Need Advice for my grandson and daughter please.

[LdiJ]

My daughter has been on SSI since she was 15 so at that point she had to have a payee. Since she has turned 18 she simply has not had a doctor send social security a note saying she does not need one any longer. She has handled her own money and I keep track of how she is doing with it, she has been fine.

So that is an issue we can resolve fairly quickly and easily and I appreciate the input on that.

He has issues that are documented by both the police and (yes biased) friends of my daughter, who had to go and help her pick up her things that he had thrown out when she left him. The clothes he cut to shreds because he was angry, the cell phones he destroyed so she could not call for help, the blanket he slashed to shreds because he was angry and mutltiple other issues.

Pictures of the above items that were destroyed and he willingly admits he was angry because she left him and he couldn't control what he was doing and really doesn't remember any of it either.

Not sure how that would stand up in court either but it's there.

Right now my daughter and he are getting along, she wants him to be a part of the baby's life and he wants to be as well.

I'm not trying to say this young man cannot see his son or know him, he has the right and my grandson has a right to know his father. I'm just trying to see what are the alternatives for my daughter and my grandson to be in the best possible situation to keep themselves safe, that's all.

My duaghter is like a lot of women who find themselves in abusive situations, and wants to believe changes are being made and will continue to be made. I, however, have lived through an abusive situation and had to get myself and my children out. I know promises are made and kept briefly, most of the time. I know how hard it is to leave both physically, emotionally and legally sometimes.

Maybe there is nothing I can do to help her and my grandson should this turn out the same way and maybe there is nothing legally she can do either. That was all I was trying to ask. I'm just concerned for her welfare and that of my grandson. I'm not saying the baby's dad does nto have any rights but I'm also asking what can be done to help keep them safe. Maybe this was not the forum to ask that on, I don't know.

Thanks for your time, however, I appreciate that.

Then perhaps you should try to make her realize that if dad has really changed, and dad is really sincere, then dad ought to be moving to VT to get to know his child, rather than your daughter moving to AZ.

 

[jfs2561]

Nope. I did not misread.



In order for you to get guardianship both parents need to be involved in that decision. NOT just your daughter. Also baby daddy. You would have to serve alleged daddy as well as daughter with any court case. Then daddy could fight you on receiving guardianship. Daughter could give you a POA to insure that you could obtain medical care.



Yep> i saw it. But the point being your daughter needs to realize it. You also stated that

.

OK, what is a POA, that may be what was being talked about but was being referred to as temporary guardianship. It is where someone is given the ability to care for and make decisions on behalf of a child while the parent(s) are absent, such as when the parents are abent for traveling or business or any other reason.

I'm confused as to where you saw me state that my daughter needed to realize that the baby had two parents. She is well aware of that and is the one who contacted the baby's dad.

The situation I was referring to that it took a lot to get her to see what that she was in an abusive situation and needed to get the heck out of there before he hurt her or something/someone she cared about. I can't imagine the control he would have over her actions with a child involved.

 

[>Charlotte<]

Maybe there is nothing I can do to help her and my grandson should this turn out the same way and maybe there is nothing legally she can do either. That was all I was trying to ask. I'm just concerned for her welfare and that of my grandson. I'm not saying the baby's dad does nto have any rights but I'm also asking what can be done to help keep them safe. Maybe this was not the forum to ask that on, I don't know.

You (and your daughter) just need to prepare to accept that whatever you define as "safe" may not happen. The father has the opportunity here to be granted more rights than you probably feel comfortable with him having. But, he's the father. Once he is declared the legal father, that's just the way it is. Once your daughter chose him as the father of her child, she gave up a lot of control.

 

[jfs2561]

Then perhaps you should try to make her realize that if dad has really changed, and dad is really sincere, then dad ought to be moving to VT to get to know his child, rather than your daughter moving to AZ.

I'm working on that too. In the meantime I'm just checking to see what options are available if she does go back to AZ.

 

[wileybunch]

I'm working on that too. In the meantime I'm just checking to see what options are available if she does go back to AZ.

There aren't any. All bets are off. That's why LdiJ is right. If dad wants to have a relationship with his child and has really changed, he will come to VT. If DD goes to AZ, she's knowingly entering a vortex where she may come out a parent that visits there child after being blindsided by a custody battle that she has no resources to fight (and a number of strikes against her even on a good day).

 

[Isis1]

this is just my non-attorney advice....

talk the daughter into staying in VT. like it was said before, once an an abuser, always an abuser. it doesn't stop. mom should file for custody/visitation/support in VT. submit a long distance parenting plan with dad paying for all the costs of transportation. however in this case, mom might be ordered to pay half considering the circumstance.

as i have been a non-custodial parent once upon a time, i'd move heaven and earth to see my kids. if kids were in another state, i would have moved to be with them. yes, i would always annoy the dad by moving so close as in next door if i could. maybe that's just me. so if dad is really interested, he'd move to VT. the only way he wants to be dad is if mom does his biding. that's still abuse.

 

[jfs2561]

The bottom line is that there is no type of custody that your daughter can have, that will allow her to move back to VT again if things don't work out again. She will be stuck in AZ if she stays there a full 6 months.

Also, its very very likely that the rich grandparents WILL finance a custody battle for their son. Its quite possible that that is the strategy. To convince her to move to AZ and then after she has been there six months, for the father to try to battle for custody based on her lack of her own home and her bio-polarism.

Your daughter is making a mistake to even consider this. Once an abuser, always an abuser. There is nothing you can do but try to talk her out of it.

So she would have 6 months for what? I'm sorry I am confused about that. If she were to move back to VT within 6 months then what?

I agree with your statements on abuse however, it is extremely difficult to change and even when changes are made it is even easier to slide back into old patterns. I'm trying to get my daughter to see that as well.

 

[LdiJ]

So she would have 6 months for what? I'm sorry I am confused about that. If she were to move back to VT within 6 months then what?

I agree with your statements on abuse however, it is extremely difficult to change and even when changes are made it is even easier to slide back into old patterns. I'm trying to get my daughter to see that as well.

The child was born in VT. Therefore VT will have jurisdiction of any custody case until your daughter and the child establish legal residency in AZ. It takes 6 months to establish legal residency in AZ.

Therefore, he could not legally force her to stay in AZ with the baby until she has lived there at least 6 months. I can just about bet that everything would be wonderful for 6 months, and then it would all go to he11 in a handbasket.

 

[jfs2561]

There aren't any. All bets are off. That's why LdiJ is right. If dad wants to have a relationship with his child and has really changed, he will come to VT. If DD goes to AZ, she's knowingly entering a vortex where she may come out a parent that visits there child after being blindsided by a custody battle that she has no resources to fight (and a number of strikes against her even on a good day).

Thanks! She knew I was posting this and I'm not sure this is the answer she was exptecting or hoping for but I am still working on trying to get her to stay here.

I do have another question though, well it has to do with my original post.

Once paternity has been proven, and it will be, IF she decides to go back to AZ and leave the baby here with me, for the time being, what comes into play then? She wants to go back to school and that is in AZ. At least the baby is not in AZ but then does that have anything to do with her residing in AZ for 6 months, which is longer than the school year?

thanks again

 

[jfs2561]

The child was born in VT. Therefore VT will have jurisdiction of any custody case until your daughter and the child establish legal residency in AZ. It takes 6 months to establish legal residency in AZ.

Therefore, he could not legally force her to stay in AZ with the baby until she has lived there at least 6 months. I can just about bet that everything would be wonderful for 6 months, and then it would all go to he11 in a handbasket.

Thank you for that information. I am wiling to be everything would be wonderful for that time frame as well.

I know I posted this in another place as well but does residency count for her AND the baby or just her? Because she is thinking of going gack to school out there as well

 

[CJane]

Thanks! She knew I was posting this and I'm not sure this is the answer she was exptecting or hoping for but I am still working on trying to get her to stay here.

I do have another question though, well it has to do with my original post.

Once paternity has been proven, and it will be, IF she decides to go back to AZ and leave the baby here with me, for the time being, what comes into play then? She wants to go back to school and that is in AZ. At least the baby is not in AZ but then does that have anything to do with her residing in AZ for 6 months, which is longer than the school year?

thanks again

Honestly? If she's willing to ditch her kid with you for 'school' on the other end of the country (and last I checked, there are schools in VT)... then why shouldn't Dad have custody? Mom isn't being a MOM during that time. The child should be with a parent.

See how that plays? Your daughter needs to pull her head out and start being a PARENT instead of a little girl running between Mommy and BabyDaddy.

 

[waitinMd]

I agree with CJane, it gives Dad the perfect opportunity to file for custody and have the child placed with him.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks! She knew I was posting this and I'm not sure this is the answer she was exptecting or hoping for but I am still working on trying to get her to stay here.

I do have another question though, well it has to do with my original post.

Once paternity has been proven, and it will be, IF she decides to go back to AZ and leave the baby here with me, for the time being, what comes into play then? She wants to go back to school and that is in AZ. At least the baby is not in AZ but then does that have anything to do with her residing in AZ for 6 months, which is longer than the school year?

thanks again

Leaving the child with you while she goes back to AZ would be even worse than taking the child with her. That would automatically give dad grounds to file for custody (even though he would have to do it in VT) and win, because the child would not be living with his mother.

There are all kinds of schools in New England. She needs to transfer to one of them.

 

[wileybunch]

I agree with CJane, it gives Dad the perfect opportunity to file for custody and have the child placed with him.

Agreed, too. There is nothing wrong with wanting to pursue the higher education, but she has to understand that custody then should go to Dad. She cannot leave child with you and think that the baby's Dad with resources and/or a pair will not go to court to seek physical custody. His rights are superior to yours once he is legally established as Dad.

 

[jfs2561]

Agreed, too. There is nothing wrong with wanting to pursue the higher education, but she has to understand that custody then should go to Dad. She cannot leave child with you and think that the baby's Dad with resources and/or a pair will not go to court to seek physical custody. His rights are superior to yours once he is legally established as Dad.

Thank you all. We are talking and I just hope she is listening now.