Non-Custodial parent took child to doctor. Is this okay?

[arsimonsen]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.

Hi. I am the fiancee of the child in question's father. This past weekend, her father and I took her to the doctor. We were concerned that she may have a UTI or bladder infection.

Her mother has sole legal and physical custody. The court agreement also has a clause that says "Each" parent must notify the other if they take the child to a doctor within two days. There is a separate clause regarding emergency situations.

Her mother said that we had no right to take her to the doctor when I told her we took her. However, we were concerned that she was ill. Were we in the wrong? Can she use this to try to revoke the father's visitation?

I have seen statements in another thread that said there is nothing wrong with the NCP taking the child to the doctor, and others that say it is not. Can someone please clarify? It would be much appreciated if actual legal codes regarding this matter could be cited.

All help is much appreciated. Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[futuredust]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.

Hi. I am the fiancee of the child in question's father. This past weekend, her father and I took her to the doctor. We were concerned that she may have a UTI or bladder infection.

Her mother has sole legal and physical custody. The court agreement also has a clause that says "Each" parent must notify the other if they take the child to a doctor within two days. There is a separate clause regarding emergency situations.

Her mother said that we had no right to take her to the doctor when I told her we took her. However, we were concerned that she was ill. Were we in the wrong? Can she use this to try to revoke the father's visitation?

I have seen statements in another thread that said there is nothing wrong with the NCP taking the child to the doctor, and others that say it is not. Can someone please clarify? It would be much appreciated if actual legal codes regarding this matter could be cited.

All help is much appreciated. Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Why didn't dad contact mom, you have no business in any of this.

 

[arsimonsen]

My fiancee and I live together. I answered the door when the mother arrived and explained everything. The mother was not upset that I told her about it, she was only upset that we took her at all. I am wondering if he was in the wrong for wanting to take her to the doctor or not, and what legal codes apply.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.

Hi. I am the fiancee of the child in question's father. This past weekend, her father and I took her to the doctor. We were concerned that she may have a UTI or bladder infection.

Her mother has sole legal and physical custody. The court agreement also has a clause that says "Each" parent must notify the other if they take the child to a doctor within two days. There is a separate clause regarding emergency situations.

Her mother said that we had no right to take her to the doctor when I told her we took her. However, we were concerned that she was ill. Were we in the wrong? Can she use this to try to revoke the father's visitation?

I have seen statements in another thread that said there is nothing wrong with the NCP taking the child to the doctor, and others that say it is not. Can someone please clarify? It would be much appreciated if actual legal codes regarding this matter could be cited.

All help is much appreciated. Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Why didn't Dad simply call Mom?

And seriously - how sick was she? Don't lie or exaggerate - be honest. A UTI? Needing treatment on a weekend? And why were you even talking to Mom at all?!

It would be much appreciated if Dad was here asking the questions relating to his child.

 

[arsimonsen]

She appeared to have all the symptoms of a UTI or bladder infection. We had even called and asked the advice of medical professionals and they recommended that she be brought in.

The father is sitting right next to me. We are both trying to research the situation. I may not have been the right person to tell mom, but we are pretty civil and communicate well. She was truly shocked to find out her eight year old daughter was still wetting herself, which was another reason for the doctors visits. We just didn't feel it necessary to call Mom when we could just tell her about it the next morning when she picked her up.

I am not wondering if it was wrong for me to tell her. I am asking if he was violating the court order by taking her or if he was right to take her. He was genuinely concerned about her health and welfare. Can someone please direct us to legal codes that would apply to this situation?

 

[justalayman]

you haven't answered the question:

why wasn't the mother notified or consulted?


What if the child was already on an antibiotic regimen. An additional dose could have been a problem.

 

[Proserpina]

She appeared to have all the symptoms of a UTI or bladder infection. We had even called and asked the advice of medical professionals and they recommended that she be brought in.

The father is sitting right next to me. We are both trying to research the situation. I may not have been the right person to tell mom, but we are pretty civil and communicate well. She was truly shocked to find out her eight year old daughter was still wetting herself, which was another reason for the doctors visits. We just didn't feel it necessary to call Mom when we could just tell her about it the next morning when she picked her up.

I am not wondering if it was wrong for me to tell her. I am asking if he was violating the court order by taking her or if he was right to take her. He was genuinely concerned about her health and welfare. Can someone please direct us to legal codes that would apply to this situation?

Hi Dad,

Please encourage your fiancee to step back a little. She really shouldn't be getting so involved in your child's healthcare and even less so communicating with Mom. Matters relating to your little one are really ONLY between you and her Mommy. Your fiancee's involvement can complicate things GREATLY for you in the future. Stick around here and read some past posts. You'll learn a great deal and perhaps see how legal strangers (because no matter how much y'all love each other, that's what your fiancee is) who overstep their boundaries can damage your visitation.

Now, if your daughter had symptoms of a UTI then unless she had a very high fever or other unusual symptoms the urgent visit could have waited until Mom got her back - presumably Monday? You should have at least called her beforehand.

Legally, you probably won't be dinged at all for taking her to the doctor. - that's the response to your actual legal question.

However, there's one thing that concerns me. Your fiancee says "still wetting herself". This isn't normal. I find it highly unlikely that Mommy wouldn't know this; the fact that your fiancee said that Mommy was shocked suggests that there was no "still" about it and that it was rather sudden and short-lived. This does point to a UTI, which brings us back to.....letting Mommy take care of it on Monday or AT LEAST getting Mommy's opinion before you take her to the doctor during the weekend - which suggests an emergent or urgent condition.

See where I'm coming from?

Next time don't take the law - or your child's medical care unless it's a REAL emergency - into your own hands.

 

[Proserpina]

(and let your fiancee stay home)

 

[arsimonsen]

Okay, so as opposed to creating a whole other account I'm just going to step in here.

I didn't feel it was necessary to notify her before because she wants to control all situations fully and I am not allowed to parent my child on my time. She even tries to schedule where I take my daughter by getting her excited about events that are on my time.

I didn't feel it was good to wait until Monday. From what I have read, the longer they go untreated, the more damage they can do.

Also, I know she wasn't already on antibiotics. Since those have to be taken consistently, her Mom would have given them to me to have her take.

And no, her still wetting herself is not a sudden thing. It has been going on for months. My daughter has admitted to hiding it from her Mom and that Mom didn't know she was still wetting herself.

Also, the general recap of the conversation was as follows(obviously not word for word):

Mom: She doesn't wet her pants at our house.
Fiancee: That's not what she told me.
Child walks up.
Fiancee: Do you wet your pants at your Mom's house?
Child: Yes.

So, Mom didn't know. Now she does. Admittedly, letting my fiancee talk to Mom may not have been the best decision, but they get along better than her and I do. And she gives us the same treatment with her new husband. I rarely actually see her mom.

If she tries to revoke visitation because of taking her to the doctor. She has tried on other things in the past. Are there legal codes I can cite to prove I did not do anything wrong by being concerned about my daughter's health and taking her to the doctor.

 

[Proserpina]

Okay, so as opposed to creating a whole other account I'm just going to step in here.

I didn't feel it was necessary to notify her before because she wants to control all situations fully and I am not allowed to parent my child on my time. She even tries to schedule where I take my daughter by getting her excited about events that are on my time.

I was hoping you weren't going to say that

This is about control.

I didn't feel it was good to wait until Monday. From what I have read, the longer they go untreated, the more damage they can do.

So why didn't you call Mom?

Also, I know she wasn't already on antibiotics. Since those have to be taken consistently, her Mom would have given them to me to have her take.

So you're saying that Mom would have INFORMED YOU of the child's medical condition.

And no, her still wetting herself is not a sudden thing. It has been going on for months. My daughter has admitted to hiding it from her Mom and that Mom didn't know she was still wetting herself.

Doesn't Mom do laundry?

Also, the general recap of the conversation was as follows(obviously not word for word):

Mom: She doesn't wet her pants at our house.
Fiancee: That's not what she told me.
Child walks up.
Fiancee: Do you wet your pants at your Mom's house?
Child: Yes.

Why was your fiancee having this discussion at all?

So, Mom didn't know.

Because you were too concerned about "getting back control" than you were about actually doing the right thing.

Now she does. Admittedly, letting my fiancee talk to Mom may not have been the best decision, but they get along better than her and I do.

Then perhaps you and Mom should take co-parenting classes. Court-ordered, maybe?

And she gives us the same treatment with her new husband. I rarely actually see her mom.

Of course.

If she tries to revoke visitation because of taking her to the doctor. She has tried on other things in the past. Are there legal codes I can cite to prove I did not do anything wrong by being concerned about my daughter's health and taking her to the doctor.

So what was the diagnosis?

 

[Proserpina]

(Dude, I already told you - you're likely NOT going to get dinged in court for taking kiddo to the docs ONE TIME because you thought something was up.

However, you did show signs of craptacular co-parenting.)


If you want citations...they might not go in your favor at all. You said Mom has SOLE legal custody, right?

 

[futuredust]

Okay, so as opposed to creating a whole other account I'm just going to step in here.

I didn't feel it was necessary to notify her before because she wants to control all situations fully and I am not allowed to parent my child on my time. She even tries to schedule where I take my daughter by getting her excited about events that are on my time.

I didn't feel it was good to wait until Monday. From what I have read, the longer they go untreated, the more damage they can do.

Also, I know she wasn't already on antibiotics. Since those have to be taken consistently, her Mom would have given them to me to have her take.

And no, her still wetting herself is not a sudden thing. It has been going on for months. My daughter has admitted to hiding it from her Mom and that Mom didn't know she was still wetting herself.

Also, the general recap of the conversation was as follows(obviously not word for word):

Mom: She doesn't wet her pants at our house.
Fiancee: That's not what she told me.
Child walks up.
Fiancee: Do you wet your pants at your Mom's house?
Child: Yes.

So, Mom didn't know. Now she does. Admittedly, letting my fiancee talk to Mom may not have been the best decision, but they get along better than her and I do. And she gives us the same treatment with her new husband. I rarely actually see her mom.

If she tries to revoke visitation because of taking her to the doctor. She has tried on other things in the past. Are there legal codes I can cite to prove I did not do anything wrong by being concerned about my daughter's health and taking her to the doctor.

For the sake of your child, you need to find better ways to deal with your issues about mom. Your child could of just finished a round of antibiotics for all you knew. Common courtesy would have been to give her a call.

Without a court order she cannot "revoke" your visitation. If she fails to comply with the court order regarding visitation then you will need to file for contempt.

And your current love interest shouldn't have put the child in the middle by asking her to confront her mother about the wetting when she had said she had been hiding it.


ETA** Mom does have sole custody- so if this becomes a pattern, she could very well take you back to court over visitations. This wasn't an emergency situation, you should have contacted mom about the concerns.

 

[arsimonsen]

Again I did not call Mom because I did not feel it was necessary. She never calls and consults me beforehand, even though the paperwork says she is supposed to.

Mom only would have informed me if there was medication prescribed that she HAD to take. Otherwise, she wouldn't have said a word.

I honestly don't know if she does laundry. Maybe it is the new husbands task, or a chore for one of her older children from a previous marriage. If I ask her about her parenting, she gets mad and yells.

No this was not about regaining control. My daughter appeared scared for Mom to find out about wetting herself. Probably because she gets in trouble and told she is a bad girl at her Mom's.

The diagnosis was a probable bacterial imbalance. She was prescribed amoxicillin, which was provided to her mom.

Yes, I know not all of my decisions here were perfect. I'm just so used to her Mom not wanting me to do anything and not wanting to talk about parenting that it didn't cross my mind to tell her. Okay so I screwed up there. I can learn from that.

I would still like to know if there is a legal code for the rights and duties of a noncustodial parent while they are in charge of the child.

 

[Proserpina]

For the sake of your child, you need to find better ways to deal with your issues about mom. Your child could of just finished a round of antibiotics for all you knew. Common courtesy would have been to give her a call.

Without a court order she cannot "revoke" your visitation. If she fails to comply with the court order regarding visitation then you will need to file for contempt.

And your current love interest shouldn't have put the child in the middle by asking her to confront her mother about the wetting when she had said she had been hiding it.

Thanks, fd.

I was too wordy.

But yes.

 

[arsimonsen]

You are right. She should not have brought it up that way. However, in reality, her mother would only have believed it if it came from our daughter's mouth and it was obviously not coerced. Unfortunately this may have been the only way to tell her mother and have it taken seriously. Since I only have visitation one day a week, the problem was not going to go away if mom didn't know.

And I agree about common courtesy. And I will call her if I ever feel the need for medical care again. I just wish she would show me the same courtesy she asks of me. Common courtesy or no, the court papers do say "each" parent will notify the other of doctor's visits within 2 days.