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  1. #1
    jadddt is offline Junior Member
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    My child does not want to go to her fathers house anymore

    What is the name of your state? Kansas

    My daughter is 13 years old. Her father and I have joint custody of her. She has repeatedly made the statement that she doesn't want to go to his house on his days. I have always told her that I would never make her go, but that she has to be the one to tell him that she doesn't want to go and why. I know that the minute she tells him she doesn't want to go, that he is going to fight me on it. I want to do this the right way and not make things more difficult for my daughter. What can I do? I don't want him showing up at my house with the police. She doesn't want to go to her dad's because she does not get along with her step- mother, and her father does not support her in anything she does. She is a very active child, basketball, softball, cheerleading. He very rarely shows up for anything that she does, and this makes her feel absolutely terrible, therefore, she doesn't want to be around him. How do I do this the right way????
  2. #2
    moburkes is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jadddt View Post
    How do I do this the right way????
    By following the court order, unless you want her father to show up at your house with the police.
  3. #3
    jadddt is offline Junior Member
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    My child does not want to go to her fathers house anymore

    Does she have any rights or say if I were to try and get the visitation changed???
  4. #4
    ceara19 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jadddt View Post
    Does she have any rights or say if I were to try and get the visitation changed???
    No, children have no say in the matter. If you try to get visitation changed based i=on the information given here, if you're lucky, you will get a lecture from the judge and be ordered to pay dad's legal fees for filing a frivolous action. If you get the wrong Judge on a bad day, the Judge may decide to make YOU the visitor.
  5. #5
    joshluvscarrie Guest

    your daughter goes to see dad or she could go live with dad

    [QUOTE=jadddt;1555509 I have always told her that I would never make her go, but that she has to be the one to tell him that she doesn't want to go and why. I know that the minute she tells him she doesn't want to go, that he is going to fight me on it. [/QUOTE]

    the minute she tells dad she doesnt want to go, dad will haul YOU into court for contempt. and you could face fines, jail time, or a loss of custody. untill she is 18, she goes when its dad's time. period. she doesnt have a choice
  6. #6
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    And if your daughter decided she didn't like her teacher, you'd let her stay home from school, right?
  7. #7
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jadddt View Post
    What is the name of your state? Kansas

    My daughter is 13 years old. Her father and I have joint custody of her. She has repeatedly made the statement that she doesn't want to go to his house on his days.

    And so what?

    I have always told her that I would never make her go, but that she has to be the one to tell him that she doesn't want to go and why.

    So you are being an irresponsible parent who believes that she is above the law. Nice lesson to teach your daughter.


    I know that the minute she tells him she doesn't want to go, that he is going to fight me on it.

    As well as he should and if you do not allow him to pick her up you will face the courts on contempt. Which is a crime. Which can result in you losing complete custody.

    I want to do this the right way and not make things more difficult for my daughter. What can I do?


    You can put your child in counseling and help her deal with the differences between your house and dad's. You can follow the court order and explain to your child that she is a child.

    I don't want him showing up at my house with the police.

    Which quite frankly he can and should.


    She doesn't want to go to her dad's because she does not get along with her step- mother, and her father does not support her in anything she does. She is a very active child, basketball, softball, cheerleading. He very rarely shows up for anything that she does, and this makes her feel absolutely terrible, therefore, she doesn't want to be around him. How do I do this the right way????
    You have her understand that she does not dictate and does not get to act like a spoiled brat and dad has the right to exercise his visitation rights and you and her HAVE NO SAY SO! The court order dictates.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  8. #8
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jadddt View Post
    She doesn't want to go to her dad's because she does not get along with her step- mother, and her father does not support her in anything she does. She is a very active child, basketball, softball, cheerleading. He very rarely shows up for anything that she does, and this makes her feel absolutely terrible, therefore, she doesn't want to be around him. How do I do this the right way????
    Now for some non-legal input. The "right" way to handle this is to help your daughter learn coping skills for the situation. Given that up to now you've been supportive of her lack of desire to spend time at her Dad's, it would likely be best for a third party to help her with that.

    I have 2 kids, 15 & 13 - neither of whom were/are fond of their stepmom, and with a Dad who'd rather remold them into versions of himself than allow them to become the people they're meant to be. They were certainly allowed to gripe to me how they didn't like things at Dad's, but they weren't going to get agreement from me OR a way to get out of dealing with it. Dad's house was Dad's and stepMom's to run their own way and they would have to learn to deal. I did lay down some ground rules... while they weren't required to love - or even like - some or all of the people at Dad's, they were required to be civil. If they weren't, it wouldn't matter to me what consequences might be handed out there - there would be consequences here as well. If there was an issue, I would find it preferable that they tried to discuss it with their Dad - he's no less human than I, and if we don't know about a problem there is no way to fix it. And at the end of the day, they always had options available to keep themselves busy & entertained - books are very portable.

    The one thing they did NOT get from me was how terrible Dad or stepMom are, or given the slightest idea that they had a choice whether to see Dad.

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