Non-Custodial Parent Filing A New Case (support, custody, visitation)

[coolmomx2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland


Hello, I'm hoping to find the answer to my questions on this forum.
I'm a non-custodial parent (mother) residing in Maryland. I'm seeking shared custody, child support and visitation for my youngest son. I agreed to give his father full custody 10 years ago. He recently asked me when I would start paying child support for the first time in 10 years. My son is taken cared of and wants for nothing. I do not have a problem paying child support but I wonder why he did not go through the court to request support or why he did not mention it 10 years ago. Nevertheless he asked me to "come up with something" (numbers) and send it to him via e-mail. When I agreed to give him custody 10 years ago the Judge said that visitation was to be worked out between the two of us, in other words it was not really ordered. There have been times when I won't see my son for 4-6 mos. at a time for no legitimate reason besides the fact that his father is "showing off". When I or my mother, father or my oldest son (his brother) call to his father's residence, phone calls are not answered and messages aren't returned. This has happened on several different occasions and I have documented each and every time we call and each and every time he comes to visit.

To this day I have not seen my youngest son since November and I have not been able to speak with him since before Christmas. He turned 13 in January. I was advised by the court that I would not be able to modify the pre-existing case because it has since been closed and is pretty much considered non-existent. Therefore I was told to fill out papers for a new case filing for joint custody, support on myself as well as the custodial parent and visitation. I would like to know the chances of things going in my favor as a non-custodial parent. Since I work in the field of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) I tried to take an informal approach in resolving this matter through mediation. However, when the organization contacted my son's father in an attempt to schedule mediation he declined. So, I figured on to the next step. Please help and thank you in advance for your feedback.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland (MD)

 

[pittrocks]

Unless mediation is required as a first step in your state, you can't force Dad to use a mediator.

It's going to be difficult for you because you gave Dad primary custody 10 YEARS ago. It will possibly look like you're only seeking shared custody because now Dad is asking for you to contribute financially to the child (which is YOURS and DADS), which is well within reason. It doesn't matter that he didn't ask for support years ago. You are still financially responsible for helping to raise the child, as is he.

Do you have other children? You mentioned "youngest son". If so, where do the others live? Are there support orders/visitation orders in place for those children?

As far as visitation goes, have you been content with not seeing or speaking to your son for months at a time? You're going to have to prove that you've tried everything you could. Each time you were denied visits or phone time, you should have contacted Dad immediately and let him know that this is not acceptable. If you have an actual visitation order, you could have filed for contempt. It sort of looks as though you've been OK with this whole thing until the money question came up.

 

[coolmomx2]

Thank you for responding. Mediation is voluntary.

I have provided support overall to my son. I have purchased clothing, food, shoes, school supplies etc. for him. I have also sent letters and cards with money in them and when he visits I've provided him with money for things that he needs however, because his father and I don't have a very communicable relationship we have never really been able to have an adult conversation via phone or in person for that matter. When talking to him via phone it's as if he's trying to rush me off while I'm trying to explain to him that we need to come to a consensus on a consistent visiting schedule.
I have e-mailed his father letting him know what I would like as far as visitation, opening the lines of communication etc. and although he admitted receiving the e-mail he did not respond nor did he make any comments outside of "yeah I received it".

For years I have been giving him the benefit of a doubt and letting things slide but with the recent series of events such as missed holiday and birthday visits, unanswered calls etc. I decided to proceed forward with what I had been planning to do since October which is before he mentioned anything about support. That conversation was held in December. When I try to call and talk to my son at his father's home, the calls go unanswered so I'm unable to reach and talk to his father to express my concerns unless his father calls me back or happens to answer the phone when I call. I have not been ok with any of this. Not only have I tried to call but my mother, father and my son (his brother) have called and their calls have not been returned either. Visitation and support orders are fine with my oldest son who is 15 and resides with me.

 

[truebluemd]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland


Hello, I'm hoping to find the answer to my questions on this forum.
I'm a non-custodial parent (mother) residing in Maryland. I'm seeking shared custody, child support and visitation for my youngest son. I agreed to give his father full custody 10 years ago. He recently asked me when I would start paying child support for the first time in 10 years. My son is taken cared of and wants for nothing. I do not have a problem paying child support but I wonder why he did not go through the court to request support or why he did not mention it 10 years ago. Nevertheless he asked me to "come up with something" (numbers) and send it to him via e-mail. When I agreed to give him custody 10 years ago the Judge said that visitation was to be worked out between the two of us, in other words it was not really ordered. There have been times when I won't see my son for 4-6 mos. at a time for no legitimate reason besides the fact that his father is "showing off". When I or my mother, father or my oldest son (his brother) call to his father's residence, phone calls are not answered and messages aren't returned. This has happened on several different occasions and I have documented each and every time we call and each and every time he comes to visit.

To this day I have not seen my youngest son since November and I have not been able to speak with him since before Christmas. He turned 13 in January. I was advised by the court that I would not be able to modify the pre-existing case because it has since been closed and is pretty much considered non-existent. Therefore I was told to fill out papers for a new case filing for joint custody, support on myself as well as the custodial parent and visitation. I would like to know the chances of things going in my favor as a non-custodial parent. Since I work in the field of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) I tried to take an informal approach in resolving this matter through mediation. However, when the organization contacted my son's father in an attempt to schedule mediation he declined. So, I figured on to the next step. Please help and thank you in advance for your feedback.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland (MD)

Because you don't see the child on a regular basis (regardless whose fault), it will be difficult for you to get shared parenting. You do need to have the CO modified for a set parenting schedule (ie, every other weekend, one overnight during the week, every other holiday, summer vacation). That way, when dad wants to "show off", you can call the sherriff (police don't handle custody orders in maryland) and get a police report and file contempt for his noncompliance.

You will have to pay child support, but you dont have to give dad any more money beyond that. If there is currently no CO for CS, then you don't have to give him anything now. The judge will want to know why you didnt modify custody a long time ago if dad was keeping you from the child. I would suggest getting phone records to show how you have tried to contact dad for visits.

It's highly likely you two will be ordered to go to mediation to work things out first. Its a requirement in my county. You can contact me via PM for more info as I did my first round of custody Pro SE

 

[pittrocks]

You need a consult with an attorney.

All the money and clothes, etc you provided for your son were "gifts", not child support.

When you can't reach your child by phone, call back. (not every 5 minutes, please!) If you can't get in touch, send an e-mail to Dad. Keep doing that EVERY time. Send e-mails stating you would like to pick up the child at such and such time on such and such day..ask for confirmation..if Dad says no, ask for other days...prove that you are actively trying to see your child. Unfortunately, without an order for visitation and phone time, it falls under Dad's discretion.

Do you have copies of all the e-mails between you and Dad?
You're going to need them.

 

[truebluemd]

its always good to talk to an atty. I do think that with or without an atty, you have a good chance of getting standard visitation. If dad has an atty, then you should get one. If you can't, then you need to be on your p's and q's every step of the way.

 

[coolmomx2]

Thank you all for your feedback and valuable information.

I'm currently seeking an attorney who specializes in these types of cases now. His father has not been in contact with me so he is not aware of my visit to the court. Yes, I do have copies of the e-mails sent as well as a copy of the letter from the mediation service informing me that they were unable to schedule mediation and the court papers from 10 years ago... I guess I will also have to get the phone records. Should I get the phone records from both my home and my mother's home when calls were made to his residence or just mine? There have been times when I can't reach them during the day, I call in the evening between 5-8 p.m. and still no answer. I've also called his residence to speak to his girlfriend who is his younger child's mother and she says she'll relay messages to him about us (mom and I) wanting to see him, pick him up for the forthcoming weekend or in the near future. I do know that his father and his father's maternal grandmother have a good relationship and my mother has been talking to her to find out exactly what's going on since I have been unsuccessful in getting through to him. Like me, she also wants to see her grandchild as well as my dad and his brother. It's very disheartening but I'm trying, I just have to try harder.

There was never an order for visitation or support, only custody.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

... I do think that with or without an atty, you have a good chance of getting standard visitation...

I concur, but don't be surprised if the judge has some hard questions for you about why you've not done something about the lack of contact with your child sooner...

 

[coolmomx2]

It didn't really become an ongoing problem up until late 2007 and I also wanted to ensure that I had all of my ducks in order before proceeding forward. 10 years is a long time no doubt but regardless I'm still entitled to see my child, my parental rights have not been terminated and I'm putting forth effort in seeing my child with the other party whom is not cooperative. Who knows what his father may be telling him but each and every time I talk to him I always tell him that I love him more and more every day and there's not a day that I do not think about him. Life is full of valuable lessons, you live and you learn. I have learned from past mistakes, corrected them and have since moved forward.