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Need to leave alcoholic spouse but kids are involved.

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Haveyourway

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? New York

Hi everyone, this is my first time here and first post. I need some help. I am a mom of 3 wonderful kids, ranging in age from 8-2. My spouse and I have the 2 year old together, my other 2 are from a prev. marriage. I moved here to NY from the midwest b/c he (spouse) was so unhappy there and said he needed to come back to NY so we married and move here. All was fine w/ father of the kids. So now I am living here in NY for 1+ year, and my spouse has become a different man. He began having an "internet relationship" with one of my best friends back home, which I found out about, he was posting naked pics of himself online on a singles site, he has just recently hit me 2 times and tore up my personal items. He also has been treating the other kids (not his) horribely. I need to leave, the cops have been called, but they can't do anything unless I show up "battered" or this is what I was told. I want to go back home, home to my family, friends all my support! I am a stay at home mom now, and he does work. I need to know what I need to do to be able to leave this summer when my oldest is out of school. I know since we have a mutual child I have to file papers. I don't want to be stuck here b/c I came here, he was living w/ me in the midwest and we were married there, but he was so unhappy. I'm dissapointed in him and myself. Please help me know what next steps are and what I need to do to help me and my children. by the way, he is a pretty good father to our baby, he drinks alot and can't be around her when he's drunk b/c he's clumsy and vomits, passes out, (new thing) when I tried to talk to him about moving, he said he will never live there again and if I leave w/ his baby he will hunt me down and shot me in my face. :(
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
Haveyourway said:
What is the name of your state? New York

Hi everyone, this is my first time here and first post. I need some help. I am a mom of 3 wonderful kids, ranging in age from 8-2. My spouse and I have the 2 year old together, my other 2 are from a prev. marriage. I moved here to NY from the midwest b/c he (spouse) was so unhappy there and said he needed to come back to NY so we married and move here. All was fine w/ father of the kids. So now I am living here in NY for 1+ year, and my spouse has become a different man. He began having an "internet relationship" with one of my best friends back home, which I found out about, he was posting naked pics of himself online on a singles site, he has just recently hit me 2 times and tore up my personal items. He also has been treating the other kids (not his) horribely. I need to leave, the cops have been called, but they can't do anything unless I show up "battered" or this is what I was told. I want to go back home, home to my family, friends all my support! I am a stay at home mom now, and he does work. I need to know what I need to do to be able to leave this summer when my oldest is out of school. I know since we have a mutual child I have to file papers. I don't want to be stuck here b/c I came here, he was living w/ me in the midwest and we were married there, but he was so unhappy. I'm dissapointed in him and myself. Please help me know what next steps are and what I need to do to help me and my children. by the way, he is a pretty good father to our baby, he drinks alot and can't be around her when he's drunk b/c he's clumsy and vomits, passes out, (new thing) when I tried to talk to him about moving, he said he will never live there again and if I leave w/ his baby he will hunt me down and shot me in my face. :(
I really do feel for you....you and every other parent who is foolish enough to move somewhere because your "significant other" wants you to do it....and then is also foolish enough to stay there long enough that residency is established....sigh.

Its very possible that dad could stop you, legally, from removing your child from the state. You need an attorney.
 

Haveyourway

Junior Member
Hi, thanks for support. But I can't afford an attny at all. What little money I've saved up to move away isn't much. I'm staying at home w/ the kids right now, I was working but I didn't like him staying home w/ them and daycare would be my whole paycheck. Any other suggestions?
 

casa

Senior Member
Haveyourway said:
Hi, thanks for support. But I can't afford an attny at all. What little money I've saved up to move away isn't much. I'm staying at home w/ the kids right now, I was working but I didn't like him staying home w/ them and daycare would be my whole paycheck. Any other suggestions?
Get reports from the police calls- even if there was no report filed, go to the station and purchase a copy of the call log showing police were called to your home and why. File in your county courthouse for a restraining order and file for permission to move out of state. You'll have to show why the move would benefit the CHILD (not just you). ie; moving for family support since you have left and have no job/income, moving out of the violent environment. File any documentation you have of what you are alleging. (witness to his intoxication or erratic behavior, police incident reports or call logs to your home, affidavits from school, neighbors etc. as to your parenting of the children)

The Up side is courts do not like to separate siblings.
The Down side is you picked this guy, moved out of state and have established residency there and he has legal rights to the child also.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
Don't wait for school to get out if your and their life and safety are at risk, he can use the fact that you stayed against you. Please call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), you don't need to be physically battered to get help or a restraining order.
 

Haveyourway

Junior Member
Would it matter since the father of the 2 children live in midwest where I would be moving? He does want more time with them, but he didn't fight me to move here, but does want them close to him?
 

Haveyourway

Junior Member
Will a restraining order make him leave this house, so I have a home for me and my kids, until I can get to court? He seems to know several cops out here and I don't feel as they want to help me.
 

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