NCP request that child and I do not go overseas due to spouse military orders.

[location2806]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? SC

In short, I'd like to know if it is likely that my ex husband could succeed in having our son and me stopped from going overseas if my current husband gets orders. I know it can happen but I wonder if it's likely given our situation.

Here are the details:
Son is seven years old. I have had sole custody for four years. Prior, we had shared custody but the visitation arrangements have stayed the same ( he visits every other wknd, summers and every other holiday)

Son has lived with me since he was born, with the exception of visitations to his father starting at 18 months. Son has lived with me, spouse and step daughters (spouse also has sole custody of his two daughters) for four years. Spouse and I have one daughter together, age one year.

My current husband is in the AF. He is up for orders any time. Ex husband has stated when my current husband and I got married that he would fight if my current spouse gets orders to another state or overseas. This was four years ago. We have not spoken of it since.

Should I go ahead and ask for a decision made by my ex husband and myself or by the court, if necessary, in the instance that my husband gets orders? (It will happen, it's just a matter of time) Or, should I just wait for it to happen and see how my ex husband reacts?

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? SC

In short, I'd like to know if it is likely that my ex husband could succeed in having our son and me stopped from going overseas if my current husband gets orders. I know it can happen but I wonder if it's likely given our situation.

Here are the details:
Son is seven years old. I have had sole custody for four years. Prior, we had shared custody but the visitation arrangements have stayed the same ( he visits every other wknd, summers and every other holiday)

Son has lived with me since he was born, with the exception of visitations to his father starting at 18 months. Son has lived with me, spouse and step daughters (spouse also has sole custody of his two daughters) for four years. Spouse and I have one daughter together, age one year.

My current husband is in the AF. He is up for orders any time. Ex husband has stated when my current husband and I got married that he would fight if my current spouse gets orders to another state or overseas. This was four years ago. We have not spoken of it since.

Should I go ahead and ask for a decision made by my ex husband and myself or by the court, if necessary, in the instance that my husband gets orders? (It will happen, it's just a matter of time) Or, should I just wait for it to happen and see how my ex husband reacts?

Why should the child and his father be deprived of one another simple because your husband has orders?

 

[location2806]

I do not think they should be deprived of each other. I would make every attempt to allow as much visitation as possible.
However, it is likely that my husband will get orders and I just want to know what I should do. What are the options?

 

[Antigone*]

I do not think they should be deprived of each other. I would make every attempt to allow as much visitation as possible.
However, it is likely that my husband will get orders and I just want to know what I should do. What are the options?

Get a court order allowing the move. Be prepared for dad to contest. Then if the child is allowed to move be prepared to foot the bill for all the transportation.

 

[Proserpina]

I do not think they should be deprived of each other. I would make every attempt to allow as much visitation as possible.
However, it is likely that my husband will get orders and I just want to know what I should do. What are the options?

Well, you basically have two options.

1. Allow Dad to have primary custody.

2. Go to court when your husband gets orders (on the understanding that your husband might be leaving without you, and you may have to follow later), and request permission from the court.

It is true that military moves (even when it's a stepparent in the military) are approved far more often than most other relocation.

I'd speak with a local attorney once you know when - and where (which might be a HUGE deal) - it is all going to happen.

 

[location2806]

I did figure I'd have to, at minimum pay the transportation excess. Thanks for the insight, Antigone.
Proserpina, my ex husband specifically stated that he would not file for full custody, as he is in no place to receive it. (He is on disability now and lives with his mother) However, he would file to have me prevented from leaving so that our son could complete visitation scheduled.
If that is the case, say, he does ask the court to prevent me and our son from going, will the court take into consideration the one year old baby of my current marriage? How can the court stop me from going with my husband if it will also deprive the other child from her father? It's getting complicated

 

[mistoffolees]

I did figure I'd have to, at minimum pay the transportation excess. Thanks for the insight, Antigone.
Prosperina, my ex husband specifically stated that he would not file for full custody, as he is in no place to receive it. (He is on disability now and lives with his mother) However, he would file to have me prevented from leaving so that our son could complete visitation scheduled.
If that is the case, say, he does ask the court to prevent me and our son from going, will the court take into consideration the one year old baby of my current marriage? How can the court stop me from going with my husband if it will also deprive the other child from her father? It's getting complicated

Your ex is not likely to win that argument.

The courts can easily proven the child from leaving the country, but if Dad is unable or unwilling to take custody, the court can't really exercise that option. (Plus, as Pro says, military relocations are more likely to be allowed).

Note that there's one thing that doesn't seem clear from your post. You seem to think that the court can stop you from moving. They can not. You have the legal right to go wherever you want. The court can only stop the CHILD from moving. But since Dad can't keep the child, that's going to be difficult.

I would suggest that you talk with a local attorney about how best to proceed given your circumstances. As always, if you can get Dad's agreement, it will be easier.

 

[location2806]

mistoffolees, I was under the impression that I could be held back. Thank you for letting me know that I can not be held and for clearing the fact that it is only the child that the court can refuse.
Would the court ask my son, who will likely be 8 by that time, what he wants to do? Not that it bothers me at all, I just wonder if they would do that to a young child.

It has never been my intention to take my son away from his father. In fact, I think we both go above and beyond the court order to make sure our son gets as much time as possible with his father.
Is Skype-type internet face to face time something I could offer to my exhusband? Also, I thought I would offer the entire summer and every other Christmas vacation. Does that sound fair given the circumstances?

 

[Antigone*]

mistoffolees, I was under the impression that I could be held back. Thank you for letting me know that I can not be held and for clearing the fact that it is only the child that the court can refuse.
Would the court ask my son, who will likely be 8 by that time, what he wants to do? Not that it bothers me at all, I just wonder if they would do that to a young child.

It has never been my intention to take my son away from his father. In fact, I think we both go above and beyond the court order to make sure our son gets as much time as possible with his father.
Is Skype-type internet face to face time something I could offer to my exhusband? Also, I thought I would offer the entire summer and every other Christmas vacation. Does that sound fair given the circumstances?

Your child should not be involved in the decision making whatsoever.

If the child is allowed to relcoated, Skype is a great option to be able to keep in touch ~ it would go both ways. You and your child would Skype when he is visiting dad.

 

[Ohiogal]

Would you be willing to only see your child in the summers and every other Christmas break?

 

[CJane]

As Misto said, YOU cannot be prevented from relocating. The courts only have jurisdiction over where the CHILD lives.

Unless Dad is willing/able to assume custody of the child, he has NO SHOT at preventing the relocation.

Whether or not that's 'fair', or whether or not you would be willing to see your child on such a limited basis is irrelevant.

If it were me, I would file NOW based on the idea that your husband WILL be getting orders. He can narrow down where it's most likely he'll be sent to, and you can put that in your motion. Request the court's permission to relocate with the child to 'wherever XXXX receives orders'. Include in the motion that you'll be paying for all associated transportation costs. And, if you don't already have a passport for the child, include that as well.

 

[location2806]

Ohiogal: If that was my only option in order to keep my son in the most normal circumstance, then I would do it for him. I wouldn't be happy about it. I have empathy for my ex husband. This is not something I look forward to, it is something that will happen, whether I want it to or not.

CJane, thanks for that information. I think I will go ahead and spend my tax refund on getting an amendment made to my current court order so that I don't have to deal with it when the time comes.

 

[gr8rn]

I did figure I'd have to, at minimum pay the transportation excess. Thanks for the insight, Antigone.
Proserpina, my ex husband specifically stated that he would not file for full custody, as he is in no place to receive it. (He is on disability now and lives with his mother) However, he would file to have me prevented from leaving so that our son could complete visitation scheduled.
If that is the case, say, he does ask the court to prevent me and our son from going, will the court take into consideration the one year old baby of my current marriage? How can the court stop me from going with my husband if it will also deprive the other child from her father? It's getting complicated

You say he says he would not file for full custody but he could change his mind. Just because he is on disability and lives with his mother does not mean "he is in no place to receive it."(custody).

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal: If that was my only option in order to keep my son in the most normal circumstance, then I would do it for him. I wouldn't be happy about it. I have empathy for my ex husband. This is not something I look forward to, it is something that will happen, whether I want it to or not.

CJane, thanks for that information. I think I will go ahead and spend my tax refund on getting an amendment made to my current court order so that I don't have to deal with it when the time comes.

You might consider offering him either Christmas break, fall break or spring break every year (if the school were to have that) and alternating those breaks in addition to summer break while overseas. If you would HONESTLY be satisfied with that type of visitation, that will help you determine if he is getting a "fair" amount of time.