non biological father seeks legal rights and custody

[neeecol@gmail]

California-
My ex has been a father figure to my child since he was 4 months old. I married 3 years after we broke up, and with my husband and new baby we are a family of four now. I still let my ex have my child on weekends, vacations, etc.. just like a real father. Just recently we got in an argument for what weekend was mine and what weekend was his, he got upset and called child services and filed a report against me. My ex made horrible false OUTLANDISH and shocking accusations of how I abused my child mentally and physically. This also lead my ex to think of getting some kind of legal rights & may lead to a custody battle between us. I'm not sure what he's trying to do here, but as of now he is not allowed to see my child and is still trying to make his weekly visits and such.
I tried mending this situation for my child's sake, but at this point.... I'm not even sure.
Is my ex allowed to file for custody or any legal rights for that matter?What is the name of your state?

 

[Isis1]

he will (if he wants to) file for custody/visitation/support, then you respond with requesting a paternity tests. once it is proven he is not the father, then the case may be dropped. but no attorney would pursue this on his behalf so he may be going pro se if he does go about it at all,

where is the real father in all this?

 

[nextwife]

How old is your child?

Are you (or have you in the past) also getting any financial support from psychological dad (I like that term better than "non-biological dad)?

It always amazes me how a mom can want ti insert a man as father at one time because that's who she's with, but once she's no longer with them she no longer wants him to retain the same status? If he was good enough to be fully treated as dad when it suited you, it should still be so, because that is who YOU allowed to be "dad" and at this point, his biological should be irrelevent TO YOUR CHILD.

 

[Ohiogal]

he will (if he wants to) file for custody/visitation/support, then you respond with requesting a paternity tests. once it is proven he is not the father, then the case may be dropped. but no attorney would pursue this on his behalf so he may be going pro se if he does go about it at all,

where is the real father in all this?

In loco parentis. Isabella I will tell you the same thing that I just told LD. DO NOT believe that an attorney would not pursue this. I would ask though not where the "real father" is but where the legal father is? Also if legal paternity has been established. If so, the ex would also have to sue not just OP but also the legal father (or John Doe) for visitation.

 

[lrl]

Ohio Gal got it dead on. It is called in loco parentis and a lawyer will take the case and if it can be proven that he stands "in loco parentis" he will get rights.

 

[LdiJ]

In loco parentis. Isabella I will tell you the same thing that I just told LD. DO NOT believe that an attorney would not pursue this. I would ask though not where the "real father" is but where the legal father is? Also if legal paternity has been established. If so, the ex would also have to sue not just OP but also the legal father (or John Doe) for visitation.

I agree that its not impossible for this psychological/defacto father to win some legal rights.

However, I honestly think that the odds are slim to none that he could do it without an attorney, and even with an attorney the odds are not in his favor unless he somehow established legal paternity. Again, not impossible, but the odds are not in his favor.

I don't think that he has a even a remote chance at primary custody, even with the best attorney in the world, again, unless somehow he was legally established as the father, AND can prove a signficant change in circumstance.

If somehow he managed to prevail in making CPS believe that the mother's home was unfit, he would be absolutely at the bottom of the list for relative placement, if CPS would even consider him at all.

The other poster, Irl, made it seem too simple.

I have a dear friend who won custody (not over a parent, but over a grandparent after the mother died) based on being the child's psychological father, and was granted an adoption based on the same. However it was a case that cost him over 100k in legal fees, took 18 months, and was full of traumna for all the parties...not the least the child.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree that its not impossible for this psychological/defacto father to win some legal rights.

However, I honestly think that the odds are slim to none that he could do it without an attorney, and even with an attorney the odds are not in his favor unless he somehow established legal paternity. Again, not impossible, but the odds are not in his favor.

I don't think that he has a even a remote chance at primary custody, even with the best attorney in the world, again, unless somehow he was legally established as the father, AND can prove a signficant change in circumstance.

If somehow he managed to prevail in making CPS believe that the mother's home was unfit, he would be absolutely at the bottom of the list for relative placement, if CPS would even consider him at all.

The other poster, Irl, made it seem too simple.

I have a dear friend who won custody (not over a parent, but over a grandparent after the mother died) based on being the child's psychological father, and was granted an adoption based on the same. However it was a case that cost him over 100k in legal fees, took 18 months, and was full of traumna for all the parties...not the least the child.

I don't disagree with what you are saying. NOwhere did I say it would be simple or inexpensive but it would be possible for him to get visitation and maybe even joint custody. OP wanted to know if the ex could file -- yes he can. The fact that he was having weekly visits that she stopped is not going to play well.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't disagree with what you are saying. NOwhere did I say it would be simple or inexpensive but it would be possible for him to get visitation and maybe even joint custody. OP wanted to know if the ex could file -- yes he can. The fact that he was having weekly visits that she stopped is not going to play well.

OG, he is a stepdad, a legal stranger as we point out so often. How many times have we told stepfathers who come here wondering if they can get custody or visitation with stepchildren to basically either forget it or make nice with mom? How many times have we blasted mothers who have allowed their children to view a stepdad as their "dad"?

Mom could allow visitation with any other "legal stranger" for years and then stop, and it would be no different than this case. It is contradictory to imply otherwise. In fact, its contradictory to your "sticky" to imply otherwise.

 

[toribella]

California-
My ex has been a father figure to my child since he was 4 months old. I married 3 years after we broke up, and with my husband and new baby we are a family of four now. I still let my ex have my child on weekends, vacations, etc.. just like a real father. Just recently we got in an argument for what weekend was mine and what weekend was his, he got upset and called child services and filed a report against me. My ex made horrible false OUTLANDISH and shocking accusations of how I abused my child mentally and physically. This also lead my ex to think of getting some kind of legal rights & may lead to a custody battle between us. I'm not sure what he's trying to do here, but as of now he is not allowed to see my child and is still trying to make his weekly visits and such.
I tried mending this situation for my child's sake, but at this point.... I'm not even sure.
Is my ex allowed to file for custody or any legal rights for that matter?What is the name of your state?

I haven't read all the responses only a few. I only offer information on my situation. I have 2 daughters. They do not share the same biological father. My second daughters father presented himself as my oldest daughters father from the time she was 6 months - 4 years when we seperated. She called him dad, believed him to be her father etc. The woman he dated after me took it upon herself one time when he was having parenting with my daughter to tell her that my ex was not her "REAL" father. Well this confused the heck outta my daughter because to her, there was no such other person. To her, he was her REAL dad.

During our arrangements for parenting child support etc. I WANTED him to have parenting time with my older daughter because they had delvoped a relationship and he had presented himself as the psychological parent (as another poster had described). I did not ask for child support and have no idea if that is something I would have even got but that was not important to me. What was important was that she had her "dad." He continued to have parenting time with her for several years until he got mad at me for something unimportant (not even memorable) and now he no longer takes my oldest daughter for his parenting time. It has caused my daughter who is now 9 a lot of pain. It has hurt her alot. This was the man she understood as her father and he basically has abandoned her. I don't fight it because I don't want my daughter to have to be there if he does not want her. I think that would further damaging. She used to ask him to take her with and he would say "maybe next time." Next time never came. She has some what moved past it now but he was her "Dad" at one time.

My advice is this... I understand you have married since, but it sounds as though this man has always presented himself as her father, and has done his part to raise her and love her and provide for her. Maybe its possible to come to some sort of agreement with him as to a parenting schedule so that future dissagreements have a guideline in which to be handled. Mostly I say do it for your daughters sake. While I'm sure your current husband you find fit to be a parent to her, this other man is her dad.... at least to her. (just my advice, nothing legal)

 

[Ohiogal]

OG, he is a stepdad, a legal stranger as we point out so often. How many times have we told stepfathers who come here wondering if they can get custody or visitation with stepchildren to basically either forget it or make nice with mom? How many times have we blasted mothers who have allowed their children to view a stepdad as their "dad"?

Mom could allow visitation with any other "legal stranger" for years and then stop, and it would be no different than this case. It is contradictory to imply otherwise. In fact, its contradictory to your "sticky" to imply otherwise.

I am not saying that it is always possible. I also said he would have to sue dad for visitation (legal father). However IF he establishes in loco parentis (as in dad was no where around) during the entire time, and he proves that he stood in the place of dad (giving dad a chance to be involved in the court case).Is it in the norm? no. Should any stepparent expect court ordered visitation? NO. Should parents allow their children to view a STEPPARENT as a parent? NO. Should parents have the ultimate say so? YES. Are the chances great that stepdad would succeed? NO. Is it possible? Yes. THOUGH RARE. If in loco parentis is established. And the proper parties are sued.

 

[LdiJ]

I am not saying that it is always possible. I also said he would have to sue dad for visitation (legal father). However IF he establishes in loco parentis (as in dad was no where around) during the entire time, and he proves that he stood in the place of dad (giving dad a chance to be involved in the court case).Is it in the norm? no. Should any stepparent expect court ordered visitation? NO. Should parents allow their children to view a STEPPARENT as a parent? NO. Should parents have the ultimate say so? YES. Are the chances great that stepdad would succeed? NO. Is it possible? Yes. THOUGH RARE. If in loco parentis is established. And the proper parties are sued.

Fine, we obviously agree. However I think that this particular post of yours would have been a more proper initial response to the OP.

 

[Ohiogal]

Fine, we obviously agree. However I think that this particular post of yours would have been a more proper initial response to the OP.

I said the same thing before. I included in loco parentis. I included the fact that he would have to sue dad. I also asked a question regarding father was -- as that is an important piece of the puzzle and with that I could give more exact information. OP hasn't answered it. I am not to blame for her not answering. And I choose how I respond. NOWHERE was I improper in my answers.