Need advice ASAP

[riverrathp38]

What is the name of your state? Georgia

My daughter got pregnant in MI while living with her boyfriend. While she was pregnant, they broke up and we allowed her to come and live with us. We were moving to GA so she chose to come with us. She turned 18 in Sept and her son was born in Nov. We told her she could live with us for 6 months after the baby was born, and then we expected her to get her own place. During her pregnancy and after the baby's birth we did everything we could to help her. I got her started in her own work from home business where she could make enough money to live on her own with the baby. Anyhow, she constantly neglected her child, was abusive to me and consistently ran around so we told her she had to move out. (I really would have loved for her to stay, take care of her child, and work for her future, with our support, but she just made our home a living hell.)

She said ok, that she had a place to stay and took her baby with her. Well, 2 days later (today) she called and said for us to come get the baby, that she can't handle him, has no money, etc. Of course for the safety of our 6 month old grandson, my husband drove 1 1/2 hours to go get him.

Before I ask my question, I just want to say that we did not want the baby to leave with her in the first place, for his safety....but we knew she would bring him back. Raising my grandson is not my first choice on the ideal way for things to work out. I want to be a gramma and not a mommy again, but I will do what I must do because I love my grandson dearly. I don't want to "steal" him from her. I want her to grow up, find a good man and take care of her son......but she has said out loud she did not want him.

Anyhow, we are in GA and moving to TN very soon. I need some kind of legal gaurdianship of my grandson in case of medical emergency's etc AND since we are moving over the state line. What is my best course of action right now??? I am not sure where she is living as she 'met' my husband when she gave him the baby.

I pray that someday she gets it together and can be a good mother and take him back, but in the meantime....I need to be smart about this. Help???

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by riverrathp38

What is the name of your state? Georgia

My daughter got pregnant in MI while living with her boyfriend. While she was pregnant, they broke up and we allowed her to come and live with us. We were moving to GA so she chose to come with us. She turned 18 in Sept and her son was born in Nov. We told her she could live with us for 6 months after the baby was born, and then we expected her to get her own place. During her pregnancy and after the baby's birth we did everything we could to help her. I got her started in her own work from home business where she could make enough money to live on her own with the baby. Anyhow, she constantly neglected her child, was abusive to me and consistently ran around so we told her she had to move out. (I really would have loved for her to stay, take care of her child, and work for her future, with our support, but she just made our home a living hell.)

She said ok, that she had a place to stay and took her baby with her. Well, 2 days later (today) she called and said for us to come get the baby, that she can't handle him, has no money, etc. Of course for the safety of our 6 month old grandson, my husband drove 1 1/2 hours to go get him.

Before I ask my question, I just want to say that we did not want the baby to leave with her in the first place, for his safety....but we knew she would bring him back. Raising my grandson is not my first choice on the ideal way for things to work out. I want to be a gramma and not a mommy again, but I will do what I must do because I love my grandson dearly. I don't want to "steal" him from her. I want her to grow up, find a good man and take care of her son......but she has said out loud she did not want him.

Anyhow, we are in GA and moving to TN very soon. I need some kind of legal gaurdianship of my grandson in case of medical emergency's etc AND since we are moving over the state line. What is my best course of action right now??? I am not sure where she is living as she 'met' my husband when she gave him the baby.

I pray that someday she gets it together and can be a good mother and take him back, but in the meantime....I need to be smart about this. Help???

And why would you, her parent, have allowed a MINOR child to LIVE with her boyfriend? Good heavens. It seems to me that daughter's not the only irresponsible one.

[CourtClerk]

Originally Posted by nextwife

And why would you, her parent, have allowed a MINOR child to LIVE with her boyfriend? Good heavens. It seems to me that daughter's not the only irresponsible one.

Nextwife,

I'm going to ask you like I ask a few of my coworkers and friends to stop requiring people to have common sense when it comes to life, work and child rearing. It simply irritates you and me to no end and it will never get any better. People want their children to like them instead of putting a foot up their behind every once in a while. So, if you can do me a favor....and ummm.... just shake your head at the lunacy of letting a minor child go and live with a boyfriend, have unprotected sex, end up pregnant, unable to support herself and unwilling to take care of a child she had and become yet another statistic and just understand that in some village, these are the signs of the times, my Sunday will be a little better, because I am absolutely nauseaus at the thought of this whole post. K?

[MrsK]

Originally Posted by nextwife

And why would you, her parent, have allowed a MINOR child to LIVE with her boyfriend? Good heavens. It seems to me that daughter's not the only irresponsible one.

That was my first thought too. OP, you can not be so surprised that your child is so irresponsible when you yourself must be aware that you were most irresponsible when you let her go live with her boyfriend, and surely can not be surprised she ended up a pregnant teenager.

File for custody of the child if you are so concerned about him.

[Rocketcitymom]

One must presume this mother ALLOWED her daughter to live with her b.f, which is not always the case. As a mother to a 19 year old myself, I have spent alot of time retrieving her from other peoples homes that she ran away too because she did not like the rules, respect and morality we demanded she live by in our home. We cannot always control our children and in different states, once your child attains a certain age, well the law just steps out of the situation all together. In Georgia, once a child is 17, we as parents do not have the right to drag them home anymore, they are "able to make these decisions now according to the law". Also, do any of you have any idea what this mother feels in regards to her own mistakes in raising her child? Have none of you made mistakes? My own mother told me on the birth of my daughter...Honey, your gonna mess up with this child. When I asked why she would say such a thing she said " No matter how well we try to raise our children, we all leave as adults with scars". This was a very profound statement, as none of us our given a blueprint or handbook on how to be a parent, and worse some of us did not have good examples ourselves. Passing judgement and condemnation is not what this woman has asked for, she has asked for advice on how to at least do the right thing for her grandchild.

So, in that regard, you and your husband now have physical custody of your grandchild, if your daughter is not going to be responsible in the raising of this child, then hire an attorney, get papers drawn up that give you legal right to the child as well as physical. If your daughter cannot be found to have papers served, then the courts are likely to give that custody to you on default. Btw, if biological father has anything to do with child, you will have to have him served as well, that is if he is on birth certificate. I dont know the situation that placed your daughter where she is today nor do I know what responsibilities you hold in the decisions she has made...what I do know is that you are stepping up for this grandchild and for that you must be commended. Hope the advice helps.

[Ohiogal]

One must presume this mother ALLOWED her daughter to live with her b.f, which is not always the case. As a mother to a 19 year old myself, I have spent alot of time retrieving her from other peoples homes that she ran away too because she did not like the rules, respect and morality we demanded she live by in our home. We cannot always control our children and in different states, once your child attains a certain age, well the law just steps out of the situation all together. In Georgia, once a child is 17, we as parents do not have the right to drag them home anymore, they are "able to make these decisions now according to the law". Also, do any of you have any idea what this mother feels in regards to her own mistakes in raising her child? Have none of you made mistakes? My own mother told me on the birth of my daughter...Honey, your gonna mess up with this child. When I asked why she would say such a thing she said " No matter how well we try to raise our children, we all leave as adults with scars". This was a very profound statement, as none of us our given a blueprint or handbook on how to be a parent, and worse some of us did not have good examples ourselves. Passing judgement and condemnation is not what this woman has asked for, she has asked for advice on how to at least do the right thing for her grandchild.

Thank you for the feel good, up with people prose.

So, in that regard, you and your husband now have physical custody of your grandchild, if your daughter is not going to be responsible in the raising of this child, then hire an attorney, get papers drawn up that give you legal right to the child as well as physical.

And legally what are her chances?

If your daughter cannot be found to have papers served, then the courts are likely to give that custody to you on default.

Oh really?

Btw, if biological father has anything to do with child, you will have to have him served as well, that is if he is on birth certificate.

WRONG! It doesn't matter if he is on the birth certificate. Would you like to state why?

I dont know the situation that placed your daughter where she is today nor do I know what responsibilities you hold in the decisions she has made...what I do know is that you are stepping up for this grandchild and for that you must be commended.

Legally mom can come back tomorrow and take the child and there is not a damn thing grandma can do about it. Grandma speaks well but she has not right to put conditions on her daughter when it comes to when her daughter can come claim her child.

Hope the advice helps.

Well you are a one party pep squad for OP. I am sure she appreciates it.

[riverrathp38]

Wow....I am amazed at some of the responses here. I could not wait until I was done reading all of the responses to re-post! Why would anyone assume that I allowed my minor daughter to go and live with her boyfriend? Unfortunately, MI law give parents little or no control over thier children. When these problems began when she was 16 years old, I involved the police and tried to get control of my daughter....only to find that I had no recorse to my daughters behavior. In addition the state rewarded her by giving her food stamps after she left home. As far as the pre-marital sex....If I could be with my daughter every minute of every day, I certainly would have pulled the guy off her. Get off your high horses.

I have been a good parent, tried to teach my children good morals (which I truly have) the hard cold truth is we have no control over other people. I have a 17 year old son whom I have never heard a cuss word out of. He has respect for my husband and I and is truly a good kid. I can't explain why my parenting was successful with my son and not my daughter, but I refuse to blame myself for doing the very best I could and loving my my kids with all my heart.

I am trying to deal with the issue at hand here and don't see any reason for some of the above posts. What is your motive of trying to make me feel worse than I already do? I need to be there for my grandson now...so do me a favor and keep your insults about my parenting to yourself...and be careful what you say because life as a way of dishing back what we dish out.

I did not come here for pity or reassurance, I came here for insight on how to handle this situation. I am grateful to those who may be able to offer good advice on this situation....to the rest of you, please keep your negative comments to yourself.

[GrowUp!]

Originally Posted by riverrathp38

I am grateful to those who may be able to offer good advice on this situation....to the rest of you, please keep your negative comments to yourself.

You do NOT get it. This is a LEGAL ADVICE web site. And guess what?

Legal advice will not always have the frosting of your choice, decorated with sprinkles and a cherry on top.

If you want group hugs and a shoulder to cry on, then I suggest you reach out to Dr. Phil and Dr. Keith Ablow (before his show is canceled).

[Rocketcitymom]

Yes, the daughter, mother of the grandchild can come back and retrieve her infant at any time and then what? This grandmother has already stated that the daughter does not want the child, is unemployed and only the Lord knows what else she is in to!!!!Yes, even if the biological father is NOT on the birth certificate, he can attempt to lay claim to the child as well, however, that will be a legal battle he himself must be willing to wage. I stated that he must be served as well esp. if on birth certificate because he is the KNOWN father. If there is no birth father listed, then the man who wants to claim this infant will have to go through paternity tests as well as a legal battle to gain custody of child from birth mother at this time, and if grandparents gain physical custody, then the legal battle will be with them.To that end, this grandmother has EVERY right to try and obtain custody of this child if her daughter is unwilling to raise the child and/or unfit to do so. It was stated that the grandparents were willing to help their daughter raise this child and give her time to get on her feet and obtain a home of her own for her child and herself. This was rejected.If the grandparents are making a move geographically they NEED rights to this child in order to get the child the medical treatment it may require, get the child in school, and to protect it from a possibly unfit mother who may see the child as only way to get food stamps, housing,and financial assistance , so she can continue being irresponsible while getting a free hand out at the same time.I would hope that if the daughter straightens herself out, by making better decisions for herself and finds the self esteem and self worth to create a life for herself that the grandparents would be willing to place their granchild back with their daughter. The physical custody order does not have to be a permenant order, it can be temporarty and conditional. If I am a one person pep squad than so be it....anyone willing to take on another persons child (grand child or not) is a person showing great strength and love.

To you riverrathp38....Never sin agiants your own heart (or the well being of your grandchild) in order to please a person who counsels you and has nothing at stake in the matter.....Baltasar Gracian

[GrowUp!]

Originally Posted by Rocketcitymom

Yes, the daughter, mother of the grandchild can come back and retrieve her infant at any time and then what? This grandmother has already stated that the daughter does not want the child, is unemployed and only the Lord knows what else she is in to!!!!Yes, even if the biological father is NOT on the birth certificate, he can attempt to lay claim to the child as well, however, that will be a legal battle he himself must be willing to wage.

Dad's rights do not get trumped by the grandparent's. PERIOD!! If Dad came forward, there would be no "battle to wage." It would be the grandparent's who would have to fight for some rights.

I stated that he must be served as well esp. if on birth certificate because he is the KNOWN father.

One could put Kris Kringle on the birth certificate and does not mean crap. A name is not the "known" father.

If there is no birth father listed, then the man who wants to claim this infant will have to go through paternity tests as well as a legal battle to gain custody of child from birth mother at this time, and if grandparents gain physical custody, then the legal battle will be with them.

WRONG!!! Unless you care to cite statutes and case law to support this.

To that end, this grandmother has EVERY right to try and obtain custody of this child if her daughter is unwilling to raise the child and/or unfit to do so. It was stated that the grandparents were willing to help their daughter raise this child and give her time to get on her feet and obtain a home of her own for her child and herself. This was rejected.If the grandparents are making a move geographically they NEED rights to this child in order to get the child the medical treatment it may require, get the child in school, and to protect it from a possibly unfit mother who may see the child as only way to get food stamps, housing,and financial assistance , so she can continue being irresponsible while getting a free hand out at the same time.I would hope that if the daughter straightens herself out, by making better decisions for herself and finds the self esteem and self worth to create a life for herself that the grandparents would be willing to place their granchild back with their daughter. The physical custody order does not have to be a permenant order, it can be temporarty and conditional. If I am a one person pep squad than so be it....anyone willing to take on another persons child (grand child or not) is a person showing great strength and love.

And if Dad comes forward, orders a paternity test and is determined to be Dad, the child goes to Dad and Mom will be the one fighting the big time uphill battle if she decided to get her life in order.

[riverrathp38]

Well, as far as the father goes....he is in MI...is NOT on the birth certificate....is a convicted felon and fortunately for the time being does not have the means or desire to lay claim on this child. I do pray that in the future he gets his life together and he choses to know his child but at the time all of the above are just a blessing.

As far as my daughter. Being 100% honest...I fear for my grandson if he were to be in her care. I have seen her idea of taking care of him and I fear that he would not live until 2 years old.

I don't think she will come and try to take him....as I truly believe she does not want to care for him-at all.

I hope that she grows up and finds a good man to help her care for her son (wishful thinking) but hope she just stays away until that time.

I did everything to enable my daughter and give her the means to be independent but she clearly wants to run around that is her priority in life right now.

I am no pushover. I told her she could no longer live in my house if she was not going to work and take care of her child. SHE made the choice to leave by being abusive to me...not working and neglecting her child.

I have to live with the difficult decision I have made but I truly believe that the kick in the butt that I gave her is going to bring out her true character. She will either begin to mature and see reality or continue to run from it. I can only pray and care for my grandson so that he does not become terribly emotionally damaged.

So should I petition the court for some sort of custody??

[Rocketcitymom]

You are absolutley correct..However, to make a comment as such, legal advice must be given, to which I do not see any legal advice in your post nor any other. Up and until I posted the ONLY advice were one's of personal opinions and condemnation. If that constitutes legal advice, then cite statutes and case law to me to support this! Furthermore, I NEVER stated that a father's rights were trumped by the grandparents...read my statement agian...What I said was IF there was a birth father SHOWN ON BIRTH CERTIFICATE( and this in and of itself constitutes the Known father, Kris Kringle or not) AND ACTIVE IN THE CHILDS LIFE he would also have to be served...thus acknowledging his legal rights to the child as well!! Unless you have never been in a court room then you would know that the father would have a battle as well, showing himself fit and financially capable of taking care of this child. IF the biological father does desire custody of the child, then yes, his right to the child will indeed take precedence over the grandparents, with the assumption that this father is capable of caring for the child but what if the father is a felon? What if this father is a known drug addict? What if the father has an domestic abuse or assault record? Then let the battle begin!!!! If the biological father is unknown, and yet at some point comes forward, the paternity WILL have to be established( esp. if there IS another name on the birth certificate) and then depending on how long the child has resided in the grandparents care, how established this child is in his community,church, school ect, will be weighed agiants the father and his desire and agian his ability to take custody of the child.Why??? because this would not be a case of what is best for the adults concerned, but what is best for the child.

[moburkes]

Active in the child's life has nothing to do with this. And, known (as opposed to unknown???) felon, may not even be an issue. If he's a felon for theft or forgery, for example, it won't make a difference. You also used the word "potential". WTF? I'm a potential husband beater, does that make me unfit to raise my children?

Get a clue.

[riverrathp38]

I pretty much am ignoring "GrowUps" comments. No Judge would ever grant custody to a biological father unless it was "known" that he was the father. A man can not just lay claim to a child. It would have to be proven that in fact he WAS the father....assuming he was NOT on the birth certificate. If his name WAS on the birth certificate - that may be different but I don't care because that does NOT apply to this situation.

As of this moment I can not get in touch with my daughter. This is NOT GOOD. What if there was a medical emergency? This shows how much she cares.

As far as legal advice goes....I agree I have yet to see any solid legal advice here...just opinions.

I called a lawyer today to find out what HE would reccommend if it were his grandchild.

[moburkes]

Do you understand that what you would do if it was your child doesn't necessarily correlate to what the law says? In a medical emergency, the doctors are allowed to treat without mom's permission OR yours. Do you understand that?

You need to go to court and ask for guardianship. That's what my mom did with her granddaughter.