Newborn custody

[3i1bo3aggins]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.
I would like to know what the best play is for me to get/work my way up to 50% custody (I'm dad). We were not married and split up about 2 months after my now 4 week old boy was concieved. Mom would not let me to go prenatal appointments, she did let me in the delivery room after birth and I have seen him as much as possible. It was 4 hours 4 days a week. But she is a pill and picks a fight about everything and wants it down to 3 days 3 hours in her home.
She would not allow me on the birth certificate.
I just launched my own business which isn't making a lot of money and she is a high school teacher. She essentially can stay with him the first 6 months full time. My mom runs a legal services website for child support and advised me that I would stand my best chance in court at the 6th month mark. When hopefully my business will be making money and she has to return to work. As of now the child's mom is pretty uncooperative. She refuseso to pump so that I can have time away from her place and says baby is too young to spend time away. She's already said she will fight me on custody every step of the way. She basically having her way would only allow me to visit him at her place when it's convenient for her.
I have taken a DNA test and confirmed i am the father. How should i play this so that i can get the maximum time?
Neither she nor I have any intention of asking the other for child support. I have brought over diapers and things but half the time she makes me take it back cause she doesn't want anything from me.
I am worried that with a new job/business and no money if I go now I could be shooting myself in the foot, but what do you all advise?

 

[Zigner]

Did you sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity?

If not, then part of your case will be establishing paternity. If you did, then that step is already done (unless it's contested by one of the parties).

Beyond that, you will need to go to court for custody, visitation, and child support. Without a mutual agreement between you and mom, I wouldn't count on 50/50 custody, as she has status quo on her side. You should, however, be able to have overnights before too long, barring any complications in the matter.

ETA: I would advise that you NOT wait to get this matter in to court. Court orders are everyone's friend.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.
I would like to know what the best play is for me to get/work my way up to 50% custody (I'm dad). We were not married and split up about 2 months after my now 4 week old boy was concieved. Mom would not let me to go prenatal appointments, she did let me in the delivery room after birth and I have seen him as much as possible. It was 4 hours 4 days a week. But she is a pill and picks a fight about everything and wants it down to 3 days 3 hours in her home.
She would not allow me on the birth certificate.
I just launched my own business which isn't making a lot of money and she is a high school teacher. She essentially can stay with him the first 6 months full time. My mom runs a legal services website for child support and advised me that I would stand my best chance in court at the 6th month mark. When hopefully my business will be making money and she has to return to work. As of now the child's mom is pretty uncooperative. She refuseso to pump so that I can have time away from her place and says baby is too young to spend time away. She's already said she will fight me on custody every step of the way. She basically having her way would only allow me to visit him at her place when it's convenient for her.
I have taken a DNA test and confirmed i am the father. How should i play this so that i can get the maximum time?
Neither she nor I have any intention of asking the other for child support. I have brought over diapers and things but half the time she makes me take it back cause she doesn't want anything from me.
I am worried that with a new job/business and no money if I go now I could be shooting myself in the foot, but what do you all advise?

 

[3i1bo3aggins]

No. When she left me off the BC the nurses did not come by with the AofP. I assumed the mom put me on there till I called the hospital after we left.
The nurses knew I was the father and let her leave me off the BC.

Did you sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity?

If not, then part of your case will be establishing paternity. If you did, then that step is already done (unless it's contested by one of the parties).

Beyond that, you will need to go to court for custody, visitation, and child support. Without a mutual agreement between you and mom, I wouldn't count on 50/50 custody, as she has status quo on her side. You should, however, be able to have overnights before too long, barring any complications in the matter.

 

[Zigner]

No. When she left me off the BC the nurses did not come by with the AofP. I assumed the mom put me on there till I called the hospital after we left.
The nurses knew I was the father and let her leave me off the BC.

Nobody can force either party to sign an AoP. Mom decided not to fill one out - the nurses couldn't force her to. The DNA test you did is worthless, legally speaking. You will need to establish paternity as a part of your process. I don't know why your mom would suggest that you wait...

 

[3i1bo3aggins]

I know it was worthless legally speaking to get the DNA test. It was to make sure I wasn't fighting for a kid that potentially wasn't mine. I will file then ASAP. Like this week then. What should I fight for in time? Should I construct a parenting plan that works my way up to 50% or just ask for it straight off the bat and say I want to formula feed then? And if I put in a parenting plan where I work my way up to overnights at what point should it hit 50%.

 

[Zigner]

I know it was worthless legally speaking to get the DNA test. It was to make sure I wasn't fighting for a kid that potentially wasn't mine. I will file then ASAP. Like this week then. What should I fight for in time? Should I construct a parenting plan that works my way up to 50% or just ask for it straight off the bat and say I want to formula feed then? And if I put in a parenting plan where I work my way up to overnights at what point should it hit 50%.

Honestly, if you guys don't agree, I wouldn't plan on 50%. You have to be able to co-parent effectively to make such an arrangement work.

I would suggest that you seek the guidance of an attorney, even if only for a consultation or two.

 

[3i1bo3aggins]

Are parenting plans that scale up court ordered or is that only if you agree in mediation and a judge will only order a specific percent and make you come back? Can I make / should I make the argument that she is won't coparent and so I should get 50 percent? Because I am totally willing to have her 50% in our kids life but she is the one keeping the father from spending time with our son.

 

[Zigner]

Are parenting plans that scale up court ordered or is that only if you agree in mediation and a judge will only order a specific percent and make you come back? Can I make / should I make the argument that she is won't coparent and so I should get 50 percent? Because I am totally willing to have her 50% in our kids life but she is the one keeping the father from spending time with our son.

Mom is doing nothing wrong and is actually being generous with visitation, IMO. She's giving more than is legally required.

 

[TheGeekess]

Are parenting plans that scale up court ordered or is that only if you agree in mediation and a judge will only order a specific percent and make you come back? Can I make / should I make the argument that she is won't coparent and so I should get 50 percent? Because I am totally willing to have her 50% in our kids life but she is the one keeping the father from spending time with our son.

In an unmarried situation, the man stands a lesser chance of getting 50/50 physical custody unless Mom agrees, mainly because status quo is established with Mom doing the majority of taking care of Junior. If it had been a married situation, and you had spent as much time as Mom taking care of Junior's daily needs, then you'd have a fighting chance.

 

[3i1bo3aggins]

While I disagree with the reasoning I guess that's what courts do.
Shouldn't a father though eventually get 50% as he is the father and baby will anyway be more bonded with mom because of breastmilk? Aren't men and women equally capable of taking care of their kid. It seems wrong that a married couple can split and father get 50% while a newborn a father never gets to get to 50% simply because of the custody in the beginning.

In an unmarried situation, the man stands a lesser chance of getting 50/50 physical custody unless Mom agrees, mainly because status quo is established with Mom doing the majority of taking care of Junior. If it had been a married situation, and you had spent as much time as Mom taking care of Junior's daily needs, then you'd have a fighting chance.

 

[Zigner]

While I disagree with the reasoning I guess that's what courts do.
Shouldn't a father though eventually get 50% as he is the father and baby will anyway be more bonded with mom because of breastmilk? Aren't men and women equally capable of taking care of their kid. It seems wrong that a married couple can split and father get 50% while a newborn a father never gets to get to 50% simply because of the custody in the beginning.

I guess when you look at the child as a possession it distorts your view.

 

[CSO286]

Are parenting plans that scale up court ordered or is that only if you agree in mediation and a judge will only order a specific percent and make you come back? Can I make / should I make the argument that she is won't coparent and so I should get 50 percent? Because I am totally willing to have her 50% in our kids life but she is the one keeping the father from spending time with our son.

No, plans on that scale are ordered when both parents live in proximity to each other and have shown a cooperative spirit and willingness to put their child's welfare first. If either of you is unwilling to co-parent that effectively, then one or the other of you will end up with primary custody and the other with parenting time.

The second situation is most likely where you are. And given that mom will have established status quo by the time you end up in court, she will most likely be the primary parent.

 

[Silverplum]

The nurses knew I was the father

They didn't know any such thing.

and let her leave me off the BC.

It's not up to the nurse/s.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.
I would like to know what the best play is for me to get/work my way up to 50% custody (I'm dad). We were not married and split up about 2 months after my now 4 week old boy was concieved. Mom would not let me to go prenatal appointments, she did let me in the delivery room after birth and I have seen him as much as possible. It was 4 hours 4 days a week. But she is a pill and picks a fight about everything and wants it down to 3 days 3 hours in her home.
She would not allow me on the birth certificate.

Then file in court for custody and visitation. IMMEDIATELY.

I just launched my own business which isn't making a lot of money and she is a high school teacher. She essentially can stay with him the first 6 months full time.

Okay.

My mom runs a legal services website for child support and advised me that I would stand my best chance in court at the 6th month mark

Is your mother an attorney? 6 months? REALLY? YOu want to play games for six months?

When hopefully my business will be making money and she has to return to work. As of now the child's mom is pretty uncooperative. She refuseso to pump so that I can have time away from her place and says baby is too young to spend time away.

Mom's boobs do NOT control.

She's already said she will fight me on custody every step of the way. She basically having her way would only allow me to visit him at her place when it's convenient for her.

She has that right without court orders. She is the only parent.

I have taken a DNA test and confirmed i am the father. How should i play this so that i can get the maximum time?

Parenting is NOT a game. Who did the DNA test? Was it court ordered? What was the chain of custody?

Neither she nor I have any intention of asking the other for child support. I have brought over diapers and things but half the time she makes me take it back cause she doesn't want anything from me.
I am worried that with a new job/business and no money if I go now I could be shooting myself in the foot, but what do you all advise?

Man up and become a father to your child through LEGAL COURT ORDERED MEANS!

 

[TheGeekess]

While I disagree with the reasoning I guess that's what courts do.
Shouldn't a father though eventually get 50% as he is the father and baby will anyway be more bonded with mom because of breastmilk? Aren't men and women equally capable of taking care of their kid. It seems wrong that a married couple can split and father get 50% while a newborn a father never gets to get to 50% simply because of the custody in the beginning.

If you want a chance of 50% physical custody, be married to the mother before a child is born, and attend to at least half of the activities of daily living/doctor's visits, etc. Otherwise, it's all on you.