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  1. #1
    annabelle99 is offline Junior Member
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    New wife is harassing me

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Calif
    My ex-husband's new wife is extremely insecure. I am not even allowed to speak with him privately on the phone or in person. If I need to speak with him during the day, he cannot call until he gets back home and she can direct it (I am on speaker phone and I can hear her telling him what to say). She reads all of his email and screens it. She answers his cell phone and demands to know what I want to speak with him about when I call and she demands to come on all of his pick up and drop offs of the children and then she proceeds to glare at me. She texts me threatening messages off of his phone and I have blocked her cell, home phone, email, etc. She is convinced that I want her husband back and is just as crazy as they come. I did divorce him. He likes to see her bully me so he does nothing about it. The judge has forced he and I into High Conflict Co-parenting because according to her "we have horrible communication" as you can see why. Any suggestions?
  2. #2
    swtwilma is offline Member
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    I just have to smile because I feel ya sister. The best advice that I have is smile and nod. Don't feel insecure because you are your children's mom and really does anything else matter?

    You don't have to deal with her, so don't.

    Don't engage, just be silent.

    The two things that I always try to remember are
    1. I can't control my ex and his new wife, but I sure can control myself.

    and

    2. I am a great mom and will make the most of every second I have with my children.

    Good luck and remember....smile and nod.
  3. #3
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by swtwilma View Post
    I just have to smile because I feel ya sister. The best advice that I have is smile and nod. Don't feel insecure because you are your children's mom and really does anything else matter?

    You don't have to deal with her, so don't.

    Don't engage, just be silent.

    The two things that I always try to remember are
    1. I can't control my ex and his new wife, but I sure can control myself.

    and

    2. I am a great mom and will make the most of every second I have with my children.

    Good luck and remember....smile and nod.
    Nicely put
  4. #4
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by swtwilma View Post
    I just have to smile because I feel ya sister. The best advice that I have is smile and nod. Don't feel insecure because you are your children's mom and really does anything else matter?

    You don't have to deal with her, so don't.

    Don't engage, just be silent.

    The two things that I always try to remember are
    1. I can't control my ex and his new wife, but I sure can control myself.

    and

    2. I am a great mom and will make the most of every second I have with my children.

    Good luck and remember....smile and nod.

    I TOTALLY agree. My ex-husband's wife is the same. It enrages her that I breathe. My ex and I used to communicate rather well even if we didn't always agree. She is so insecure that he really feels the need to act very aggressively towards me if and when we do come into contact while in front of her. If we happen to have some sort of contact outside of her knowledge- he's sweet as pie. She has been convicted once of harassing me already.

    All you can do really is make sure your own behavior is totally above reproach and let them sink their own ship. Feel free to pm me for some more info and ideas.
  5. #5
    sipa is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zephyr View Post
    I TOTALLY agree. My ex-husband's wife is the same. It enrages her that I breathe. My ex and I used to communicate rather well even if we didn't always agree. She is so insecure that he really feels the need to act very aggressively towards me if and when we do come into contact while in front of her. If we happen to have some sort of contact outside of her knowledge- he's sweet as pie. She has been convicted once of harassing me already.
    All you can do really is make sure your own behavior is totally above reproach and let them sink their own ship. Feel free to pm me for some more info and ideas.
    Oh my God you made my day, I always thought I was nuts but the same thing that I have bolded happens to me...when she is in the area I am the devil, when I speak to him at work or when he comes for pick up everything is fine....wow I feel better now
  6. #6
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by sipa View Post
    Oh my God you made my day, I always thought I was nuts but the same thing that I have bolded happens to me...when she is in the area I am the devil, when I speak to him at work or when he comes for pick up everything is fine....wow I feel better now
    I know- at first one really does think there is something wrong with themselves....then over time you realize- no, it really is them
  7. #7
    annabelle99 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much for everyone for replying and trying to help by sharing your own experiences and suggestions. The judge has already determined that I am the jealous ex-wife when I say anything about the new wife, so I am just trying to stay out of court and put up with it. You are right about the sinking ship. She is starting to steal his cell phone at night and text me mean and disgusting comments. I texted them back to him in the morning and that ended her texting. I find solace with the fact that he was super controlling with me and now he knows how it feels. Thank you again.
  8. #8
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by annabelle99 View Post
    Thank you so much for everyone for replying and trying to help by sharing your own experiences and suggestions. The judge has already determined that I am the jealous ex-wife when I say anything about the new wife, so I am just trying to stay out of court and put up with it. You are right about the sinking ship. She is starting to steal his cell phone at night and text me mean and disgusting comments. I texted them back to him in the morning and that ended her texting. I find solace with the fact that he was super controlling with me and now he knows how it feels. Thank you again.
    Believe it or not, I think that is truly a good attitude to have. Its a good lesson for him to learn. Maybe by his "third time" he will have learned balance.

    Its somewhat common for a second marriage to fail when the new spouse seriously oversteps and causes so much trouble with the co-parenting. Either the parent gets fed up (too many trips to court, too much damage to the relationship with the children) and gets out of the marriage, or sadly, stops being involved with the children...sometimes to protect their relationship with the children of the second marriage...sigh.

    A new husband/boyfriend etc. can be a serious/nasty overstepper, but I hate to say that it seems to be much more common in a new wife/girlfriend...and even more common in a new wife/girlfriend who doesn't have children of her own that she is sharing with another parent.
  9. #9
    jbowman is offline Senior Member
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    This is amazing to me that so many other people go through the same thing. I honestly would question myself about whether i WAS being the crazy one - if I was doing something that I was unaware of to get her to act this way.
  10. #10
    Maray1980 is offline Member
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    I have the same issues as many of you--any time I'm on the phone with the ex, he has to relay everything to the gf. Anytime I go to pick up my daughter at their home, she is there-even if she is working, she'll be there (she is a cop, so she "drops" by) Same scenario--she has him by the balls. It is really pathetic.
  11. #11
    Calimom3 is offline Member
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    Yup... been there, have this problem

    My EXH's new wife has been verbally harassing me since about 6 months after they started dating. That was 6 years ago, and they are now married. She picks the best times to do it as well, at the kids sporting activities, at their school, when daughter was in the hospital, and EXH just sits there and takes her side.

    I just steer clear of her, since she can't control herself. Just makes everyone's lives that much easier
    Last edited by Calimom3; 08-03-2009 at 06:29 PM.
  12. #12
    Gwenillian is offline Member
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    Lol... It's good to know that other people have this problem. Per my ex (or rather, his wife), I'm not 'allowed' to call my ex - even in an emergency. I'm also not allowed to talk to him in person or communicate in any fashion other than email - which I've been informed by him MUST be cc'd to her. I tried this for awhile & after the multiple nasty responses I received from her, I decided to stop including her in the emails & not accept any from her & politely informed him of why. Maybe not the best reaction, but it sure made my life easier so far.

    The sad thing is, our kids can't call to talk to him either. All of their calls are also sent directly to voicemail & not responded to.
  13. #13
    Maray1980 is offline Member
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    His gf will take the phone if we are arguing (like about a child support check that didn't clear....) and she will hang it up! She also told him that I am to leave a voicemail and he will decide if it is important enough to call.

    Seriously--we are not with them-so what is with all the insecurity? It is crazy.

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