Out of control teen

[rayquan]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL
We have an out of control teen that the police know very well. We also have other younger children in our household. We were thinking that she needs a change of scenery for a while. Her grandmother is willing to take her but we are a little unsure of her scruples. If we draft a letter of temporary guardianship in which we document that we will pay her(grandmother) a monthly support payment and insurance costs will this suffice or do we need to go through the courts for this situation?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL
We have an out of control teen that the police know very well. We also have other younger children in our household. We were thinking that she needs a change of scenery for a while. Her grandmother is willing to take her but we are a little unsure of her scruples. If we draft a letter of temporary guardianship in which we document that we will pay her(grandmother) a monthly support payment and insurance costs will this suffice or do we need to go through the courts for this situation?

I would not want to give grandma more than a power of attorney to act on your behalf in regards to the child.

However, your problem may be the school system in Grandma's area. Some school systems require that a grandparent in a situation like this one to have court ordered guardianship or even custody in order to be able to enroll the child in school.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL
We have an out of control teen that the police know very well. We also have other younger children in our household. We were thinking that she needs a change of scenery for a while. Her grandmother is willing to take her but we are a little unsure of her scruples. If we draft a letter of temporary guardianship in which we document that we will pay her(grandmother) a monthly support payment and insurance costs will this suffice or do we need to go through the courts for this situation?

Why on Earth would you send your child away to live with someone of whom you'd state "we are a little unsure of her scruples"???

 

[LdiJ]

Why on Earth would you send your child away to live with someone of whom you'd state "we are a little unsure of her scrulpes"???

What are "scrulpes"....LOL.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

What are "scrulpes"....LOL.

Ok, so I'm only 99% perfect...

 

[rayquan]

Just to clear up the "scrupples"-many years ago the grandmother had temporary custody of my wife's nephew. To make a long story short she collected welfare from the state when she was in fact also getting child support-the state went after my wife's brother for a lot of money. the grandmother loves the child very much and we are at our wits end. And the other children see the disrespect the child shows and the trouble she gets in and we are fearful that they will be influenced. She is running with the wrong crowd here and were hoping that a temporary scenery change will do her some good.

 

[LdiJ]

Just to clear up the "scrupples"-many years ago the grandmother had temporary custody of my wife's nephew. To make a long story short she collected welfare from the state when she was in fact also getting child support-the state went after my wife's brother for a lot of money. the grandmother loves the child very much and we are at our wits end. And the other children see the disrespect the child shows and the trouble she gets in and we are fearful that they will be influenced. She is running with the wrong crowd here and were hoping that a temporary scenery change will do her some good.

While a temporary scenary change might not hurt, maybe some really tough love parenting would do even more good.

Do a search here for the "garden of eden" plan.

 

[rayquan]

We've tried something very similar to garden of eden, even took her bedroom door. She left out of her window that night and came back 3 days later with new clothes and a cell phone. The stress and anxiousness of her being gone like that is enormous. We went through a cycle like this that continued for months-every time the police were eventually needed to defuse her. At this point, I'm not sure any discipline plan will help but I'm willing to try anything. But our thoughts were if we can seperate her from her "friends" for about 6 months, then maybe she'll come back here with a new appericiation for us. Does that sound logical? We just want to make sure that everything is handled legally.

 

[LdiJ]

We've tried something very similar to garden of eden, even took her bedroom door. She left out of her window that night and came back 3 days later with new clothes and a cell phone. The stress and anxiousness of her being gone like that is enormous. We went through a cycle like this that continued for months-every time the police were eventually needed to defuse her. At this point, I'm not sure any discipline plan will help but I'm willing to try anything. But our thoughts were if we can seperate her from her "friends" for about 6 months, then maybe she'll come back here with a new appericiation for us. Does that sound logical? We just want to make sure that everything is handled legally.

Have you considered boot camp or some sort of boarding school? I am not sure that being with a grandparent is going to make her appreciate you more.

 

[janM]

Have you considered boot camp or some sort of boarding school?

Seconded. What makes you think that Grandma will be able to handle her? She'll just find new "friends" to get in trouble with.

When the police were called, was it for the running away? Was she taken to Juvie? Did you take away the clothes and cell phone?

 

[PQN]

therapy

Is she under the care of a psychiatric that specializes in teens? A 'normal' teen responds well and generally quickly to 'garden of eden'. A child with more complex issues (eg. mental illness, substance abuse) just ups the ante (runs away, attempts suicide, becomes violent, etc.).

Obviously a stranger on a message board cannot diagnose anything but I would strongly encourage you to seek the help of mental health professionals. How long until she turns 18?

 

[rayquan]

Yes boarding school or boot camp would be ideal, however we haven't been able to find one that we can afford. These places cost thousands of dollars, which we don't have right now. Yes. the police made her give the phone and clothes to us, but like I said this started a cycle in which she would leave out of her window and be gone for days. True, she will probably find new friends to get in trouble with but at least she won't be hanging with the ones she's with now and hopefully she'll not be able to get in the same trouble she is in now since she would only be there for 6 months.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Yes boarding school or boot camp would be ideal, however we haven't been able to find one that we can afford. These places cost thousands of dollars, which we don't have right now. Yes. the police made her give the phone and clothes to us, but like I said this started a cycle in which she would leave out of her window and be gone for days. True, she will probably find new friends to get in trouble with but at least she won't be hanging with the ones she's with now and hopefully she'll not be able to get in the same trouble she is in now since she would only be there for 6 months.

This is the second time you've mentioned that she goes out the window. You can't nail it/them shut?

 

[rayquan]

Is she under the care of a psychiatric that specializes in teens? A 'normal' teen responds well and generally quickly to 'garden of eden'. A child with more complex issues (eg. mental illness, substance abuse) just ups the ante (runs away, attempts suicide, becomes violent, etc.).

Obviously a stranger on a message board cannot diagnose anything but I would strongly encourage you to seek the help of mental health professionals. How long until she turns 18?

She has been to several therapists, she has been drug tested-which she has passed-even though she has admitted that she smokes weed regularly. out of all the therapists only one said she had a "behavioral problem" and they wanted her to stay at there facility for 6 months, however they only took medicaid-which we do not qualify for, the costs to us would have been $1000/week. I wish I could afford that but I can't. She turns 18 in a year and a half.

 

[PQN]

help

Have you contacted this group for help?

http://floridanetwork.org/

Eventually, you may need to file a CINS/FINS (Child/Family in Need of Services) petition with the court to get her into a residential program but this group appears to be the starting place for getting services in place.

I have been where you are. It is a rough place.