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NON custodial parent moving out of state

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Sorry, a little long but thought the background info would be useful:

My husband has a 7 year old son. His bio-mother lives in NC with her parents since the divorce 6 years ago. We lived in NC also, until 3 years ago when my husband was relocated to GA, 6 hours away. They share custody, his son lives w/us & she gets visitation, 1 weekend every month, (we swap the transportation monthly). She also gets one week in summer & half of winter break. (The schedule is so rigid because of her mental history & not being able to care for him (her mother does it). For example, during the last visit, she had "severe pain" in her jaw and screamed in front of my step son that she "couldn't take it anymore", and ran across parking lot, begging some guy she didn't know, for help. Mental? I think so.

We have always gotten him to her when scheduled, but on her turns to come here, she has skipped 11 visits, more than half, yet she whines that she doesn't see him enough and that the schedule is unfair. She has never paid a penny in child support either. She never worked, up until two years ago, now works full time, but is asking her employer to reduce her hours.

Now she has announced that she is getting married, they have never lived in the same state and she has never seen where he lives. My stepson has met guy once, two years ago. She is also moving to PA, 13+hours away, by car. She seems to think she is going to have the same schedule with extra time in summer, too, but that we will take turns paying for airline travel instead of driving. Tickets are $300 round trip. I am sure this can't be normal. What is the norm? What if our situation is not normal? What can we expect? Also, we will probably ask for support now, but will a judge have it only off set our higher travel expenses or can it be in addition to some of the added expense? Note: He absolutely hates spending time with her and calls her by name, not mom.
 
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usmcfamily

Senior Member
(we swap the transportation monthly).
Is this swapping in the court order or just something that you have done to be nice?
If it is NOT in the court order you are under NO obligation to make any effort to provide her visitation beyond having the child ready and available on the appointed day/time -- it is up to HER to find a way to see him/transport him.
Unless SHE goes back to court and files a petition to modify the order so that it would read that you are obligated to share the expense (and btw it is NOT LIKELY that she would have the petition granted - typically the CP is only expected to share expenses when they are the moving parent -- not if it is the NCP) all you have to do is say "when are YOU going to come pick up your child?"..........that is the end of the obligation on your end......;)
As a side note - since the child is reluctant to spend time with her anyway it may work out for the best since she has clearly shown that she is unwilling to make the effort and take the expense of exercising her visitation -- I say let her move and make it HER job to see her child.......

Of course all of the above is nulluified if the order states the sharing of expenses BUT if it DOES state that your DH will simply need to file a petition for modification to take out the shared expense clause based on HER choice to move thereby increasing the expenses........it is very likely considering her past history of NOT taking her "turn" in paying for it that the judge will take the shared expense out and it will be totally her responsibility to pay for the visitation she wants............
Good luck and God Bless
 
Sorry for the confusion. The order does state that on odd months she is responsible for transportation, even, we are, from Jan-Oct. Holiday and summer visits are different. Airline travel was to be agreed to at a later date as stated in the order and nowhere does it say anything about Expenses, just transportation responsibility.
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
So the second part of my answer regarding the action your husband needs to take will apply -- he needs to petition the court for a modification of the visitation arrangement that will nullify his transportation responsibility based on her move that will greatly increase the expense and inconvenience of shared transportation. Use documentation of her failure to follow through on the arrangment on her times to provide transportation as further "ammunition" to shore up his petition....showing that she had failed to hold up her end at the existing distance.
I truly feel that given the circumstances as described by you here make it likely that your husband has a fair chance of having his petition granted.......
 
She says her attorney told her to talk to us about a schedule and try to come to an agreement ourselves, which I am sure is unlikely. What is a typical schedule for this distance? Surely not every month especially when he has school and other activities he is involved with. He's going into 2nd grade this fall.

Should we just skip this waste of time and file a motion, or wait? Her wedding and move are supposed to happen in August. Not much time.

Also, it seems that she is hiding something about her plans, she won't really give a definite answer saying her plans are "on hold" until she sees where he lives and if she can "handle it". Our attorney said to wait until we have a definite answer from her as to her move, but I can see her waiting until July to let us know she is really moving. Should we get moving on this now?
 

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