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My wife and I want to get custody of my child from an Affair?

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ceazer47

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN/AL

I had an affair about 3 years ago and saw the lady for a while and the relationship produced a child, a wonderful son. I have since gotten back with my wife and we want custody of my son from my affair. She is fully willing to accept and raise him with me. My sons mother is 34 unemployed, just recently moved in with her mother states away and now is wanting to dominate everything when it comes to visitation or even phone calls. She does however still want me to keep sending money. I have kept her and her family up for 3 years now and she has recently allowed 3 of her children 13, 10, 17 to go and live with their fathers and kept one daughter and my son. She gets no child support but I ensure my son gets everything he needs along with her daughter that lives there. She has numerous medical issues some fake but spends alot of time in the hospital, has thousands of bills from everywhere from hospital and drs visits she never pays. I feel without her family immediatly involved he will not be raised with any opportunities or the right love and attention that my wife and I could provide. We want to attempt to get custody but I have never done a blood test to ensure he is mine but irregardless he is and will always be. I did not sign his birth certificate becasue I was out of the country in the military and when i got back I saw a different side of her that made me nervous about accepting legal documentation on it. Anyway she is full of threats and I have paid for everything they have needed for 3 years now, what can I do? Thanks heartbroken for my child
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN/AL

I had an affair about 3 years ago and saw the lady for a while and the relationship produced a child, a wonderful son. I have since gotten back with my wife and we want custody of my son from my affair. She is fully willing to accept and raise him with me. My sons mother is 34 unemployed, just recently moved in with her mother states away and now is wanting to dominate everything when it comes to visitation or even phone calls. She does however still want me to keep sending money. I have kept her and her family up for 3 years now and she has recently allowed 3 of her children 13, 10, 17 to go and live with their fathers and kept one daughter and my son. She gets no child support but I ensure my son gets everything he needs along with her daughter that lives there. She has numerous medical issues some fake but spends alot of time in the hospital, has thousands of bills from everywhere from hospital and drs visits she never pays. I feel without her family immediatly involved he will not be raised with any opportunities or the right love and attention that my wife and I could provide. We want to attempt to get custody but I have never done a blood test to ensure he is mine but irregardless he is and will always be. I did not sign his birth certificate becasue I was out of the country in the military and when i got back I saw a different side of her that made me nervous about accepting legal documentation on it. Anyway she is full of threats and I have paid for everything they have needed for 3 years now, what can I do? Thanks heartbroken for my child
You can file for parenting time.

It's years too late to be displeased with Mom's lifestyle or lack of fine qualities.
 

ceazer47

Junior Member
response to this site

Is there anyone out there that genually wants to assist with issues rather than be a smartass?
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
Legally this isn't even your child! You can file in court to establish paternity, custody, child support, and visitation. For YOU, not your wife.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Is there anyone out there that genually wants to assist with issues rather than be a smartass?


Here are your issues:

You are not the child's legal father. You have no child.

Mom is not unfit.

Mom has status quo on her side.


These things strongly suggest you have little to no chance of wresting primary custody from Mom.

File to establish paternity then, as SilverPlum suggested, file for enforceable parenting time.

Please understand that your wife will have no legal part in this.
 

Talene1984

Junior Member
Is there anyone out there that genually wants to assist with issues rather than be a smartass?
No there all like this... then they wonder why people get upset.:rolleyes:

Your best bet is to get to an attonory asap, asking for help here is a waste of time. None of them care they just like to put people down and make fun of them.
 

ceazer47

Junior Member
Legally this isn't even your child! You can file in court to establish paternity, custody, child support, and visitation. For YOU, not your wife.

I understand its not hers but she will be a determining factor on the judges decision for the wellbeing and location of the visitation I would think. So if I go through the court get paternity and he is mine by blood and I sign his birth certificate and get visitation or shared custody would their be any chance of getting him later if she continues to live as she is? Also just curious I have spent hundreds of thousands in the last 3 years and have reciepts for most of it which paid to keep her and her kids to include mine up. Will she be able to come back and try to get Child support for the past?
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Why, thank you, Talene1984.

We always enjoy feedback from new posters.


No there all like this... then they wonder why people get upset.:rolleyes:

Your best bet is to get to an attonory asap, asking for help here is a waste of time. None of them care they just like to put people down and make fun of them.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
I understand its not hers but she will be a determining factor on the judges decision for the wellbeing and location of the visitation I would think. So if I go through the court get paternity and he is mine by blood and I sign his birth certificate and get visitation or shared custody would their be any chance of getting him later if she continues to live as she is? Also just curious I have spent hundreds of thousands in the last 3 years and have reciepts for most of it which paid to keep her and her kids to include mine up. Will she be able to come back and try to get Child support for the past?
Regarding the bolded: you think incorrectly on this issue.
 

ceazer47

Junior Member
Thanks proserpina and E, For parenting are we speaking of shared custody or just visitation and how nasty would it really need to get if she fought it?
 

ceazer47

Junior Member
ok everyone is giving me nice quotes but if I file for paternity and he is mine and I institute legal child support which would be a tenth of what I pay for her upkeep now then then could I get shared custody of him without going to court?
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Thanks proserpina and E, For parenting are we speaking of shared custody or just visitation and how nasty would it really need to get if she fought it?



Trust me - your wife has absolutely nothing to do with this. Nothing whatsoever.


It's between you, and Mom.

You're not going to get any sort of 50/50 timeshare, so you'll need to forget that and be realistic. You MAY eventually get joint legal custody - but don't expect that from the get-go.

IF you are the father - and there's no guarantee of this - you should expect an introductory period of supervised visitation in Mom's community. If all goes well, eventually you'll be able to have the standard long distance parenting plan in your community.

You need to be realistic - you're not getting primary custody of this child unless Mom is unfit. And if she's that bad a parent, you would have already involved child services, correct?


You won't get any custody without going to court. Period.
 

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