Mother seeking custody w/o visitation

[MR_2015]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

I am in the process of divorcing my husband and he recently decided he should be the primary care provider for our 2 yr. old.

I was previously a stay-at-home mom, but now I work from home and have consistently paying all my bills since he left. There's no reason why our child should stay with a 3rd party all week while I'm home. I was advised to get a restraining order when he took my daughter to his parents and refused to give her back. I had to call the police to get him to agree to a trial joint custody. But ultimately I was too afraid of what he and his family might do and decided against the restraining order. I'm kicking myself for it now.

A few facts:
Our child was born out of wedlock.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him lying about our child's injuries.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him refusing to tell me the doctor she's seen.
He works full time and makes much more money than I do.

His entire argument is that I'm an unfit parent. But he's consistently shown that he's mounting an aggressive campaign to paint me in a bad light. He's already demonstrated that he's willing to take my child away, lie about injuries, and has no respect for me as a parent. How can I joint parent with someone who treats me this way?

I want full custody of my child without visitation. But I don't know if I have a strong enough case against him to enforce that.

 

[Zigner]

Why do you think the father shouldn't be able to visit his child?

Why should you be able to get a restraining order against him? He took his child. Your option is to file in court. He doesn't need to agree to you filing...you just do it.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

I am in the process of divorcing my husband and he recently decided he should be the primary care provider for our 2 yr. old.

I was previously a stay-at-home mom, but now I work from home and have consistently paying all my bills since he left. There's no reason why our child should stay with a 3rd party all week while I'm home. I was advised to get a restraining order when he took my daughter to his parents and refused to give her back. I had to call the police to get him to agree to a trial joint custody. But ultimately I was too afraid of what he and his family might do and decided against the restraining order. I'm kicking myself for it now.

A few facts:
Our child was born out of wedlock.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him lying about our child's injuries.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him refusing to tell me the doctor she's seen.
He works full time and makes much more money than I do.

His entire argument is that I'm an unfit parent. But he's consistently shown that he's mounting an aggressive campaign to paint me in a bad light. He's already demonstrated that he's willing to take my child away, lie about injuries, and has no respect for me as a parent. How can I joint parent with someone who treats me this way?

I want full custody of my child without visitation. But I don't know if I have a strong enough case against him to enforce that.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

I am in the process of divorcing my husband and he recently decided he should be the primary care provider for our 2 yr. old.

I was previously a stay-at-home mom, but now I work from home and have consistently paying all my bills since he left. There's no reason why our child should stay with a 3rd party all week while I'm home. I was advised to get a restraining order when he took my daughter to his parents and refused to give her back. I had to call the police to get him to agree to a trial joint custody.

Why was a restraining order advised? Is he not the child's father? Is he not allowed to have equal rights to see his child?

But ultimately I was too afraid of what he and his family might do and decided against the restraining order. I'm kicking myself for it now.

A few facts:
Our child was born out of wedlock.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him lying about our child's injuries.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him refusing to tell me the doctor she's seen.
He works full time and makes much more money than I do.

His entire argument is that I'm an unfit parent. But he's consistently shown that he's mounting an aggressive campaign to paint me in a bad light. He's already demonstrated that he's willing to take my child away, lie about injuries, and has no respect for me as a parent. How can I joint parent with someone who treats me this way?

I want full custody of my child without visitation. But I don't know if I have a strong enough case against him to enforce that.

Please explain why he should not see his child.

 

[CJane]

The child was born before you were married - was paternity ever legally established?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

I am in the process of divorcing my husband and he recently decided he should be the primary care provider for our 2 yr. old.

I was previously a stay-at-home mom, but now I work from home and have consistently paying all my bills since he left. There's no reason why our child should stay with a 3rd party all week while I'm home. I was advised to get a restraining order when he took my daughter to his parents and refused to give her back. I had to call the police to get him to agree to a trial joint custody. But ultimately I was too afraid of what he and his family might do and decided against the restraining order. I'm kicking myself for it now.

A few facts:
Our child was born out of wedlock.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him lying about our child's injuries.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him refusing to tell me the doctor she's seen.
He works full time and makes much more money than I do.

His entire argument is that I'm an unfit parent. But he's consistently shown that he's mounting an aggressive campaign to paint me in a bad light. He's already demonstrated that he's willing to take my child away, lie about injuries, and has no respect for me as a parent. How can I joint parent with someone who treats me this way?

I want full custody of my child without visitation. But I don't know if I have a strong enough case against him to enforce that.

If you can possibly swing an attorney you should get one. The fact that you were a stay at home mom and the primary care provider for the child, plus the fact that you now work from home and can still be there for the child, should make it almost a shoe in for you to have primary custody. However, if you roll over and play dead and/or allow yourself to be intimidated by him, it could go badly. That is why you need an attorney.

 

[Proserpina]

If you can possibly swing an attorney you should get one. The fact that you were a stay at home mom and the primary care provider for the child, plus the fact that you now work from home and can still be there for the child, should make it almost a shoe in for you to have primary custody. However, if you roll over and play dead and/or allow yourself to be intimidated by him, it could go badly. That is why you need an attorney.

If she goes into this with the same attitude she's shown, primary custody is not a shoe-in by any means. She's asking for no visitation at all. She's also making it quite clear that this is less about the child than it perhaps should be.

 

[t74]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

I am in the process of divorcing my husband and he recently decided he should be the primary care provider for our 2 yr. old.

I was previously a stay-at-home mom, but now I work from home and have consistently paying all my bills since he left. There's no reason why our child should stay with a 3rd party all week while I'm home. I was advised to get a restraining order when he took my daughter to his parents and refused to give her back. I had to call the police to get him to agree to a trial joint custody. But ultimately I was too afraid of what he and his family might do and decided against the restraining order. I'm kicking myself for it now.

A few facts:
Our child was born out of wedlock.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him lying about our child's injuries.
I have evidence via chat transcripts showing him refusing to tell me the doctor she's seen.
He works full time and makes much more money than I do.

His entire argument is that I'm an unfit parent. But he's consistently shown that he's mounting an aggressive campaign to paint me in a bad light. He's already demonstrated that he's willing to take my child away, lie about injuries, and has no respect for me as a parent. How can I joint parent with someone who treats me this way?

I want full custody of my child without visitation. But I don't know if I have a strong enough case against him to enforce that.

Does your employer approve of you taking time from your duties for child care? Many people who work in their home office still find it necessary to place their child with others so they can actually get their work done.

 

[Astrolink]

What is your current parenting schedule and how long has it been in place?

 

[Proserpina]

What is your current parenting schedule and how long has it been in place?

Well, they're not yet divorced soo.. I'll go with "no orders in place".

Though I'd like to know exactly why Dad was apparently prohibited from taking the child himself.

 

[LdiJ]

If she goes into this with the same attitude she's shown, primary custody is not a shoe-in by any means. She's asking for no visitation at all. She's also making it quite clear that this is less about the child than it perhaps should be.

Well...of course the "no visitation" bit is never going to happen. Dad would have to practically be an axe murder for that to happen. However, I hold mom and dad equal in the whole "less about the child than it perhaps should be". After all, dad did attempt a snatch/keep the child away from mom. Since dad was able to do so, apparently mom wasn't keeping dad away from the child at that time.

I also get a faint whiff of potentially over influencing grandparents here too.

 

[Astrolink]

Well, they're not yet divorced soo.. I'll go with "no orders in place".

Though I'd like to know exactly why Dad was apparently prohibited from taking the child himself.

I was under the impression that possibly they aren't in the same household already and might have some kind of parenting schedule in place; was looking to see if any kind of status quo had already been established.

 

[LdiJ]

I was under the impression that possibly they aren't in the same household already and might have some kind of parenting schedule in place; was looking to see if any kind of status quo had already been established.

She did say that dad had moved out and that she had been paying the bills on her own just fine...so that would tend to indicate that they are already separated. However, she also said that she had gotten the police involved and THEY convinced dad to agree to a "trial joint custody" so it does sound like if anything is there, its completely informal.

 

[Proserpina]

Well...of course the "no visitation" bit is never going to happen. Dad would have to practically be an axe murder for that to happen. However, I hold mom and dad equal in the whole "less about the child than it perhaps should be". After all, dad did attempt a snatch/keep the child away from mom. Since dad was able to do so, apparently mom wasn't keeping dad away from the child at that time.

Or he maybe he simply wanted to take his child to visit his family. Given Mom's very clear and extreme reaction - to remove Dad completely - I'm not convinced at all that she's thinking about best interest and I'm also questioning what actually happened.

I also get a faint whiff of potentially over influencing grandparents here too.

And here I am thinking it was the cows outside the window