Non-custodial parent taking minor child to doctor

[stepmom&mom]

My husband called his ex's insurance co (the one that was originally providing insurance for his daughter) and they were more than happy to tell him who his daughter's physician was. So then he called the doctor's office and asked for a copy of her medical records and they happily mailed them to us. In reviewing the medical records, we found out that she had been referred to another doctor (a specialist) to diagnose ADHD, but my husband followed up and contacted that doctor and they have no record of her. So, either she took her daughter to a different specialist or else she did nothing. We have no way of finding out (and she's certainly not going to tell us.) You would think that she'd want us to know about the daughter's diagnosis so that when she's at our house, we will know how situations should be handled or if she is supposed to be taking medication, etc.

 

[casa]

My husband called his ex's insurance co (the one that was originally providing insurance for his daughter) and they were more than happy to tell him who his daughter's physician was. So then he called the doctor's office and asked for a copy of her medical records and they happily mailed them to us. In reviewing the medical records, we found out that she had been referred to another doctor (a specialist) to diagnose ADHD, but my husband followed up and contacted that doctor and they have no record of her. So, either she took her daughter to a different specialist or else she did nothing. We have no way of finding out (and she's certainly not going to tell us.) You would think that she'd want us to know about the daughter's diagnosis so that when she's at our house, we will know how situations should be handled or if she is supposed to be taking medication, etc.

You can check this website for ways to help deal with the child's ADHD (If in fact she has it- Sometimes they display the symptoms without the disorder, due to chaotic or unstable home &/or school life). The site will give you at least ideas for behavior modification etc. while she's visiting you to provide very important structure and rewards/consequences that are appropriate.

You can also check with the school- If she has a diagnosis of ADHD, they should have her on an EIP or at least registered as a 504 student.
If she's taking medication it may be on her school record with the nurse's office. That's all IF the other parent is doing something about it.

http://www.chadd.org/

 

[nextwife]

My husband is dealing with a CP that refused to tell us who his daughter's doctor is (and HE'S the one carrying the insurance.) She also claims that the daughter has been diagnosed with ADD, but won't give us info about that either.

He should contact the child's school and ask if he can see what the child's emergancy information sheet says. Likely the child's doctor is listed. I have to provide my child's school with the name of her physician.

Also, it is critically important that he KNOW if she is on any prescription meds! If she has been diagnosed ADD, she may very well be. If there is ever an emergancy while she is in his care, they will need to know if she has taken any prescriptions (mine takes Adderall). And if a stimulant HAS been taken, this is important for the attending physican to know!

 

[stepmom&mom]

Thanks for the info. She's only four years old, so she's not in school yet. However, she does attend daycare. I wonder if they would have that information. I'm not sure if they would cooperate in giving him that information because the CP has pretty much told them not to cooperate with us since she is the CP. I would think, legally speaking, they would be required to give us that info, though.

 

[casa]

Thanks for the info. She's only four years old, so she's not in school yet. However, she does attend daycare. I wonder if they would have that information. I'm not sure if they would cooperate in giving him that information because the CP has pretty much told them not to cooperate with us since she is the CP. I would think, legally speaking, they would be required to give us that info, though.

Wow 4 yrs old is a little young for that diagnosis. Usually they like to wait until they are totally out of the toddler years- perhaps she had an extreme case?

Well then contact the daycare and see what they know.
Even though mom is the CP, the NCP still has access to school/daycare records.

 

[stepmom&mom]

In my personal opinion, I think it probably has more to do with her environment. The mom's answer to preventing her daughter from "getting into anything" is disallowing access. For example, when my husband was over there visiting his daughter, the CP scolded him for allowing his daughter to play with his keychain (which had a flashlight on it that she thought was really cool.) The CP's excuse was that she (the daughter) is constantly taking other people's keys and hiding them. There are other examples, but in the long run, I think that she just thinks if she childproofs the entire home, she won't have to watch her daughter so closely. Ironically enough, the daughter had to go to the emergency room because she fell off the top of a bunk bed and hit her head.

 

[gretchensanders]

andrew

id be mad if jerry didnt take our 3 yr old son,andrew to the doctor.he has many as rights as i do,and the same right to take him to the dr as i do,if he didnt,id put him in a pedigree so fast it'd make his head spin(for those who watch wwe mon night raw.thats hhh's finishing move)

 

[Inquiry123]

Devil's Advocate

OK...back to the original question -- with a twist.

This is a two-way street. There are some CP's that are control freaks. There are also some NCP's that are idiots. It would be great if ex's would communicate and work together toward the children's best interests being served. It doesn't always work like that, though.

Never got all the details on OP's situation...but what if "the rest of the story" looks something like this:

Big court fight. CP given sole legal/physical custody. Good Mom. NCP is only given limited visitation. NCP has history of controlling/abusive behavior. Bad Dad.

The child is NOT ill. NCP scheduled doctor visit 20 days in advance and has never inquired of CP regarding medical issues for the child. Doctor visit occurs...examination, x-rays, etc.

CP learns of doctor visit and obtains the medical file. File indicates that NCP fabricated claims of suspicion of "child abuse" by past "baby sitter" and wants the kid checked for signs of past abuse. NCP is seeking ANY route to make CP look bad (incompetent/unfit) for future court fight.

What if this is not an issue of a caring NCP seeking care for a sick child? Yes, this is based on a true story -- the names have been changed to protect the idiot. I'm sure the court will take care of business...but, why shouldn't NCP be required to consult with / obtain consent from SOLE LEGAL CP when seeking non-emergency care?

 

[Inquiry123]

Sorry, LdiJ...

Not that it helps the OP, but this is how TX feels about it. In the situation above, the CP feels forced to seek an exclusion from the court to restrict the NCP from subjecting the children to additional unnecessary exams.

§ 153.074. RIGHTS AND DUTIES DURING PERIOD OF
POSSESSION. Unless limited by court order, a parent appointed as a
conservator of a child has the following rights and duties during
the period that the parent has possession of the child:
(1) the duty of care, control, protection, and
reasonable discipline of the child;
(2) the duty to support the child, including providing
the child with clothing, food, shelter, and medical and dental care
not involving an invasive procedure;
(3) the right to consent for the child to medical and
dental care not involving an invasive procedure; and
(4) the right to direct the moral and religious
training of the child.

 

[casa]

OK...back to the original question -- with a twist.

This is a two-way street. There are some CP's that are control freaks. There are also some NCP's that are idiots. It would be great if ex's would communicate and work together toward the children's best interests being served. It doesn't always work like that, though.

Never got all the details on OP's situation...but what if "the rest of the story" looks something like this:

Big court fight. CP given sole legal/physical custody. Good Mom. NCP is only given limited visitation. NCP has history of controlling/abusive behavior. Bad Dad.

The child is NOT ill. NCP scheduled doctor visit 20 days in advance and has never inquired of CP regarding medical issues for the child. Doctor visit occurs...examination, x-rays, etc.

CP learns of doctor visit and obtains the medical file. File indicates that NCP fabricated claims of suspicion of "child abuse" by past "baby sitter" and wants the kid checked for signs of past abuse. NCP is seeking ANY route to make CP look bad (incompetent/unfit) for future court fight.

What if this is not an issue of a caring NCP seeking care for a sick child? Yes, this is based on a true story -- the names have been changed to protect the idiot. I'm sure the court will take care of business...but, why shouldn't NCP be required to consult with / obtain consent from SOLE LEGAL CP when seeking non-emergency care?

LOL Do you know my nutty X?

 

[stepmom&mom]

My husband called his daughter's daycare requesting copies of her file and the daycare refused stating that they can only give it to the CP. Go figure. I'm wondering...if the child receives daycare assistance from the state, paid directly to the daycare, does this mean the daycare must comply with the department of education act requiring that both parents have access to school records? I want to know this before we send a certified letter to the daycare.

 

[Kelly Rae]

Just a thought

I agree with everybody. I know my ex and I decided to agree on who would provide medical treatment for our children. But now we're in different states and that isn't feasible. How did you find out your child went to the doctor? Why did it bother you? We all seem to want to know the answer to that. If he's taking him to a licensed professional, what's the big deal? Who pays for it? Honestly, I don't see why you're letting this bug you. Fight the good fights, there babe. This doesnt' sound like one of them.

 

[Kevmar44]

I know I joined this thread way late but want to add my story. My idiot ex is not allowed to take our son to the doctor for so much as a hiccup without my knowledge because for some reason the jerk thought it was a good idea to take him to a new doctor, lied to him about my son already having a doctor and as a result there were two doctors prescribing A.D.D. medication for my son which happens to be against the law and both doctors could have lost their license! Thanks to this boneheaded move, I lost the doctor that had been treating my son for his A.D.D. for years! (The same doctor my ex and I took him to before we divorced!) There are reasons the courts have to put in writing who can and can not do things where the child is concerned and it's because of the idiots out there that can't just grow up and actually communicate with the other parent. Not every ex has the best interest of the child in mind when they take them to the doctor. My ex took my son to that other doctor so he could fill him full of lies about me in some whacked out attempt to get custody of our son and it backfired in his face! Not only did the idiot lie to the doctor but he lied to the judge about it when we were in the courtroom for the custody battle. Needless to say, he lost.