Need help about daughter's first overnight visit with non-custodial parent

[concernedmommie]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Connecticut

My daughter's father has just been ordered to have overnight visits from Saturday at 10am to Sunday 5pm every other weekend granted he moves into his apartment in Connecticut. He claimed that he moved in today and that his wife's sister-in-law and two children will be staying with them during the month of August. My daughter's first scheduled overnight starts in August and apparently these other people will be "visiting" for over a month. They only have a two bedroom apartment and he father claims that our daughter will have her own room and that the sister-in-law and two kids will be sleeping in the living room. I am afraid to send my daughter on this visit because I do not know how many people will really be living or visiting there and I am not sure if she will be in her own room. And this is the first time that she has ever stayed with him, I do not think it's in her best interest nor do I think it's a good way to get her adjusted to staying with him and his wife that he barely knows, and now he is adding 3 other people to the stay. When I asked him about it he replied that he is allowed to have guests and that he has no say in the fact that his wife's sister-in-law and 2 children will be staying. I do not want to send our daughter because I am afraid this is not the best situation for her...what can I do? And what will happen if I do not send her?

 

[Proserpina]

This is not a legal issue.

Your daughter doesn't need a room of her own, for one thing.

Get used to the idea of your daughter spending time with your ex and his extended family.

 

[sometwo]

Millions of kids share a room . Its no big deal. You are being controlling. He can have visitors. You cannot dictate who he has in his house.

If you do not send your child you'll be violating the court order and can be held in contempt.

 

[stealth2]

And really, it may make her More comfortable to have kids to play with. Just how old IS your child?

 

[CONative]

There must be more to this story that you're not sharing. Otherwise, there is no reason at all that your daughter shouldn't go spend the night at her dad's. You're just going to have to get used to him doing his own things on his time with her. If you don't want to have guests at your house on your time, that's fine but he can have whoever he wants stay with him.
It won't hurt your daughter at all to see her extended family and to have kids to play with while she is visiting her dad. There is nothing there that is not in her best interest.
Just give her a hug and tell her to have fun at her dad's.

 

[LdiJ]

There must be more to this story that you're not sharing. Otherwise, there is no reason at all that your daughter shouldn't go spend the night at her dad's. You're just going to have to get used to him doing his own things on his time with her. If you don't want to have guests at your house on your time, that's fine but he can have whoever he wants stay with him.
It won't hurt your daughter at all to see her extended family and to have kids to play with while she is visiting her dad. There is nothing there that is not in her best interest.
Just give her a hug and tell her to have fun at her dad's.

Just for the record, the additional visitors are not part of the child's extended family. The are part of dad's new wife's extended family.

 

[gr8rn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Connecticut

My daughter's father has just been ordered to have overnight visits from Saturday at 10am to Sunday 5pm every other weekend granted he moves into his apartment in Connecticut. He claimed that he moved in today and that his wife's sister-in-law and two children will be staying with them during the month of August. My daughter's first scheduled overnight starts in August and apparently these other people will be "visiting" for over a month. They only have a two bedroom apartment and he father claims that our daughter will have her own room and that the sister-in-law and two kids will be sleeping in the living room. I am afraid to send my daughter on this visit because I do not know how many people will really be living or visiting there and I am not sure if she will be in her own room. And this is the first time that she has ever stayed with him, I do not think it's in her best interest nor do I think it's a good way to get her adjusted to staying with him and his wife that he barely knows, and now he is adding 3 other people to the stay. When I asked him about it he replied that he is allowed to have guests and that he has no say in the fact that his wife's sister-in-law and 2 children will be staying. I do not want to send our daughter because I am afraid this is not the best situation for her...what can I do? And what will happen if I do not send her?

Look, I could tell you horror stories about the things my son's father has done to him during visits. Maybe then you would be able to put things in perspective. My son has been thrown around rooms by his father and the judge did nothing. So maybe you can ease up just a little bit and see that your daughter having her own room, in the grand scheme of things, is not a big deal. If her father loves her and treats her well, and if she is happy to go, then you give her a kiss and a hug and tell her to have fun with Dad.

 

[ecmst12]

IMO, you need to relax and find something REAL to worry about.

 

[stealth2]

Just for the record, the additional visitors are not part of the child's extended family. The are part of dad's new wife's extended family.

Despite this, unless the order bars them from visiting/staying over - Dad is allowed to have them at the same time as his child.

 

[sometwo]

Just for the record, the additional visitors are not part of the child's extended family. The are part of dad's new wife's extended family.

Not family legally or biologically but let me tell you something form another perspective . They could very well be family to this child.

My stepson adores my family and to him they are most certainly family. His little brother who was raised in our family for 6 years (not biologically related to us other than by my stepbrother) thinks of our family as his family too. In fact his Dad and stepmom continuously tell him we are not his family (nevermind the child had never lived with dad until he was 6 years old. He had been with my sister n law since he was about 4 weeks old). He is going to be 11 next month and you cant imagine how much that hurts this child. He is so torn over it.

In fact the court even ordered my sister n law court ordered visitation at least one weekend a month because he knew how much this family meant to him.

Don't take it out on your child just because your mad you lost control of your ex.

 

[Just Blue]

Sorry Folks...This is Kelly.

 

[Proserpina]

Sorry Folks...This is Kelly.

For perhaps the first time ever I'm going to disagree....

..punctuation and style aren't Kelly.

Though the user name convention is suspect...

 

[Just Blue]

For perhaps the first time ever I'm going to disagree....

..punctuation and style aren't Kelly.

Though the user name convention is suspect...

Read her thread on the other (TheLaw) site. This is Kelly. She "adjusted" her postings to fool the forum.

 

[Proserpina]

Read her thread on the other (TheLaw) site. This is Kelly. She "adjusted" her postings to fool the forum.

Snap.

Haven't been there in a few....lemme go see.

I will retract previous statement and once again bow down to your wisdom!

 

[Proserpina]

Bluest of Blue my darling...I'm just not seeing it.

I dunno. Maybe it's the heat here (come on - I live in WA...anything above 68 and I'm literally melting).

Just not seeing Kelly though.

Now with that said, OP has a non-issue legally speaking.

She NEEDS - assuming it's a legit post - to understand that she's going to be co-parenting with Daddy for a long, long time and this means she'll have to get used to a difference in parenting styles.

Mom feeds kiddo cereal for breakfast. Dad prefers bacon and eggs.

Mom won't let kiddo watch PG13 movies. Dad puts one in the DVD player every Saturday night.

Mom doesn't push flossing kiddo's teeth. Dad won't let kiddo play out until kiddo has brushed and flossed.

Mom has separate bedroom AND separate study for kiddo. At Dad's house, kiddo shares a room with two half siblings and the dog.

Mom lets kiddo play outside until 9pm. At Dad's, kiddo is in doing homework by 7.

I'd think that these differences, though minor, have the potential to irk at least one parent at any given point in time and that is why BOTH parents have to learn the most important lesson of co-parenting.

SuckItUp 101.