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  1. #1
    hiswife22 is offline Junior Member
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    Non-custodial parent may be using drugs

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

    I am the step-mother of 2 minor children. I have been raising them for the past 2 years with my husband. My husband was just told that the non-custodial parent is abusing drugs. She gets weekly visitation with the children. My husband and I are worried about the safety of the children if she is in fact using drugs. She has in the past so this does not come as a shock. I am not trying to knock her as I do not know her personally, I know what I have observed and have been told by others.

    The question is whether my husband has the legal right to refuse to let her take the children, or does he have to contact the court? Can he ask that she take a drug test prior to picking them up?

    Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
  2. #2
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hiswife22 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

    I am the step-mother of 2 minor children. I have been raising them for the past 2 years with my husband. My husband was just told that the non-custodial parent is abusing drugs. She gets weekly visitation with the children. My husband and I are worried about the safety of the children if she is in fact using drugs. She has in the past so this does not come as a shock. I am not trying to knock her as I do not know her personally, I know what I have observed and have been told by others.

    The question is whether my husband has the legal right to refuse to let her take the children, or does he have to contact the court? Can he ask that she take a drug test prior to picking them up?

    Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

    And Dad's proof of this would be......?

    What kind of drugs?

    The short answer is NO - Dad CANNOT withhold court-ordered visitation like that.
  3. #3
    rbw5147 is offline Member
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    And NO, Dad cannot make Mom take a drug test before picking up the kids.
  4. #4
    hiswife22 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    And Dad's proof of this would be......?

    What kind of drugs?

    The short answer is NO - Dad CANNOT withhold court-ordered visitation like that.


    The problem is that there is no proof, how to obtain the proof is the current issue. She has 2 other children that are not currently living with her due to the suspected drug abuse (so he was told). He is not sure how to proceed with the issue. Can he contact the court and state that he believes she is using and that he wants the visitation modified? She has had the children taken away before due to the same issue.
  5. #5
    MichaCA is offline Senior Member
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    Is there proof her other children were taken away for a drug problem? What does that proof say - what court orders, etc.?
  6. #6
    hiswife22 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by MichaCA View Post
    Is there proof her other children were taken away for a drug problem? What does that proof say - what court orders, etc.?


    As of right now he does not have any proof, this was just brought to his attention today. I am trying to find out what his steps should be to make sure the children stay safe.

    Is there a way to find out if the other children were taken away?
    Last edited by hiswife22; 08-05-2010 at 01:42 PM. Reason: added more info
  7. #7
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hiswife22 View Post
    The problem is that there is no proof, how to obtain the proof is the current issue. She has 2 other children that are not currently living with her due to the suspected drug abuse (so he was told). He is not sure how to proceed with the issue. Can he contact the court and state that he believes she is using and that he wants the visitation modified? She has had the children taken away before due to the same issue.


    Ah, the great old catch -22 situation.

    Without proof - and not hearsay, statements from friends, third hand written-on-toilet-paper allegations but actual proof (convictions? charges?) - Dad will have trouble even getting the court to order a drug test.

    But how can Dad prove it without a drug test?

    Paradoxes aside, what happens if she does test positive?

    Well, Dad will need to show that the drug use is happening when the child is present, and that the child's welfare is threatened.
  8. #8
    ecmst12 is offline Senior Member
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    He should stop listening to rumors and hearsay. You should butt out entirely.
  9. #9
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hiswife22 View Post
    As of right now he does not have any proof, this was just brought to his attention today. I am trying to find out what his steps should be to make sure the children stay safe.

    Is there a way to find out if the other children were taken away?


    Have the children been harmed in any way prior to this?
  10. #10
    hiswife22 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    Ah, the great old catch -22 situation.

    Without proof - and not hearsay, statements from friends, third hand written-on-toilet-paper allegations but actual proof (convictions? charges?) - Dad will have trouble even getting the court to order a drug test.

    But how can Dad prove it without a drug test?

    Paradoxes aside, what happens if she does test positive?

    Well, Dad will need to show that the drug use is happening when the child is present, and that the child's welfare is threatened.


    I was afraid of that, so its a lose lose situation for him? I'm scared that if she is using the children will be in danger but there is no proof. This is very frustrating.
  11. #11
    hiswife22 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ecmst12 View Post
    He should stop listening to rumors and hearsay. You should butt out entirely.
    I will not butt out entirely as I take care of these children on a daily basis and their safety is my concern as well as his.

    I am trying to find out how to make it more than rumors and hearsay. She has had her children taken away in the past for the same reason.
  12. #12
    hiswife22 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    Have the children been harmed in any way prior to this?
    I cannot say physically harmed, as I am not aware of any physical abuse. They have been removed from her home in the past due to drugs and neglect.
  13. #13
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hiswife22 View Post
    I was afraid of that, so its a lose lose situation for him? I'm scared that if she is using the children will be in danger but there is no proof. This is very frustrating.

    It's also very frustrating when a Dad cannot or will not get online and ask his own legal questions but since that's already happened, back to the issue.


    Here's the thing.

    If she's using, and the kids have been fine so far - where's the damage? Where's the proof that even if she IS using (and much would depend on the "what" and the "when"), that the kids are being harmed?


    Dad cannot start causing a ruckus based upon a "what if" or a rumor.

    Now if she's operating a meth lab out of the kitchen sink, that's another matter entirely.

    I'm sure that would be pretty obvious though.
  14. #14
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hiswife22 View Post
    I cannot say physically harmed, as I am not aware of any physical abuse. They have been removed from her home in the past due to drugs and neglect.

    But Dad was seemingly ok with sending HIS two children over to visit knowing about her history?

    See how this looks?

    She's apparently quite fit to be a parent in HIS eyes.
  15. #15
    hiswife22 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    But Dad was seemingly ok with sending HIS two children over to visit knowing about her history?

    See how this looks?

    She's apparently quite fit to be a parent in HIS eyes.
    He was not ok with it, it was a court order. He does not want to send the children over at all but he has to due to the order.

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