adjusted his taxes accordingly (without the deduction). Is there something he can do now, after that even, with the state?

When my ex and I divorced, the court papers stated that he could claim my son every other year on his federal taxes, however, in order for him to do that I have to sign a release form every other year for him to send in with them. It is form # 8332 (Release of claim to exemption for child of divorced or seperated parents). If he does not have this signed form, he is not legally (as far as the IRS is concerned) able to claim his child/ren.
My ex actually brought me the form a couple of years ago with all of his claimable years on it up until my son is 18.
Then one year I claimed (without thinking) him when X was supposed to and boy did I go through a lot of trouble to get MY taxes straightened out. LOL
Please tell him to make sure he gets that form signed by her so this will not happen again.
If I were him, I would contact the IRS and tell them what the problem is. Some one there should be able to help him out.

Sorry, I don't know what he can do about the state thing, since I live in NH and we don't have state tax here. I'm wondering if your state has a similar form that his ex needs to sign so that he can claim the kids.

Also, things might "seem" to be fine with the federal taxes, but if that form wasn't enclosed with the other tax forms, there may be a problem. It seems to take the IRS quite a while before they get around to informing you of any mistakes made. I'm not sure that the court papers would be enough for the IRS to allow him to claim them.