• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

My husband wants joint custody/visitation

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

T

treasure

Guest
What is the name of your state? Lousiana. My husband has a 10 year old daughter with his ex-girlfriend. He has child support coming out of his check every week. But the ex refuses to let him see the child. He has been trying to see the child for 11 months now, but has not been sucessful. She has been giving him the run around ALL this time. He has gotten a lawyer to get joint custody. The ex was unsure of the childs father at birth, so she gave the child the {boyfriend at the time} last name. My husband got proof that the child is his, but she refuse to change the childs last name. My husband wants joint custody by having the child every other WEEK. Keep in mind, my husband & his ex hate eachother & don't speak. HELP! treasure
 


Grace_Adler

Senior Member
If he's having child support taken out every week then I assume a DNA test was done proving he's the father. This is important because it will determine if he can go ahead and file for custody and visitation. If it has been proven as you say then he can go file for joint legal and physical custody. He can also file for visitation. After it's ordered, if she continues to go against the court order, then she can be held in contempt and he can seek sole custody. When going for visititation, he needs to have everything written out specifically about visitation times, drop off and pick up points, method and cost of transportation, phone visitation, make up dates for visitation, ect. For more information on custody and visitation you can go to http://www.deltabravo.net (sorry that probably sounded like a commercial..*lol* Also he can have the judge order the name changed on the birth certificate.

You have to keep in mind that the courts see custody, visitation and child support as seperate issues.
 
T

treasure

Guest
Reply;husband wants joint custody/visitation

Thanks for replying. yes, he has been proven the father through DNA. One question is, can he "get" joint custody? his lawyer told him that he must first "settle" for visitation, then after about 4-5 months he could go to court for the "real deal". My next question is "can" the childs last name be changed even though the mother IS against it? My third question is, is 10 years old old enough to get on the stand to say that she "does not" want to come with us? Because we are very sure that her mother has talked against us. Oh! Why does the court see custody & visitation diferently? I ask that because my husband wants joint custody "now", but he was told for now he had to settle for "visitation" until joint custody was established. Please forgive me for asking so many questions, but I need help, & alot of answers. Help!
 

Grace_Adler

Senior Member
They're good questions. I wish I could give you answers that I was 100% sure on, but I'm not so just keep that in mind. I'm sure someone else will probably read this that might have had more experience with this and share their views.

I don't see why he couldn't get joint unless he could be proven unfit. I really don't understand why your lawyer told him to wait unless he wants to have the father and child establish a relationship first and then present that to the court after it's had some time to happen which may look better to help win the case. However, sometimes a judge questions why a parent waited so long to establish things like that, so I don't know.

As far as I know it's still possible to request a court order to change the child's name. I think just recently someone else on here did that. They had a court order but the mother is going against the court order but they are trying to get it resolved.

As for the age, I think he may be too young for the judge to want to question him but I don't think it's totally unheard of. Especially if he's subpeoned. I just really doubt he'll be taking the stand though.

Well with joint and visitation it gets kind of tricky. Don't know how they work all that out. With sole however, whoever has that, it just means that person has all the rights to make the decisions in the child's life and the child resides with them. The other parent only has rights to visitation. When you have joint legal, you share the decision making. With joint legal and sole physical or primary residence it means you share the legal stuff but the child resides with only one parent. With joint physical, the child resides with both parents, like split 50/50 so that's the tricky one. But the parent's time is the parent's time whether it's joint physical or done through visitation and anyone who goes against the court order can be held in contempt and done enough times could eventually have custody taken away.
 
N

njmom

Guest
just one quick question??

I realize from your post that you had mentioned that the child support comes directly out of his pay check, which I am assuming there is a court order. My question is.......What does the court order say in reference to visitation? Is there any mention of visitation/custody?

I totally agree with Grace in reference to the custody issue, I think your attorney is thinking that since 11 months or so have gone by, that maybe they need to get a relationship going and then seek joint custody. One side note, I think he may have a darn good chance for it too, seeing as though she has been interfering with the parent/child relationship. Judges don't like that, not one bit.

As far as the name change, I wish I knew a definate answer to this, but I think usually this is done immediately after the DNA test is done. As far as the ex refusing to change the last name, he should have pursued this long ago. How long ago was the DNA test done. I think the judge is going to wonder why it took so long for you to pursue this. On the other hand, I do remember someone on the forum going through the same problem, and I think the ex will have to prove why the change would be detrimental to the child. Good Luck and let us know how things go!
 
Last edited:

CMSC

Senior Member
Your husband could file on his own for a name change through the courts, the ex doesn't have to agree, it will be upto the judge.

Also, njmom, their court order for support may be the same as mine, there is no custody/visitation issues addressed in it because the order was done through CSE and support and visitaiton are seperate.

Just curious what was your husband doing the last 9 years? You sayed he has been trying to see the child the last 11 months.



p.s. just in case njmom wants to edit her post the child is a girl not a boy.:D
 

CMSC

Senior Member
treasure said:
My husband wants joint custody by having the child every other WEEK. Keep in mind, my husband & his ex hate eachother & don't speak. HELP! treasure

Is your husband having the child every other week a problem for you?
 
T

treasure

Guest
Replys back to my buddies:

Hey my friends! Thanks for all of the feedback. I will respond to each of you.
To GA; I don't understand either why his lawyer told him to wait. Because my husband has already established a relationship with the child.
My husband wants joint custody of 50/50. I told him that she would fight him for it, & I thought maybe he would get another percentage. His is a fit parent, so I don't know if I told him correctly.
To NJ; She took him to court in March. He asked the judge how was he sopose to see the child, & the judge told him that they had programs to help him see the child. Because child support & visitation was seperate. But they said if the Ex still did'nt act right, he had to go a step further for joint custody, & he said he would. So he does'nt have a court order for visitation, only for court ordered child support.
They a DNA test done 2 years ago. He wanted the last name changed then, but the Ex refused, & been making up excuses "since" then why not to change it. Like because of school & all. She really has NO legitimate reason why "not" to change the name, except to be spiteful of my husband, because she knows how bad he wants this.
To RM; Thank-you for telling me that my husband "can" change her last name without her mom having anything to do with it. Would the Ex have to sign something?
And yes, you're right! The court dupport "was" done through CSE, so no that issue was'nt address about custody/visitation. Can you answer "why" it was'nt addressed? How is yours set up for visitation, or custody?
My husband & I were married 8 years ago. we dated 2 years prior to that. The Ex got pregnant before we met. She put the responsibility on her current boyfriend. Then they started having an affair during our marriage about 3 years ago. then they went & got DNA done 2 years ago to confirm what she was trying to tell my husband. Then the affair stopped 1 year ago & my husband gave his life to GOD & made a 100 degree change around. So also 1 year ago she got pregnant for her boyfriend & he has been telling the EX not to let my husband see his daughter, & that he would take care of her. So see, the Ex was lieing to everyone until the child turned almost 9 years old. He never had proof that the child "was" his because someone else is on the birth certificate, & she STILL has THAT other guys last name too! So when they were having the affair, oh she was trying to get all kinds of proof to show my husband that the girl was his. Now that they are NOT together & she & her fi'ance have a son together & they are a live-in family now, she wants my husband "money", but she refuses my husband to see her.{ We also have 2 daughters together} My husband has tried to see & call the child, but the Ex has changed her number to unlisted. So since him & the Ex "HATE" eachother, he tried to go through the Ex mother & father. But they refuse to let him "call & see" her too!!! They say the child either is not there, or sleep, or busy, or doing homework, etc. They say they gave the child the letters he's sent, & gave her our phone number, & gave her all those endless phone messages. But she never calls, so we think they have not told or gave her anything. So he has made MANY efforts, but they were useless. NONE of her family members want my husband to have NOTHING to do with the child. We also think the mother & her fi'ance has "brain-washed" the childs mind to hate my husband & not to call, write, nor see or want to visit him, nor see her sisters. So we know she's going to fight this 50/50 joint custody. He wants 50/50 of EVERY!!!!!!! I guess that means JOINT legal/physical custody.
I need all of you to shed some light on my situation. It's a stressful time in our home because he won't get to see her for Thanksgiving. The lawyer said he probaly can have us in court by early December. A temporary custody would be $250.00 more. And he's already paid $185.00. Please help ya'll!!
 
T

treasure

Guest
I forgot one more thing to RM

I don't have a problem at all with the child staying with us every other week. The little girl 7 I really like eachother. We have not quite established a relationship with eachother like her & my husband. I constantly "push & encourage" my husband to get joint custody. I can only imagine what "her" mother has told her about me, as well as about my husband. I like the child, I just don't care for her mothers actions.
 

CMSC

Senior Member
DAMN! No offense but I would have left his ass years ago! I understand that he has changed and it is your life...better you than me because if I got ahold of him he wouldn't have anything left to reproduce with I would have cut it off!:D :D SORRY!

As far as the support order goes I went through CSE because i was not married at the time. It only addressed child support. Your husband go march right down to court and file for visitation. I hired a lawyer and that was a bad choice because he put reasonable visitation in there. You don't want that at all, get your husband to ask for specific dates, times etc. What county and state has jurisdiction?

As far as the name change, the ex does have something to do with it. She will have to answer his petition to change the name and if she doesn't agree to the name change the judge will decide what is the best interest of the child. Here is a site you can order a name change packet for $30 it has all forms, petitions etc. http://www.legaladviceline.com/default.asp?main=forms_namechange.asp

I didn't catch whose name is on the birth certificate. If it is her boyfriends you may want to tell her that your husband will file a paternity fraud suit if she doesn't put his name on the birth certificate.

Here is your states law on name changes and all info for courts etc. http://www.namechangelaw.com/states/la/louisiana.htm
 
T

treasure

Guest
Back to RM-reply

{HaHaHa} No offense taken.{smile} To better break it down, I DID leave him. Every time the affair started back up, I kicked him out of my home. Then I totally got fed up & we divorced in May. But we REmarried in August. Yes, I know what you're thinking! {smile} But I have tried to KILL him a couple of times, & I BEEN gave my life over to GOD!!!!!
Now help me out here: He already got a lawyer about 1 month ago, & has paid him $185.00 so far. His lawyer CLAIMS that we're going to court for joint custody in early December. Won't it take longer to go back to court "on his own" to file for visitation? Also, what type of "reasonable visitation" do you mean? Because we do want to make our "own" schedule when to see her. Like for instance he wants her: Week 1- Fri. at 6pm-mon. drop off at school. Then, Week 2- Tue. pick up at 6pm-next day drop off atschool;Thur. same thing. Because I know we can't have her every weekend like he would want. The county & state that has jurisdiction is East Baton rouge Parish, Louisiana. What is the deal with "whoever files for custody FIRST"? What does that mean? Because she has no idea that we have already filed for joint custody! She's sopose to be served sometime this month. If we file FIRST & request "certain days/nights", will the judge adhere to that?
You mean to tell me that we have to put EXTRA money to get her last name changed? I thought the lawyer could do that along with the custody battle? I'm sure the lawyer has his fee too.
I hope I asked the question correctly when you said that it was a bad idea on your part to get a lawyer because "he" put reasonable visitation in there. What is that? Is'nt that what we want? I'm confused.
The first boyfriends name is on the birth certificate. All she had as proof to take to CSE that he was the father WAS the DNA paper. Because the child has the "birth certificate fathers'" last name. Is it more to file a paternity fraud suit? Maybe his lawyer can just scare her with it. We have no way of contacting her. She changed her number, & she hangs up every time he calls her job, so he no longer calls. Help**
 

CMSC

Senior Member
Okay first of all as far as the paternity fraud I wasn't really suggesting you file it just use it as a scare tactic!

I completely forgot you had a lawyer, so in the words of Grace_Adler, I am a dork! Your lawyer can file the necessary paperwork for the name change.

Reasonable visitation is NOT what you want at all! This means that if she has physical custody she can simply say, "no today isn't reasonable for me sorry you can't see her". You need a schedule written out and in fact your state may have a standard schedule I will see if I can find one. It is just that with reasonable visitation it is hard to prove contempt with the parties.

If your husband is questioning the lawyer filing for joint custody go to the courthouse and request a copy of the papers the lawyer filed, it will say in there joint custody or not.

I hope I cleared up some things for you.
 
T

treasure

Guest
Would she really have a case to fight us NOT to change her name? I just want to know what we're up against. Thanks for the scare tactic, it WILL be used.
No one has custody? Right? What I mean is, no one has established "custody" at all. The child just lives with her, & she gets child support. She has NOT filed for any type of custody yet. I'm sure she will after she gets the papers though. But she don't have physical custody. I thought that would be established at court. Can you get me a schedule please, or show me where to get one. That will be most helpful. Thanks alot!
Where can I call to see if the lawyer has filed yet? How can I find out if "she" has been served yet. Wait a minute? She probaly has not been served because a court date has not been set yet.
 

CMSC

Senior Member
treasure said:
Would she really have a case to fight us NOT to change her name? I just want to know what we're up against. Thanks for the scare tactic, it WILL be used.
No one has custody? Right? What I mean is, no one has established "custody" at all. The child just lives with her, & she gets child support. She has NOT filed for any type of custody yet. I'm sure she will after she gets the papers though. But she don't have physical custody. I thought that would be established at court. Can you get me a schedule please, or show me where to get one. That will be most helpful. Thanks alot!
Where can I call to see if the lawyer has filed yet? How can I find out if "she" has been served yet. Wait a minute? She probaly has not been served because a court date has not been set yet.

Whoa! I thought you said your court date was in December? If a court date hasn't been set yet the you need to call the county clerks office where the hearing will be held and ask them if your lawyer even filed the papers yet!

To be honest all of these questions you are asking should be addressed by your attorney! But here is a generalization of visitation,

"The non domiciliary parent will be awarded up to 50% visitation depending on the facts. The Court has great latitude in determining what visitation is in the best interests of the child. A 50-50 arrangement generally requires both parents live close to the school the child attends.

The typical visitation schedule is for the children to live with the mother during the school year and the father during the summer. Weekends are alternated and sometimes Wednesday visitation is awarded. This arrangement can be modified to provide for between 25 and 50% time by the non domiciliary parent."

Now this is just the states idea of visitation. But your husband can request whatever he wants and it will be upto the judge to decide if it is suitable.

As far as custody is concerned she has custody. The reason being #1 your husband and here were not married and #2 if your husband is paying support to her then she is considered the custodial parent.
 
T

treasure

Guest
You mean this is the visitation schedule for Louisiana? We both live close to her school. I would even go further to say that we may be a tad bit closer to her school. We are not very far either from the childs home either. I always thought "joint" custody meant if the child was that old, it could be split one week here, & vice versa. Having her only during the summer is'nt split equally. And you did say Wednesdays visit during the week? Is that overnite?
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top