Non-custodial parent moving out of State

[wendysuecpa]

What is the name of your state? Michigan
My ex is moving out of State, from Michigan to Arizona. Our divorce decree gives him every other weekend, Wednesday evenings until 8:30, every other holiday, every spring break, one week at Christmas and six weeks in the summer in three week intervals. He is now moving to Arizona. He wants 10 weeks in the summer, every spring break, every other holiday and one week at Christmas. He also expects me to drive her to Detroit or Chicago to catch a non-stop filight ( a six hour round trip each time). Our daughter is 13. She is involved in school, choir, swimming, friends, her whole life is here with me. She does not want to spend that much time in Arizona.
Does my ex legally have the right to these unreasonable demands?

[CaringMomof2]

Originally Posted by wendysuecpa

Does my ex legally have the right to these unreasonable demands?

Personally, IMO, nothing about the amounts of time seems unreasonable to me. Now as far as driving her to Detroit or Chicago to catch a direct flight, I don't see it as unreasonable either.

[wendysuecpa]

I don't think I can be ordered to travel 6 hours 6-8 time per year, especially during tax season when I am required to work 60 hours per week. The child does not want to go to Arizona. And when am I supposed to take her on vacation? Should I have to take her out of school to spend some vacation time with her? Should I have to be the one to do all the hard work while her father gets all of the quality time? Will the airline workers force a child to get on a plane when she refuses? Also, she is supposed to see her orthodontist every 4-6 weeks for the next 18 months. It would just be too disruptive to her life to spend so much time on the other side of the country.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by wendysuecpa

What is the name of your state? Michigan
My ex is moving out of State, from Michigan to Arizona. Our divorce decree gives him every other weekend, Wednesday evenings until 8:30, every other holiday, every spring break, one week at Christmas and six weeks in the summer in three week intervals. He is now moving to Arizona. He wants 10 weeks in the summer, every spring break, every other holiday and one week at Christmas. He also expects me to drive her to Detroit or Chicago to catch a non-stop filight ( a six hour round trip each time). Our daughter is 13. She is involved in school, choir, swimming, friends, her whole life is here with me. She does not want to spend that much time in Arizona.
Does my ex legally have the right to these unreasonable demands?

Yes. Next question?

[frylover]

He may or may not get EXACTLY what he wants...one common thing I've read here is that whoever creates the distance is often responsible for transportation. So, he may not get that. But, that aside, your daughter is going to be spending part of her summer and major holidays in Arizona whether she "wants to" or not.

Stealth, who I suspect will respond to you when she reads this, sends her kids to her ex for all but about three or four weeks of the summer. I don't think it's all that unusual for ANY parent who is a long distance away to get big chunks of visitation time.

[wendysuecpa]

There was domestic violence in the marriage, he didn't get joint custody because he was abusive to me in front of the child. (She actually called 911 when he was arrested). I wouldn't think that he would get any more time then he gets now, especially since he is the one moving across the country.

Originally Posted by wendysuecpa

. The child does not want to go to Arizona. And when am I supposed to take her on vacation? Will the airline workers force a child to get on a plane when she refuses? .

1-untill she turns 18, she has no say in the visitation matter, she either goes, or YOU can be held in contempt, and be fined, jailed, or lose custody. 2-you can take her on vacation when she is with you. 3-yes they can,see number 1. she legally cant refuse

[wendysuecpa]

I think that the domestic violence precludes her from ever having to live with her dad. The judge in the case has listened to what the child wants in the past, i.e. originally her dad was given 6 consecutive weeks in the summer, but when he had to admit to the judge that the child had told him repeatedly that she did not want to go for 6 weeks in a row, the judge ordered 3 weeks at a time instead. (We currently live 18 miles apart). Also, dad has told her things in the past such as "I wish your mother was dead".

[stealth2]

Well... since you already "know" that the judge won't order it - why ask the question?

[frylover]

Wow...you were WAY gentler than I expected, Stealth!

[wendysuecpa]

I don't "know" what the judge will order-I don't have a crystal ball, I want to know what other people have experienced in this situation. Am I being a jerk about this? I just want what is best for my daughter. I am constantly having to console her about the visitation that she doesn't want to go to... and I don't trash her dad, as much as I would like to, my response is usually to tell her that her dad loves her, wants to be in her life, etc. etc. I think the biggest thing with our daughter is that she hates her step mother who is a controlling bitch who won't ever butt out of our business. She is the one who disciplines and "runs the show" at the dad's house. Our daughter has actually told me that she can't wait until her dad moves to Arizona. Sad situation. Incidentally, our older son (27) won't even speak to his dad because of the behavior since the divorce.

[stealth2]

Originally Posted by wendysuecpa

Am I being a jerk about this?

....Yep....

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by frylover

He may or may not get EXACTLY what he wants...one common thing I've read here is that whoever creates the distance is often responsible for transportation. So, he may not get that. But, that aside, your daughter is going to be spending part of her summer and major holidays in Arizona whether she "wants to" or not.

Stealth, who I suspect will respond to you when she reads this, sends her kids to her ex for all but about three or four weeks of the summer. I don't think it's all that unusual for ANY parent who is a long distance away to get big chunks of visitation time.

And if dad is paying for the airline tickets that would be being responsible for the transportation. If he is paying for tickets from the closest airport (for direct flights) then mom doesn't have a gripe.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by wendysuecpa

I think that the domestic violence precludes her from ever having to live with her dad. The judge in the case has listened to what the child wants in the past, i.e. originally her dad was given 6 consecutive weeks in the summer, but when he had to admit to the judge that the child had told him repeatedly that she did not want to go for 6 weeks in a row, the judge ordered 3 weeks at a time instead. (We currently live 18 miles apart). Also, dad has told her things in the past such as "I wish your mother was dead".

What you think is irrelevant and truthfully wrong. Domestic violence against you will have little to do with it if dad requests 10 weeks in the summer. He may not get it but it is not unreasonable. None of his requests are unreasonable. He is the child's father. And he would not be getting any more time with his requests than he currently gets. It is just combining all the time in summer. And the judge listened to dad NOT the child.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by wendysuecpa

I don't "know" what the judge will order-I don't have a crystal ball, I want to know what other people have experienced in this situation. Am I being a jerk about this?

Yes you are being a jerk about this.

I just want what is best for my daughter. I am constantly having to console her about the visitation that she doesn't want to go to... and I don't trash her dad, as much as I would like to, my response is usually to tell her that her dad loves her, wants to be in her life, etc. etc.

Then maybe you should be finding OTHER ways to help your daughter cope -- counseling for instance.

I think the biggest thing with our daughter is that she hates her step mother who is a controlling bitch who won't ever butt out of our business. She is the one who disciplines and "runs the show" at the dad's house. Our daughter has actually told me that she can't wait until her dad moves to Arizona. Sad situation. Incidentally, our older son (27) won't even speak to his dad because of the behavior since the divorce.

Doesn't matter about your 27 year old son. And referring to the stepmother as a controlling bitch -- great attitude mom. Bet your daughter knows NOTHING of how you feel because you hide it so well, right? You are influencing your daughter more than you know. Its a shame that you allow your daughter to rejoice at her father moving to Arizona. There are many other things that you could be doing -- but from your messages what I am hearing is "I shouldnt' have to drive..." and "my daughter has 100 more things that are more important than her dad" and so on and so forth.