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Need help proving mother is unfit

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qtbranda

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Wisconsin
Mother is trying to turn child against myself (stepmom) and my husband (father). Custody is currently us 40% her 60%. Child (3) comes over yelling at us, tells us we are naughty, that we try to take his mom away, tells us his mom says we are stupid. He constantly appears with buises. Mother says he falls down a lot or doesn't know where they come from. Finally we involved CPS because there was a handprint buise on his back. CPS said it was ok for him to go home, but they won't tell us anything (like who hit him or what is being done so it doesn't happen again). When it is time for child to go back to his moms he screams and cries. Says he doesn't want to go. He has terrible nightmares. One time he freaked out when he was going to the bathroom because he got pee on the floor, he was screaming "I,m sorry, I'm sorry". I cleaned it up and showed him it was ok, but it took a long time for him to calm down. Mother chooses not to work so the first time in family court she was given more visitation because she was more available for child. Wisconsin court is very biased towards females. What can we do? :eek:
 


BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
qtbranda said:
What is the name of your state? Wisconsin
Mother is trying to turn child against myself (stepmom) and my husband (father). Custody is currently us 40% her 60%.
No it is not.
Child (3) comes over yelling at us, tells us we are naughty, that we try to take his mom away, tells us his mom says we are stupid. He constantly appears with buises. Mother says he falls down a lot or doesn't know where they come from. Finally we involved CPS because there was a handprint buise on his back. CPS said it was ok for him to go home, but they won't tell us anything (like who hit him or what is being done so it doesn't happen again). When it is time for child to go back to his moms he screams and cries. Says he doesn't want to go. He has terrible nightmares. One time he freaked out when he was going to the bathroom because he got pee on the floor, he was screaming "I,m sorry, I'm sorry". I cleaned it up and showed him it was ok, but it took a long time for him to calm down. Mother chooses not to work so the first time in family court she was given more visitation because she was more available for child. Wisconsin court is very biased towards females. What can we do? :eek:
Nothing.

Now, if you'd like to know why I answered the way I did, read your post and figure it out.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
Wisconsin court is very biased towards females

It's convenient to throw out these generalities, but frankly I have found WI courts to not be gender biased at all
 

qtbranda

Junior Member
So when my husband said he would cut back his hours to spend more time with his son, they told him that it doesn't work that way. Clearly because they want him to pay the higher amount of child support. How is that not biased? If we sent him home with a handprint bruise, his visitation would have been terminated. How come nothing happened to her? I also went through the court 3 years prior to his son being born. The social worker told me that i shouldn't give my son's father so much visitation. The court commisioner said I could drop my family health plan insurance and make the father 100% responsible for medical costs. The court was willing to bend over backwards to help me out. Why? Because I am a women.
 
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casa

Senior Member
qtbranda said:
What is the name of your state? Wisconsin
Mother is trying to turn child against myself (stepmom) and my husband (father). Custody is currently us 40% her 60%. Child (3) comes over yelling at us, tells us we are naughty, that we try to take his mom away, tells us his mom says we are stupid. He constantly appears with buises. Mother says he falls down a lot or doesn't know where they come from. Finally we involved CPS because there was a handprint buise on his back. CPS said it was ok for him to go home, but they won't tell us anything (like who hit him or what is being done so it doesn't happen again). When it is time for child to go back to his moms he screams and cries. Says he doesn't want to go. He has terrible nightmares. One time he freaked out when he was going to the bathroom because he got pee on the floor, he was screaming "I,m sorry, I'm sorry". I cleaned it up and showed him it was ok, but it took a long time for him to calm down. Mother chooses not to work so the first time in family court she was given more visitation because she was more available for child. Wisconsin court is very biased towards females. What can we do? :eek:
Was there any determination by CPS, and if so, what was it? Did Dad speak of any other concerns he had with CPS?

Awarding a higher % of custody to the parent more available to the child is not bias, it's giving parents the first opportunities to parent their children.

Does Dad have joint legal custody? Has he attempted any sort of play therapy for the child's behavior? It would be a chance to discover some of the reasons and give direction as to how to handle it...and if it landed in court, would be another professional's opinion re; the child's emotional health/state.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
qtbranda said:
So when my husband said he would cut back his hours to spend more time with his son, they told him that it doesn't work that way. Clearly because they want him to pay the higher amount of child support. How is that not biased? If we sent him home with a handprint bruise, his visitation would have been terminated. How come nothing happened to her?
Well, I'm done with this post.

You just nailed your own coffin. :rolleyes:
 

qtbranda

Junior Member
My husband talked to CPS for hours. We have a very detailed log. Also pictures of other significant bruises. CPS seemed really concerned, they got the police involved. We were instructed not to send child home until they spoke to the mother. After 45mins of talking to mother they released him to go home. CPS said they couldn't tell us anything. We then contacted family court, apparently CPS overides FC and if they feel it was ok to send child home then FC has to follow there instructions. Just another note, when child was only 5 days old, mother took him to a party where people were drinking and smoking pot. She was so passed out that her own brother called father to come get the baby because she couldn't wake up to feed him. Even with countless witnesses FC feels that child is better off with her.
 

casa

Senior Member
qtbranda said:
My husband talked to CPS for hours. We have a very detailed log. Also pictures of other significant bruises. CPS seemed really concerned, they got the police involved. We were instructed not to send child home until they spoke to the mother. After 45mins of talking to mother they released him to go home. CPS said they couldn't tell us anything. We then contacted family court, apparently CPS overides FC and if they feel it was ok to send child home then FC has to follow there instructions. Just another note, when child was only 5 days old, mother took him to a party where people were drinking and smoking pot. She was so passed out that her own brother called father to come get the baby because she couldn't wake up to feed him. Even with countless witnesses FC feels that child is better off with her.
The incident when the child was 5 days old is not going to be relevant because it was in the past and it's 'hearsay'. (Never count on people who know Mom to testify in court- even if they whisper the truth to you in person :rolleyes: )

How long ago was the CPS investigation? Dad can subpoena the CPS records (the procedure for that in Wisconsin is something you'll have to <ideally> hire an attorney for &/or research via your state's Domestic/Family Law guidelines ). Depending on what they say~ Dad may or may not have enough to file for a modification of custody.
 
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Zephyr

Senior Member
qtbranda said:
So when my husband said he would cut back his hours to spend more time with his son, they told him that it doesn't work that way.

was he offering this after a determination of child support?


Clearly because they want him to pay the higher amount of child support. How is that not biased? If we sent him home with a handprint bruise, his visitation would have been terminated.

no, if mom would have notified authorities, the same investigation that just occurred would have occurred and based on the EVIDENCE found a determination would have been made

How come nothing happened to her? I also went through the court 3 years prior to his son being born. The social worker told me that i shouldn't give my son's father so much visitation.

well if there was a social worker involved then there were other issues involved, social worker don't participate in run of the mill divorce/custody cases

The court commisioner said I could drop my family health plan insurance and make the father 100% responsible for medical costs.

was that due to dad having a better insurance policy?

The court was willing to bend over backwards to help me out. Why? Because I am a women.

again, every case is decided on it's merits
 

qtbranda

Junior Member
In Wisconsin, if an agreement is not made between parents on their own, a social worker comes next. If an agreement is still not made then a gardian at' litem is involved. The father also did not have any insurance. They told me I could get it from the state. My husbands child support order was based upon an estimate off of one pay stub that included a bonus. They claim he makes $8000 more a year than he ever has in his life. We are desperate for help. This is very serious and very emotionally draining. I thought I could come here from help, but no one wants to see it for what it is.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
qtbranda said:
In Wisconsin, if an agreement is not made between parents on their own, a social worker comes next. If an agreement is still not made then a gardian at' litem is involved. The father also did not have any insurance. They told me I could get it from the state. My husbands child support order was based upon an estimate off of one pay stub that included a bonus. They claim he makes $8000 more a year than he ever has in his life.

that is just plain not true, honey I live in Wisconsin, was divorced in Wisconsin and have now had a couple custody battles in Wisconsin- NEVER has a social worker been involved. Either parent at any time can request a GAL, or the court is likely to appoint one if the parents are not in agreement over custody.

and I am thinking your ex must not have had a lawyer, because a lawyer would have made him bring more than one check stub for proof of income. that was his stupidity.
 

qtbranda

Junior Member
we had a bad lawyer, but he showed more than one stub. He had stubs from the previous year, the ending stub from the previous year, tax records, and one stub from the start of the year that had his end of the year bonus added on to it. They counted that year end bonus as a monthly gross income. He tried to have it changed and they wont. What county, because i know many people in waukesha county that had to see the social worker before the GAL.
 

casa

Senior Member
qtbranda said:
In Wisconsin, if an agreement is not made between parents on their own, a social worker comes next. If an agreement is still not made then a gardian at' litem is involved. The father also did not have any insurance. They told me I could get it from the state. My husbands child support order was based upon an estimate off of one pay stub that included a bonus. They claim he makes $8000 more a year than he ever has in his life. We are desperate for help. This is very serious and very emotionally draining. I thought I could come here from help, but no one wants to see it for what it is.
Your husband should take it upon himself to ask his employer for the last 6 months of pay stubs. He should file them into the court file and make sure he provides that information to the GAL also.

Your first post, you are concerned about this child's safety/welfare...the 2nd post you are concerned about $. :confused: :mad: :cool:
 

casa

Senior Member
qtbranda said:
we had a bad lawyer, but he showed more than one stub. He had stubs from the previous year, the ending stub from the previous year, tax records, and one stub from the start of the year that had his end of the year bonus added on to it. They counted that year end bonus as a monthly gross income. He tried to have it changed and they wont. What county, because i know many people in waukesha county that had to see the social worker before the GAL.
Was the Social Worker a Mediator (court appointed or not
)?
 

qtbranda

Junior Member
The money isn't an issue except that my husband had to file bankruptcy. That's why he tried to have it changed. When they ordered child support they didn't allow him enough money to pay off the debts he had before that child was concieved. I got a second job now so we can survive. I don't care. It's not about the money. She makes it about the money. She has three kids from three different fathers and makes out pretty good. She gets $700 just from us alone. I even had her on videotape in my husbands (boyfriend at the time) driveway screaming that she didn't need the burden of another child. She only kept him because she thought that he would go back to her. That's fine if you don't think I care, but I do. I destroyed that tape, because true or not, I don't think any child should ever here that.
We are really concerned about the emotional and physical abuse. I know that we could get a psych eval done, but she could fool them like she has fooled everyone else. There are so many more issues involved I don't even know where to start. She is a smoker. Not a big deal I used to smoke. Sometime I still do with friends. Child has really bad asthma. Dr says he should not be exposed to smoke. He comes over smelling like ashtray and coughs through the night. FC says what she does is her business and some people have asthma that have never been exposed to smoke. To me, she is not concerned about his health. When he is sick she tells my husband to make the dr appointments. two years ago child had very contagious pox that she knew about because her other son had them first. She was having the older boy treated, but not this one. When my husband first questioned her about them she shrugged them off like no big deal. They were all over his face, on his inner eye lid, in his nose. In court she was mad that they gave him so much placement. Her other kids only leave everyother weekend. But she calls us all the time needing us to take him because she has plans. She doesn't have a job. Do you care to hear more? I might be a little mouthy, but believe me when I say I only have his best interest at heart. I can't paint a good enough picture of how crushed he is when it comes to situations with her. He tries so hard to be noticed by her. Please don't ever say it's about the money because we would give her more money to see him more.
 

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