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  1. #1
    Rightstobaby is offline Member
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    Obligation to notify "potential" father about child's birth/facilitate contact?

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

    I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. I was in a relationship with my ex for 15 months and it is 99% likely that he is the Father of the baby. We have had several discussions re: parenting plans, etc for after the baby is born assuming he is the father but unfortunately, these conversations have recently broken down as he will not negotiate with me in any way.

    When the baby is born in 8 weeks, what are my legal obligations as far as notifying him of the baby's birth, establishing paternity and "facilitating contact" with him prior to paternity officially being established?

    Obviously, if he is the Father (which as I said, is likely) than I will encourage and support a relationship between Father and child. I am wondering what a family court would expect me to "facilitate" prior to the establishment of paternity. I don't want to be viewed as in any way trying to interfere with his ability to have a relationship with the baby but at the same time don't want unnecessary stress in the first few weeks, etc.

    Can anyone give me an idea of what courts in Mecklenburg County, NC tend to order for infant visitation with the Father?

    I was going to be relocating out of state, but have decided to stay here as there is no good "long distance" solution for an infant in visitation schedules. As I indicated in a previous post, I will be breastfeeding and we both agree with this choice as best for the baby.

    Thank you...
  2. #2
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rightstobaby View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

    I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. I was in a relationship with my ex for 15 months and it is 99% likely that he is the Father of the baby. We have had several discussions re: parenting plans, etc for after the baby is born assuming he is the father but unfortunately, these conversations have recently broken down as he will not negotiate with me in any way.

    When the baby is born in 8 weeks, what are my legal obligations as far as notifying him of the baby's birth, establishing paternity and "facilitating contact" with him prior to paternity officially being established?

    Obviously, if he is the Father (which as I said, is likely) than I will encourage and support a relationship between Father and child. I am wondering what a family court would expect me to "facilitate" prior to the establishment of paternity. I don't want to be viewed as in any way trying to interfere with his ability to have a relationship with the baby but at the same time don't want unnecessary stress in the first few weeks, etc.

    Can anyone give me an idea of what courts in Mecklenburg County, NC tend to order for infant visitation with the Father?

    I was going to be relocating out of state, but have decided to stay here as there is no good "long distance" solution for an infant in visitation schedules. As I indicated in a previous post, I will be breastfeeding and we both agree with this choice as best for the baby.

    Thank you...


    Ok, I cannot find anything that specifically addresses newborn visitation in NC. (YEs, I do know how Google works ) That said, it sounds like you are trying to do the right thing and make sure that your (plural) child know both his/her parents.

    Legally, you will not be required to provide the "probable" father any visitation until he has been legally established as father and petitions the ocurt for said visitaion/parenting. (That doesn't mean it's not a good thing to do, especially since you are quite certain he is dad.)

    [url]http://www.dougloudenback.com/vis/VisitationGuidelines.pdf[/url]

    Look at these as a possible way to go for visitaion. It is used in OK and similar ones are implemented in other states. It addresses specifically newborn and infant visitaion.

    I appreciate your choice to nurse your child (I did it myself), but nursing in and of it's own is not an appropriate reason to deny overnight visits, since pumping and storing milk are also very viable alternatives. I returned to work when my child was 3 months old, and she received breastmilk exclusively for over a year.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by CSO286; 07-26-2010 at 02:20 PM. Reason: typo demon
  3. #3
    liandrajade is offline Member
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    We have had several discussions re: parenting plans, etc for after the baby is born assuming he is the father but unfortunately, these conversations have recently broken down as he will not negotiate with me in any way.
    Okay, why have "negotiations" broken down? Also, parenting is not a contract where each of you get to dictate how you want the other parent to act, only thing that matters is that the child is taken care of and happy.

    What are my legal obligations as far as notifying him of the baby's birth, establishing paternity and "facilitating contact" with him prior to paternity officially being established?
    Legally, IF you are not married you do not have to do anything at all. He is technically NOT dad until paternity is established. If you really do not want him around you, legally he has NO right to be present at the hospital or do you HAVE to tell him anything you {morally, its a different story, only YOU can deal with that}

    Obviously, if he is the Father (which as I said, is likely) than I will encourage and support a relationship between Father and child. I am wondering what a family court would expect me to "facilitate" prior to the establishment of paternity. I don't want to be viewed as in any way trying to interfere with his ability to have a relationship with the baby but at the same time don't want unnecessary stress in the first few weeks, etc.
    I get the impression that you will do what you have to IF you have to, meaning until you are forced by the courts to allow visitation, you may not since you have an issue with dad. Am I wrong?

    Can anyone give me an idea of what courts in Mecklenburg County, NC tend to order for infant visitation with the Father?
    The putative father WILL get visitation at some point AFTER paternity is established, what that is and the amount no one can tell you unless they have been through the NC court system.

    From what I looked at briefly, NC will make a determination of visitation on a best interests standard for the child. So its not what either of you really want but whats in the best interest of the child.
  4. #4
    ecmst12 is offline Senior Member
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    Well, its good for the baby if you let her get to know dad sooner rather then later, but you are not required to. Once it gets to court, short frequent visits are best for very young babies - a few hours every couple of days. Good time for you to take a nap or a shower while he gets to know the baby. You can wait for him to file, or you can file when you are ready.
  5. #5
    Rightstobaby is offline Member
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    Thank you for your replies. I know the baby's Father will play a vital role in his life - that is why I decided against moving out of state - but was wondering how courts view contact before paternity is established.

    As far as our "negotiations" - he wants a 50% time split from the beginning so he doesn't have to pay child support. Those are his exact words. From everything I have read, that would not even be a good equation for a baby and given that his motivation is financial, that should not be the reason to want a baby 50% of the time. Additionally, he has some very rough friends who are known to use drugs and I requested he not have the baby around known drug users. My ex does not use drugs - he is a police officer - but he said if that were a stipulation, he could not have him around his friends and that is unacceptable to him. Perhaps that is over-reaching on my part, but I didn't feel known drug users should be around a child. Is this reasonable?

    Thank you again.
  6. #6
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rightstobaby View Post
    Thank you for your replies. I know the baby's Father will play a vital role in his life - that is why I decided against moving out of state - but was wondering how courts view contact before paternity is established.

    As far as our "negotiations" - he wants a 50% time split from the beginning so he doesn't have to pay child support. Those are his exact words. From everything I have read, that would not even be a good equation for a baby and given that his motivation is financial, that should not be the reason to want a baby 50% of the time. Additionally, he has some very rough friends who are known to use drugs and I requested he not have the baby around known drug users. My ex does not use drugs - he is a police officer - but he said if that were a stipulation, he could not have him around his friends and that is unacceptable to him. Perhaps that is over-reaching on my part, but I didn't feel known drug users should be around a child. Is this reasonable?

    Thank you again.


    Not reasonable unless you can prove that the child's welfare is actually in danger when in the presence of these friends.

    Not suspicion, not what if, but proof. Are they all doing meth while the baby is writhing in a soiled diaper on the floor about to inadvertently eat cigarette butts?

    I'm not being facetious - I'm being practical.

    As long as the child is safe, Dad can have who the heck he wants around the child.

    (with a few certain exceptions not applicable here)
  7. #7
    Tezzy is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rightstobaby View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

    I was in a relationship with my ex for 15 months and it is 99% likely that he is the Father of the baby.

    Are you going to request a DNA test and have you told him there may be another father ?
  8. #8
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    http://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/newborn-infant-visitation-between-nc-mo-522976.html

    This thread might be helpful to you all.
  9. #9
    liandrajade is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Meanie View Post
    http://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/newborn-infant-visitation-between-nc-mo-522976.html

    This thread might be helpful to you all.
    Why thank you Blue! So I was right after all that Mom to be has some issues here..

    And why have you decided NOT to move to MO now OP? Methinks something is not kosher here and there needs to be some 'splaining lucy!

    Oh yes, and as the newbie pointed out, 99% is NOT 100%, was there some infidelity going on here?
  10. #10
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Meanie View Post
    http://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/newborn-infant-visitation-between-nc-mo-522976.html

    This thread might be helpful to you all.
    Since she's decided NOT to move to MO, how so?

    OP -- You have NO obligation, legally speaking, to facilitate any contact at all between the child and your ex, or between YOU and your ex.

    There is NO WAY he's going to receive 50% time with the child from the very beginning unless you agree to it. Obviously, you do not.

    If he's a police officer, what is his typical schedule (not that I've EVER known one with a typical schedule)?

    What amount of time is he REALISTICALLY able to spend with the child?

    It is easiest to establish paternity early on. You can do so through the Dept of Health and Human Services...

    [url=http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/cse/cseservices.htm#paternity]NC DSS: Child Support Enforcement[/url]

    Paternity Establishment for Children Born Outside of Marriage

    Establishing a legal father for a child ensures certain rights for the child, such as a greater sense of identity and access to paternal medical information, social security benefits, death and insurance benefits, and military benefits.

    A child support order cannot be established for a child who is born to unmarried parents, unless the alleged father acknowledges paternity or is proven to be the father. Paternity can be established by voluntary acknowledgment of paternity or by court order.

    The most convenient time for parents to establish paternity for their child is in the hospital when the child is born. The father must be present and provide identification to have his name placed on the Affidavit of Parentage. When this document is filed with Vital Records, both parents' names are recorded on the birth certificate.

    Genetic (DNA) testing is recommended if there are doubts regarding the paternity of the child. Blood or tissue samples may be used for testing. The most common method uses tissue swabbed from the inside of the cheek. This test is highly accurate in determining the probability that a man is the father of a child. Test results may provide peace of mind to parents who establish paternity voluntarily or may be presented as evidence in legal proceedings to establish paternity.

    If paternity is not established voluntarily, legal action may be filed with the courts. A formal complaint is served upon the alleged father, initiating court action. A court hearing is held, and the court may enter an order establishing paternity.

    For more information and answers to your frequently asked questions, please contact your local child support office, county DSS office, or navigate through the Child Support Handbook.*
  11. #11
    Rightstobaby is offline Member
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    I decided not to transfer to MO as there is no decent long distance visitation schedule for a baby and I don't want to add the stress of long seperations to an infant or toddler. I don't believe it is fair to the child, or anyone else involved. Additionally, I would prefer the baby have a solid relationship with his Father and not be sent to stay with someone he doesn't even know when he is 2, 3, 4, or 5 years old. I don't, in my heart, feel that is in his best interest. I have declined the opportunity based on that fact. Really nothing out of line - I made a decision based on what seems best for baby...

    With my ex being a police officer, he works (4) 10 hour days per week for the County and works 1-3 additional days per week for his brother as a general contractor. When he is working for the County, he leaves his home at 5:00 am to be at work at 6:00 am, then leaves work around 4:00 pm and gets home around 5:00 pm. He lives in the country, so it is a 45 minute drive without traffic. Working with his brother, it is normally from 8:30 am until 4:30 pm. He has said he may cut back on working with his brother. His schedule rotates once a month as to the days he has off work.

    I work from home all but approx. 5-10 hours per week so the baby will not need daycare.

    As far as infidelity - we were "on a break" (yes, I know, it's not a Friends episode!) after he was found to be sleeping with his ex wife. I briefly got back together with my ex during that time. We both behaved in a grossly immature manner - and that I am aware of and regret deeply but I can't change it at this point. As far as his 99% being the Father...unless the dates are off by a minimum of 2-3 weeks, the baby is his. Since I was not planning to get pregnant and wasn't tracking my dates I don't want to make another mistake and fail to be honest. That being said, I have told him I feel a DNA test is in everyone's best interest although for some reason he doesn't want one! That I cannot understand...but anyway...

    How does a court structure visitation when one parent has a rotational schedule? Generally speaking, what is reasonable to expect as far as his parenting time? I know shorter, frequent visits are best with the time graduating as the baby gets older. What is a reasonable transition time in hours based on age?

    Thank you...
    Last edited by Rightstobaby; 07-27-2010 at 06:53 AM.
  12. #12
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    I have found if you look up rosen attorneys in NC their site will answer about 90% of your questions
    Last edited by my life is mine; 07-27-2010 at 07:36 AM.

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