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  1. #1
    Skeeter112373 is offline Junior Member
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    non-custodial parent legal phone time

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon
    My ex and I broke up in 2004. I have had the two girls for 5 years, besides him never paying child suport.. because he told me if I went after him he would fight for custody. I make 1800 a month and he makes 4500 a month so that threat scares me.
    When I was layed off and had to go on assistance they went after him fo the money. He went after me for custody. My girls convenced him that they wanted to live with me, so he made up a custody/visitation plan and told me that if I did't signe it that he would take the girls.
    In this plan it states that he will pay for there shared cell phone, I am not allowed to take it away for any reason and I am not allowed to interfear with the amount of phone calls between the girls and him.
    The problem is... that when the girls fight about who gets the phone, who delets pic's, who takes pics, who reads the others text.. phone calls in the middle of the night, and who is going to set the back ground pic, texting all threw the night I can't ground them from the phone. You maybe thinking...well get two phone's But thats not the worse of it. He calls them duiring school, when they get up in the morning, when they go to bed (even past their bed time) and all threw the day and evening and when I punish them for anything they call him and complain, so then he calls me and chews me out. He is alway's asking them what I am doing, where I've been, who's at the house ect. I can't structure anything.. chorses bed time, family time,dinner time, ect.
    SO I'm asking.. WHAt is oregons law on comunication with the non-custodial parent? can I take this to court and ask that he give them a phone card so they can use the house phone? so that I can have some structure in my home? I have them 75% of the time and him 35% But I never get any alone time with them. Is allowing so many phone calls a week exceptable? I need to get him out of my life.. scratch that .. out of my home. what is my right in this situation?
    Last edited by Skeeter112373; 08-24-2009 at 03:19 AM.
  2. #2
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeeter112373 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon
    My ex and I broke up in 2004. I have had the two girls for 5 years, besides him never paying child suport.. because he told me if I went after him he would fight for custody. I make 1800 a month and he makes 4500 a month so that threat scares me.
    When I was layed off and had to go on assistance they went after him fo the money. He went after me for custody. My girls convenced him that they wanted to live with me, so he made up a custody/visitation plan and told me that if I did't signe it that he would take the girls.
    In this plan it states that he will pay for there shared cell phone, I am not allowed to take it away for any reason and I am not allowed to interfear with the amount of phone calls between the girls and him.
    The problem is... that when the girls fight about who gets the phone, who delets pic's, who takes pics, who reads the others text.. phone calls in the middle of the night, and who is going to set the back ground pic, texting all threw the night I can't ground them from the phone. You maybe thinking...well get two phone's But thats not the worse of it. He calls them duiring school, when they get up in the morning, when they go to bed (even past their bed time) and all threw the day and evening and when I punish them for anything they call him and complain, so then he calls me and chews me out. He is alway's asking them what I am doing, where I've been, who's at the house ect. I can't structure anything.. chorses bed time, family time,dinner time, ect.
    SO I'm asking.. WHAt is oregons law on comunication with the non-custodial parent? can I take this to court and ask that he give them a phone card so they can use the house phone? so that I can have some structure in my home? I have them 75% of the time and him 35% But I never get any alone time with them. Is allowing so many phone calls a week exceptable? I need to get him out of my life.. scratch that .. out of my home. what is my right in this situation?
    Are there any current orders at all? For anything?
  3. #3
    Skeeter112373 is offline Junior Member
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    non-custodial parent legal phone time

    Yes. That he pay's for the phone, has unlimited access, and I can not take away the phone for any reason or limit his phone calls
  4. #4
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeeter112373 View Post
    Yes. That he pay's for the phone, has unlimited access, and I can not take away the phone for any reason or limit his phone calls
    You can take it to court and make a case for limiting his phone time to certain hours of the day. You have a reasonable shot at making that happen.

    You also have established primary custody of the children. His money means absolutely nothing in terms of custody. He would need a significant change in circumstances (one that negatively impacts the children) in your household, in order to change custody.
  5. #5
    pinkey14 is offline Member
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    Hey, I don't know much about your situation, but I am also a dad who purchased a cell phone for my son last year when he was 10. I did this because I only get to see him every other weekend, and his mom dislikes me so much that she would never answer her phone (they don't have a land line). When I did get through, I would be told anything from "he's watching a video right now" (which obviously could have been paused) to "he's cleaning his room" to "he's going to bed soon". Not living there, I had (and have) no way of knowing what their schedule and activites may be. It always seems that my ex views my calls as an interruption, and just about anything is too sacred to take a break from for me to connect with my son and ask him how his day was. It's NEVER the right time to call.

    I need to get him out of my life.. scratch that .. out of my home.
    I can tell that you feel a lot of animosity towards your ex, and I definitely think that you should have some say about phone use. I'm sure that kids aren't allowed to answer the phone during class, are they? Midnight phone calls are obviously uncalled for as well. You should be allowed to discipline when it comes to them fighting over the phone or talking/texting with friends. It seems though, that your main concern isn't that stuff, but about the contact with their dad.

    Maybe you could give your ex a "usual schedule", so he knows when class time, dinner time, bath time, homework, and bedtime are. It's perfectly reasonable for him to refrain from calling during these activites if he can help it. Please know though, that from a dad's point of view, he just loves them and craves the intimacy of being party to the everyday hum-drum goings-on that non custodial parents miss so much. Try to remember that the phone was probably not gifted to spite you, but because he dearly loves his children and doesn't want sour relations with you to hinder his ability to maintain a close relationship with his kids.

    As far as the law is concerned, I'm not an Oregon resident, but I do know that in my state we were able to make a minor parenting plan modification which is very specific about phone time between my son and both of us parents.
  6. #6
    Skeeter112373 is offline Junior Member
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    pinkey14,
    I liked what you had to say. I try very hard not to let my history with there dad get in the way. It's heard to do when in the 5 years I have had them he only wanted to see the kids about a handfull of the time and that was after when the kids went to bed I would call him and guilt him into seeing them. It was after my boyfriend came into my life and the girls told there dad how much they liked him that he started demanding to see them and this phone thing. I love that the girls see there dad. I believe all childrn need both parents. My problem is that he uses the phone to check uo me and what I am doing.. I'ts heart breaking to hear this side of there conversation and it sounds like this.. " no! she's right here. ya she's reading a book. i don't know she went out side with the phone so I couldn't hear!.. no she didn't clean house today, she say's it's her day off. no dad don't call her" <-- thats tonights conversation.
    I want the girls to talk to there dad.. but there dad has no boundries and still feels that he can control my house hold. so yes I do have some feelings about it and I'm sure it comes across that way. it's hard
    I feel for you in your situation. It sounds like you truely want to talk to your son. Could you awnser a question for me? What reasoning would a father have to use a childs conversation with him to keep track of the mother only after she gets a boyfriend after 5 years of them being together? Why now? why wouldn't he be interested in his kids sooner and why if that father makes close to 7thousand would he not want to pay child suport. He yells at me for not giving the girls things.. I just don't understand and that is why I am up set. Thank you for your response, it is alway's good to get the other picture
  7. #7
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeeter112373 View Post
    pinkey14,
    I liked what you had to say.
    Me too, actually. While it's often frowned upon (here) to share anecdotes involving a different state to that of the OP (and for good reason), pinkey's post was right on.
  8. #8
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Skeeter...how old are your children?
  9. #9
    AkersTile is offline Member
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    Pinkey made a really good point. That is actually something a friend of mine did as well. She bought her daughters each a cell so that they could talk to their Dad. They live in MO he lives in CA. She also e-mailed him a compy of their school schedule and regularly e-mails him to let him know what their activity schedule, etc. is. It makes it easier on everybody. Although Dad also has to be willing to work with this and if he won't, it won't work.

    Pinkey- Awesome job at co-parenting & doind what's best for the kids!

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