Moving Out Of State

[MamaK16]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

Hello! I am divorced, I have primary physical custody but we share joint custody, and he pays child support monthly. We have 2 minor children; 4.5 and 2.5. Standard visitation at every other week (not weekend as his off days are during the week) and 2 weeks during the Summer. Our oldest starts PreK in August that we share cost of tuition for, as stated in decree. He sees them only his 4 days per month (occasionally 6 days at most) with no extras for them otherwise. If he sees them additional it's because I'll stop by and/or take them to see him for a few if I'm nearby. We are currently local to his residence. I'm a stay at home mom.

I will be remarrying within the year. We are looking at a job transfer to Charleston in the next 1.5yrs + a few months. It will be 5hrs from their dad's home. It doesn't state anything at all about moving out of state, etc in our decree, so I'm curious as to how this process goes or should go? Do I need to return to court? What steps do I need to take? What usually happens in a case like this? Our divorce was a very civilized, standard uncontested divorce. We are still good friends. Thanks!!

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

Hello! I am divorced, I have primary physical custody but we share joint custody, and he pays child support monthly. We have 2 minor children; 4.5 and 2.5. Standard visitation at every other week (not weekend as his off days are during the week) and 2 weeks during the Summer. Our oldest starts PreK in August that we share cost of tuition for, as stated in decree. He sees them only his 4 days per month (occasionally 6 days at most) with no extras for them otherwise. If he sees them additional it's because I'll stop by and/or take them to see him for a few if I'm nearby. We are currently local to his residence. I'm a stay at home mom.

I will be remarrying within the year. We are looking at a job transfer to Charleston in the next 1.5yrs + a few months. It will be 5hrs from their dad's home. It doesn't state anything at all about moving out of state, etc in our decree, so I'm curious as to how this process goes or should go? Do I need to return to court? What steps do I need to take? What usually happens in a case like this? Our divorce was a very civilized, standard uncontested divorce. We are still good friends. Thanks!!

What kind of visitation are you willing to offer Dad? Are you going to absorb the cost of visitation?

 

[MamaK16]

What kind of visitation are you willing to offer Dad? Are you going to absorb the cost of visitation?

Honestly, I was going to suggest we meet halfway during visitation weeks for pick up/drop off (of course he would have to change his work schedule regardless because of our oldest starting school; he won't be able to get her there now or even if we moved). I was going to offer additional time during Summer also, however, he has access to them whenever and however much he wants now but doesn't choose to. Like I said, he sees them 4 days a month, at rare 6 days, and more only if I am nearby and stop in so they can see each other.

I've never been in this situation before so I'm honestly not sure what to expect, to get, etc. My fiancé and I already pretty much take care of everything. I had deviated his CS for his sake when we got divorced, I cover their insurance, in our decree he's suppose to pay out 1/2 for clothes, etc in addition and does not (nor do I enforce it), and more.

He also claims our youngest on taxes, as I agreed to let him.

 

[CdwJava]

Have you talked to dad about this? Any agreement that forces a change in the circumstances should really be run by him first. If you do not want this to end up in a fight, you will need to get his buy-in. Since your move will necessitate a change in his visitation days (potentially to days he will be working), and will add driving time to accommodate pick-up and drop-off on days that he may be working, this could be looked upon with some disfavor by the court if he seeks to challenge the changes.

So, getting his agreement on any changes is very important lest you run the risk of losing the otherwise positive relationship you have thus far cultivated.

 

[Proserpina]

Honestly, I was going to suggest we meet halfway during visitation weeks for pick up/drop off (of course he would have to change his work schedule regardless because of our oldest starting school; he won't be able to get her there now or even if we moved). I was going to offer additional time during Summer also, however, he has access to them whenever and however much he wants now but doesn't choose to. Like I said, he sees them 4 days a month, at rare 6 days, and more only if I am nearby and stop in so they can see each other.

I've never been in this situation before so I'm honestly not sure what to expect, to get, etc. My fiancé and I already pretty much take care of everything. I had deviated his CS for his sake when we got divorced, I cover their insurance, in our decree he's suppose to pay out 1/2 for clothes, etc in addition and does not (nor do I enforce it), and more.

He also claims our youngest on taxes, as I agreed to let him.

Because you're not quite ready to go ahead, I think it would be a good idea to have a chat with an attorney sooner rather than later. You'll get a far better idea of what you can expect, since the attorney will know how the judges tend to rule in your locale.

 

[MamaK16]

Have you talked to dad about this? Any agreement that forces a change in the circumstances should really be run by him first. If you do not want this to end up in a fight, you will need to get his buy-in. Since your move will necessitate a change in his visitation days (potentially to days he will be working), and will add driving time to accommodate pick-up and drop-off on days that he may be working, this could be looked upon with some disfavor by the court if he seeks to challenge the changes.

So, getting his agreement on any changes is very important lest you run the risk of losing the otherwise positive relationship you have thus far cultivated.

Should I get this discussion and "approval" or buy-in, in writing long beforehand? He has to change his days off anyways soon because our oldest starts school in August, and during the week he can't guarantee being able to get her there. I do see what you're saying but is this something I need to record or have him agree to in writing? He does know we have heavily talked about moving. He's never really commented on it really. If he doesn't agree, how does something like this usually turn out? I've been so lenient thus far, and he's only around a handful of days per month.

 

[MamaK16]

Because you're not quite ready to go ahead, I think it would be a good idea to have a chat with an attorney sooner rather than later. You'll get a far better idea of what you can expect, since the attorney will know how the judges tend to rule in your locale.

Exactly why I'm asking and looking into my options, needed plan of action, etc. We are discussing details, plans, etc of the move as is and I know this would come up. So, it's part of the planning. I didn't ever realize moving to a different state with kids having primary custody was so tedious and something to tread carefully on. Lol Glad I asked!

 

[stealth2]

Note.... Technically, Dad does not have to change his hours until the oldest child reaches the age of compulsory education - which is 6 in GA, and 5 by September 1 in SC. PreK is not school; as good as it is, it is still not "school".

I'm sure GA has some sort of statutory requirement for notifying the other parent when relocating the children. Typically, states require at least 30 days - you should research GA's requirements. Of course, waiting until 30 days before would likely end the amicable relationship w/Dad. So I agree that talking to Dad sooner rather than later would be wise.

Also consider how you will split holidays - typically a long distance plan calls for alternating holidays and school breaks. You should also consider how you will handle the transportation when/if you have another child - that drive will get old rather quickly. He could request - and a court would likely grant - air travel, with one of you accompanying until the youngest is old enough to fly UM (unaccompanied minor), which is usually 5, with some restrictions. Note that a court may order you to provide all transport, since you are creating the distance. Assuming an agreement cannot be reached.

 

[CdwJava]

Should I get this discussion and "approval" or buy-in, in writing long beforehand?

In writing AND approved by the court so that it can be made an official part of the custody and visitation orders. Anything less than a court order can be largely ignored at most any time.

He has to change his days off anyways soon because our oldest starts school in August, and during the week he can't guarantee being able to get her there. I do see what you're saying but is this something I need to record or have him agree to in writing? He does know we have heavily talked about moving. He's never really commented on it really. If he doesn't agree, how does something like this usually turn out? I've been so lenient thus far, and he's only around a handful of days per month.

If he does NOT agree, you may have to go to court to convince a judge that this move is in the best interests of the children. But, you may also be ordered to deliver the children TO dad rather than his meeting you half way.

There's really no way to predict what an unknown judge will do in an unknown court. But, since it is YOUR decision to move out of state and take the children away from dad, be prepared for that to play against you at least in a small way should it have to go to court.

 

[t74]

Is this a military transfer or just your fiance doing an intra-company relocation?

 

[MamaK16]

Thank you all so very much!

My fiance and I actually have a child together already. He is 5wks old!

I am open and have been very lenient with visitation. He can see and have them whenever he chooses. If we moved, I'm willing and open to extended any time with his kids whenever school is not in session. However, his job/employer, doesn't offer but Thanksgiving and Christmas Day off, and he gets 3wks paid vacay a year because he's been with the company for many years! He's a good dad, but chooses the minimum himself, and we are local. I did speak with him this AM to just start getting him even more use to the idea, and he was concerned with travel and seeing them less. I reassured him he would see them the same, plus our family is here so we would visit, etc. He did bring up our oldest going to school and already considering that he couldn't get her to/from school even being local to her, so his work schedule would have to change for that regardless. She will begin school "officially" (Kindergarten) in August 2017. My fiance and I have had her in a private Christian "pre-K" the last year, 3 days a week, that we paid for. We never expected or asked him to contribute. He works 10+hrs a day, 30mn commutes one way to his work. It's in our decree holidays are alternated and split. However, we usually work that out ourselves as they come along depending on his schedule, ability, etc.

Is this a military transfer or just your fiance doing an intra-company relocation?

No, not military. Company transfer. A great job offer. He does very well here with his company now but we do want to plant our feet there (in Charleston, at the beach) and settle down there with our family.

 

[stealth2]

Parenting doesn't run on time off/vacations. But if he doesn't want the time...

 

[MamaK16]

Parenting doesn't run on time off/vacations. But if he doesn't want the time...

Agreed. But that's all the time he has. And even when off extra, he doesn't ask for additional time or ask to come by for a hello.

 

[stealth2]

Agreed. But that's all the time he has. And even when off extra, he doesn't ask for additional time or ask to come by for a hello.

You miss the point - parents have to parent through working, illness, etc. Shame neither of you seem to understand that.

 

[t74]

Thank you all so very much!

My fiance and I actually have a child together already. He is 5wks old!

I am open and have been very lenient with visitation. He can see and have them whenever he chooses. If we moved, I'm willing and open to extended any time with his kids whenever school is not in session. However, his job/employer, doesn't offer but Thanksgiving and Christmas Day off, and he gets 3wks paid vacay a year because he's been with the company for many years! He's a good dad, but chooses the minimum himself, and we are local. I did speak with him this AM to just start getting him even more use to the idea, and he was concerned with travel and seeing them less. I reassured him he would see them the same, plus our family is here so we would visit, etc. He did bring up our oldest going to school and already considering that he couldn't get her to/from school even being local to her, so his work schedule would have to change for that regardless. She will begin school "officially" (Kindergarten) in August 2017. My fiance and I have had her in a private Christian "pre-K" the last year, 3 days a week, that we paid for. We never expected or asked him to contribute. He works 10+hrs a day, 30mn commutes one way to his work. It's in our decree holidays are alternated and split. However, we usually work that out ourselves as they come along depending on his schedule, ability, etc.



No, not military. Company transfer. A great job offer. He does very well here with his company now but we do want to plant our feet there (in Charleston, at the beach) and settle down there with our family.

You are choosing for your fiance to have a job he likes more and a location you prefer to live in over your child's relationship with Dad. Since custody can change, are you willing to live with the proposal you are making to Dad? And, why should he take 10 hours out of each visit to drive; you are a SAHM so you lose far less if you do all of the transportation.