+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 14 of 14
  1. #1
    mommyof6 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    3

    my exhusband wont take our son back

    what is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona,

    I live in Arizona and my ex husband lives in Illinois. We have four kids together. We share joint custody of all four. I have 'physical custody' of three of the kids and he has, 'Physical custody' of one. About a year ago, my ex-husband sent my oldest son back to me to live, as he was out of control and having alot of problems. He is bi-polar. He will be 18 in about 50 days. We did not change or sign anything with regards to our order/custody. I have been trying to help my son for about a year. It has not been going very good with my son out here. I emailed my ex a few months ago and told him that I had to send him back to him and he was not working out here. My ex-husband said he would not take him back even though he has legal custody of him. My son also stated he would not go back either. They dont really get along. Also, this whole yr that I have had him, My ex is still collecting child support from me for my son, that lives with me. Anyway, right now, my son is in a behavioral hospital. He has been a nightmare. My current husband is done with my son. He does not want him here anylonger. The two kids we share together are very young and my oldest son has scared them last week by punching my house windows out. He has also beat up his brother who is 16 and pushed and kicked his sister who is 14. They dont want him here either. I dont know what else to do. My question is this, I was thinking that when the hospital releases him in a few days, Im not going to pick him up and Im going to give the hospital a copy of my current order and tell them to call his dad in Illinois to come pick him up and that he has Physical custody of him and is supposed to be living with his father. Can I do this? Will I get into any trouble if I dont pick him up? How can I get his dad to take him back?
    Last edited by mommyof6; 03-29-2011 at 12:53 PM.
  2. #2
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Once upon a time, far, far, away...
    Posts
    5,335
    Quote Originally Posted by mommyof6 View Post
    what is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona, I dont know how this forum works? what do I do now?
    tell us your problem/concern, let us know what--if any--court orders exist and ask your question. we'll try and help.

  3. #3
    Antigone* is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    In honor of JetX ~ Somnambulist University
    Posts
    21,224
    Quote Originally Posted by mommyof6 View Post
    what is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona,

    I live in Arizona and my ex husband lives in Illinois. We have four kids together. We share joint custody of all four. I have 'physical custody' of three of the kids and he has, 'Physical custody' of one. About a year ago, my ex-husband sent my oldest son back to me to live, as he was out of control and having alot of problems. He is bi-polar. He will be 18 in about 50 days. We did not change or sign anything with regards to our order/custody. I have been trying to help my son for about a year. It has not been going very good with my son out here. I emailed my ex a few months ago and told him that I had to send him back to him and he was not working out here. My ex-husband said he would not take him back even though he has legal custody of him. My son also stated he would not go back either. They dont really get along. Also, this whole yr that I have had him, My ex is still collecting child support from me for my son, that lives with me. Anyway, right now, my son is in a behavioral hospital. He has been a nightmare. My current husband is done with my son. He does not want him here anylonger. The two kids we share together are very young and my oldest son has scared them last week by punching my house windows out. He has also beat up his brother who is 16 and pushed and kicked his sister who is 14. They dont want him here either. I dont know what else to do. My question is this, I was thinking that when the hospital releases him in a few days, Im not going to pick him up and Im going to give the hospital a copy of my current order and tell them to call his dad in Illinois to come pick him up and that he has Physical custody of him and is supposed to be living with his father. Can I do this? Will I get into any trouble if I dont pick him up? How can I get his dad to take him back?
    Lord in heaven have mercy!!!

    This poor child.

    You really have to ask this mom...really

    Excuse me while I go vomit
  4. #4
    Halls is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Dallas, Texas
    Posts
    599
    I think it's really sad that neither you nor your ex want your son. He may be a mental case but he's your son!!! You think rejecting him will help him? He needs you now more then ever and your ex is already wiping his hands of him. Now you want to as well? So sad.
  5. #5
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Once upon a time, far, far, away...
    Posts
    5,335
    Quote Originally Posted by mommyof6 View Post
    what is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona,

    I live in Arizona and my ex husband lives in Illinois. We have four kids together. We share joint custody of all four. I have 'physical custody' of three of the kids and he has, 'Physical custody' of one. About a year ago, my ex-husband sent my oldest son back to me to live, as he was out of control and having alot of problems. He is bi-polar. He will be 18 in about 50 days. We did not change or sign anything with regards to our order/custody. I have been trying to help my son for about a year. It has not been going very good with my son out here. I emailed my ex a few months ago and told him that I had to send him back to him and he was not working out here. My ex-husband said he would not take him back even though he has legal custody of him. My son also stated he would not go back either. They dont really get along. Also, this whole yr that I have had him, My ex is still collecting child support from me for my son, that lives with me. Anyway, right now, my son is in a behavioral hospital. He has been a nightmare. My current husband is done with my son. He does not want him here anylonger. The two kids we share together are very young and my oldest son has scared them last week by punching my house windows out. He has also beat up his brother who is 16 and pushed and kicked his sister who is 14. They dont want him here either. I dont know what else to do. My question is this, I was thinking that when the hospital releases him in a few days, Im not going to pick him up and Im going to give the hospital a copy of my current order and tell them to call his dad in Illinois to come pick him up and that he has Physical custody of him and is supposed to be living with his father. Can I do this? Will I get into any trouble if I dont pick him up? How can I get his dad to take him back?


    Ok... ... ... ...this.....I don't have an answer for.

    wow
  6. #6
    justalayman is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    in the ether
    Posts
    33,874
    regardless of what the court order concerning custody states, he is your child.

    to the child support payments; you had the option of seeking a modification of the CS order. Since you didn't, it is what it is.

    If the child is a danger to you and the other children, you need to address this with the hospital he is currently staying at. You also need to contact Child Protective Services before he is released and address the issue with them. You cannot simply abandon your older child but you also cannot allow harm to your other children.

    If the child is released back to you, you need to contact CPS and/or the police if there is any danger to you or your children.

    Your current husband needs to understand that the luggage comes as a package deal. You don't get to just leave one of the suitcases behind because it has a wobbly wheel.

    You may have a problem if he is deemed mentally handicapped in some way. Often times, a parents responsibility is extended beyond the child becoming an adult. You may wish to consult an attorney who can review the specific facts and diagnosis concerning your son.

    edit to add: while I understand the other posters feelings, I think they might want to consider the possibility that some children are such that they are beyond immediate help and the parent must protect themselves and their other children. While it may sound cold, the truth is, it is reality. I suggest not abandoning the child but OP definitely has to protect herself and her other children.
    Last edited by justalayman; 03-29-2011 at 01:24 PM.
  7. #7
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    With Capt'n Hook
    Posts
    11,320
    Three things that come to mind:

    1. CHANGE THE COURT ORDERED child support immediately.

    2. Can the son be placed in a month-to-month apartment somewhere nearby where you can still support your son, but not have him living in your home?

    3. Any relatives nearby willing to take him in so that he can finish high school?

    BTWTT
  8. #8
    mommyof6 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    3
    Quote Originally Posted by Halls View Post
    I think it's really sad that neither you nor your ex want your son. He may be a mental case but he's your son!!! You think rejecting him will help him? He needs you now more then ever and your ex is already wiping his hands of him. Now you want to as well? So sad.
    Yes, it is very sad. This whole situation sucks. I love my son and have tried helping him for a year now. He is going to be an adult very soon and Im very scared for him. He has been in mental hospitals twice now since he has been out here. He is out of control and does not want to follow our rules, take his meds, and the list goes on and on, in trouble with the law now as well. I have five other kids who I have to protect and that need my attention as well. Thats why his dad needs to take him. Im not rejecting him, he needs tough love and that is what Im doing now. Everyone and I mean everyone has tried to help him. His friends, his friends parents, teachers, church members, grandma, my husband, and most of all me! Its just time to put my foot down and stop caddeling my son and stop letting my ex get away with not helping with anything. I want my son, I want him to be successfull. I love him and want him to stay on his meds and stay in school and be respectfull and follow the rules, laws, etc. I was on this site because I was looking for sometype of legal advice to my situation. Thank you for taking the time to read my post though.
  9. #9
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    With Capt'n Hook
    Posts
    11,320
    Have you talked with the social workers at the hospital for ideas?
  10. #10
    PQN
    PQN is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    726
    I am sorry that you are suffering through this.

    There are a group of parents that are dealing with children with severe mental illness. [url]www.conductdisorders.com[/url] Go to the forums and post your message on the general board and you will find lots of help. Sadly, you are not alone. My oldest has schitzoaffective disorder and tried to kill her brother because the voices told her she had to do it. Some children are not safe to be around other children.

    If you refuse to pick him up, they may attempt to get dad to come and get him but since you are their state's resident and the child has clearly been living in your home per school enrollment. CPS is going to focus on you and getting you to come pick up the child.

    I would call CPS (now, before it gets to the discharge date) and ask if they have a shelter care option for potential lock-outs. In our state, many counties have this option where a child can go for up to 30 days, there is a small fee depending on your income (sliding scale). Arizona also has a voluntary foster care program that you can place him in for up to 90 days or his 18th birthday. They have a unique program where on his 18th birthday he can sign himself into extended foster care to allow him to finish high school.

    If CPS will not accept him in voluntary placement, I would then call your police station and press charges on him for the most recent incident of destruction of property or assault. Ask that they send officers to the phosp to arrest him upon discharge. There should be a court date the next morning. Ask that the judge make a determination that his continuation in the home pending trial would be detrimental to safety. The judge can then order him into temporary foster care pending his 18th birthday.

    Regardless of how he gets into foster care, get his SSI application started (as an adult, not the child forms) so that when he turns 18, he can still have access to mental health care through Medicaid. You can stay involved in helping him transition to adulthood by supporting his case worker in her/his efforts to get him transitional housing, SSI, etc.
  11. #11
    mommyof6 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    3
    Quote Originally Posted by TinkerBelleLuvr View Post
    Have you talked with the social workers at the hospital for ideas?
    Hello, actually I need to get on the road very soon, as I have a family session in an hour with the mental team members and my son. The social workers will be there, and I was thinking of telling them to call his dad in Chicago and try to get him to come pick up his son. Last night when I was visiting my son at the hospital, he started yelling and cussing at me because I told him he has to turn himself in to the police for crimminal trespassing when he gets out of the hospital and also to take all the bottles of vodka back to the grocery store that he stold them from. He is refusing to to these things. I told him I will not be yelled at and that I was going to end our visit. He said, leave then. So, thats what I did. Now, I have to get back there for our family meeting. I will check this site when I get back home. Thanks.
  12. #12
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    With Capt'n Hook
    Posts
    11,320
    Quote Originally Posted by mommyof6 View Post
    Hello, actually I need to get on the road very soon, as I have a family session in an hour with the mental team members and my son. The social workers will be there, and I was thinking of telling them to call his dad in Chicago and try to get him to come pick up his son. Last night when I was visiting my son at the hospital, he started yelling and cussing at me because I told him he has to turn himself in to the police for crimminal trespassing when he gets out of the hospital and also to take all the bottles of vodka back to the grocery store that he stold them from. He is refusing to to these things. I told him I will not be yelled at and that I was going to end our visit. He said, leave then. So, thats what I did. Now, I have to get back there for our family meeting. I will check this site when I get back home. Thanks.
    I think you need at least a few {{{hugs}}}. Look up the site that PQN mentioned.
  13. #13
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    With Capt'n Hook
    Posts
    11,320
    You also may need an attorney that can help with the placement of an incorrigable child with mental illness. you have to protect the younger children.
  14. #14
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    21,315
    Quote Originally Posted by mommyof6 View Post
    Hello, actually I need to get on the road very soon, as I have a family session in an hour with the mental team members and my son. The social workers will be there, and I was thinking of telling them to call his dad in Chicago and try to get him to come pick up his son.
    It doesn't work that way. You can't force Dad to pick up his son.

    (since the child was left with you - and you are presumably a fit parent - he can't be charged with neglect).

    All you can really do is:
    1. Get the child support order changed
    2. Ask the mental health professionals if there's any program available that might help - or if he needs to be institutionalized
    3. If he is a danger to you or the other kids, contact the authorities.
    4. Since he has been in so much trouble with the law, he may end up in juvenile detention.

Similar Threads

  1. Exhusband wont stop violating PFA
    By chinacat13 in forum Domestic Violence & Abuse
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 06-07-2011, 12:47 AM
  2. exhusband owes back child support
    By mikeii in forum Child Support
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 08-15-2006, 07:51 AM
  3. ex wont give car back
    By lilgyrl84 in forum Auto Accidents and Vehicle Claims
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-20-2006, 11:54 PM
  4. Replies: 7
    Last Post: 10-02-2005, 03:31 AM
  5. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 09-27-2005, 01:58 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

© 1995-2012 Advice Company, All Rights Reserved

FreeAdvice® has been providing millions of consumers with outstanding advice, free, since 1995. While not a substitute for personal advice from a licensed professional, it is available AS IS, subject to our Disclaimer and Terms & Conditions Of Use.