+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 13 of 13
  1. #1
    davexan is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    5

    My Ex is turning my kids against me

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Delaware

    My son, who is 18, spent the summer with his father- after his first year at college. During this timeframe, he decided not to go back to school and enlisted in the Marines. I have only seen or spoken to him a handful of times, when I can get through to him. His father told me that my son hates me and does not want anything to do with me. My ex told me that his (ex) goal is to turn our 12 year old daughter against me too.
    My ex and I share custody, but I am the primary custodian. I would rather have my daughter with me full time, but she said it would be easier to spend time with both parents- so I honored her decision.

    My ex has a history of questionable mental health- he is a retired Marine and also works in the Prison system. He has not faired well on his mental health tests. My question is: If I chose to go back and try to obtain full custody, can I request a mental health evaluation to use in the hearing?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  2. #2
    momofrose is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2000
    Posts
    1,259
    Quote Originally Posted by davexan View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Delaware

    My son, who is 18, spent the summer with his father- after his first year at college. During this timeframe, he decided not to go back to school and enlisted in the Marines.

    Semper Fi

    I have only seen or spoken to him a handful of times, when I can get through to him. His father told me that my son hates me and does not want anything to do with me.

    Prove that his father has naything to do with these supposed feelings.

    My ex told me that his (ex) goal is to turn our 12 year old daughter against me too.

    Prove that too.


    My ex and I share custody, but I am the primary custodian. I would rather have my daughter with me full time, but she said it would be easier to spend time with both parents- so I honored her decision.

    Shared custody (when parents live in close proximity) is usually better.

    My ex has a history of questionable mental health- he is a retired Marine and also works in the Prison system. He has not faired well on his mental health tests.

    What mental tests? When did he take these tests? Were these tests taken before custody was arranged and agreed upon?

    My question is: If I chose to go back and try to obtain full custody, can I request a mental health evaluation to use in the hearing?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    You can request an evaluation, but he will (no doubt) ask one of you too and a private physchologist (appointed by the court) will run you about $5000.00 each.
  3. #3
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    The Heart o' Dixie
    Posts
    9,758
    Children do not have a say in visitation or where they live until they are 18.

    Your son can do as he wishes, within the law, since he is now over 18.

    Your daughter (at age 12) has to do what she is told to do. Parents have to follow the court order. Or do you let her decide not to go to school, the doctor, dentist...?
  4. #4
    truebluemd is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    1,231
    Your son is now 18 and on his own time, and regardless of the influences, he can quit school and join the marines if he wants. The responsibilities and burdens of his choices from now on will be on him to deal with and hopefully you will be there to support him.

    As far as your daughter, you can only be the best parent you can be, and hopefully your daughter is wise enough to not give into dad alleged attempts at alienation.
  5. #5
    Madison31 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    71
    In my state, the judge will listen to a 12 year old. I'm not saying he will do what the child requests, but he will listen to her.
  6. #6
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    44,372
    Quote Originally Posted by Madison31 View Post
    In my state, the judge will listen to a 12 year old. I'm not saying he will do what the child requests, but he will listen to her.
    I would bet that in YOUR state, a judge MAY listen to a 12yo. Not that a judge necessarily will. And is YOUR state the same as OP's state?
  7. #7
    LdiJ is online now Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    65,495
    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    I would bet that in YOUR state, a judge MAY listen to a 12yo. Not that a judge necessarily will. And is YOUR state the same as OP's state?
    I all reality, I can come up with, from memory, several cases in just about every state in the US where a judge has listened to/questioned a child over 12 in chambers (and sometimes younger too) Its not as unusual as we lead people to believe here.

    I also know that children's wishes are often given greater weight by judges than we tend to indicate here...particularly when judges feel that parents are equally fit, and the child is over 12. (I am referring to primary custody NOT visitation)

    Does that mean that the parent should automatically go with the child's wishes if they are over 12? Absolutely not, that's bad parenting. Should the parent be prepared in case their child's wishes ARE given serious weight by a judge? Absolutely yes.

    I can name dozens of cases where, in my opinion, there should have been no way in heck that a judge should have agreed to change custody...where parental alienation was clear, and there was no way that a custody change should happen, yet the judge spoke to the child in chambers and the change DID happen.

    Of course I also know of many cases where the change did not happen.

    I don't like the way that we answer this one. I think that we are too simplistic. I think that teen's wishes are given more weight, on average, than we tend to indicate.
  8. #8
    Madison31 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    71
    i never said MY state was the same as the poster's state.

    I stated what judges can, and often do in my state. I take back what I said when I said the judge "will"listen. Obviously I'm not the judge, so how would I know, right? My point in giving this information to HER, was so she can look into what age judges will consider the child's opinion in her own state.

    Not every state requires a child to be 18 before a judge will listen to them.
  9. #9
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    With Capt'n Hook
    Posts
    11,353
    Madison, there has to be more than just "the child wants a change at 12-14-16". If there are other factors in a "change of circumstances", then yes, it can make a difference.
  10. #10
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    52,659
    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    I all reality, I can come up with, from memory, several cases in just about every state in the US where a judge has listened to/questioned a child over 12 in chambers (and sometimes younger too) Its not as unusual as we lead people to believe here.

    I also know that children's wishes are often given greater weight by judges than we tend to indicate here...particularly when judges feel that parents are equally fit, and the child is over 12. (I am referring to primary custody NOT visitation)

    Does that mean that the parent should automatically go with the child's wishes if they are over 12? Absolutely not, that's bad parenting. Should the parent be prepared in case their child's wishes ARE given serious weight by a judge? Absolutely yes.

    I can name dozens of cases where, in my opinion, there should have been no way in heck that a judge should have agreed to change custody...where parental alienation was clear, and there was no way that a custody change should happen, yet the judge spoke to the child in chambers and the change DID happen.

    Of course I also know of many cases where the change did not happen.

    I don't like the way that we answer this one. I think that we are too simplistic. I think that teen's wishes are given more weight, on average, than we tend to indicate.
    Judges very well may have an in camera with a child but that doesn't mean they abide by the child's wishes. They will take the child's wishes into consideration but to say that a child gets to choose or that it is even the ONLY factor or the predominant factor is not true. No state puts that decision on a child's back.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  11. #11
    LdiJ is online now Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    65,495
    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    Judges very well may have an in camera with a child but that doesn't mean they abide by the child's wishes. They will take the child's wishes into consideration but to say that a child gets to choose or that it is even the ONLY factor or the predominant factor is not true. No state puts that decision on a child's back.
    State law does not, but I have seen many judges actually do that. That's why I think that our answers here are too simplistic. I would hate to see someone not prepare a strong defense to a custody suit, because they believe that no judge will allow a teen to choose.
  12. #12
    ErinGoBragh is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Somewhere, NY
    Posts
    1,025
    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    State law does not, but I have seen many judges actually do that. That's why I think that our answers here are too simplistic. I would hate to see someone not prepare a strong defense to a custody suit, because they believe that no judge will allow a teen to choose.
    I tend to agree. They sometimes do take it into consideration, more than one might think. In my case, there were factors of abuse, but I had to go before the judge when I was 12 or 14, can't remember exactly what age. He asked me some questions about the abuse, then asked me how often I would like to see my father. I said never. He did the same for my sisters. My father ended up having no physical custody of me, and supervised visitation with my sisters, who still wanted to see him. Again, there were factors of abuse there, but clearly each of our individual wishes were taken into account, and entered into the order, by the judge. So I would say sometimes wishes of the children carry quite a bit of weight.
  13. #13
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    44,372
    "Sometimes" is the key. There are judges who will never listen to a child under 18. There are others who will and give them some amount of weight. But the fact remains - children do not get to choose. SOMETIMES, they get to express their wishes. And SOMETIMES, a judge will consider them.

Similar Threads

  1. 2 kids, one turning 18, how does this work?
    By Apsar in forum Child Support
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-14-2010, 06:20 AM
  2. Male turning twenty, Female turning sixteen
    By MinuitOmbre in forum Juvenile Law
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 07-14-2010, 04:50 PM
  3. Kids turning 18,How doI stop Payroll deducted CS?
    By Panthera in forum Child Support
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 08-24-2004, 05:08 AM
  4. turning lane, passed left (in turning lane) of person turning right
    By wanabath in forum Speeding and Other Moving Violations
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-08-2004, 05:39 PM
  5. turning over the kids
    By briank in forum Marriage, Domestic Partnerships and Other Family Law Matters
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-29-2001, 09:14 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

© 1995-2012 Advice Company, All Rights Reserved

FreeAdvice® has been providing millions of consumers with outstanding advice, free, since 1995. While not a substitute for personal advice from a licensed professional, it is available AS IS, subject to our Disclaimer and Terms & Conditions Of Use.