non-custodial parent moving out of county

[imysonsmom]

What is the name of your state? CA
Please be patient with me I'm new and a little nervous. My son's father has recently moved out of the county, @90 mi away from where our son currently resides with me. He has a visitation order that grants him every other Sunday from 9 - 6:30, where it is stated in our court order our meeting point be @ a location 1/2 between our two residents. Which was @ 10 min away from our home, as he used to live only 30 min away. Now he has submitted an OSC (order to show cause) requesting that the meeting point change to 45 miles out of my way, as now he lives further. Is that legal? Am I going to have to go 45 miles out of MY way just because HE decided to make a move that is so far away??? HELP!

 

[stealth2]

His asking for the meeting place to be moved as a result of his relocation is perfectly legal. It'll be up to the judge to decide whether he should be given that.

 

[imysonsmom]

WOW, thanks for such a quick reply, didn't like your reply, however thanks for such promptness.

 

[stealth2]

Well, your job is to convince the judge that Dad should be responsible for transportation due to his decision to move.

 

[imysonsmom]

I'm trying to convice the judge of soooo many things I'm feeling overwhelmed and feel like I'm 'wordy' I never know when too much information is too much or when I'm being over proctective or jumping to conclusions. He is currently on medical marajuana, which drive me nuts as it is; he's 100% disabled (ie no job, no child support) our son is 10. He takes him to this rap concert events where there is tons of cursing and feel he doesn't use his best judgement as far as our son is concerned. He's a DJ, which is why he moved to the location he is currently at; this is something like his 15th move in 10 years. I just feel like he's inappropriately taking our son to places that just aren't age appropriate. Now getting all of that and then some to stated clealy and unbiased to the judge is going to be difficult. I don't want to go on and on about it and at some point she just stop listening because I'm rambling, you know what I mean? He has a 20 min grace period for pick ups and is constantly 5 - 19 min late, it's like he does it on purpose. It's not going against our order because he shows up before the 20 min, however it's just a pain in the my behind! Now that I read this I think that possibly the judge is going to tell me that it's all personnal and that his father's time is his father's time and how he chooses to use it is on him. frustrated
BTW thanks again for your advise. I think this forum is absolutely fantastic, what a great way to be able to pick someones brain! I grateful I found it.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm trying to convice the judge of soooo many things I'm feeling overwhelmed and feel like I'm 'wordy' I never know when too much information is too much or when I'm being over proctective or jumping to conclusions. He is currently on medical marajuana, which drive me nuts as it is; he's 100% disabled (ie no job, no child support) our son is 10. He takes him to this rap concert events where there is tons of cursing and feel he doesn't use his best judgement as far as our son is concerned. He's a DJ, which is why he moved to the location he is currently at; this is something like his 15th move in 10 years. I just feel like he's inappropriately taking our son to places that just aren't age appropriate. Now getting all of that and then some to stated clealy and unbiased to the judge is going to be difficult. I don't want to go on and on about it and at some point she just stop listening because I'm rambling, you know what I mean? He has a 20 min grace period for pick ups and is constantly 5 - 19 min late, it's like he does it on purpose. It's not going against our order because he shows up before the 20 min, however it's just a pain in the my behind! Now that I read this I think that possibly the judge is going to tell me that it's all personnal and that his father's time is his father's time and how he chooses to use it is on him. frustrated

Yes, its very possible that the judge could tell you that its dad's choice as to what they do on his time.

However its also very possible that the judge could order dad to provide all of the transportation since dad created the distance.

You need to pick your battles carefully....if you include too much stuff that is "nit-picking" the more serious issues could get lost in the shuffle.

 

[stealth2]

And that is pretty much what the judge will tell you.

 

[imysonsmom]

Do you think it would benefit me at all if I took some of the lyrics, that talk about drugs, sex, violence, and cursin? Do you think it would even matter. There was also an incident where his father had a situation with road rage and a man pulled a knife on him while our son was in the car. They fled the scene and sought protection in a store. Would that show anything about his lack of judgement, or am I still being frivolious?

 

[nextwife]

Well, I'm not certain that ANOTHER person pulling a knife because they were angry about being honked at or flipped the bird is proof of anything except the OTHER person's lack of judgement.

 

[stealth2]

In all honesty? Your son likely hears the same or worse language on the bus, at lunch and on the playground. Trust me. At the end of the day, this is a parenting issue, and not a legal one. Is it a great thing to expose a kid to? Not in my opinion. But it's not a reason to limit a parent's access to their child.

As for the road rage - that could happen just as easily when the kid's with you as it did when with Dad.

 

[imysonsmom]

Yes I suppose bottom line, it's a parenting issue that should have been resolved years ago. He hasn't changed one bit since we had our child and I suppose I shouldn't try and get a judge to see my views or try and find a 'law' that would be on my side. It just saddens me and hope that my son continues to grow up to be a responsible assest to society rather than a bleepy bleep bleep like the man I choose to be his father. Geesh what's that say about me and my choices.....
I suppose ever since I started going back to church over a year ago things just seem so different and was hoping I could influence the more positive responsible side, as opposed to the complete extreme opposite. I go to court next week and now feel that I should have just kept my mouth shut. Hope the judge doesn't see me as wasting time and money.
Thanks for all your input this service is fantastic.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

He is 100 % disabled, he can't work, he works as a DJ, he pays no child support????? He is on Medical MJ.
What is his Disability?
If he is getting disability is it SSDI if so your son should get benefits, if he is getting SSI that is another story.
If dad is on medical MJ maybe it is better that you drive.
If dad has a problem with road rage, that is a potential problem for your child, not only putting him in danger but also setting a bad example, was the insident reported to police?

 

[imysonsmom]

I couldn't tell you what sort of $$ he gets, what I do know is that I get check from the state treasury dept. once a month for $21, which is a big step from $4 8 years ago! I believe the state put him through school where he learned a trade, but has been unsuccessful in holding a job, or even care to hold on to a job. You're right it might be safer for me to just do the driving, however how can I prevent him from driving our son around from that point on. The order does curently state that he is not to smoke for around our son, or have consumed it with a 12 hour period. Initally he was going to have to go to a drug rehab before he was given rights, but he provided a RX from his MD for the 'medical marajuana use'. Unfortunely it was not reported to the police, my son didn't tell me about the situation for a few days after it occured. Which is also a problem, we are court ordered to send a 'log book' between the two of us to provide informatioin regarding our son, and he never wrote about the incident. It all just sucks, for lack of a better word! I by no means am perfect and have made mistakes and am not trying to look better than him, which is his argument, I just want whats in the interest of our son. I guess it falls into, my opinion, morals...which the court order states that our actions shouldn't go against the 'morals' of the chid....wierd. I suppose it all depends on the parent's definition of 'morals'.
Thanks again for your input!

 

[Jillian483]

Do you think it would benefit me at all if I took some of the lyrics, that talk about drugs, sex, violence, and cursin? Do you think it would even matter. There was also an incident where his father had a situation with road rage and a man pulled a knife on him while our son was in the car. They fled the scene and sought protection in a store. Would that show anything about his lack of judgement, or am I still being frivolious?

Since these songs will probably be heard by your son in one way or anouther I don't think that there is much you can do about it. My hubbies ex listens to all catholic songs and we are both atheist (don't believe in god). We don't tell or push this on the children in anyway but it takes all that I have to not go insane when they are singing this stuff in front of us. It is something that you will just have to deal with. If you son starts to cuss himself though it might be time to go buy some bars of soap. Also it seems to me that your husband did the best thing by fleeing the sceene to protect his son. Would you have rather he stood there and argued back?

 

[Jillian483]

A Question

IS your ex amilitary veteran that is now disabled?