• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

my daughter refuses to visit her father

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

Status
Not open for further replies.

chrisko

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? wisconsin. My 12 year old going on 13 is refusing to go to the father's because of their ugly relationship. He tells her she has to go with him half time because it is court ordered. I have asked her to let him know of what she intends to do so he does not get irritated coming to her school as he has to drive and then finding out she is gone. I am not home usually in the afternoon. She has not been going sinceThanksgiving. I want to know how this will look in court. The father comes to my house and either sends in the 14 year old boy to talk with her or she goes to him and talks. He has left her here. He has called her and used the same style of threatening techniques. She has never wanted to go there and until recently neither has the 14 year old. She has reason and that is his aggression and anger management issues. The school is aware as they have been the brunt of this also. She is a young woman to look at. She is too old and big for me to do anything where I can physically force her. I know I have to go back to court but I don't have the funds. I just paid off 14,000 and now another 5,000 to go. I have been fighting this battle with all my kids since the beginning in 1993. It never ends. I have tried to be more forceful and now she is running. She now goes to a friends house after school without telling me to keep from dealing with the father at school as he picks her up. The situation is getting worse. The father more aggressive and now Amber more aggressive and defiant of him. She has gone to the point of hating him. Can she stay with me even though it is shared placement and it is not on my placment days?
 


Have you asked her directly what she wants you to do? Does she want you to fight for full custody? Does she understand the legal reprecussions of her defiance? She seems very stubborn but that is not always bad.

It won't look bad on your part if you make sure to document your conversations with dates, etc. so you can show a judge how you responded. "I won't go see him" how do you respond?
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
You don't have control of your children. This is your fault, quit blaming the dad. If you don't conrol your children and work at encouraging a good relationship, with their father, he can file for custody and possibly win, in fact if you can control your children perhaps giving him custody for a while might be a wakeup call for all of you. This in not a game between the parents or a three way game between children and parents. No wonder you have so many legal bills, you all need to cooporate.
 

snostar

Senior Member
KarenWalker said:
It won't look bad on your part if you make sure to document your conversations with dates, etc.
It most certainly will look bad when Dad files repeated contempt charges against this poster. Tell your daughter she has no choice in the matter and unless she wants to risk Dad getting sole custody and having to visit you in jail for contempt she had better follow your direction.
 
It depends on what avenue you will be seeking. If you sit still and just let her get away with running to her buddies' houses, then it WILL look bad, but I have to agree with snostar that she MUST understand the legal reprecussions. I am a non-custodial stepparent and I absolutely would put my husband's ex in court if she allowed the kids to say "I don't wanna."

Decisions, decisions...
 

casa

Senior Member
chrisko said:
What is the name of your state? wisconsin. My 12 year old going on 13 is refusing to go to the father's because of their ugly relationship. He tells her she has to go with him half time because it is court ordered. I have asked her to let him know of what she intends to do so he does not get irritated coming to her school as he has to drive and then finding out she is gone. I am not home usually in the afternoon. She has not been going sinceThanksgiving. I want to know how this will look in court. The father comes to my house and either sends in the 14 year old boy to talk with her or she goes to him and talks. He has left her here. He has called her and used the same style of threatening techniques. She has never wanted to go there and until recently neither has the 14 year old. She has reason and that is his aggression and anger management issues. The school is aware as they have been the brunt of this also. She is a young woman to look at. She is too old and big for me to do anything where I can physically force her. I know I have to go back to court but I don't have the funds. I just paid off 14,000 and now another 5,000 to go. I have been fighting this battle with all my kids since the beginning in 1993. It never ends. I have tried to be more forceful and now she is running. She now goes to a friends house after school without telling me to keep from dealing with the father at school as he picks her up. The situation is getting worse. The father more aggressive and now Amber more aggressive and defiant of him. She has gone to the point of hating him. Can she stay with me even though it is shared placement and it is not on my placment days?
Teen years are difficult at best. You DO need to try to assert some control into this environment (remember that by not addressing the daughter running away to friends to avoid the father- you are basically teaching her she can do the same when she doesn't like something about you!)

The best thing I can recommend is not legal- Get the child in counseling ASAP. This seems to be a rather excessive reaction to not wanting to visit the father- and it makes me wonder what the real issues are surround the visits. A competent therapist can have all of you attend sessions with the daughter and figure out a contract of behavior for your home and some compromise or groundrules for visitations to dad. It also shows (if this ends up in court) that you weren't sitting there doing nothing- but you were trying to solve the problem.
 

Hisbabygirl77

Senior Member
Actually Karen you can NOT put your husbands ex in jail as you are the stepparent and have no legal say over anything. Please keep that in mind or else you will hurt your husbands case more than help.
 
That is true, and I hope others take note. Stepparents do not have rights to fight, we are only here to support our spouses. I am new to this but have spent MONTHS talking to lawyers, hours of reading case studies but it takes actual experience to know what the hell you're talking about (aka me :) )

However, taking someone to court is not necessarily requesting to put someone in JAIL. That is harsh.

You MUST find out why exactly she is refusing. You might have to fight for full custody if he is dangerous. Be prepared, right guys?
 

mjkt417

Junior Member
I live in Pa. I went through the EXACT same thing in August 2003. My ex husband and I had joint custody. I picked her up from his house and on the way home she started crying. She told me that she never wanted to go back again. The first thing I did was call a lawyer. She gave me great advice!!! First thing I had to do was file for a modification of custody. Next, take her to counciling. This will show that YOU are making an attempt to help your child understand her own feelings. Unfortunatly, he filed modification papers at the same time we did. He also filed contempt charges against me. Because the custody hearing was postponed, the contempt hearing was first. I was found in contempt. A month later was awarded full custody with my ex only getting her three weekends a month.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
mjkt417 said:
I live in Pa. I went through the EXACT same thing in August 2003. My ex husband and I had joint custody. I picked her up from his house and on the way home she started crying. She told me that she never wanted to go back again. The first thing I did was call a lawyer. She gave me great advice!!! First thing I had to do was file for a modification of custody. Next, take her to counciling. This will show that YOU are making an attempt to help your child understand her own feelings. Unfortunatly, he filed modification papers at the same time we did. He also filed contempt charges against me. Because the custody hearing was postponed, the contempt hearing was first. I was found in contempt. A month later was awarded full custody with my ex only getting her three weekends a month.
and your situation has nothing to do with the poster's problem. So, what is the LEGAL answer for THIS poster?

I'll wait. I have plenty of time.
 

Happy Trails

Senior Member
The OP needs to go get a pen and draw some hair on her butt. She needs to remember who is the parent and who is the child.

OP, no your child cannot stay with you when it's not your turn. You will be in contempt.

Your letting this child run all over you and if you don't get a handle on it now you are going to have some serious problems down the road.
 
S

somedude

Guest
missing the point

Some of you are completely missing the entire point here. I know what the OP's daughter is going through because I was the exact same way with my dad when he tried to come back into my life when I was 11 or 12 or 13. I did NOT want to see him.

Some of you are stating she's in contempt blah blah blah. Someone even made a ridiculous statement about "is she aware of the legal ramifications". OH REALLY? Please, let me know what legal ramifications a 12-year-old will suffer because she does not want to see her dad? Huh? I'd love to hear them!

Let's remember that CSEA and similar agencies are all about "what's in the best interest of the child." A 12 year old is at that age where her feelings CAN be taken into consideration. I did NOT want to see my dad at the same age and when custody hearings were held, I made my feelings very, very clear to the judge and the judge ruled that I was not mandated to visit/see my dad because of my feelings. PERIOD!

The dad is NOT innocent here, either. If he sees his daughter has these feelings, he's definitely not making the situation any better by forcing her to go and threatening her. That's STUPID!!! As a dad, he should be considered about her strong feelings against him and offer to sit down and talk this out. It's only going to get worse.

What is he hoping to accomplish by forcing her to go? HOnestly, it sounds like it is time for another custody hearing and your daughters need to talk to the judge as well. Like I said, she's at an age where her feelings SHOULD be taken into consideration. Mine were at the same age. Any smart judge would see it's not a healthy situation.

Again, I know this FOR A FACT -- unlike many of you posting this stuff.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Some of you are stating she's in contempt blah blah blah. Someone even made a ridiculous statement about "is she aware of the legal ramifications". OH REALLY? Please, let me know what legal ramifications a 12-year-old will suffer because she does not want to see her dad? Huh? I'd love to hear them!
O.K. I'll say in R.E.A.L. S..........L..........O..........W........

There is a standing court issued visitation order.
There is a child acting out.
There is a mother allowing the child to act out.
There is a father who's LEGAL rights will be violated if the mother doesn't start acting like a mother.
And yes, violation of a standing court order has legal ramifications, from a civil fine to spending time in jail and losing custody of the child.

What are you 12? If not, come back her and put your bar card number on this forum so you can offer proof that you..."know this FOR A FACT -- unlike many of you posting this stuff"
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
somedude said:
Some of you are stating she's in contempt blah blah blah. Someone even made a ridiculous statement about "is she aware of the legal ramifications". OH REALLY? Please, let me know what legal ramifications a 12-year-old will suffer because she does not want to see her dad? Huh? I'd love to hear them!
The *legal ramifications* will fall on the mother, dude. Surely you understand that. As BB said - fines, time in jail, losing custody.

I'd like to know what consequences MOM has imposed on the child for her little stunts like running off instead of doing as she's supposed to.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top