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  1. #1
    hrttornin2 is offline Junior Member
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    my son wants to be with me

    My ex girlfriend and i have joint custody of my 5 yr old son. for the 5 ot 6 months he has been putting up a fight when its time for him to go to his moms. he is always saying that he wants to live with me and just visit his mom. he also says that he wants to go to school where i live.
    we live in two sep. towns about 35 to 40 mins apart. i only see him every other weekend because he is in school. although we have joint custody his primary residence is with her. it is tearing me in two every time my ex and i meet because he doesnt want to go. he will start to cry way before we have to leave and he will start getting upset on saturday even though hes at my house until sunday. he says she never plays with him and that he doesnt like living there but i wonder if there is something more going on. i know he is only 5 but he is very smart and im not sure what to do. i keep telling him to ask her if he can live with me and she tells him no and i have also asked if he can come live with me. there has been times where she said she would think about it but then says no. my child says all the time that he is tired of going back and forth and that he just wants to be with me... what do i do?
  2. #2
    mommyof4 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hrttornin2 View Post
    My ex girlfriend and i have joint custody of my 5 yr old son. for the 5 ot 6 months he has been putting up a fight when its time for him to go to his moms. he is always saying that he wants to live with me and just visit his mom. he also says that he wants to go to school where i live.
    we live in two sep. towns about 35 to 40 mins apart. i only see him every other weekend because he is in school. although we have joint custody his primary residence is with her. it is tearing me in two every time my ex and i meet because he doesnt want to go. he will start to cry way before we have to leave and he will start getting upset on saturday even though hes at my house until sunday. he says she never plays with him and that he doesnt like living there but i wonder if there is something more going on. i know he is only 5 but he is very smart and im not sure what to do. i keep telling him to ask her if he can live with me and she tells him no and i have also asked if he can come live with me. there has been times where she said she would think about it but then says no. my child says all the time that he is tired of going back and forth and that he just wants to be with me... what do i do?

    What is it with adults bowing to the superior cognitive ability and reasoning of 5 and 6 year old children today????

    Your 5 year old doesn't want to go back to Mom because he is just now beginning to process the fact that his parents live apart and he naturally wants them together so he can be with both full time. Further, if all you do is play with the 5 year old while he is with you, it's perfectly understandable that he would rather be at the fun house than at the other place where he actually has to do more than play.

    No, you're 5 year old does not get to choose where to live. You stop putting your child in the position of thinking he has enough power to make this choice and you stop telling him to ask Mom. You grow up.
  3. #3
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hrttornin2 View Post
    My ex girlfriend and i have joint custody of my 5 yr old son. for the 5 ot 6 months he has been putting up a fight when its time for him to go to his moms. he is always saying that he wants to live with me and just visit his mom. he also says that he wants to go to school where i live.
    we live in two sep. towns about 35 to 40 mins apart. i only see him every other weekend because he is in school. although we have joint custody his primary residence is with her. it is tearing me in two every time my ex and i meet because he doesnt want to go. he will start to cry way before we have to leave and he will start getting upset on saturday even though hes at my house until sunday. he says she never plays with him and that he doesnt like living there but i wonder if there is something more going on. i know he is only 5 but he is very smart and im not sure what to do. i keep telling him to ask her if he can live with me and she tells him no and i have also asked if he can come live with me. there has been times where she said she would think about it but then says no. my child says all the time that he is tired of going back and forth and that he just wants to be with me... what do i do?
    You can quit being immature and using your child as a weapon. You can quit being emotionally abusive to your child. YOu can quit having HIM ask mommy to come live with you. You can get him into counseling so that he can deal with the fact that his father has acted like an idiot apart from whatever mom is doing. You can realize that children act this way when they are put in the middle of two parents who can't be mature.

    And no, you are NOT being mature. You are hurting your child. You need to really stop it.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  4. #4
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
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    Putting your son in the middle is really poor parenting. Children do not need to be involved in the legal dramas. That's borderline abusive (in my book). Why would you ask your child to choose between his parents?

    Without a major change in circumstances in son's life, I doubt very seriously you will be able to get custody changed without Mom's okay. Oh, and that's who you need to be talking to, MOM, not a FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD ; I don't care how 'bright' he seems.
  5. #5
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    OP, one more time. said differently.....

    if your child never wants to brush his teeth and cries about it, are you going to stop making him do it?

    if your child never wants to leave Disneyland and cries about it, are you going to stay there forever?

    if your child never wants to eat anything except gummie worms and fudge and cried about it, is that all you will feed him?


    children cry. it's what they do. he'll get over it once you stand your ground. as much as it hurt me, mine cried when i dropped them off at their grandmother's house when i was the NCP. they stopped. they got over it.
  6. #6
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    I agree with the others. Its incredibly poor parenting to allow a 5 year old to think that he has any choice in his living arrangements, or to tell him to ask his mom if he can live with you.

    What's more, without a true change in circumstance you have no hope of ever having primary custody, which makes it cruel and abusive as well.

    However, what you could do, if your child is really that important to you, is to move to the same community as mom, so that your child has the opportunity to spend some time with you during the week as well as every other weekend.

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