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  1. #1
    nanato2 is offline Member
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    Unhappy NCP never even calls

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mississippi

    Can a NCP be forced to spend time with his child?
    The child is an eight year old boy, that needs to be learning how to be a man...his disabled grandfather does what he can, but, he wants his Daddy! The child has not heard from his father since last Oct., even tho he lives 10 minutes from here.
    And yes, the NCP pays child support , 75% of which goes to reimburse the state for assistance the mother received while the father was in jail for 6 years.
    I am the grandmother, and just wondering...
    Last edited by nanato2; 08-09-2008 at 01:12 PM. Reason: corrections
  2. #2
    2Mistakes is offline Senior Member
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    No, an NCP can not be forced to spend time with their child.

    Visitation is a right, but not an obligation, at least legally.
  3. #3
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanato2 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mississippi

    Can a NCP be forced to spend time with his child?
    A: No********
  4. #4
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
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    Half the child visitation posts say, "NCP never calls" and the other half say, "NCP calls too much."

    People!
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  5. #5
    2Mistakes is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by seniorjudge View Post
    Half the child visitation posts say, "NCP never calls" and the other half say, "NCP calls too much."

    People!
    Interesting observation, SJ. Now if the people who don't want the NCP to call could switch places with the folks who say the NCP never calls, but they want the NCP to, this would be happyland!

    OP, on an emotional level, I feel very bad for your grandson and other children in the position of having a parent who does not want any contact.

    But law is not about emotion.

    Think about it this way: What if there were laws in place that force NCPs to have "relationships" with their children? Don't you think that if an NCP doesn't want that, but is forced to, that their attitude is going to come through loud and clear to the child? Don't you think that that would do more emotional damagge to a child? You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. And if you do, they aren't going to be happy doing it. When my wife makes me do laundry, I piss and moan about it the whole time.
  6. #6
    nanato2 is offline Member
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    2mistakes,
    Sigh---You are right. The last couple of times he saw his father, it did not go well.
    I am afraid the anger between the parents is the root of it all, and so unfair to this child, but,
    you made no mistake here!

    Thank you all for your input.
  7. #7
    las365 is offline Senior Member
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    For six of the eight years of this child's life, his father was incarcerated. You say he makes no effort to see the boy.

    This child is longing for A father, but he is not necessarily longing for HIS father, but a fantasy of what his father could be. Is this father even someone who would be a good example to his son of how to be a man?

    There are organizations like Big Brothers that can help provide good male role models and companionship for boys. Perhaps that would be a good option to look into for your grandson.
  8. #8
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Has the child been encouraged to call his father or write letters to him?
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  9. #9
    nanato2 is offline Member
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    Ohiogal,
    My grandson has tried contacting his father thru my MySpace page, where we have contact with the other grandmother(1000 miles away), and his Aunt, who was living with the NCP, at our last contact. The NCP's phone # is no longer in service. No one responds, ...so, I have to agree with all of you, that I am wasting time, that I could spend trying an organization like Big Brothers, as las365 suggests.
    The child has just recently gone back to live with his mother, who is in the habit of jumping up, and moving across country, on a whim. Which is the reason I haven't contacted BB before. I can't bear to see this child get attached to another man, that won't be in his life for long.(Mother cannot maintain a stable relationship)
    For now, I WILL contact BB, and if Mom jumps up again, I will just keep the child here with me. He needs stability in his life, and my husband and I have pretty much raised him, anyway.

    Thank you all so much.
    This Forum gives me hope, and insight, even when the legal answers are NOT what I want to hear!!
    Thanks, again
  10. #10
    2Mistakes is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanato2 View Post
    Ohiogal,
    My grandson has tried contacting his father thru my MySpace page, where we have contact with the other grandmother(1000 miles away), and his Aunt, who was living with the NCP, at our last contact. The NCP's phone # is no longer in service. No one responds, ...so, I have to agree with all of you, that I am wasting time, that I could spend trying an organization like Big Brothers, as las365 suggests.
    The child has just recently gone back to live with his mother, who is in the habit of jumping up, and moving across country, on a whim. Which is the reason I haven't contacted BB before. I can't bear to see this child get attached to another man, that won't be in his life for long.(Mother cannot maintain a stable relationship)
    For now, I WILL contact BB, and if Mom jumps up again, I will just keep the child here with me. He needs stability in his life, and my husband and I have pretty much raised him, anyway.

    Thank you all so much.
    This Forum gives me hope, and insight, even when the legal answers are NOT what I want to hear!!
    Thanks, again
    Hold it, grandma. Who has custody of this child? If mom has custody, and wants to jump up again, and take her child, she absolutely can. Be careful.
  11. #11
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanato2 View Post
    Ohiogal,
    My grandson has tried contacting his father thru my MySpace page, where we have contact with the other grandmother(1000 miles away), and his Aunt, who was living with the NCP, at our last contact. The NCP's phone # is no longer in service. No one responds, ...so, I have to agree with all of you, that I am wasting time, that I could spend trying an organization like Big Brothers, as las365 suggests.
    The child has just recently gone back to live with his mother, who is in the habit of jumping up, and moving across country, on a whim. Which is the reason I haven't contacted BB before. I can't bear to see this child get attached to another man, that won't be in his life for long.(Mother cannot maintain a stable relationship)
    For now, I WILL contact BB, and if Mom jumps up again, I will just keep the child here with me. He needs stability in his life, and my husband and I have pretty much raised him, anyway.

    Thank you all so much.
    This Forum gives me hope, and insight, even when the legal answers are NOT what I want to hear!!
    Thanks, again
    YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO KEEP THIS CHILD. Mom has a right to raise HER child however she likes, including moving every year, six months or month so long as she is meeting the basic needs of the child. Why do you think you have ANY RIGHT to keep this child? YOu are quite frankly a LEGAL stranger.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  12. #12
    nanato2 is offline Member
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    Yes, I understand all of that--she LEAVES him, a lot. When she was in the Army, I stayed at her house, to take care of them. When I moved home, she had me come back and get him. When she moved again, he said he was tired of moving, and she left him here.

    I don't have any legal hold on him, but, she leaves him, more than she takes him. He calls my house home, and his mother's house, his OTHER home.

    If she moves again, and he wants to go with her, and she will take him with her, I would not try to stop them. I don't want to be his mother--I want to be his Grandmother, with all the joy THAT entails.
    His Doctors have even told her that change is very hard on him...nevermind--I could go on, and on. He needs stability, and Lord knows, I want his mother to give it to him, but until she does, I will be here for him.
    End of story.
  13. #13
    las365 is offline Senior Member
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    So really, even though you originally posted about your grandson's absent father as the primary problem, it is really your daughter - his mother - who as the "involved" parent is not creating what you feel is a stable enough environment.

    That's a sad situation and it's good that you are there for him. I know you don't want to be his mother, but you may want to look into getting your daughter to give you guardianship just in case a situation should arise in which you need legal authority to make medical decisions or take other action in regard to your grandson. Do you enroll him in school, take him to the doctor, and all that?
  14. #14
    nanato2 is offline Member
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    His mother enrolled him in school--this time. She is, at present, attempting to make them a home, just ten miles from my home.

    My POA for medical, etc., expires soon, but I have gotten him in to start seeing the 5th Psychiatrist he has seen...because of all the moving. He has had emotional, and behaviorial problems, since age three. He needs surgery on one eardrum, and dental care, will eventually need braces. Mom DOES have good insurance on him, now, and when the POA expires, it will be up to her to follow through with all this. I am hoping she will really TRY this time.
    His 5 year old sister is a lot tougher than he is, and loves moving around, but has just started school, so moving won't be so easy for her anymore, either.

    We have dicussed the custody thing, and that is not something we are ready for, at this point.
    I am confused about Guardianship--Can I have that, and the mother still have custody?
    I would love for her to take care of them, but at the same time, I WOULD feel more secure if I had SOME kind of authority, just in case...Mom becomes overwhelmed on a regular basis, and just drops the ball, so to speak.
    His first ear surgery was set for the summer of 2005--she moved, and had to start all over again...insurance, pre-existing conditions, etc. And the same thing happened when she went into the Army, and then again when she got out...(Honorable Discharge due to no "Family Care Plan"). Same with shrinks, dentists, pediatricians, on, and on.
    ...I am exhausted
  15. #15
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    If you want to legally do anything, you need to serve dad and have a judge decide.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.

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