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  1. #1
    OtherKitten is offline Junior Member
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    Multiple DFS Calls = Harrassment?

    What is the name of your state? Missouri

    Hi all, I've never posted here before, but I'm desperate for some direction.

    We recently were granted visitation with my husband's son. Prior to going to court, we had no agreement (though we did pay child support), and we saw him whenever his mom decided it was okay with her. We live 3.5 hours apart, and we did all the driving prior to the court order. Now we have regular scheduled visits; his mom has to drive one way, and she and her new husband are VERY unhappy with the arrangement.

    In the past few months, my stepson's mom and her husband have reported us to DFS a number of times, for offenses ranging from a splinter in his finger to there not being enough pairs of socks at our house to us getting his hair cut without their permission. The DFS has not followed up on any of the reports (and we don't wonder why), but upon asking the mom why they don't just talk to us about any complaints they have, she responded that she thinks going through DFS is the best way, and that they will be taking their problems that route.

    I am concerned about what effect this may have on my husband and I. Will it affect our credit or disqualify us from jobs that require security clearance? Will a giant pile of DFS reports ultimately get our custody order repealed, even if all the reports are frivolous?

    Maybe more importantly, is there anything we can do?

    Does anyone here have any experience with this kind of thing?

    ANY help would be most gratefully appreciated.
    Thanks.What is the name of your state?
  2. #2
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    What is the name of your state? Missouri

    Hi all, I've never posted here before, but I'm desperate for some direction.
    You didn't read the sticky.

    We recently were granted visitation with my husband's son.
    WE were not granted visitation with the hubby's son.

    Prior to going to court, we had no agreement (though we did pay child support),
    WE still do not have an agreement and WE do not pay child support.

    and we saw him whenever his mom decided it was okay with her.
    You are lucky to see him now. Dad apparently did not marry mom. And hence had a child out of wedlock.

    We live 3.5 hours apart, and we did all the driving prior to the court order.
    Dad and MOM live 3.5 hours apart. And if you did driving that was on you. YOU did not have to.

    Now we have regular scheduled visits; his mom has to drive one way, and she and her new husband are VERY unhappy with the arrangement.
    Oh WE do NOT have regular scheduled visits. Hubby does. And oh well on them being unhappy.

    In the past few months, my stepson's mom and her husband have reported us to DFS a number of times, for offenses ranging from a splinter in his finger to there not being enough pairs of socks at our house to us getting his hair cut without their permission. The DFS has not followed up on any of the reports (and we don't wonder why),
    DFS is REQUIRED to follow up on ALL reports.


    but upon asking the mom why they don't just talk to us about any complaints they have, she responded that she thinks going through DFS is the best way, and that they will be taking their problems that route.
    Oh well.
    I am concerned about what effect this may have on my husband and I. Will it affect our credit or disqualify us from jobs that require security clearance? Will a giant pile of DFS reports ultimately get our custody order repealed, even if all the reports are frivolous?
    YOU do NOT have a custody order.

    Maybe more importantly, is there anything we can do?
    If all the reports are frivolous dad can file a harassment complaint against mom IF he can prove she has filed them.

    Does anyone here have any experience with this kind of thing?

    ANY help would be most gratefully appreciated.
    Thanks.What is the name of your state?
    I gave you information and help.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  3. #3
    OtherKitten is offline Junior Member
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    Wow, I had been so anxiously awaiting a response in hopes that it might alleviate the extreme distress that my husband and I are feeling. Thanks so much for your incredibly quick response, Ohiogal.

    When I googled for help and came to this site, the only two options I got were to choose a forum to post in or to search for a lawyer. When I chose the forum, I got the "start a new thread" page. At no point before posting was I even aware that the sticky existed.

    I apologize for wasting your time, but I wonder how many posters have been chastised for neglecting a sticky that they never saw.
  4. #4
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by OtherKitten View Post
    I apologize for wasting your time, but I wonder how many posters have been chastised for neglecting a sticky that they never saw.
    We expect people to read and learn BEFORE posting.

    There are some unbelievably common situations in family law, and we get very tired of answering the same q over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

    Regardless. You received an answer from a family law attorney. Enough.
  5. #5
    bononos again is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by OtherKitten View Post
    Wow, I had been so anxiously awaiting a response in hopes that it might alleviate the extreme distress that my husband and I are feeling. Thanks so much for your incredibly quick response, Ohiogal.

    When I googled for help and came to this site, the only two options I got were to choose a forum to post in or to search for a lawyer. When I chose the forum, I got the "start a new thread" page. At no point before posting was I even aware that the sticky existed.

    I apologize for wasting your time, but I wonder how many posters have been chastised for neglecting a sticky that they never saw.
    It shouldn't take a "sticky" for steps to realize they're not a "we" and that they need to stop involving themselves in things that are not their problems.

    Aside from that, what did DFS say about the socks and haircut????? That's just nuts.
  6. #6
    BL
    BL is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by OtherKitten View Post
    What is the name of your state? Missouri

    Hi all, I've never posted here before, but I'm desperate for some direction.

    We recently were granted visitation with my husband's son. Prior to going to court, we had no agreement (though we did pay child support), and we saw him whenever his mom decided it was okay with her. We live 3.5 hours apart, and we did all the driving prior to the court order. Now we have regular scheduled visits; his mom has to drive one way, and she and her new husband are VERY unhappy with the arrangement.

    In the past few months, my stepson's mom and her husband have reported us to DFS a number of times, for offenses ranging from a splinter in his finger to there not being enough pairs of socks at our house to us getting his hair cut without their permission. The DFS has not followed up on any of the reports (and we don't wonder why), but upon asking the mom why they don't just talk to us about any complaints they have, she responded that she thinks going through DFS is the best way, and that they will be taking their problems that route.

    I am concerned about what effect this may have on my husband and I. Will it affect our credit or disqualify us from jobs that require security clearance? Will a giant pile of DFS reports ultimately get our custody order repealed, even if all the reports are frivolous?

    Maybe more importantly, is there anything we can do?

    Does anyone here have any experience with this kind of thing?

    ANY help would be most gratefully appreciated.
    Thanks.What is the name of your state?
    It's odd that your hubby hasn't heard from DFS .
    The reports were either founded or unfounded , or are still being investigated .

    Your hubby should be able to get the final report and status of each case , by the case numbers .
    If you are named , you should be able to,also.

    If they are all unfounded , and if it happens again , ask the investigation agent what can be done about this .

    If for any reason your hubby ends back up in Court , the issue should be brought up and dealt with .

    I am totally surprised the DFS would even take a report of not enough socks .

    Buy the kid ten pairs .. LOL
    Last edited by BL; 06-20-2008 at 03:08 PM.
  7. #7
    OtherKitten is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks so much, BL. Really, I'm very grateful to get an answer.

    Ohiogal said that DFS is required to follow up on every report, which makes me wonder if they're actually making reports or just *telling* us they made reports, as we have never been contacted by DFS at all. My husband is calling to make inquiries right now.

    As for me, the lowly step, I need to get started building the new addition on our house... we need more room for sock storage.

    Thanks again
  8. #8
    proud_parent is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by OtherKitten View Post
    Thanks so much, BL. Really, I'm very grateful to get an answer.

    Ohiogal said that DFS is required to follow up on every report, which makes me wonder if they're actually making reports or just *telling* us they made reports, as we have never been contacted by DFS at all. My husband is calling to make inquiries right now.

    As for me, the lowly step, I need to get started building the new addition on our house... we need more room for sock storage.

    Thanks again
    Just wanted to point out that it is entirely possible that they are phoning DFS, but that a report has never been made.

    I readily admit I am not familiar with guidelines for Missouri DFS caseworkers. However, analogous agencies in your neighboring states (DHS in Iowa, DCFS in Illinois) do have guidelines that they follow when screening calls. Hotline workers are trained to assess a number of criteria in making a determination whether the caller has reasonable cause to believe that a child has been abused or neglected. If Missouri DFS follows similar protocols, telephone complaints regarding haircuts and socks would not have merited the taking of a report.

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