my sons father hasn't called to see his son in almost a month.....

[amy1981]

What is the name of your state? pennslyvania

my sons father ( jason ) hasn't called in almost a month, it will be a month this weekend. we have a court order that the jason & his mom is to have their visitation on sundays from 9am-9pm & jason is to be supervised by his mom, cause he's not responsible! i've been writting everything done that has happened. my boyfriend that i'm living with now, is taking care of both me & my son. my son calls him daddy & they get along so well. here's my problem, well sunday is fathers day & we won some tickets for the races & that i thought me & my son would take my boyfriend to but its on a sunday & that jason's court order visitation day. i have a feeling they might call & want to get my son, but i don't want to sit at home all day & wait to see if they call or not. will i be in vialation if, within an hour of when their to get him i don't answer my phone due to i'm not hear or busy outside with a cook out? should i just go ahead & make plans to do whatever?

 

[TxStep]

You are not obligated to sit home all day. I would think that if you give him an hour to show up (till 10AM) that you would be fine. If he is not there by 10AM, leave a note on the door telling him you waited for an hour, but had other plans and had to leave.

By the way, the fact that he has not used his visitation recently doesn't mean much. NCPs are not required to take their visitation.

 

[amy1981]

thanks for your comment, i just worry that i don't get into trouble. i'm trying to get enough info. on him to go back to court & get him to sigh over his rights completely or a new visitation order. i think we'd all be much happier with out jason around.

 

[njmom]

Question TxStep???

I thought that visitation by the non-custodial parent was required, since child support calculations are determined by visitation. If the non-custodial parent, such as my Ex, has three weeks vacation in the summer, those three weeks are taken into consideration, therefore his child support obligation is less because of the visitation?.....Just wondering, when you say visitation not required, I thought that it was, since my Ex got deductions for his vistitation.......

 

[ktarra617]

txstep is correct, support must be paid but visitation time is not required to be taken. The time is there if the NCP chooses to take it. If they don't the courts are not going to care until a significant amount of time with no contact has occurred. Usually a 6 months to a year or more.

 

[usmcfamily]

Visitation is used to calculate support, yes (in some cases anyway - in our case the support order was done first prior to any visitation order and was not subsequently altered to include his parenting time in the calculation of support), BUT you cannot MAKE the NCP spend time with the kids. What a visitation order does is guarantee that they have the right to spend that time with the kids so that the CP cannot cut the NCP out completely but in general the NCP will not be ORDERED to use the parenting time. However, if the CP is smart they can go back to court after a lengthy failure to exercise visitation (btw to the original poster a month isn't that long in the grand scheme of things so I would wait at least three-six months to do anything about it as then it will be a pattern whereas right now he could just claim to be having an unusually hectic month)and file a modification of visitation that would reduce the amount of time guaranteed to the NCP based on their failure to use the time they were allowed........then if the support is based on parenting time the CP could also file a motion for modification of support because the NCP is in default on the original agreement. This may sound vindictive to some but if you think about it it makes sense that if the support is based on time spent parenting the child and the NCP is NOT spending the amount of time the calculation is based upon then the amount should be re-caluculated based on the amount of time the NCP really spends parenting the child.
JMO.......

 

[njmom]

exactly

Thanks for the replies, because I was a little confused. In my case, the child support was done at the same time the visitation was done, and they did take his parenting time into consideration. It really burns me up that they do get the credit for the time, however, they don't take advantage of the time to spend with the children. I think it just has to do with they know they are getting credit for it, and they get a little rise out of knowing they are getting away with something. I know in my case, my ex did not take advantage of all three weeks in the summer, he took them for one........thanks again.......also usmc....I am JoanMcD, about a month or so ago my ex was taking me to court for custody because I am "unemployed", but i am a full time student, and you were correct, he did not get them because there was no change in circumstance.......he was sooooo pissed...
Thanks for the great advice......I couldn't use my old name because they said it was already taken, but whenever I tried to post I wouldn't allow me...........

 

[BigDaddy1115]

Waiting for a call

I would not sit by the phone waiting for him to call, he has had all week (and all month in fact) to call and make arrangements. If I had sat by the phone and waited on my father to call, I would have been sitting their 26 years. When I was a child, my father would have visitation set up and then not show up... my mother always arranged for she and I to do something special, whether it was to just go to the park and play. This eased some of the pain I was feeling from him not coming to get me for a visit. When your son goes through this disappiontment each time, try to make him feel special and emphasize to him that it is not his fault. My mother raised me and my brothers by herself from the time I was six years old (and she didn't have much help before then). We all turned out okay, we all have careers and families and have vowed that we will never do to our kids what was done to us. You know what they say, what don't kill us makes us stronger. Well, I would have rather grown up like I did than to have an alcoholic father that beat us everyday (which is why my mom kicked him to the curb). What I am trying to say is.. your son may have a better life if his father isn't around. One more thing. I read that your son calls your boyfriend "daddy". Be careful with this. Make sure you and your boyfriend are serious enough that he will be there. When I went through this, I called anyone that fit the description of "daddy" my daddy just because I was looking for someone to fill the void. Most of the time it was just another disappointment in the long run. You son has recieved enough hurt right now without your boyfriend leaving next week and your son losing another "daddy". Don't rush the fact that he has to call someone in his life daddy, it's okay just to have a mom. My mother got remarried when I was 18 yoa. It took me a long time to trust and believe that my step- father would be around. But alas, 10 years later...I now call him "Dad".

 

[basicrose]

It happenes to me too. I've got two little girls and their father is sooo irresponsible. I've been logging when he does and doesn't call. Sometimes he goes 2mos. without a call to talk or to pick-up his children. Of course, I don't know your situation. On my end, I left him in 1997, he beat me up in 1998 on a drop-off, and now I have Sole Custody of both children and he has visitation. In the begining, I used to sit by the phone and wait for him to call, I will not do that anymore. When he takes the children, you can bet that he will call atleast 4 different times to change the time to drop them off. I've ruined alot of my weekends waiting for him to call. So, if the father of your child doesn't call, don't sweat over it. As far as I know if he misses a visit, then he has to wait until the next time. My two children are 7yrs. and 5yrs., it's sad because they rarely ask about their daddy, because he's hardly around. What I'm trying to say is, is that go have fun. If he doesn't call by (example) Wed. to pick up the child on Friday, make the plans and tell him next time give atleast a two day notice. That's what I do. I'm not sure if you're allowed to do that. I make plans and if he calls, I simply tell him that I've already made plans with the children. Sorry for rambling. I hope this helps you out.

 

[amy1981]

thanks everyone for your thoughts. well i had a feeling that he would call yesterday on fathers day & he did. i was really upset, i couldn't even go down to face him, their was so much that i wanted to get into his face about. but my family told me to be nice that way when we went to court he couldn't use it against me that i got into a fight with him. i don't know if he thinks just cause he got him on fathers day he thinks it makes him one well he's wrong! their was an article that i read somewhere that if a parent walks in & out of a childs life that it could mess with the childs mind. i just hope one day he'll give up his rights & let my boyfriend adopt him once we get married.