need advice on my situation

[am2010]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Alabama

Community,

I recently got married this year to my husband who is an Army officer. We were living in Florida at the time and I have a 2 year old daughter from another relationship. My ex and I were never married and we broke up when my daughter was 8 months old. He never gave me any money for my child and always fought with me on watching her. His name is on the birth certificate. My husband had orders to go to Alabama and since we got married, I went with him with my daughter. I told my ex and he gave me a hard time about it. We left and he threatened me by calling the police and calling DCF. I went to see a lawyer on post and she had told me that I needed to wait 6 months before my child would be considered a legal resident of Alabama before I could start a petition for full custody. She also told me that I had no obligations of speaking to him and that I could change my number if I wanted to. My ex has made no attempts to come up here but has been calling me and texting me. I am afraid to start a case because I do not want him to take my child because I know he will try and I will never see her again. Can anyone please give me advice on whether I should start a case or wait and see if he will (which I do not think because he has no job)?

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Alabama

Community,

I recently got married this year to my husband who is an Army officer. We were living in Florida at the time and I have a 2 year old daughter from another relationship. My ex and I were never married and we broke up when my daughter was 8 months old. He never gave me any money for my child and always fought with me on watching her. His name is on the birth certificate. My husband had orders to go to Alabama and since we got married, I went with him with my daughter. I told my ex and he gave me a hard time about it. We left and he threatened me by calling the police and calling DCF. I went to see a lawyer on post and she had told me that I needed to wait 6 months before my child would be considered a legal resident of Alabama before I could start a petition for full custody. She also told me that I had no obligations of speaking to him and that I could change my number if I wanted to. My ex has made no attempts to come up here but has been calling me and texting me. I am afraid to start a case because I do not want him to take my child because I know he will try and I will never see her again. Can anyone please give me advice on whether I should start a case or wait and see if he will (which I do not think because he has no job)?

Dad does not have any obligations to support Princess without a court order. When making an initial custody determination, most courts look at the status quo and who has been active in the child's life and who has not.

How long have you been in Alabama?

 

[am2010]

Dad does not have any obligations to support Princess without a court order. When making an initial custody determination, most courts look at the status quo and who has been active in the child's life and who has not.

How long have you been in Alabama?

TheGeekess,

I have been in Alabama since the end of May about a few days after I got married.

I just wanted to know more information about it and thank you for your contribution. This situation has me very stressed and worried. I don't want him causing any trouble. Since I got married and moved up here, my situation has gotten a lot better. My daughter has adequate health insurance, her own room and we have our own house now. Our situation has gotten considerable better and he wants to make a very big deal about it but yet we know he hasn't started a case because we haven't received anything from court. Do I have to start a case? Does he have any basic rights even though we werent married? What are my options?

 

[Ohiogal]

TheGeekess,

I have been in Alabama since the end of May about a few days after I got married.

I just wanted to know more information about it and thank you for your contribution. This situation has me very stressed and worried. I don't want him causing any trouble. Since I got married and moved up here, my situation has gotten a lot better. My daughter has adequate health insurance, her own room and we have our own house now. Our situation has gotten considerable better and he wants to make a very big deal about it but yet we know he hasn't started a case because we haven't received anything from court. Do I have to start a case? Does he have any basic rights even though we werent married? What are my options?

Dad can file in Florida most likely. (Haven't checked Florida UCCJEA). If you change your number and he doesn't have your address, you will have issues because you would then be concealing the child from him. Why don't you grow up and work out an agreement with the man you allowed to impregnate you so that your (mutual) child can benefit? He is the child's father. You seem to want to have your husband be "daddy". Right? You want your daughter to call your hubby daddy?

 

[am2010]

Dad can file in Florida most likely. (Haven't checked Florida UCCJEA). If you change your number and he doesn't have your address, you will have issues because you would then be concealing the child from him. Why don't you grow up and work out an agreement with the man you allowed to impregnate you so that your (mutual) child can benefit? He is the child's father. You seem to want to have your husband be "daddy". Right? You want your daughter to call your hubby daddy?

Ohiogal,

I appreciate your feedback and will not allow the blunt and straightforward comment to deter me from getting the answers I desire on a situation that I have never dealt with. I do not want to be rude and would expect the same. I understand the basics of the situation and know that the father can file in Florida if he chooses. I have also done a little research of my own on what my standard rights are as well. I understand and take full responsibility for having my daughter with this man and also do understand that I do have some learning and maturing to do. As far as my husband is concerned, I would like him to adopt my daughter but I also understand that in order for that to occur, her father would have to forgo his rights.
To shed a little more light upon my situation and my hesitation to come to an agreement with the father, the father has no formal education (not even a GED), has no job (no stable job that I know of), lives with his parents and has not given me any money to help support our daughter. She has lived with me the whole time that I have cared for her as a single parent and have been the one claiming her on my income tax every year and have been providing her with health insurance. He has harassed me in the past, given excuses about spending time with our child and has allowed his significant other to harass me as well.

 

[Silverplum]

Ohiogal,

I appreciate your feedback and will not allow the blunt and straightforward comment to deter me from getting the answers I desire on a situation that I have never dealt with. I do not want to be rude and would expect the same. I understand the basics of the situation and know that the father can file in Florida if he chooses. I have also done a little research of my own on what my standard rights are as well. I understand and take full responsibility for having my daughter with this man and also do understand that I do have some learning and maturing to do. As far as my husband is concerned, I would like him to adopt my daughter but I also understand that in order for that to occur, her father would have to forgo his rights.
To shed a little more light upon my situation and my hesitation to come to an agreement with the father, the father has no formal education (not even a GED), has no job (no stable job that I know of), lives with his parents and has not given me any money to help support our daughter. She has lived with me the whole time that I have cared for her as a single parent and have been the one claiming her on my income tax every year and have been providing her with health insurance. He has harassed me in the past, given excuses about spending time with our child and has allowed his significant other to harass me as well.

You selected his uneducated self to be Dad.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal,

I appreciate your feedback and will not allow the blunt and straightforward comment to deter me from getting the answers I desire on a situation that I have never dealt with. I do not want to be rude and would expect the same. I understand the basics of the situation and know that the father can file in Florida if he chooses. I have also done a little research of my own on what my standard rights are as well. I understand and take full responsibility for having my daughter with this man and also do understand that I do have some learning and maturing to do. As far as my husband is concerned, I would like him to adopt my daughter but I also understand that in order for that to occur, her father would have to forgo his rights.
To shed a little more light upon my situation and my hesitation to come to an agreement with the father, the father has no formal education (not even a GED), has no job (no stable job that I know of), lives with his parents and has not given me any money to help support our daughter. She has lived with me the whole time that I have cared for her as a single parent and have been the one claiming her on my income tax every year and have been providing her with health insurance. He has harassed me in the past, given excuses about spending time with our child and has allowed his significant other to harass me as well.

Why did you willingly spread your legs and have sex with such a person? Oh because it didn't matter when you were having fun. No really. YOU CHOSE HIM to be daddy when you had sex with him. YOU CHOSE HIM to be daddy when you gave birth. You don't get a do over. You really need to figure out how to work with him as a parent. HE IS HALF OF YOUR CHILD and if he wants to be involved, you should be willing to allow that to happen. Your husband WILL NOT be adopting just because you have moved on.

 

[am2010]

I understand completely that was a mistake made by myself to pick such a candidate for a father. I had high hopes that he would make an effort to change his future but that is not under my control.
All I desire is to seek information about my situation. Period.

 

[Ohiogal]

You selected his uneducated self to be Dad.

Apparently she forgot to do a background check and check his references before she got naked and did the horizontal dance with him that resulted in pregnancy. She further didn't check into things when she was pregnant. Instead, she has basically decided that MUSICAL DADDIES is the game she wants to play. I am thoroughly disgusted. <spit>

 

[Ohiogal]

I understand completely that was a mistake made by myself to pick such a candidate for a father. I had high hopes that he would make an effort to change his future but that is not under my control.
All I desire is to seek information about my situation. Period.

Then learn how to communicate and make agreements to coparent. If you aren't willing to do that and want to HIDE the child from the father, then you aren't worthy of my help (or the help of others here) because this forum doesn't appreciate musical daddies.

So the first bit of advice: GROW UP.
Second bit: FILE TO ESTABLISH CHILD SUPPORT AND CUSTODY.
Third bit: Don't think you are magical because you are mom and have an uterus. You aren't.

 

[am2010]

Thank you for the advice. I will do my best to use it wisely.

 

[Silverplum]

I understand completely that was a mistake made by myself to pick such a candidate for a father. I had high hopes that he would make an effort to change his future but that is not under my control.
All I desire is to seek information about my situation. Period.

He's Dad. Done. Nobody changes.

 

[Ladyback1]

Apparently she forgot to do a background check and check his references before she got naked and did the horizontal dance with him that resulted in pregnancy. She further didn't check into things when she was pregnant. Instead, she has basically decided that MUSICAL DADDIES is the game she wants to play. I am thoroughly disgusted. <spit>

*sigh*

Ya know? It is totally disrespectful to insinuate the things you insinuate (on a fairly consistent and regular basis) about the posters.

We have all made mistakes in our assessment of people. People do change, and *gasp* some people are really good at hiding their true selves, until much later in a relationship.

It's really hard to take any advice you give when you immediately attack a poster and put them on the defensive.
But, you have been told this before and you JUST DON'T CARE!

I'm thoroughly disgusted by your complete and utter lack of couth and decorum on here.

 

[Proserpina]

No matter what, M is going to end up closing the thread and once again the OP will leave not only wondering what exactly she did wrong (and come ON people - there are ways of telling someone they're on the wrong path), and with nothing helpful to boot.

So, here's what's going to happen.

I'm going to say my piece, and then the cat-fight can go on as usual.

OP, let's take it piece by piece.

I recently got married this year to my husband who is an Army officer. We were living in Florida at the time and I have a 2 year old daughter from another relationship. My ex and I were never married and we broke up when my daughter was 8 months old. He never gave me any money for my child and always fought with me on watching her. His name is on the birth certificate. My husband had orders to go to Alabama and since we got married, I went with him with my daughter. I told my ex and he gave me a hard time about it.

Okay - there's no custody order in place, correct?

We left and he threatened me by calling the police and calling DCF. I went to see a lawyer on post and she had told me that I needed to wait 6 months before my child would be considered a legal resident of Alabama before I could start a petition for full custody.

That's true - and if Dad rushes to court he can make your life miserable at least in the short term. This is what Florida says...and there's an important part which I bolded.

(3) PETITION TO RELOCATE.—Unless an agreement has been entered as described in subsection (2), a parent or other person seeking relocation must file a petition to relocate and serve it upon the other parent, and every other person entitled to access to or time-sharing with the child. The pleadings must be in accordance with this section:
(a) The petition to relocate must be signed under oath or affirmation under penalty of perjury and include:
1. A description of the location of the intended new residence, including the state, city, and specific physical address, if known.
2. The mailing address of the intended new residence, if not the same as the physical address, if known.
3. The home telephone number of the intended new residence, if known.
4. The date of the intended move or proposed relocation.
5. A detailed statement of the specific reasons for the proposed relocation. If one of the reasons is based upon a job offer that has been reduced to writing, the written job offer must be attached to the petition.
6. A proposal for the revised postrelocation schedule for access and time-sharing together with a proposal for the postrelocation transportation arrangements necessary to effectuate time-sharing with the child. Absent the existence of a current, valid order abating, terminating, or restricting access or time-sharing or other good cause predating the petition, failure to comply with this provision renders the petition to relocate legally insufficient.
7. Substantially the following statement, in all capital letters and in the same size type, or larger, as the type in the remainder of the petition

Now. While Florida has historically defined that as a parent or other who has visitation or an automatic right to access/custody (such as a married spouse) there is a differing opinion here: http://menonlyfamilylawonly.com/relocation-§-61-13001-florida-statutes/

Given that Dad hasn't filed for anything, and given that you do actually have some solid reasons for leaving, while you may not have done things strictly by the book it shouldn't hinder you much (if at all). From this point forward, do it by the book.

She also told me that I had no obligations of speaking to him and that I could change my number if I wanted to.

I think that's dodgy advice at best - while it's technically true and Dad has done little to actually get his rights spelled out, some courts would take issue with it.

My ex has made no attempts to come up here but has been calling me and texting me. I am afraid to start a case because I do not want him to take my child because I know he will try and I will never see her again. Can anyone please give me advice on whether I should start a case or wait and see if he will (which I do not think because he has no job)?

Well, respond to a text or two. See what he wants. Start there.