LdiJ
Senior Member
What is the name of your state? IN
I have never really shared my whole story....so here it is...its long...so be prepared....and there may be some "shockers" involved...LOL
I met my ex in Italy. I was working for a company who sent me there for a summer to help open a franchise office there. My ex was involved with the same company in a different area.
He had a successful life in Italy so it took some major decision making to decide that we were going to live in the US. I was very close to my family and he didn't see his often...so it finally boiled down to that.....and in fact, he saw his family MORE often once he was living in the US. Both he and they made more of an effort. (I had something to do with that....I still love his parents dearly...they are still mama and papa to me)
We married, we had a child, he became a citizen. After 5 years of marriage he walked out. In the meantime, we had established a business in the US (for an italian company) that was successful. I was the controller for the business. He was in charge of sales.
Neither one of us wanted our child to suffer, and neither one of us wanted a hostile relationship. I could have been a real bitch...and there were moments that I wanted to be one. It hurt....I thought I had a happy marriage. It was a real shock to find out that my husband was messing around outside of marriage....and worse to know that he wasn't happy because he needed a "playboy" lifestyle instead of domesticity.
We didn't divorce for almost 10 years...we simply lived separately and divided our financial lives. He paid generous child support and also spent a lot on our child in excess of that. We also continued to work together for those 10 years. (wierd...I know) We actually ended up being "best friends"..again...wierd.
Of course things were uncomfortable originally, but after a few months we developed a schedule where he saw our daughter every day, after work, at my house. He played with her and her friends, did homework with her, etc. He spent saturdays with her (sometimes I went along, depending on what they were doing...always his invitation) and I had Sunday. We adjusted whenever we needed to adjust without any conflicts.
We both lost our jobs with the Italian company during a hostile takeover. Because we were so comfortable working together we very STUPIDLY invested into a restaurant together, with members of his family....he bailed shortly afterwards (couldn't get along with his family) and his family bailed shortly after that...I ended up being head chef and running the whole thing. It was profitable, but not enough to provide a living and our child was running wild.....we both took the bankruptcy.
We both floundered for a while...I ended up back in accounting and tax, he has played around with various things without significant success....and yes, he didn't pay child support for some years, even when I really needed it.....but I KNOW that he will make it up to both of us some day.
However our daughter thanks us regularly that she didn't have to live a "classic" divorce lifestyle....she is 18 now....and a mother herself....just recently. I haven't shared that either until now. The other senior members will know why I haven't shared that. She is doing great in school and is a wonderful mother.....and I have to give great "kudos" to daddy too....he is stepping up to the plate and being a real parent. My daughter told me that the example that her dad and I gave her is why its working for my grandchild.
They are both going to school and both working....yet they have scheduled their lives so that daycare isn't needed. I do fill into for 30 minutes to an hour here and there....but they are dealing with life on their own. Actually...that is a lie...I am NOT filling in with those 30 minutes to 1 hour most of the time....mostly the support staff in my office is doing that...LOL...and they get a big kick out of it.
I almost lost both my daughter and grandchild.....I won't go into details but there was a point during labor when the doctor told me that I could lose both of them and that I might have to "choose".
However they are both very healthy now.....praise to God. Thank God that I didn't have to make that decision.
So....that is MY life....
I have never really shared my whole story....so here it is...its long...so be prepared....and there may be some "shockers" involved...LOL
I met my ex in Italy. I was working for a company who sent me there for a summer to help open a franchise office there. My ex was involved with the same company in a different area.
He had a successful life in Italy so it took some major decision making to decide that we were going to live in the US. I was very close to my family and he didn't see his often...so it finally boiled down to that.....and in fact, he saw his family MORE often once he was living in the US. Both he and they made more of an effort. (I had something to do with that....I still love his parents dearly...they are still mama and papa to me)
We married, we had a child, he became a citizen. After 5 years of marriage he walked out. In the meantime, we had established a business in the US (for an italian company) that was successful. I was the controller for the business. He was in charge of sales.
Neither one of us wanted our child to suffer, and neither one of us wanted a hostile relationship. I could have been a real bitch...and there were moments that I wanted to be one. It hurt....I thought I had a happy marriage. It was a real shock to find out that my husband was messing around outside of marriage....and worse to know that he wasn't happy because he needed a "playboy" lifestyle instead of domesticity.
We didn't divorce for almost 10 years...we simply lived separately and divided our financial lives. He paid generous child support and also spent a lot on our child in excess of that. We also continued to work together for those 10 years. (wierd...I know) We actually ended up being "best friends"..again...wierd.
Of course things were uncomfortable originally, but after a few months we developed a schedule where he saw our daughter every day, after work, at my house. He played with her and her friends, did homework with her, etc. He spent saturdays with her (sometimes I went along, depending on what they were doing...always his invitation) and I had Sunday. We adjusted whenever we needed to adjust without any conflicts.
We both lost our jobs with the Italian company during a hostile takeover. Because we were so comfortable working together we very STUPIDLY invested into a restaurant together, with members of his family....he bailed shortly afterwards (couldn't get along with his family) and his family bailed shortly after that...I ended up being head chef and running the whole thing. It was profitable, but not enough to provide a living and our child was running wild.....we both took the bankruptcy.
We both floundered for a while...I ended up back in accounting and tax, he has played around with various things without significant success....and yes, he didn't pay child support for some years, even when I really needed it.....but I KNOW that he will make it up to both of us some day.
However our daughter thanks us regularly that she didn't have to live a "classic" divorce lifestyle....she is 18 now....and a mother herself....just recently. I haven't shared that either until now. The other senior members will know why I haven't shared that. She is doing great in school and is a wonderful mother.....and I have to give great "kudos" to daddy too....he is stepping up to the plate and being a real parent. My daughter told me that the example that her dad and I gave her is why its working for my grandchild.
They are both going to school and both working....yet they have scheduled their lives so that daycare isn't needed. I do fill into for 30 minutes to an hour here and there....but they are dealing with life on their own. Actually...that is a lie...I am NOT filling in with those 30 minutes to 1 hour most of the time....mostly the support staff in my office is doing that...LOL...and they get a big kick out of it.
I almost lost both my daughter and grandchild.....I won't go into details but there was a point during labor when the doctor told me that I could lose both of them and that I might have to "choose".
However they are both very healthy now.....praise to God. Thank God that I didn't have to make that decision.
So....that is MY life....
