my grand parent custody battle-update

[liandrajade]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NEW YORK

I had to go to family court today, my child's grandmother had to answer to charges of the restraining order. She walked in with lawyer, she seemed pretty snarky too but whatever. I minded my business and ignored her. Anyway we didnt even go in front of the judge at all. after like an hr, the clerk gaves us both a adjournment date of 9/25/09, so we have to go back then. My temp order still stands.

I overheard her laywer say "oh well once she sees me she is going to probably want to get a lawyer too"...then something i couldnt hear....then he said" oh when you go for custody that is something different"

As of yet, I have not been served with any custody petitions from her, I am expecting it. I am also expecting her to use the "extended disruption of custody" defense, which is BS but I will have to deal with it.

I am aware of the fact that she may get visitation due to the fact that we lived together for so long. I will not agree to anything and I will let the judge order it if necessary. I will only allow supervised visitation thru the court system if need be.

The child abuse allegations are more than likely going to be unfounded. after the CPS worker called my babysitter, she has not called me to schedule anything else. I am hopeful the case will be closed, I am glad that the r/o case got adjourned, it will give me more time to get the closed unfounded report from CPS to bring with me.

I was advised by many to just wait to get the custody petition, see what she is alleging and go from there. I have the law on my side it would seem since-

a-I have not been declared unfit by a goverment agency, both a police report and the CPS report do not find any indications of abuse-UPDATE!!!! just as I was typing this at 2:18pm, I called the CPS worker to give her my new cell phone number since my family members were harassing me, she tells me all they need to do is schedule a follow up as per their policy and the case is closed!!!! that has totally made my day, you have no idea!!!...

b-both biological parents are around, father is on active military duty and has full visitation rights to child, his parental rights are active and unchallenged, to get custody she would have to sue us both.

Now if memory serves me correct, I did at one point try to get my ex's visitation revoked/dismissed and they sent a copy of my petition back to me stating it was thrown out due to insufficient evidence. Is that possible here or will it most likely be given a calendar date.

Also I want to file a motion to dismiss, I will have to wait until I am actually served correct?

 

[Isis1]

phew. i did a quick reread of your past post.

make sure when nutty grandma files for custody, you request that she be ordered to pay full attorney's fees.

i love it when CPS workers want to get rid of talking to you.

 

[BL]

If you receive a Petition and ALL parties are not served and affidavits of service are not filed , it will be dismissed .

Otherwise it will go forward .

 

[Rushia]

Don't assume that the courts will order supervised visitation and don't make it seem to the court that you would agree to that either.

 

[BL]

Don't assume that the courts will order supervised visitation and don't make it seem to the court that you would agree to that either.

Excellent advice . If you're going to let the court decide ( that's the advice here ) , then you want the court to know that you are unwilling to agree on any Visitations/Custody.

Also ,as was said ,if the grand just files for Custody outright w/ no visitations ,the court will not entertain visitations .

 

[liandrajade]

Excellent advice . If you're going to let the court decide ( that's the advice here ) , then you want the court to know that you are unwilling to agree on any Visitations/Custody.

Also ,as was said ,if the grand just files for Custody outright w/ no visitations ,the court will not entertain visitations .

that would mean if her custody petition is thrown out/dismissed then she has to start over and file for visitation then correct?

What I mean was that I am not going to agree to anything and I am going to let the judge decide the case on its merits, if he/she decides that they will allow visitation, thats when Im going to state it has to be supervised since she already has a history of lying and trying to keep my child from me.

 

[BL]

that would mean if her custody petition is thrown out/dismissed then she has to start over and file for visitation then correct?

It all depends on why it would be dismissed .

1) Verify with the court that all parties have been served properly , via affidavits . If not that would cause dismissal ,or an adjournment so the parties can be properly served . ( their lawyer would most likely ask for the later ) .

Don't agree to go forward if not done correctly .

2) You have to request dismissal on some legal grounds .

What I mean was that I am not going to agree to anything and I am going to let the judge decide the case on its merits, if he/she decides that they will allow visitation, thats when Im going to state it has to be supervised since she already has a history of lying and trying to keep my child from me.

During the trial the court will hear ALL the history and testimonies to decide .

If one party does not agree with the ruling ,and appeal based on misuse of LAW can be made ( but costly ) .

IF the court were to decide visitations at some point ( unsupervised ) , you can not ask for supervised after the fact .

Hopefully if visitations were ordered the Judge would include orders to protect the best interest of the child .

Specific Pick up / drop off times , no derogatory talk to or in front of the child , child will not be taken outside the county ,etc.

 

[Rushia]

that would mean if her custody petition is thrown out/dismissed then she has to start over and file for visitation then correct?

What I mean was that I am not going to agree to anything and I am going to let the judge decide the case on its merits, if he/she decides that they will allow visitation, thats when Im going to state it has to be supervised since she already has a history of lying and trying to keep my child from me.

BL is right. You won't get to make that determination. All you can do is try to appeal the decision if visitation is awarded.

 

[Rushia]

Ps: I'm home now if you want to call.

 

[liandrajade]

I am familiar with the visitation process, I had to go thru that with my childs father, due to the fact that I had a R/O against him, visitation was supervised for a certain amount of time, then he got unsupervised b/c they deemed him to be ok to see his child alone.

I wondering how many times you can get an adjournment, my ex is in the army, in iraq actually and we have no way of knowing when he will be back. he does email me or try to call me from time to time to as he is able to but its not much.

In terms of credibility, how does look to a judge that:

a-she tried to keep my child from me with no valid reason

b-called CPS and her "allegations" ended up being unfounded.

c-is only trying for custody of the 7yr old, not the baby who is 9mths. if i am such an unfit mother why not try to take them both?

d-currently has a r/o keeping her away due to the 1st incident

now she also has a lot of my daughters things at her house, I am sending certified letter to her house asking her to return my childs items within a certain timeframe. i have worded the letter in such a way that it includes just about anything even if it not expressly listed and also a timeframe by which to respond by. i also stated that if she does not respond or comply, I will have to seek further legal remedy.

 

[liandrajade]

YAY!!!!!...

So last night i barely sat down to eat dinner, everyone else ate including chubby tubby...you know the 18 lb neglected child....

so I hear a knock on the door...guess who it is??...CPS....

they said they would call but i didnt care once he said..."oh im just here to do the follow up to close your case. Your case is being closed"

Came in for like 5 mins, just wanted to make sure everything was ok and done!

YIPPPEE FREAKING LA DEE DA!!!!

***breathes out***** now im just waiting for the rest of the BS to start, the gp still has to make an appearance on the 25th to answer the charges on the R/O.

Now she got a lawyer for that, I just dont have the money to hire one, not with school expenses,mortgage, babysitter etc..

I was pretty much going to stick with the facts, tell the judge that due to her past behavior and actions in this situation, she cannot be trusted to not cause further emotional harm to my child while the pending custody proceedings commence{going on the assumption she has or will still be filing for custody} Her actions and the unrealistic sense of entitlement she has towards my daughter has caused her to act irrationally, without any cause or reason. I cannot allow visitation because of the risk of her trying to withold my child from me illegally. I do not wish to have to repeat the incident that occurred on x/x/2009 and have to require the assistance of law enforcement just to pick up my child.

I am going to focus on thing at a time and not spazz...its all I can do...but hey at least I got a little bit of good news last night...

 

[LdiJ]

If she files for custody while your ex is still in Iraq, your ex can invoke the Soldier's and Sailor's Relief Act to prevent the case from going forward while he is in Iraq...IF they are even able to serve him, and I don't see how they can without a great deal of effort and expense.

If she doesn't include his name on the petition, then you would file to have it dismissed on the basis that the child's father was not included in the suit, that he has parental rights and visitation, and that he was also not served.

 

[liandrajade]

now would I go to the court clerk and ask for a blank copy of a motion to dismiss, fill it out and file it with the clerk? I have emailed my ex with my new phone #, he hasnt responded yet but thats typical, he is stationed in Iraq and has very limited access to a phone and a computer. How would I prove he is enlisted in the army to the judge or do I even have to?

my biggest concern is representing myself while she has a lawyer, while im not the type to get flustered, I am just wondering what little tricks or can of worms they might try to bring out. I have it mind that this is going to get dirty and they will try to bring up anything and everything that they think they can use against me. I have to expect the worst, look at what happened, my own MOTHER is trying to take my child from me and tried to have the state of new york find me unfit.

 

[BL]

now would I go to the court clerk and ask for a blank copy of a motion to dismiss, fill it out and file it with the clerk? I have emailed my ex with my new phone #, he hasnt responded yet but thats typical, he is stationed in Iraq and has very limited access to a phone and a computer. How would I prove he is enlisted in the army to the judge or do I even have to?

my biggest concern is representing myself while she has a lawyer, while im not the type to get flustered, I am just wondering what little tricks or can of worms they might try to bring out. I have it mind that this is going to get dirty and they will try to bring up anything and everything that they think they can use against me. I have to expect the worst, look at what happened, my own MOTHER is trying to take my child from me and tried to have the state of new york find me unfit.

If the Petitions and service are not done right , the case will NOT go forward , attorneys or no attorney .

If and when it does ,the Judge ( if competent ) will see this for what it is .

The Judge in my GF's case - long time ago , admonished the court room , that " If anyone in this courtroom thinks they are getting custody of this child they are not ". The mother has not been deemed unfit .

This was a GP's case.

 

[liandrajade]

sooo...back with another update/rant....the plot thickens yet again....it just doesnt end with the drama and nonsense...

I sent my child's father an email with my new number and how to contact me{stationed in Iraq , us army} I was waiting for him to call me so I can explain the "fun" situation going on right now.

Turns out he already had an idea from the grandparent. My sister went out of her way to EMAIL HIS WIFE, who then in turn, emailed his command and then once he was notified by his sergeant, tried to call me but couldnt b/c my sister turned my phone off, he then called my sister and mother who proceeded to tell him that they dont know whats wrong with me, I just showed up one day with the cops and "grabbed" my daughter from their house....riiiiight....

Conveniently the part where "grandma" refused to give her back to me was left out and how I had to get a restraining order too. Also didnt say how she is suing US BOTH for custody either. Also failed to say how she treated me called CPS on me because she thought that my husband was neglecting/abusing her grandchild. Made no mention of that at all.

He said he couldnt get much detail from them b/c my sister was blubbering and crying on the phone to him about how I took her niece away. My mother said she was going to try and call the Red Cross to contact him if she couldn't get through to him. He called me as soon as he got my email to find out what the hell was going and wanted to hear from me 1st about this before jumping to any conclusions.

The list of nonsense is as follows:

1-my mom tried to say how she would ask me for money for my child while all the time she was taking care of her but I didnt give it to her...um ok so then how did the babysitter and lunch and everything get paid for?

2-said I have no clothes for her at my house, she has everything, As for the clothes, yes a lot of my child's stuff is stuck at her house until I can legally find the means to get it back. She does have clothes and everything here.

3-I don't let my daughter speak to her friends?...I have no idea where that came from.

Also gave him my address to my house with out my permission, also tried to cause more issues by telling him that my child was covered under my husband's insurance, not his{he knew my husband was a police officer and has good coverage etc, he was not providing anything at the time so my husband did it, nothing major, ex knew this before he left for the army}.

They pretty much tried to get my ex against me or cause problems with me and him, even though we have a pretty decent relationship now, it wasnt always congenial in the past but its better now.

anyway...spoke with ex, ex was annoyed about the way he found out but not mad at me, I explained the whole situation, he had no idea what to say, he was pretty much shocked that my child's grandmother did this to me, also knowing for himself that if I didnt let him pull any crap, why would I let another man try to control me or my daughter?

I explained how CPS came to my house, asked his daughter questions etc. He was not too happy about that at all, I told him how upset she was when I had to go pick her up with the police, how I had to explain what CPS is to our child, why they had to come to the house etc.

I spoke with him honestly and straight out about everything. He will back in december for leave and I told him I do not want them around her at all right now, they caused enough emotional damage I am trying to fix not to mention "pending" legal issues coming up-FYI...still havent been served with custody/petition yet...interesting... I asked him to let his visitation time with her be just his time and no one elses. As per our last order in NY Family ct, he has weekends from 10-6 and wed from 6-8.

I will be emailing the ex a detailed letter about everything that is going on, also if he needs copies of the R/O, police reports etc. He just wants to be kept in the loop and will be calling me back saturday.