• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

No court ordered custody.. do we have to let the kids go back to their mother?

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

Status
Not open for further replies.

ejyonkman

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

This situation is between my boyfriend and his soon to be exwife. I am not asking for myself since I have no legal standing in the matter. At this time we cannot financially afford a lawyer nor can we get anyone to assist by letting us make payments towards representation. We are planning on checking into free legal services through both the military (he is in the Army National Guard) and if there are any locally.

The situation is as follows:

He has 3 children ages 15, 10, and 8 that consistantly come to visit us in filthy condition. Almost every other visit we have to purchase new shoes for them due to the fact that they smell so bad I refuse to let them wear them into the house. Their mother has dispicable personal hygiene, she does not wash their clothes on a regular basis and they regularly wear dirty clothes, her home is kept in disgusting condition (mind you this is disgusting by my standards) with several animals in the house defecating and urinating in the house from the smell of things. The children always have to take baths or showers as soon as they arrive and all their clothing must be washed to remove dirt and odors including their jackets. We have treated them for athletes foot several times and also head lice several times. They have to be told repeatedly (like most children) to brush their teeth and wash their hands but in their case it appears more due to the fact that she does not require it at any time. They also have stated they take a bath when they want and 'Mom' doesnt make them. My boyfriend is, for obvious reasons, worried about their general health, their safety, and about the way they are being raised to behave. This is not healthy.

They are not together and have not been for over two years. They never went before a court and there is no legal seperation and no custody. The kids have stayed with us at various times and he has allowed them to return to her. It no longer appears that things will improve as they have in the past and we do not feel that it would be in their best interest to return to her care.

What he needs to know is... since they primarily live with her, even though there is no custody order, can he get in trouble for not taking the children back to her after the Thanksgiving holiday? If the 15yr old wants to go we would allow that since he does bathe and wash his clothes on his own. It is the younger two that is the most disturbing.

Again, I just want to reinforce the fact that HE KNOWS HE NEEDS TO GET LEGALLY SEPERATED AND FILE FOR AT LEAST TEMPORARY CUSTODY, but can he get in trouble in Oklahoma for not taking them home if there is no court ordered custody??????

Thank you for reading this and any responses will be welcome and appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

This situation is between my boyfriend and his soon to be exwife. I am not asking for myself since I have no legal standing in the matter. At this time we cannot financially afford a lawyer nor can we get anyone to assist by letting us make payments towards representation. We are planning on checking into free legal services through both the military (he is in the Army National Guard) and if there are any locally.

The situation is as follows:

He has 3 children ages 15, 10, and 8 that consistantly come to visit us in filthy condition. Almost every other visit we have to purchase new shoes for them due to the fact that they smell so bad I refuse to let them wear them into the house. Their mother has dispicable personal hygiene, she does not wash their clothes on a regular basis and they regularly wear dirty clothes, her home is kept in disgusting condition (mind you this is disgusting by my standards) with several animals in the house defecating and urinating in the house from the smell of things. The children always have to take baths or showers as soon as they arrive and all their clothing must be washed to remove dirt and odors including their jackets. We have treated them for athletes foot several times and also head lice several times. They have to be told repeatedly (like most children) to brush their teeth and wash their hands but in their case it appears more due to the fact that she does not require it at any time. They also have stated they take a bath when they want and 'Mom' doesnt make them. My boyfriend is, for obvious reasons, worried about their general health, their safety, and about the way they are being raised to behave. This is not healthy.

They are not together and have not been for over two years. They never went before a court and there is no legal seperation and no custody. The kids have stayed with us at various times and he has allowed them to return to her. It no longer appears that things will improve as they have in the past and we do not feel that it would be in their best interest to return to her care.

What he needs to know is... since they primarily live with her, even though there is no custody order, can he get in trouble for not taking the children back to her after the Thanksgiving holiday? If the 15yr old wants to go we would allow that since he does bathe and wash his clothes on his own. It is the younger two that is the most disturbing.

Again, I just want to reinforce the fact that HE KNOWS HE NEEDS TO GET LEGALLY SEPERATED AND FILE FOR AT LEAST TEMPORARY CUSTODY, but can he get in trouble in Oklahoma for not taking them home if there is no court ordered custody??????

Thank you for reading this and any responses will be welcome and appreciated.What is the name

of your state (only U.S. law)?
Honey, I'm going to tell you this very kindly and for your own sake...

Rewrite your post. LOSE the anti-Mom statements, LOSE the emotion and editorializing and stick to the facts.

Thanks!
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
So...

..when Dad has noticed these appalling conditions, what has he been doing about it?

How many times has he called CPS?
 

ejyonkman

Junior Member
I didn't think I was being overly mushy and emotional...sorry!

We are located in OKLAHOMA.

Fact: the kids come to stay with us in unacceptable condition.
Dirty bodies, dirty clothes, dirty shoes.
They have poor personal hygiene habits.
The house they live in is dirty and smells like animals.

Dad is looking into free legal aid to obtain a divorce and sole physical custody of the children or at least legal seperation and a temporary custody order.

Can he legally keep them and not take them back to their mother at the end of the Thanksgiving holiday? There is no court ordered custody status at this time.

* I was trying to be thorough. No I do not like the mother and make every effort not to speak badly of her infront of the kids and always make sure that when they do crafts and stuff at my house they make things for her. I wasn't aware that I was being emotional and mom-bashing. I was just trying to give information about the situation. Thanks for responding!
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
We are located in OKLAHOMA.

Fact: the kids come to stay with us in unacceptable condition.
Dirty bodies, dirty clothes, dirty shoes.
They have poor personal hygiene habits.
The house they live in is dirty and smells like animals.

Dad is looking into free legal aid to obtain a divorce and sole physical custody of the children or at least legal seperation and a temporary custody order.

Can he legally keep them and not take them back to their mother at the end of the Thanksgiving holiday? There is no court ordered custody status at this time.

* I was trying to be thorough. No I do not like the mother and make every effort not to speak badly of her infront of the kids and always make sure that when they do crafts and stuff at my house they make things for her. I wasn't aware that I was being emotional and mom-bashing. I was just trying to give information about the situation. Thanks for responding!
Are you living together?
 

ejyonkman

Junior Member
Did mom's cleaning skills suddenly decline AFTER the separation? Or has mom always been like this?
Mom was never much of a cleaner from what I have been told. I have seen how she lives now and cannot imagine such a drastic change in someone. My boyfriend was the primary cleaner when they were together. I have also been told that she would let people stay with them and the person staying with them would have to do the cleaning as part of staying with her. This is all hearsay though since I did not know her before I met him.
 

ejyonkman

Junior Member
So...

..when Dad has noticed these appalling conditions, what has he been doing about it?

How many times has he called CPS?
Dad makes it a habit to attempt to talk to her about how the kids are being kept. She always tells us she is trying or is too busy to do whatever it is we mention. She has a washer/dryer and the 15yr old knows how to use them. So do the younger two for that matter.

Dad has not called CPS. His explaination to me was that he wanted to make sure he was able to care for them before doing anything that could cause them to go into the system. We have adequate room for the younger two but no formal bedroom for the older child as the only other room does not have a door or a closet but can be used as a bedroom.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
We are located in OKLAHOMA.

Fact: the kids come to stay with us in unacceptable condition.
Dirty bodies, dirty clothes, dirty shoes.
They have poor personal hygiene habits.
The house they live in is dirty and smells like animals.

Dad is looking into free legal aid to obtain a divorce and sole physical custody of the children or at least legal seperation and a temporary custody order.

Can he legally keep them and not take them back to their mother at the end of the Thanksgiving holiday? There is no court ordered custody status at this time.

* I was trying to be thorough. No I do not like the mother and make every effort not to speak badly of her infront of the kids and always make sure that when they do crafts and stuff at my house they make things for her. I wasn't aware that I was being emotional and mom-bashing. I was just trying to give information about the situation. Thanks for responding!
Mom has status quo. The children are in school in mom's area. If your boyfriend (still married to mom and shacking up with you) attempted to keep the children odds are it wouldn't go well for dad.

If dad believes that he should have custody because mom's home is unfit, then dad should do it the right way, in court...while not messing with the children's status quo until a court orders otherwise.

Nothing you have described here smacks of the kind of emergency that would require dad taking the kind of action you are suggesting...and could really backfire against dad.
 

TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
Mom was never much of a cleaner from what I have been told. I have seen how she lives now and cannot imagine such a drastic change in someone. My boyfriend was the primary cleaner when they were together. I have also been told that she would let people stay with them and the person staying with them would have to do the cleaning as part of staying with her. This is all hearsay though since I did not know her before I met him.
And of course, your boyfriend (whom you are living adulterously with at this point in time), is going to tell you the absolute truth about this woman he is married to. :rolleyes:
 

ejyonkman

Junior Member
Mom has status quo. The children are in school in mom's area. If your boyfriend (still married to mom and shacking up with you) attempted to keep the children odds are it wouldn't go well for dad.

If dad believes that he should have custody because mom's home is unfit, then dad should do it the right way, in court...while not messing with the children's status quo until a court orders otherwise.

Nothing you have described here smacks of the kind of emergency that would require dad taking the kind of action you are suggesting...and could really backfire against dad.
I see what you are saying. Let me ask this though. He went and picked up the kids today. He is now in the process of treating them for headlice for the 3 time in just a few months. ( I am at work or I would be there doing it also!)They were filthy and smelled so bad that he drove with the windows open. This is how they go to school. If we contact their school can they give us information regarding anything they may have noticed or if they have been sent home for headlice more often then other children, if they had to do anything about the lack of cleanliness or odor? Is that something that would have to be court ordered? We aren't trying to stick it to their Mom. We want the kids healthy, we want them to not get picked on at school because they stick, we want them to be safe.
 

ejyonkman

Junior Member
And of course, your boyfriend (whom you are living adulterously with at this point in time), is going to tell you the absolute truth about this woman he is married to. :rolleyes:
Actually I was first informed about how she keeps house by her sister and her mother and a few other people that know both of them. Not by him.

It was also confirmed by some of these same people about her cheating on him. He admits they were not good for each other or to each other.

Not to sound snippy but it is obvious we are living adulterously. It has been stated and it is something we take into consideration. However, she is doing the same thing so its kind of redundant to go on about it. Don't ya think?
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top